The Private Man

Attraction and dating information for all men

Archive for the day “March 1, 2011”

Distance and Online Dating

I am fortunate in that I live in a metropolitan area with over 5 million people. I have certain guidelines regarding my preferences for women and their geographical location. If the woman meets all of my preferences, I am willing to travel further to see her. The more preferences that are not met, the closer she must be. This is all part of the online dating process that I use.

For typical men living in smaller cities or rural areas, the distance factor becomes quite the challenge. There are simply fewer available women and so he must search in a much bigger geographical area. Once a date is set up, it’s likely that the man will do most of the driving to meet the woman. With all the additional driving, it can get expensive and very time consuming. As well, if there are kids on both sides of equation, scheduling can become something of a nightmare. Logically, a  typical man is faced with building rapport with a potential first date through other means – emails, texts, phone calls, etc – in order to determine if a connection exists.

Sadly, logic in the dating game doesn’t work particularly well. Unless a man is 100% preselected by a woman, every email, text, phone call is an opportunity for rejection. It’s important to remember that without that preselection, a woman is looking for reasons to reject a man, not accept him. It’s the whole mystery thing that a man is expected to project. Such mystery forces the woman to build a mental narrative with the guy as part of the story. Too many words from the guy and the mystery evaporates.

Here is the dilemma that the typical man faces when he must cast his net in a large geographical area to find dates. Too little communication means too much driving to a first date that will never result in a second date. Too much communication means that there will be far fewer first dates. Ironically, this could result in an even larger geographical area being searched and even greater driving distances.

The ultimate fix for that dilemma is to make her do the driving to the first date. This requires an online dating profile of stunning alphaness to get their attention and then having superb communication skills combined with solid Game (text, email, phone) to ensure enough preselection so they come to you. This is the solution for the atypical man. Typical is beta, atypical is alpha.

Fortunately, the profile, communication skills, and Game can all be improved. As a single man works on these things, he still might have to do some driving to those first dates but every date should be considered an opportunity for practice and learning. A good measure of a man’s success is the percentage of dates where the woman drives to meet him. There is also the home turf advantage and that’s a confidence builder.

Of course, if the man is looking for a long term relationship and his dating endeavors are ultimately successful, this could lead to the long distance relationship, a true challenge.

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