Bad Early Date Idea – The Music Concert

With old rock and roll bands still performing, there is a strong temptation to turn a music concert into a 2nd or 3rd date. Concerts were a big part our youth so it makes sense to bring a date to a concert. For the record and way back in the day, I did see Flock of Seagulls as the warm-up band for Squeeze. I didn’t bring a date and I wasn’t stoned.

The problem with The typical rock concert – even if performed by septuagenarians – is that it’s unspeakably loud.

“What?!”

“ROCK CONCERTS ARE LOUD!”

“WHAT?!”

This makes for a terrible place to connect with your date. Conversation simply can’t happen to any meaningful way. There is also the cost issue. Even a smaller venue can have some impressively expensive ticket costs. Expensive tickets don’t necessarily impress women.

Despite the loudness and expense, you insist on bringing a date to a rock concert because she told you about her favorite band and you’re too eager to impress her. That band is performing in a local arena so for a couple hundred bucks you snag some floor seats. You park ($?), get some snacks ($!), and find your seats. It’s hot and crowded. With the warm-up band done, the main act mounts the stage.

Your date stands up and practically rushes the stage. By the time she gets close to the stage, you’re a distant memory. Her complete focus is on the lead singer, a man she has idolized for decades. You’re now competing with a rock star for her attention. It’s too loud to talk, it’s too crowded to move about and there’s no way you’re going to wrest her away from the stage.

To see how a male performer can impact women during a live performance, regardless of age, Google up this search term: “tom jones panties on stage” and read some of the articles. These are not young women flinging their lingerie around and Sir Tom Jones is no young whippersnapper at 74 years old. Of course, if the performer is a solo female, this doesn’t apply. But why would a man pay for such a concert?

For you younger guys, the end of the show might make things worse. If your date is a serious hottie and wants to go back stage, you run the risk of some security dude whisking her off to “meet” the band. Yes, that happens and the stories sometimes surface on Reddit and no hilarity is involved, except for the band “meeting” the girl. It’s a seriously unpleasant scenario for a young man.

The first few dates should be about a venue where a connection can be explored and possibly pursued. Dinner dates are OK but lack originality. This is why a man must have a serious menu of options for dates. It’s the man’s responsibility to make dating plans, don’t question that. However, if a woman offers to cook for you at her place, do it. And don’t question that, either.

“Watch This Video And Get Laid Tonight”

I have signed up to receive emails from the guys selling pick up artistry (PUA) systems. I get many, many of those emails. The subject lines are hilarious. I understand marketing. For the PUA systems guys, here’s how it works:

  • 1. Send out an email with a blatantly false but compelling subject line. Here’s another: “Three words to make a woman wet”.
  • 2. Link to a website with still more marketing messages but no actual content. If there is a link to a video, that video is usually a cartoon-based message that exhorts the viewer to buy the PUA system at massively discounted prices.
  • 3. Hope that enough sexually thirsty guys buy the PUA system so that the PUA marketer doesn’t have to work on a nerd farm.

This brings us to Tucker Max. He’s something of legend regarding the genre of “fratire”. That’s the realm of literature where a young man writes about his life experiences as a guy without a verbal and behavioral filter. National Lampoon, the print magazine (remember paper and ink?), was the king of such writing. Google up some O.C. and Stiggs.   “Nothing handles better than a rented car”. Lulz from the 1980s.

So now Tucker has launched a new website and is using basic marketing to get some online traffic. “Watch this video and get laid tonight”. He did NOT say that term, by the way. Regardless, Tucker’s marketing is along the same lines of Vin DiCarlo. Vin keeps a list of email addresses and does send out messages with the subject line of “watch this video and get tonight” Tucker, meet Vin. Vin, meet Tucker.

The Manosphere doesn’t wallow in such marketing. Worse, the Manosphere takes such marketing words seriously. Tucker claims:

Geoff [an evolutionary psychologist]: “I have looked, quite extensively, for a book or something that honestly and frankly addresses the entire spectrum of sex, dating, women and relationships, especially for men. I have never found one. I have to spend hours answering their very basic questions about these issues.”

Tucker:“No fucking way. This has to exist.”

Yup, Tucker and Geoff lied. So what? This is marketing. Get over it, Manosphere. PUA guys selling “systems” say the most outlandish things, too. Their job is to make money. They might be helping socially awkward men but PUA systems guys are in it for the money. To be perfectly candid, I’m the same.

Here’s an obvious secret: Successful dating coaches have been covertly reading Manosphere blogs for years. Successful dating coaches have to dispense Red Pill attraction and dating advice so their businesses succeed. I have been shunned by most dating coaches for my connection to the Manosphere but I know that those dating coaches seriously read what we are up to.

If the ‘Sphere is angry about Tucker Max, the ‘Sphere needs to understand marketing. Also, the ‘Sphere needs to settle the fuck down. Un-rustle those jimmies.

