The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Conversational Narcissist – Don’t Be This

When on a date, the art (and it is an art) of conversation is supremely vital. To fail at conversation is to fail at Game.

While practicing the art of communication, the end goal is to maintain mystery and build attraction. Talking about yourself – or topics that only relate to you – excessively is the enemy of mystery and attraction.

I posted about this previously and it’s worth repeating:

My advice here is thus – when a man is dating, he should shut up and let the damsel do the talking. Please, keep quiet. Your daring stories of fiduciary acumen are not exciting. Your stories of relationship misery and woe are simply awful. Keep silent, look deeply into her eyes and let her speak.

I recommend this for the following reasons:

1. A quiet man resonates mystery. For all the words not spoken, the woman is forming an internal narrative with the man (you, hopefully) as a key performer. Realistic? Maybe, maybe not. This is the way of women.

2. For every word spoken by the man, the woman is interpreting, analyzing, and looking for a reason to reject him. If you are doing the online dating thing, this is important. While she might love your profile and your photos, the first date is crucial. If you haven’t had sex yet, a woman is looking for reasons to reject you.

This advice also applies to online dating messages. Keep the words to a minimum. Every word is expensive.  Every word is sacred, every word is pure (hat tip to Monty Python). No woman wants three hundred words on why you are the best man ever. Twenty words builds more mystery and women love, love, love mystery. If you can manage it, let her mind do the somersaults to fit you into her life. If you can’t manage it, your words are turned into a knife that is slitting your own throat.

Want more on the subject of conversational narcissism? Read this.

You’re welcome.

Here’s a funny cartoon about conversation…

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2 thoughts on “Conversational Narcissist – Don’t Be This

  1. Hoss on said:

    I tell my nine year-old son that in most cases your best option is to shut up and let someone else do the talking, especially when the other person is seemingly in self-destruct mode. He’s learning.

    I almost forgot how awesome Calvin and Hobbes were…best cartoon ever.

  2. This is why meeting up with someone the first time can be a little intimidating – so much hinges on how that first crucial conversation goes: who gets the upper hand, how much you’re able to intrigue him/her and procure his/her interest… Of course, the nerves can be kind of exciting too.

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