Lauren is happy.  Last night, her boyfriend Mark finally told her he loved her.  She had been wanting that ever since they started seeing each other four months ago.  She had been having sex with him, and it had been pleasurable for sure, but she was doing so hoping it would turn into something more: love.

Mark had been aloof and slow to give away his emotions.  Lauren didn’t mind this, she even preferred it.  It meant that she had to work for his love, and by the time he said it, she felt she had earned it and that it really meant something to him.

Lauren set up an excited brunch with her friends Stina, Terri and Lisa.  They hadn’t seen each other in four months, in fact none of them knew she was dating Mark.  Right away, she starts telling them the good news.

“Wow” said Stina, “I didn’t even know you were dating a new guy! That’s great.”

“Yeah”, said Terri, “what is the guy’s name?”

“Mark Smith”, said Lauren.  A hush immediately fell over her support group as they began to give each other awkward looks.

“Uhhhh, Lauren”, said Lisa, “Mark Smith has loved a lot of girls.”

“Yeah”, said Stina, “He told Jackie Valenti he loved her.”

“Okay” said Lauren, “But she probably fucked his brains out, right?  Like, he was definitely getting sex from her?”

Stina cringes.  ”No” she says, “They never even kissed.  He went over to her place drunk one night and professed his love for her.  She never even let him in her bedroom.”

“Alright but that’s only one girl.  That’s okay.” Said Lauren, getting nervous.

“Well there’s also Andrea Tedesco.  He told her he loved her after two casual dates.” said Terri, “She was bragging that she kept him around for a while, getting ‘good morning beautiful’ texts from him and other indications of love whenever she needed it, and she only stopped accepting his love when he started to want sex.  He still writes on her facebook wall.”

Lauren felt a deep pit in her stomach.

Lisa continues: “Mark told Angelica Messina he loved her the first night he met her.  She said he was REALLY into it, looking her right in the eyes when he said it, getting down on his knees in front of her just to kiss her hand, and he even recited poetry for her.  She gave him one of those awkward one arm hugs and that was it.”

He never did that freaky stuff with me, thought Lauren.  If he does that stuff, then why did I just get a plain old “I love you”?

Plus Angelica is the biggest cocktease in the city, thought Lauren.  How could Mark fall for her bullshit? What an idiot.  Now she thought Mark was stupid as well as loose with his love.

Stina says, apologetically, “I don’t want to tell you this, but I heard Mark met a girl in a club and dragged her into the bathroom to tell her she was beautiful, then he gave her twenty dollars.  She never even touched him.”

“Okay, please stop” said Lauren.  She was growing sicker by the second, her world crushed.

Later, she confronts Mark with her new knowledge.  Did he really love all those girls without getting sex from them?  She demands to know.

“Well yeah but I didn’t really WANT sex from them”, Mark lies, possibly even to himself, “I wanted to give them love, that’s all.  I wasn’t ready for sex at that point in my life.”

“Uggggghhhhh” says Lauren, “Don’t you know that guys who give girls love and attention without getting sex are LOSERS??? The girls getting the love and attention don’t actually respect them, they are just using them!”

“No way, guys can want love without sex, too”, claims Mark.

“Well I heard you told Shirley Thompson from my building you loved her and I have to look at her every day.  Plus she’s really pretty, there’s no way she was going to fuck you! Why did you love her?” says Lauren.

“Is that what this is about”, Mark says, “You are just insecure because I have more experience with love than you.  You think you can’t measure up to all the beautiful girls I’ve loved in the past.”

“Just how many girls did you tell you loved?” asks Lauren

“I don’t know, about 30″ says Mark

This hits Lauren like a brick in the stomach. “30! That is insane, you are a loser!”

“Can’t you see that my past doesn’t matter, and you are giving me sex now and that’s all that matters?” says Mark, “I love the sex we have and that’s something I didn’t get from the other girls.”

Mark can’t see why this only makes Lauren madder.  Why should she be the one who has to pay by putting her valuable eggs at risk by taking his sperm in order to get the love and attention that the other girls got so easily.

“Well if you give away love so easily, why did you make me wait?” says Lauren, “Was I not as good as the other girls?”

“Well I saw the chance for sex with you and I didn’t want to mess that up by giving away love too soon”, says Mark.

Lauren dumped Mark.

She had to.

Someone so loose with their emotions is not a good person to give sex to.

What if they have a son who turns out to be easily manipulated by a pretty face, like Mark?

What if a pretty girl in need bats her eyelashes at him and he gives her money that their family needs?

What if she just wants a man’s love all to herself and that can’t happen with Mark?

Even beyond that, on a very visceral, base level that she couldn’t explain, she found Mark repulsive.  It was as if she had been wired biologically to feel disgust and lack of attraction for guys who allow themselves to get friendzoned.  There was no way she could fuck him again.

Yup, it was as clear as day, thought Lauren.  Guys who give away love easily are definitely not worthy of sex.

