The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Long Term Relationship Advice In the Manosphere

The Badger recently wrote a most revolutionary thought regarding relationships. The title of his post is “It’s OK To Please Your Man“. The rest of the post is extraordinarily good and should be one of the core tenets of Manosphere bloggers who are actually encouraging better and more healthy long term, adult relationships.

Roissy, Roosh, Rollo, College Slacker, et al., are more concerned about picking up and bedding girls (the PUA division of the Manosphere) and that’s perfectly reasonable for a certain age. I am not of that age. As well, the recent posts from Roosh, Compliment and Cuddle, are pure satire and should be taken as such.

There are a number of men and women who still believe in healthy long term relationships and who actively seek to give good advice through their respective blogs. This is the Healthy Relationships division of the Manosphere.

As I have a poor track record of maintaining a long term relationship, I won’t even make an attempt at giving advice in this area. But I’m a fundamentally optimistic about men and women forming truly intimate and long lasting relationships. Therefore, I will limit myself from indulging in the nihilistic elements of the Manosphere.

I wrote about the diverse nature of The Manosphere and how we still might have a branding opportunity:

In shameless flattery, I salute Dalrock, Athol, Susan, Grerp, Haley, Dr. Helen, and from across the pond, Workshy. These are great voices in the wilderness of piss-poor relationship advice and wretched political correctness.

Sadly, the social contract ‘twixt the genders regarding long term relationships has been torn asunder and we are left with this insane imbalance:

A woman pleasing her man is considered weak and somehow wrong.

A man pleasing his woman is still expected, but if he does it too much she will no longer respect him.

So Game is teaching men about how to deal successfully with women.

What is teaching women to successfully deal with men?

I ask that question strictly in the context of long term relationships.

When the long term relationship advice of the Manosphere starts reaching into the main stream media/web, I sense a fundamental social shift regarding how men and women treat each other. I imagine a great exhaling of a million lungs of men and women looking at each other and saying “thank goodness that’s over, we can treat each other as we were supposed to”.

Then the political changes begin. I’ll leave that up to Paul, Welmer, Glenn, and Pierce to handle.

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21 thoughts on “Long Term Relationship Advice In the Manosphere

  1. Thanks for the linkage privateman. I suppose that I have a foot in both camps.

    On the one hand, I’m not a big fan of marriage. I don’t believe that the institution can be salvaged.

    On the other hand, I sincerely believe that monogamous LTRs can work if men are willing to throw out the assumptions of liberal humanism (influential in Europe), christian conservatism (influential in the USA), the self-help industry and psychotherapy (as they currently stand).

  2. Hughman on said:

    A girl wanting to please her man: this is something I’ve learnt to screen for literally in the past 2 months. Totally cleaning up shop now. Girls who actively admit to it, or can be made to confess to it, get a serious turn on from a guy running alpha Game on them.

    My online Game has now gotten me 2 lays (1 was gf material, but she’s going home to the States next week, the other is a massive sexual deviant, and 4 years my senior). And I should add another 2 minimum to that by the end of the month.

    You have to rapidly set up that you like gender ‘norms’, and a sexual vibe. Failure to do so will result in failure 90% of the time.

  3. “You have to rapidly set up that you like gender ‘norms’, and a sexual vibe. Failure to do so will result in failure 90% of the time.”

    As I have learned the hard way and am still learning, dammit.

    • Hughman on said:

      Added bonus of online Game: you over step the mark with the sexual vibe, and lose the girl: no big deal. She didn’t want to fuck you in the first place. No loss.

  4. MrLettuce on said:

    @ Hughman:

    Consider me new to Game ( > 6 months), so let me ask: how did you learn to screen for that?

    • Hughman on said:

      Cooking is a big one. I’m yet to meet a feminine girl who either doesn’t cook, or isn’t willing to learn.
      Wears dresses is a good indicator.

      One thing I personally use is shoes: I do have a certain thing for them. Girls and guys. I casually talk about fashion, and how guys in trainers, or girls in flats/flip flops on a night out is really saddening. If she agrees and talks about how she loves heels, get her talking about why she wears them. That can move it to the sexual vibe as well (wearing them to look sexy and please her man etc)

      • Michel on said:

        Also look for girls who love wearing dresses. Dresses rather than jeans if possible. That’s a tell right there.

    • I don’t screen for traits as much as I screen for a woman just enjoying doing things for me, whether it’s grabbing my scissors from my desk for me, cooking, picking me up from somewhere or whatever. There’s a genuineness that you can learn to detect.

  5. Thanks for the link love TPM, much appreciated.

    Susan is an odd one really. She’s trying so hard to write for young young but overrun in the comments by the guys liking her. Don’t get me wrong, she writes great stuff. It’s just odd how it turns out sometimes.

    • Athol, I originally thought that my blog would be read – and commented on – mainly by women. But that hasn’t been the case at all. Maybe it’s the framing, I don’t know. Most “girl” blogs are either written by sarcastic feminists or cotton-candy girly girls (clothes, fashion, food, mommy, hauls, etc.).

  6. Thank you very kindly for the salute and the link!

  7. I guess I see basic trends: the more attractive and girly-girl (skirts, high heels) she is, the more entitlted she will be and the more you will have to game her to keep her in your orbit. There are of course women who do not follow this trend more or less but I think this trend really exists.

    If you are a beta like me, I think what you have to do is find some one that you are just barely attracted to sexually but with whom you get along with very well and you can be yourself around without having to use too much game. Sure its not fireworks but its a relationship without drama.

    I have that with my current gf. I miss the excitement of passion but I have a gf that everybody likes.

    With the obesity epidemic raging and the very few sexually attractive women priced too high, I will not do better.

    We tell women to lower their standards and to not judge a man by how he induces her gina tingle, so we have to apply these standards to ourselves.

    The only way you can get around this is if you are a natural alpha. Then you can afford to be very choosy. But look yourself carefully in the mirror? Are you a natural alpha?

    I though so 🙂

    • No, no, no.

      Alpha and Beta are learned behaviours. They are not fixed and immutable. Think how a dog can be trained to be compliant, aggressive, affectionate, etc.

      Game is just a matter of teaching guys who are not already Alpha how to get there.

      • Game can improve your SMV, without a doubt. But as I recall even Roissy said that game can increase your SMV about 1 or 2 points maximum. So if you are a 5 without game, with tight game you are a 7. Thats enough to attract a woman that is a 6, because the woman is hypergamous: she needs to date up to a man with a higher SMV.

        If the best you can do is a 6, you are not an alpha.

  8. Thanks for the shout-out, privateman. 🙂

  9. @NMH: Roissy pointed out that Josh Camacho gets better quality poon than Mark Zuckerberg.

  10. Unusually good? Thanks for the compliment.

  11. Love your blog.

  12. “A man pleasing his woman is still expected, but if he does it too much she will no longer respect him”

    It’s all about

    1) Whether he does it in an “I’m being a good boy, please reward me” fashion or

    2) Whether she was already acting like a domineering bitch and he’s stooping to one knee to please her and sinking lower.

    *yawn* I’ve been sitting here for too long. I disagree with a lot of stuff here, but a lot of the site also nails some important issues. Not bad, PM. Sorry for the mass comments, it happens when I plough through a new site.

  13. I’ve had some success molding the girl to be feminine and doting. I can imagine if you have many attractive women to pick and choose from, the other option would be to screen for attractive characteristics.

    My recent girl was in many ways very attractive, but needed a lot of work. Now she can cook, I took scissors to her frumpy clothes and got her interested in sexy dresses, and she is all around attentive.

    So I think a man can create his woman, as well as choose her.

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