The Private Man

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From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes

For the most part, the private sector work environment is a masculine place. The business of making money has little to do with emotions. The capitalistic marketplace is the realm of logic and reason in order to create and sell profitable goods and services. It’s really that simple. If there is not enough profit, there is no point creating that service or that item.

Men have historically dominated this social and economic realm. In the last two generations, women have entered the workforce. That didn’t change the essential rules of capitalism. Women had to adapt and they often did so out of economic necessity. Women adapted reasonably well. They adopted masculine traits to cope and succeed. Having such traits is not necessarily a bad thing in the right context.

The problem is the transition back to home and hearth, there is none. A woman is still in work mode when she returns home. There are tasks to organize, things to manage, kids to herd. A woman’s work (and career) is never done, after all. Whither the husband or significant other? He’s likely a beta. He’s toiled his day in the trench cubicles taking orders all the while. He’ll happily defer to the woman’s relationship leadership despite losing her respect for him. He’s used to it. His mom, single of course, told him to be nice and follow orders.

What if she’s married or committed to an alpha man? If she wants to maintain that relationship, she must transition to a feminine role in a brief span of time. That span is 35 minutes, about the average commute time. In that period of time, she must embrace her feminine nature so she can be the loving wife/significant other that she is supposed to be. Of course, if she truly loves her man, embracing her feminine nature for him comes naturally and without much thought. In fact, she should be thinking of that while she is still at work. Suggestion to all the guys in long term relationships: read Athol K (Married Man Sex Life).

If her man is a sad sack beta, the transition from masculine to feminine is a serious struggle. The woman sits in traffic and wonders “why I am doing this?”. She then fires up her audio book of Eat, Pray, Love (turning off NPR) and makes a mental note to tally up her man’s finances and then to look up divorce attorneys while he is having fun with the kids.

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21 thoughts on “From the Masculine to the Feminine in 35 Minutes

  1. Generations ago wives hero-worshiped their husbands. They saw what they did in the world as exciting and important and above their own abilities. Now that women are quite-successfully competing with men the adoration they once felt has largely disappeared.

    But the instinctual desire to be the “weaker” sex does not seem to have disappeared and seems to be undergoing a perverse transformation. Sexual masochism is on the rise, even amongst self-proclaimed feminists. Women are taking the need to feel “weak” to such an extreme that they are putting themselves into ridiculously dangerous situations.

    I hate to admit it, but there was real wisdom behind the idea that women should not seem too smart. As distasteful as it sounds to modern sensibilities, convincing women that they were way inferior to men actually made for happier marriages. Of course there were always some women who didn’t buy into it, but they were always the minority.

    So how do you turn back the clock? You can’t suddenly start convincing women they are inferior to men because they won’t buy it…especially when they can literally see themselves out performing men.

    I have a theory as to what might help this situation, but it is highly controversial.

  2. “I have a theory as to what might help this situation, but it is highly controversial.”

    Do share.

    It it’s good, I’ll post it front and center.

    • I believe we can get women back in the domestic sphere if we up its demands. The problem with 1950’s domesticity is it was almost entirely servile rather than productive. A life too far removed from
      production is not satisfying. Consumerism is soulless and parasitic. There is an instinctual human craving to be the means to our own survival. Women plant gardens and men hunt even when there is a grocery store full of both.

      Convenience comes at a price. It affects our bodies, our earth, and our minds. The Blue Pill isn’t just being fed to us in the form of feminism but also in the form of the industrial agriculture and pharmaceutical medicine that claims to make us better while actually making us sicker. I won’t even get started on the current state of education which is basically just a feminized propaganda machine. Sending women back to the doemstic sphere with a new list of challenges and goals kills several birds with one stone.

      Alte did a post on Radical Homemaking. Here are some of what you can expect form the new Radical Homemaker (Think Laura Ingles Wilder):

      -Attachment Parenting/breastfeeding for the proven psychological and physical health of children.
      -Cloth diapering for the health and environmental benefits.
      -gardening/homesteading
      -home creamery, scratch-cooking, home fermentation
      -homeschooling
      -toy crafting

      What men will notice amongst women who have this kind of lifestyle is an increased dependence on their men. Even those who don’t claim a traditionalist philosophy behave in a more traditionalist way because they have greater respect for themselves and greater respect for the men who make what they do possible.