The “Lockdown” Factor And More Of My Mistakes

Monday was Saint Patrick’s day. Like many towns, there were parties and events and general merriment here in the village. I was out and about with my ugly dog, my hat, and a fine kilt. I was peacocking and I knew it. That established a good frame.

I was at the local convenience story to pick up a snack and spent a few moments with the young woman behind the counter, Nicole. The subject of age came up and I made a comment about my age status. Almost immediately, a woman came from behind the around the counter to within a couple of feet from me. I couldn’t see her because the display of ecigarettes blocked me view. I didn’t acknowledge her until she spoke up.

“How old do you think I am?”

Oh, please. Wow, just wow. Seriously? This is the bear trap shit test that most men happily step in to. She was very attractive, blonde, and in great shape. She looked much younger than her obvious (to me) 45 years old. Her smile was genuine and just about perfect. Her question did not put me off.

“I don’t play that game.” My laughing smirk was huge.

“You’re cute.”

“Damn right I am. Are you local?”

“Yes, I am.”

I extended my hands for the two-handed hand grab and introduced myself. “I’m Andrew”

“I’m Marsha”

“Then we will be seeing each other again.”

Then I made the big mistake. I turned and left the store. I’m not going to over-analyze my reasoning or rationalizing. This was a moment, a moment of attraction, a moment that every man needs to seize. I didn’t. Hindsight is always 20/20. The next day I purposely went back to the convenience store after work to talk to Nicole.

“Do you remember that blonde I was talking to last night?”

“Oh yes.”

“Has she stopped by?”

“No, I was hoping she would.”

“Have you ever seen her before? She said she was a local.”

“No… never seen her before.”

Holy crap, I really screwed up with Marsha. Lessons were learned, again.

“I didn’t even notice if she was wearing a wedding ring.” This was the second time I made this mistake in just a few short days. Learning be tough.

“I looked. She wasn’t wearing one.”

This is key. Having a location on lockdown means that people are looking out for you. Nicole made a point of looking at Marsha’s finger for a wedding ring. She did that for me because she liked me. If you don’t have a location on lockdown, no one is looking to help you. This always requires being friendly, nice, and a fun person to talk to. Those are skills that can be learned.

I pulled a quasi-Hail Mary and wrote my name and number on a piece of paper and gave it to Nicole in the hope that Marsha might return to the convenience store and ask about me. I’m not expecting to see Marsha again. Perhaps she was drunk that night and feeling bold. I know she was seeking validation for her attractiveness and that’s why she opened me with a shit test. Life happens. Life moves on.

Lessons learned:

  • Iron, hot, strike.
  • Lockdown, do it.
  • Never be ashamed to stand out
  • Get a damned dog.

ABC – Always Be Charismatic

I awoke very early this morning, despite it being a Saturday. My circadian rhythm is well established now. My dog, Lucy the ugly, started making noises at around 7:30AM while I sat and read blogs and tweets to keep up with recent world and Manosphere events. The dog needed to be walked. To be honest, she needed to be emptied. Dogs have a fluid build-up during the night. Those fluids must be expelled outdoors.

Casual clothes donned, with my fine hat, Lucy and I hit the sidewalk. Two or three minutes later, we were at the beach. Here’s a photo for all my readers living in northern climes:

Beach2

After my dog peed, I decided to grab breakfast at a local eatery. It has dog friendly outdoor seating. Lucy and I got settled in and the server gave me the menu. The server was a tall, slender middle age dame with a fine smile, long hair,  and a pleasant demeanor. It started.

“How are you?” That’s standard pleasant talk required by all restaurant servers.

“I’m perfect in every way.” I said firmly with a smirk on my face. Go big or go home. That’s a lesson from Danny and it’s incredibly important.

She smiled.

“And how are you?” she said as she bent down to let Lucy smell her face. Having a dog has completely transformed my social life here in the village.

“She’s ugly” I told her. That’s my go-to line and I used it four times while I was at breakfast when passers-by on the sidewalk stopped to comment about Lucy. All those commenting were dames.

“Oh no, she’s cute!” All the dames say that when I remark about my dog’s appearance. The lady server smiled at me after she said that and as she stood up. “Can I get her some water?”

“Please” I said simply.

She then walked away to fetch Lucy the water and to let me read the menu. When she returned to take my order and give Lucy a bowl of water, I was still looking at tweets on my phone and wasn’t quite ready to order. No matter, it was time to continue the rapport. For the sake of brevity, I won’t quote the whole conversation, but with some well-framed and brief “casual” questions I learned the following:

  • She was a local
  • She was originally from California
  • She left a bad marriage to start a new life here in south Florida.

She is educated (red flag: a middle aged restaurant server – it’s a nice place, but not fancy – with a good education is quite the contrast).

