The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “April 11, 2011”

Long Term Relationship Advice In the Manosphere

The Badger recently wrote a most revolutionary thought regarding relationships. The title of his post is “It’s OK To Please Your Man“. The rest of the post is extraordinarily good and should be one of the core tenets of Manosphere bloggers who are actually encouraging better and more healthy long term, adult relationships.

Roissy, Roosh, Rollo, College Slacker, et al., are more concerned about picking up and bedding girls (the PUA division of the Manosphere) and that’s perfectly reasonable for a certain age. I am not of that age. As well, the recent posts from Roosh, Compliment and Cuddle, are pure satire and should be taken as such.

There are a number of men and women who still believe in healthy long term relationships and who actively seek to give good advice through their respective blogs. This is the Healthy Relationships division of the Manosphere.

As I have a poor track record of maintaining a long term relationship, I won’t even make an attempt at giving advice in this area. But I’m a fundamentally optimistic about men and women forming truly intimate and long lasting relationships. Therefore, I will limit myself from indulging in the nihilistic elements of the Manosphere.

I wrote about the diverse nature of The Manosphere and how we still might have a branding opportunity:

In shameless flattery, I salute Dalrock, Athol, Susan, Grerp, Haley, Dr. Helen, and from across the pond, Workshy. These are great voices in the wilderness of piss-poor relationship advice and wretched political correctness.

Sadly, the social contract ‘twixt the genders regarding long term relationships has been torn asunder and we are left with this insane imbalance:

A woman pleasing her man is considered weak and somehow wrong.

A man pleasing his woman is still expected, but if he does it too much she will no longer respect him.

So Game is teaching men about how to deal successfully with women.

What is teaching women to successfully deal with men?

I ask that question strictly in the context of long term relationships.

When the long term relationship advice of the Manosphere starts reaching into the main stream media/web, I sense a fundamental social shift regarding how men and women treat each other. I imagine a great exhaling of a million lungs of men and women looking at each other and saying “thank goodness that’s over, we can treat each other as we were supposed to”.

Then the political changes begin. I’ll leave that up to Paul, Welmer, Glenn, and Pierce to handle.

Online Dating – Turn Around That False Sense Of Abundance

“Mr. Perfect is right around the corner so a woman should never settle.”

This disingenuous bit of advice is often presented to single women who are out shopping for a man. It comes across in online dating profiles quite frequently, as well. “I refuse to settle” is a common line in women’s profiles.

Online dating has created a false sense of abundance. There are hundreds of men’s profiles that a woman (single or not) can peruse and quickly say “next, next, next”. It’s catalog shopping at its worst.

But throw in the “never settle” attitude and things suddenly change. There are actually not that many interesting, intelligent, attractive, alpha men to be found on the online dating profiles. Women over 40 find this especially true.
There are scores of decent men but these fellows simply don’t know how to market themselves or use online dating as a consistent process to achieve a goal.

For the clever and thoughtful man, this presents an enormous opportunity to stand out from the generic and mediocre. Of course, this takes an almost flawless profile (it can be done) and the patience of Job.

The profile element of online dating is a great deal of advertising in the beginning of the process. As an outline for a good profile, here are the bullet points:

1. Know who you want to attract but do not pander to that type of woman.

2. Know who you are and be honest in your descriptions about yourself. Note: If you have not been able to attract women you prefer, it might be time to work on yourself.

3. Pick an online dating website that is appropriate for your area. Ask around. Free websites have more women, paid ones have more serious women. Eharmony is in a class unto itself.

4. Create a user name that smacks of confidence and contentedness in life. “EnjoyingLife”, “ActiveMan”, “RefinedBadBoy”. Those are just examples, of course.

5. When a headline is required, use something confident that invites her into your life and doesn’t simperingly ask that you join hers. “Lonely man seeking gorgeous woman” is stunningly weak. “Come join me on my life adventure” is better. Of course, you will have to back that up with some real adventures and at least one of your photos should show it.

6. Get the best photos you can. Two or three should be casual, at least one relatively formal and you wearing a nice suit. Strongly consider getting some professional photos done. Also, keep your man-toys secondary in the shots. No good photos, no good dating. That’s online dating man law.

7. Start writing your profile. This gets real difficult for guys who don’t know how to write well. Two things to help – proofreading and check out other guys profiles to see how they write. Write better than them. I will post more on this at a future time.

As an aside, buying some books about online dating is not a bad idea. Just bear in the mind that many of those books focus on the advertising nature of the profile and not the introspection necessary to make a profile truly genuine.

The advertising element is certainly important, that cannot be discounted. When a woman receives an online message, she will quickly look at a man’s profile and in a matter of moments will make a yes or no decision. Women are visual too, hence the need for incredible photos. Once past the photos, the goal is to get her to read a genuine profile, not a generic advertisement.

With a profile up and running and perhaps on multiple dating websites, it’s time to adopt a consistent process. I wrote about that here:

There are some things to consider:

Women and Chemistry:


The Dating Ritual:

The Challenge:

Online dating can indeed work but it does take quite a lot of effort.

Women of quality and thoughtfulness will understand that after about 40 years old, the pool of single men quickly declines. It’s those women who will grasp that there is not as much abundance out there. A man of quality should be after those women.

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