LaidNYC’s original post

Given the success of my class and some advice I gave over the phone last year, this is very effective.  This is for both men and women with a focus on the post divorce, dating re-entry folks. However, I am happy to be the wise uncle for younger people.

Some further points and caveats:

• I am not a psychologist nor trained counselor. This is about attraction and dating advice.
• If you need advice about a committed relationship, I might be able to help but I strongly urge you to read Athol’s books, instead.
• I am available evenings up until 10:30pm east coast US time so factor in the time difference as necessary.
• Weekends might be an option, that depends on my schedule.
• I work in 30-50 minute blocks.
• For online dating profiles, I might refer you to a colleague if it’s appropriate.
• I work on the honor system, see the donate button on the right? Exactly.
• I’m very, very good at this. Check out some testimonials. (Substitute the words “Red Pill Dating” with “The Private Man”)

If you want some solid, frank advice about dating and attraction from a Red Pill perspective, I’m your guy. Drop me an email – emailtheprivateman at gmail dot com and I’ll respond with further details so we can get started. You also get to hear my dulcet radio voice.

Local law enforcement was present, as well:

Of course, not all Broward County sheriff’s patrol cars are painted like this. In fact, this is the first pink one I’ve seen. I wonder if it actually goes out on patrol.

Yeah, it’s a pink patrol car. I really don’t have any commentary. So, here’s a photo of my dog licking my big, bald head. I don’t sit on the sofa much because every time I do, she jumps on the back and commences to licking. It’s weird and everyone who has witnessed this canine behavior laughs for the first few seconds and then says “that’s really weird.”

The comments from men complaining about online dating quickly accumulated. Moxie was not amused and was quite clear about it.

Yeah, this isn’t going to be an excuse for guys to flock here and whine about how hard online dating is for them. Sorry. I’m sick of listening to it.

It’s her blog so she gets to make the rules. However, this becomes an opportunity for me. I am inviting men who are doing online dating to report their online dating experiences, positive or negative.

This is not for the purpose of random venting. It is for the purpose of seeing patterns and generalizations so we can work towards solutions. Online dating for men at any age is a frustrating experience. I empathize because I did online dating off and on for over a decade. Towards the end, my ratio of outgoing messages to actual dates was 100 to 1.

For the record, I most recently used Plenty of Fish. I still maintain a profile but haven’t logged in in months. It’s now recommended to men that they keep their online dating activities limited to about 25% of their overall dating activities (link below).

So guys, use the comments to share your online dating experiences. Please indicate the following:

• Your age
• Your location
• Online Dating Websites you use

Thanks!

What Not To Say To Women on OKCupid

Dating For Men – Reduce Your Online Dating Efforts

But what does it really mean? Confident in WHAT exactly? I get the archetype of the smooth sophisticated James Bond type but what about regular guys? To me a lot of what is considered confidence just comes off like a lot of what I call “false bravado” I like to use the Jersey Shore type guys as an example. Super confident with absolutely nothing to back it up just a lot of huffing and puffing with no substance. I dunno if it’s just the younger generation but I can’t relate to it.

These are excellent questions and simply must be answered if men are expected to be socially confident.

It’s important to note that social confidence is very different concept than ordinary confidence. A confident motorcyclist might take on a new road without hesitation. A confident metal worker might do the same with a complex fabrication. A confident actor might take on a new role knowing he can do the character justice. However, all three of these men may be unable to successfully deal with even ordinary social interactions. This is where social confidence comes in.

Masculine social confidence is a man’s ability and willingness to accept and influence social interactions with his benefit in mind and at his choosing. With this in mind, the reader is excoriating the Jersey Shore guys incorrectly. Those guys have social confidence. Is it backed up with real skills? Who cares? They do have real skills, real social skills.

In Pick-Up Artistry (PUA), there is the concept of “Frame”. Amongst other things, frame is a mental attitude where the man is in control of a particular social interaction. Charisma is part of that frame and social confidence is a huge part of Charisma. Social skills are absolutely vital in this area and social skills can be learned (link below).

Developing social confidence requires:

1. Social interaction awareness. Knowing the context of a social interaction is vital. This requires relatively passive observation without jumping into conversations. When dealing with women, this requires very the very feminine skills of social intuition and the ability to instantly read moods.
Gentlemen, this requires practice and time. A man coming off of a long marriage to re-enter the dating scene likely has lost these abilities. For an example, would a socially aware guy make an offensive joke at a funeral? Exactly.

2. Effective communication skills. This is basically knowing what to say and when to say it. This is where a man’s frame can quickly fall apart by being too reactive. A man doesn’t need to be chatty or garrulous. He simply needs to communicate when the time comes. That communication doesn’t even have to be verbal. Physical gestures (the smirk, the raised eyebrows, etc.) can communicate incredibly effectively.

3. Outcome independence. This is both PUA and common sense and yet it’s rather counter-intuitive when looking at the definition (above) of masculine social confidence. A man is supposed to lead the social interaction but outcome independence means that he’s also apathetic about the outcome. This speaks mostly to frame. If a man doesn’t care about what ultimately happens, he can have more influence on the social interaction precisely because he’s apathetic to the ultimate outcome… phone number? kiss close? seduction? He simply doesn’t care.

