The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Online Dating – Turn Around That False Sense Of Abundance

“Mr. Perfect is right around the corner so a woman should never settle.”

This disingenuous bit of advice is often presented to single women who are out shopping for a man. It comes across in online dating profiles quite frequently, as well. “I refuse to settle” is a common line in women’s profiles.

Online dating has created a false sense of abundance. There are hundreds of men’s profiles that a woman (single or not) can peruse and quickly say “next, next, next”. It’s catalog shopping at its worst.

But throw in the “never settle” attitude and things suddenly change. There are actually not that many interesting, intelligent, attractive, alpha men to be found on the online dating profiles. Women over 40 find this especially true.
There are scores of decent men but these fellows simply don’t know how to market themselves or use online dating as a consistent process to achieve a goal.

For the clever and thoughtful man, this presents an enormous opportunity to stand out from the generic and mediocre. Of course, this takes an almost flawless profile (it can be done) and the patience of Job.

The profile element of online dating is a great deal of advertising in the beginning of the process. As an outline for a good profile, here are the bullet points:

1. Know who you want to attract but do not pander to that type of woman.

2. Know who you are and be honest in your descriptions about yourself. Note: If you have not been able to attract women you prefer, it might be time to work on yourself.

3. Pick an online dating website that is appropriate for your area. Ask around. Free websites have more women, paid ones have more serious women. Eharmony is in a class unto itself.

4. Create a user name that smacks of confidence and contentedness in life. “EnjoyingLife”, “ActiveMan”, “RefinedBadBoy”. Those are just examples, of course.

5. When a headline is required, use something confident that invites her into your life and doesn’t simperingly ask that you join hers. “Lonely man seeking gorgeous woman” is stunningly weak. “Come join me on my life adventure” is better. Of course, you will have to back that up with some real adventures and at least one of your photos should show it.

6. Get the best photos you can. Two or three should be casual, at least one relatively formal and you wearing a nice suit. Strongly consider getting some professional photos done. Also, keep your man-toys secondary in the shots. No good photos, no good dating. That’s online dating man law.

7. Start writing your profile. This gets real difficult for guys who don’t know how to write well. Two things to help – proofreading and check out other guys profiles to see how they write. Write better than them. I will post more on this at a future time.

As an aside, buying some books about online dating is not a bad idea. Just bear in the mind that many of those books focus on the advertising nature of the profile and not the introspection necessary to make a profile truly genuine.

The advertising element is certainly important, that cannot be discounted. When a woman receives an online message, she will quickly look at a man’s profile and in a matter of moments will make a yes or no decision. Women are visual too, hence the need for incredible photos. Once past the photos, the goal is to get her to read a genuine profile, not a generic advertisement.

With a profile up and running and perhaps on multiple dating websites, it’s time to adopt a consistent process. I wrote about that here:

There are some things to consider:

Women and Chemistry:


The Dating Ritual:

The Challenge:

Online dating can indeed work but it does take quite a lot of effort.

Women of quality and thoughtfulness will understand that after about 40 years old, the pool of single men quickly declines. It’s those women who will grasp that there is not as much abundance out there. A man of quality should be after those women.

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