I told her that I wanted an omelette but then quickly changed the conversation.

“I’m going to call you Claire because you’re probably hiding from your ex.”

She laughed. “No, my ex knows where I am. I’m Nicolette”

“No, I’m sticking with Claire.” She smiled and left to give my food order to the kitchen. I’m fully conscious of my frame and what I’m doing. Christian McQueen talks of having clubs on “lockdown”. This means knowing the people who work there and being confident in your sense of place at a particular location. For him, those are particular nightclubs. For me, it’s my village (Lauderdale-By-The-Sea, Florida) and all the businesses there. Such a lockdown is incredibly important for a man’s frame in a social context.

When she returned with my food, I used another of my go-to lines when wanting a date with a dame. It has worked almost every time.

“Claire, we’re going on a date.” You younger folks have no idea what a “date” is. Folks my age know what I’m talking about. As well, getting the date is not about asking, it’s about telling. The man takes the lead. He doesn’t ask, he states.

She smiled again. “I’m sorry, I’m re-married. I got divorced eight years ago.” Crap, I completely missed the wedding ring! The power of projection is strong within me. I simply shook my head. Oh well. Regardless I kept my frame and asked her about her working hours. She told me that she works most days and goes to school in the evenings. I asked what she was studying. “Addiction counseling” was her response. “Also, Biblical counseling.” I immediately thought of Sunshine Mary and Dalrock.

As business was slow, she had a few minutes. We talked about Biblical advice regarding relationships and about her Bible-based marriage. She knew all about Ephesians and that a wife is supposed to submit to her husband. She told me that her husband wore the pants but she picked them out. Interesting. She also said that her husband was the head in the relationship and that she was the neck. Someone needs to find her pastor and interview him. I told her about the Christian bloggers who supported the type of marriage that she had. All in all, it was a fine social interaction even though I didn’t get the date.

The lessons are these:

  • Have a place where your feel comfortable, confident, and that provides an opportunity to meet women or bring women to.
  • If a woman is comfortable answering personal questions, she’s either attracted to you of comfortable with you, hopefully both.
  • Charisma starts the moment you leave your private space and enter the public space.
  • Check her hand for a wedding ring.
  • Get a damned dog.

Here’s a photo of the parking restrictions in my village. A parking ticket is at least $25. This is why I walk. I’ll bet within two years that my town will have dog parking and give out tickets to dog owners whose dogs are parked in the wrong spot.

Parking

On a completely unrelated note – I have taken comments off moderation so anyone who has commented before can openly comment without me doing any screening. Be civil, dammit.

The Invisible Middle Age Person

This is about men and women over a certain age. When women are no longer noticed, usually because of age, there is great verbal consternation. Many words go into the ‘Net ether that bemoan the great invisibility of a certain demographic. It’s good copy and results in many page clicks. There is a great collective wailing and gnashing of teeth amongst the estrogen gang.

When men become invisible, they either buy the trappings of status – I live in south Florida and see it constantly – or they completely retreat from the dating marketplace through social isolation. Such men don’t express their deepening frustration. Rather, they unhappily accept it. It’s an awful scenario.

For men and women alike, it doesn’t have to be this way. The solution is simple: be noticed, stand out, don’t blend in with the miasma of social mediocrity.
Standing out is not easy. It’s also not the same for men and women. Three of the noble rules of attraction must be reinforced now:

1. Men and women are different.

While obvious on the surface, this is a revolutionary notion given the current landscape of social expectations. The great, and wildly unrealistic, slow-moving tsunami of “equality” ‘twixt the genders  has our generation somehow convinced that men and women are the same above the shoulders. That’s a the worst lie ever foisted on western civilization. That lie is ruining attraction, dating, and relationships.

2. The feminine attracts the masculine.

Ladies, if you look and act in a feminine manner, men will notice you. The first is appearance. Men are visual (and how many times must you be told that?) Here’s a great quote: “When I was young and clever, I tried to change the world. When I was older and wiser, I simply changed myself.” Please keep that in mind. The world will not bend to your opinion.

Whether 25 or 65, looking feminine can happen. It does take work. The term “descernable waist” is your friend. Long hair is a serious bonus. If your “friends” tell you that you shouldn’t work on yourself, please find new friends. They don’t want to see you happy with your appearance because they are unhappy with their own appearance. Femininity also means behaving in a feminine manner. Those are natural gender behaviors. What, being happy, pleasant, and nurturing is offensive? Insert eye-roll and forehead slap here.

3. The masculine attracts the feminine.

Gentlemen, you are failing. Let’s say it again: Confidence, competence, charisma, and leadership. It’s hard to stand out because it’s been beaten into your heads to keep those heads down and fit in. That’s understandable. Fitting in means being invisible. The easiest way to stand out is to dress better  and working seriously on your charisma. By the way, charisma can be learned, regardless of age.

