The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “May 27, 2011”

Bad Dating Advice

Courtesy Captain Capitalism, backstory here.

Basically, it’s a letter written by the cousin of a woman who had a date with the Captain many years ago. As he says, note all the typical female pathologies.

My comments are in bold. I haven’t changed the spelling and grammar mistakes.

First, I want to tell you I have this thing about dating. I can predict pretty much anything that a guy is going to do. I guessed within 2 hours of when you’d call Terri. Guys are predictable. Not just you. So to have an advantage you need to be different. I think a lot of guys got bad advise from married guys who have no clue what it is like to date in the 30’s or from a girl that really doesn’t want you to find someone so they can use you as their back up if they can’t find anyone else.
This being said Terri has not told me all that much information. I just pick up on a lot more than people usually say. So do not judge her for what she may have said because I am just picking out the things that can help you. Plus, I have been prompting her for details.

Actually, we get bad advice from women who haven’t acknowledged the realities of the biological imperative in the context of dating and relationships. Instead, men get terrible advice from women spouting the same (and failed) social expectations regarding dating and relationships.

I really hate to see people single. When life is so much more enjoyable with the right person. If my thoughts are unfinished or grammar is incorrect you need to bare with me because I am having contractions that are a little distracting. I am sure it is not the real labor as this baby seems to not want to come out:)

If you hate to see people single, why don’t you just shut up and let single guys who are successful with women do all the advice-giving?

-You date like you are 20. Dating in your 30’s changes/matures. You can take a 20 year old to Applebee’s and it is fine but a 30 year old has had time to eat at nicer restaurants and expects more. I am not saying your choice of a restaurant was cheap just showing an example of what is acceptable. Also, the type of person you date expects different things. A waitress who still lives at home probably is fine with a movie for the first date. A woman that has a career, her own house and is indepedant expects more because they give themselves more and will give you more. I am not just talking money things I am talking taking time to think of good things to do. Taking time to do nice things.

Hypergamous women seek higher status. The guy can certainly do nice and good things, but what does she offer the higher status man in return? Is she respecful, passionate, affectionate and available? If no to any of these questions, she’s going to be a hump and dump.

– Phone conversations are a great way to get to know people. You should only call when you have time to talk. And after a few dates call just to talk.

Giving too much time to a woman results in chumpatude.

-Group dates are for once you have established you do indeed know you like each other and will continue to date.

Group dates? I got nothing on this subject.

-After a first date if you want to ask the girl out again you need to call within 24 hours, best if it within 12 hours the sooner the better in most cases. No likes to wait around and figure out if you like them or not.

More bad advice. Once attraction has been established, making a woman wait only increases the attraction.

-Feedback at the end of the date is good. Like I had fun I’d like to do this again.

Modest feedback is fine. Flattery never works.

-Movie dates are for once you are dating (like a month). You can not get to know someone over a movie. Plus 300 is not a date movie!

Actually, I agree with this one.

-First and second dates should be spent getting to know the person so you will know if it is a waste of time for a 3rd date. Personal things should be talked about. What personal things do you know about Terri after a date and couple phone conversations? In 30’s if marriage is the goal by date 3 deal breakers should be brought up. Like if there is something you are not ever willing to compremise on. Kids, religion etc. Which I think most things you should be willing to compremise on. Since you really can not predict your feelings in 10 years or how you will feel once you are madly in love with this new person.

This isn’t so bad for the marriage-minded and LTR types. But how many guys are not interested in that?

-Don’t imply you have your whole life planned out already. A woman wants to feel like she can be part of the planning if you were to be together. Not just fit into your plan.

If she’s part of the planning, she is seeking control. If you let her establish control, you have lost her respect.

-I am not sure how you are on this one or not but here’s some advise if case. Sleep is something that can be put aside to get to know a girl. Girls love when a guy is willing to stay up getting to know them (over the phone or in person). This is an investment in your future happiness. It should be taken seriously.

Again with the downward spiral into betatude. An alpha man is busy and all the women he communicates with should know this. It makes him more attractive.

-Always offer to pick the girl up at her house/work. Let her be the one that decides that you should meet at the place instead of drive together.

If she decides, you have put yourself in a submissive position. A woman wants the man to make decisions and present the options. No matter what this nattering nincompoop spews forth, woman wants the man to take the lead in dating and relationships.

-Make a lady feel like a lady. I don’t know any woman who are over 30 and single that don’t want to be treated like lady. Open doors, pick them up, walk them to their doors, etc. Like the guys in the romantic movies. Women over 30 who are single have had a lot of time to think about “how” they want a man to treat them.

“Like the guys in romantic movies”… That’s emotional pornography at its worst and any man who uses Hollywood for dating advice is going to find himself living in a life of involuntary celibacy.

-My husband told me about your cheap car. I think it is great but definitely not for dates.

This is actually not half bad advice. A man’s ride is indicative of his outlook on life.

-Practical and cheap are not for dates. They can be brought into a relationship later once you are actually dating but not for dates.

Practical and cheap are perfect for first dates. The focus should be on the people on the date, not the expense. A woman who is put off by practical dates is likely a gold-digger. A woman of quality would not care about the cost of the beverage, she would care about the person who is having the beverage with her.

-The date you have lined up for Thursday sounds bad for a couple reason. It’s like well I am already going to be there so just meet me there. There is no room for the date to go long if you have a commitment right after dinner. It sounds like you are just fitting her into your schedule not opening your schedule for her. Woman do not want to feel like you are fitting them it. I am going to suggest you rethink the date and plan something else. Make it special. With no time limits. You only get a couple chances before a woman makes up her mind and you need to use those dates to your benefit. Make her feel like she is a priority.

All wrong. The woman seeks the man to be the lead in the relationship and that means she is fitting into his life, not the other way around. She only gets a couple of chances before you make up your mind. If you re-arrange your schedule to fit her needs, then you are becoming submissive to her and that will turn her off.

-Dating is work. It does not come naturally to most people. You need to put time and effort into it since a good relationship could last you a life time. And bring you more happiness than everything else on this earth.

This I certainly agree with.

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