      So what I propose is that men require more of their women. Yes, expect them to stay home and make babies but also much more than that. Radical Homemaking will increase her financial and practical dependence, busy her idle hands and mind, and her work will be challenging enough that it will allow her to achieve the self-respect she craves outside of the social sphere of work accomplishments. The added bonus is the family will be more frugal and a lot healthier.

      http://traditionalcatholicism.wordpress.com/2011/02/01/surprise-surprise-im-a-radical-homemaker/

      • Interesting ideas. I do take exception with attachment parenting.

      • What about breastfeeding for a year?

      • As I am childfree by choice, my ignorance about breastfeeding is vast. I only know about attachment parenting because some friends thought about that approach and I did some research on it our of curiosity.

      • Most women have a nurturing instinct that can smother a man if not channeled. If there aren’t any kids in the picture there should probably at least be a dog.

      • interesting. i don’t think you’ll be able to lure women back into the domestic sphere with promises of productivity in things like “home fermentation” and “toy crafting.” why would women want to stay at home and create such items that come at such a low cost outside of the home?

        is there not a point where you’re just kind of an idiot for, say, mending socks when a new pair costs you $0.50? certainly, you may feel some sense of accomplishment on a minor level, and that’s bully for you, but at least you must realize you’re doing these things for that minor sense of accomplishment — and not because you’re being smart with your time and/or money.

      • In the case of darning socks- you are right.

        But if you unite your productivity with a sense of social responsibility it gives it more significance.
        Toy crafting may seem silly, but what if you believe plastics contain dangerous chemicals and that simple toys are superior because they are open-ended and encourage pretend play? What if you take a Waldorf philosophy or Montessori philosophy towards learning and childhood? Then spending hours making felt gnomes feels rather important.

      • paige —

        i agree, if you have certain philosophies then obviously you’ll act in accordance with said philosophies. but, assuming you have these philosophies you’ll probably already be acting in accordance with them, i.e., staying at home and making toys or whatever. the suggestion that you can “get women back into the domestic sphere” by “upping its demands” is…flawed, in my opinion.

        i see you’re going off of the idea that women originally left the home because they no longer needed to be there — thanks to new technology, etc., housework is no longer an all-day every day job. however, you can’t stuff women back in the home by creating “housework” that’s unnecessary to all but a few radicals. but if someone has no problem with, say, plastic, then making toys is as frivolous and time-wasting as darning socks.

      • also, i have no idea why wordpress insists on these bs nested comments, but they’re incredibly annoying

      • The social reform I speak of make those things seem very necessary. For years after formula was invented breastfeeding was considered an unnecessary time-waste. Now there is enormous social pressure to do it.

      • Wow, someone besides me has thought of this! I agree, Paige, people need to feel productive and like they can look after themselves – I dislike being so dependant on “the grid” just to survive.

        re: attachment parenting, I think it’s good for the first couple of years, but after a point kids start to require training to learn obedience in order to learn self mastery later on. The egalitarian approach that a lot of people take these days seems to result in precocious brats who think they’re on the same level as adults.

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  4. I honestly doubt women really act all that masculine at most jobs. In the cubicle farms most people work nowadays, you basically sit in front of a computer all day and maybe talk with coworkers during breaks. That is not very masculine. It’s also why many office worker men feel feminized.

    If a female police officer comes home to a husband who works as an accountant, then maybe she has to do a lot more masculine to feminine transformation. But that sounds like an extreme exception. I think the real issue is that everyone has been equalized, so women feel like they are “equal” to men which doesn’t inspire a lot of “hero worship” feelings that Paige mentioned.

  5. i do have a comment on the actual post 🙂

    The problem is the transition back to home and hearth, there is none. A woman is still in work mode when she returns home. There are tasks to organize, things to manage, kids to herd. A woman’s work (and career) is never done, after all. Whither the husband or significant other? He’s likely a beta. He’s toiled his day in the trench cubicles taking orders all the while. He’ll happily defer to the woman’s relationship leadership despite losing her respect for him. He’s used to it. His mom, single of course, told him to be nice and follow orders.

    What if she’s married or committed to an alpha man? If she wants to maintain that relationship, she must transition to a feminine role in a brief span of time.

    a lot of guys assume that the most alpha male will be attracted to the most submissive, feminine woman, but this is not true. in fact, it seems to be a sliding scale — men are attracted to women who are feminine “enough” for them — betas, for example, are attracted to, and end up with, women who are less masculine than they are, while alphas are attracted to, and end up with, women who are less masculine than they are but who are oftentimes more masculine than betas. the most feminine, soft-spoken, submissive, etc. women that i know are with extremely “beta” guys, whereas the outspoken, aggressive, ambitious women i know are with extremely “alpha” guys.

    that’s not, of course, to say that an ambitious, aggressive woman will be that way with her alpha male — perhaps that’s what you’re trying to say. but in my experience alpha guys prefer high-t, aggressive women, while beta guys prefer demure, soft, feminine women. this makes sense, of course, because every guy wants a woman who is “more of a woman” than he is, duh, and there’s just too much disconnect between a raging alpha and a demure, chaste, feminine woman.

