I’ve been seriously online dating for just over a year. I’ve become the lord and master of the first date and “dated briefly”. I am assigning no blame to the women who I have dated. I am simply acknowledging the state of things in my life. I am quite aware of who I am and confidently know what I offer in the context of a serious relationship.
In the past three weeks, despite being effectively unemployed, I have had several first dates. Each one has resulted in the follow up message of “you’re not the one”. To that, I hoisted a fine gin and tonic and said out loud and confidently, “Next!” My neighbors might think me a bit loopy, but I simply don’t care.
Working up the emotional energy to plow ahead has been a challenge. Thankfully, I am a rather optimistic fellow and that gives me enough strength to continue. Regardless of my job situation (I have some good freelance gigs) and being in almost dire financial circumstances, I know that I simply must move forward toward my ultimate goal – a solid, healthy, and wonderful long term relationship. I simply refuse to let my own rationalization hamster convince me that being single is the best situation for me.
It’s not easy. Each rejection – and yea, I am legion in that regard – is a wee cut to my confidence. But there is a positive impact as the result of that wee cut. To heal, I turn to my passions. I write. I read (history is my favorite). I ride my motorcycle. I seek the company of friends and connect with family. I correspond with several bloggers and offer advice and solace to them. Hell, I’m trying to arrange a set-up with a female blogger and an old friend.
I truly empathize with guys who also face constant rejection. To them, I say keep moving forward. Maintain your passions, connect socially, be strong. I know it’s incredibly difficult, impossibly difficult. Also, consider your own characters flaws and work on them. Don’t just improve yourself for that potential love of your live. Improve yourself for you, for your confidence, for your self respect. The women around you will sense it and you will become more attractive to them.
Read, observe, be aware and learn about social interactions. Don’t allow negativity to cast a shadow over the positive elements of your masculinity. Oh, and call your father or another, older male relative. Talk with them about the nature of being a man. Those men won’t live forever and it’s your moral duty to absorb their wisdom.
If you truly want some wisdom, volunteer at an active retirement community or nursing home just to listen to the stories and history of men in their later years. Volunteering is easy, put in a call in to the activities director and tell them you want to write or record the stories of the men. You will be welcomed and appreciated. I have done this and it’s a life changing experience. Also check out the Veteran’s History Project at the Library of Congress. Read and listen to those amazing stories and be motivated by other men.
Rejection needn’t be an oppressive and soul-draining experience. Rejection is an opportunity