This is all subtle stuff and requires huge amounts of emotional intelligence (link below). That requires practice and that requires getting out of the house and dealing with people.

Succeed Socially

Emotional Intelligence

I can imagine the scene at Samsung’s marketing department. A group of women are reviewing potential advertising spots submitted by their advertising agency. This commercial is run. Once ended, the accolades are delivered by the marketing cupcakes…

“Oh, my husband really needs to evolve, this is a great video!”

“My boyfriend does exactly that, I wish I could get him to do more in the house.”

“Men are such neanderthals.”

So, the video is approved with little discussion. Fine, Samsung is a business and its very essence is to increase profits. I can live with that provided that Samsung understands that the consumer can make purchasing decisions independently. More importantly, consumers can talk amongst themselves to influence other consumers. As a blogger, I urge my readers to avoid Samsung products. When it’s time to upgrade my phone, I’ll make a point to select a brand that doesn’t take such a dim view of men.

However, if Samsung were truly clever, there would be a follow-up video where this happens: “…a put-upon husband tired of the rolling-pin treatment can magically morph his bon-bon chomping, soap-opera addicted, bitchy shrew-in-curlers wife into a physically fit & active sex-pot who fixes doors, pours cement driveways, replaces garbage disposals, hunts wild game, and earns a paycheck.”*

That would be hilarious and then I’d be happy to buy outright a spiffy new Samsung smart phone should this happen.

* From a comment on the Youtube video.

“Guys: chivalry is an easy, cost-free way to impress a woman.”

My tweeted response was:

NO!!!! THIS IS WRONG!!! DON’T DO THIS!!!!

Via Twitter, she asked why not. As for Christie, I’ve retweeted some of her dating advice tweets in the past because she mostly gives reasonable advice and I support her efforts. It’s unfortunate that otherwise excellent dating advisers sometimes come up with disasters like that tweet. Another example of that is Moxie (link below) writing for Role/Reboot, the most politically correct and idiotic website discussing gender issues. No link from me to that dreck.

As for chivalry (link below), it might have had its place for medieval knights and Dating 1.0. With Dating 2.0, chivalry – especially early in the dating phase – is an expression of weakness and supplication in a man. A woman might be outwardly pleased at a chivalrous gesture but inside, her hindbrain is screaming “Run away! This guy’s a pushover!”.

Worse, chivalry can too easily be exploited by selfish and egotistical women. One of the quickest way for a man to assigned to the FriendZone is for him to act chivalrous to a dame. The loathsome and despicable white knights use chivalry with wanton abandon. This pedestalizes women and the clever ones will manipulate the white knights while enjoying the physical affection of men higher up the sexual food chain.

A bold and confident man can certainly use courtesy and manners as required. If a relationship develops during the dating phase, certain chivalrous deeds can be doled out very rarely. At the start of dating, a man simply can’t be chivalrous but he should be polite.

Ironically, chivalry is where feminism and the Manosphere agree. Feminists hate chivalry because it makes women look weak. Denizens of the Manosphere hate chivalry because it makes men look weak.

Christie Hartman

Moxie

• Men and women are different.

• The feminine attracts the masculine.

• The masculine attracts the feminine.

• Women are the gatekeepers of sexuality.

• Men are the gatekeepers of commitment.

For those who donate regularly, I am very appreciative.

• If it’s a first date from online dating, go to a place without bright lighting.
• If entertaining a lady at your place, keep chilled water in your bedroom. Wink, wink.
• Shoes and wristwatch, keep them classy and elegant. Women immediately notice this and judge you for it.
• Stand up straight, sit up straight, walk straight.
• Women want you to boldly approach them. It’s a sign of confidence. Only do so in a safe environment.
• When starting a conversation with a woman, never compliment below the neck.
• Get out of the house. Run single errands on different days of the week.
• When walking with a woman, offer your arm. Don’t hold her hand.
• Even if it’s her car, you drive it when on the date.
• Worst first date: Dinner and a movie.
• When standing, keep your hands out of your pockets. Pocket thumb hook, cowboy style, is acceptable.
• When walking, look at the horizon, not the ground.
• Speak clearly. Too much “Um” and “er” kills conversation.
• Dress one level up from all the guys around you.
• If you don’t want to text, you don’t want to date.
• Put your name at the end of your outgoing online dating messages.
• If you get the date, don’t over-communicate with her before the date.
• You want to give a gift on the first date?! Don’t be a moron. You barely even know this woman.
• The future of meeting women will be singles events in real life. You do remember real life, right?
• Do you feel compelled to talk about an ex on a first date? Stop dating. Recover emotionally first.
• If you don’t have the time to date, you’re not ready for dating.
• Fingernails, clean ‘em and trim ‘em.
• That haircut of yours sucks. Trust me on this.
• The point of online dating is to actually go on dates with real women.