  6. You can’t turn back the clock.

    Really, you can’t. Industrialization happened. Post-industrialization and globalization happened. You can’t forget you learned what standardized parts and assembly lines or industrialized agriculture are — we know how to make a lot of things very cheaply. Women can do that work as well as men. That isn’t going to change any time soon. And the thinking-for-a-living post-industrial jobs clearly demonstrate that some fields are better-suited for women than men. When 70% of your economy is service-based, then you aren’t going to be able to take women out of the workforce.

    Face it, folks, you can’t run a civilization as complex as ours with Agricultural Age social expectations. You can’t artificially push women back into exclusively domestic roles, nor should you want to. Women have traditionally participated in the marketplace since the neolithic period or before — and I’ve known some incredibly savvy businesswomen.

    The social dynamic will change, but it will only change when certain basic forces have been tamed. Specifically, once men have control of their own reproductive destinies, i.e. reliable male birth control such as the reversible 10 year vasectomy, then they will have the leverage they need to get what they want at a social level. Think of it: no more accidental pregnancies, no more bad shotgun marriages or unexpectedly single moms.

    And a lot of women with baby rabies who will be desperate for viable sperm.

    When the top 20% of society, the social and economic Alphas, I guess you could say, is able to self-select out of the breeding pool except by choice, that will alter the balance of power. Suddenly a girl won’t be able to go out and spring a surprise pregnancy on her Ivy League boyfriend, and when you pick up that slut at the end of the bar you might get crabs or AIDS, but you won’t get a paternity suit. Women who want to get pregnant will have to get a man’s active cooperation, or they’ll have “marry down” in a big way.

    That’s the way to change the dynamic. Not economically or through directed social movements. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle . . . all you can do is focus on the best wish you can make and move forward.

  7. hbeeva on said:

    Here’s a more pleasant way women may be lured back to the home. Don’t pile children, breastfeeding or busywork on them. These grind you down, physically and mentally. Breastfeeding is hell, it will take away nutrients and turn you into a zombie, no matter how natural the LLL tries to sell it.

    Instead, make women monogamous sex goddesses, obsessed with comfort, beauty and unique feminine luminosity. In other words- trophy wives. Don’t overburden them with work, turn them into skinny unwashed hippies. Treat them as muses and goddesses, give them some ritual tasks. The truth is, we despise busywork, we are natural-born mystics, we want to be dreamy and luminous, give or take a baby or two. Make women the priesthood of mankind- we’ll lounge around, save the Earth, we’ll exchange consumerism for the pedestal of a sexual goddess.

    A sisterhood of women is another solution. We are different- and we have great mystical cravings. Give us the mystical and we won’t chase after stupid careers. We need to be given the task of reviving the imaginal, the long-term nurturing vision. It’s not about making toys. It’s about the dream. My great-grandmothers were traditional women who made everything from scratch, but their task was in the end, mythical, one of uniting the family with a certain subtle glue- which works for generations. Busywork at home, a tyranny over women is the opposite of this state of effortless feminity. Try to make us work and you will fail the bullshit test and we will revolt. Oh, women do revolt, because putting pressure on women is like putting pressure on water, to paraphrase novelist Mulich. You can only put so much pressure before the water erupts. Don’t pressure us. Make us flow the right way.

    When women are priestesses, men will be heroes. You won’t be heroes if we are servants. You will be despised mercenaries, not bright heroic knights.

    Also, mankind needs to do less, shrink its size and the economy. We are too busy. We need less people and we’ll figure out where the genders belong.

    • This is in the top 10 of strange comments. Thanks?

      • hbeeva on said:

        It is strange, indeed. I’m one of those rare superheroes of humanity for which they say, when the going gets weird, the weird get pro.

        And things are majorly weird right now, for males, females, the genderless and all god’s critters.

        It’s not so strange, really, just the same issues on another level of analysis. You know what they say- you cannot solve a problem at the same level where it arose. So, if there is a problem between males and females, maybe the solution is on another level and the level of game may give some results, but they will be incomplete and the struggle will be too hard.

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