For you guys in colder climes, you’ll have to wait a bit to take off the parkas and wear better clothes. No matter, standing out visually is an act of serious confidence. Shut up and do it – just don’t be a clown about it. Dress one level up from the guys you normally associate with. It will work.

Being invisible is the death of attraction and dating. It does not matter what the gender. Don’t be invisible.

Feeling Connected To Society

Social isolation is a real problem for the post-divorce demographic. It’s more acute for men. I am constantly exhorting men to step away from the TV or computer monitor and get out of the house. Human beings are social creatures. It’s in our DNA. Of course there are misanthropic souls who seek to reject human interaction. Those individuals are outliers and should be left to their own solo devices.

Being social is a challenge. Technology and suburbia work very hard to physically isolate ourselves from each other. A comfortable gated community combined with Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are socially damaging forces that diminish our collective social skills. Without effective social skills, it becomes exponentially more difficult to meet relationship goals. Video games and porn are additional cancers to the growing anti-social nature of our culture. This is not entirely a gender-specific issue. I heap contumely on men but women take themselves out of social life, as well.

As social creatures, human beings need to be around each other. We need to see each other. More specifically, we need to see faces and overhear verbal discussions. This is not about attraction and dating. This is about the basic human characteristic of needing to connect with others. Social isolation is debilitating. Introverts especially need to connect, even if passively through simple observation.

Before I dispense with advice, I will acknowledge that I am afforded three huge luxuries that color my perception of social interaction.

  • I live in a small town (but it’s surrounded by a densely populated urban area) and so I am connected well to neighbors.
  • I now work in a city with lots of potential social contact. Yes, there is a downtown Fort Lauderdale. Given my eyeball woes , I take the bus to work and humanity in all its glory is riding with me twice daily.
  • I live in a sub-tropical climate and that means being outdoors is far easier. It was 80 degrees today. Welcome to south Florida.

Being out in the world and interacting with people, despite the weather, is socially healthy. I recommend that every man and woman makes a point to leave the house to find a place where there are lots of people. This recommendation is not about approaching people. It’s simply about being around people so as to watch, listen, and learn. Be the researcher. Staying at home is the direct opposite of this.

Nightclubs are not a good place because they are too loud. There is no way to overhear verbal interactions when the music is blasting. If you insist on clubbing, you can certainly see, at least, body language. A cafe or restaurant with sidewalk seating and/or bar is perfect (weather permitting, of course). Waiting in line for a sandwich is a great way to observe or interact with other people. I recommend striking up a conversation with those around you, no matter who they are.

Working in a city where people are out and about has an unspoken energy and aura regarding the social nature of our humanity. As an extrovert, I am energized by this. My mood is brightened. But introverts can also benefit by feeling that social energy. Nobody, especially me, is forcing the average introvert to thrust himself or herself into social interaction. I’m simply advising everyone to find a place to feel that social energy. Given the remarkably crappy weather up north, that will obviously be an indoor space like a mall or supermarket.

It’s impossible to ignore our social nature. Misanthropes might hate that. Introverts will be uncomfortable with that. That social nature should be indulged often enough to avoid the very real problem of social isolation. Technology should be resisted in favor of face to face interactions. This is why I am so keen on Meetup.com singles events for the post-divorce crowd. Yes, I see the irony of posting this advice on an Internet blog and yes, online dating is a real thing.

As for the social element of the average white-collar job, I’m not discounting it. Just know that familiarity can cause contempt. This can make the work environment actually an anti-social place. As well, spending all one’s free time solely with friends is too easy. Being around strangers is a better way to experience the social aspect of life.

A Potential Online Dating Profile Photo Experiment

UPDATE – This photo is now the primary photo of my Plenty of Fish online dating profile (link in the blog post). Expect updates. This could get interesting.

I do not own that gun. This photo of me holding the assault rifle (FN-FAL) was the result of a visiting friend who brought over the fearsome firearm so as to show it to me. That was the first time I’ve ever held such a weapon and the big smile was the result of the sheer novelty.

GunPhoto1

Yes, I’ve fired guns in the past – on a gun range – but I am not an owner of such hardware. I would rather spend my money on other things. As well, I have little opinion about the politics surrounding firearms but I do understand the passion that both sides have regarding gun control legislation. My own enthusiasm will always be that of providing men and women with truthful advice about attraction and dating.

What some folks might notice – aside from the large assault rifle I’m clutching – is the ring on the fourth finger of my left hand, the traditional position for a wedding ring. The ring is the result of my trip to DragonCon last year  where I helped a friend with her exhibitor booth as she sold jewelry and those ultra-cool stainless steel rings (photos at the end of this blog post). I helped with the ring sales by putting in words and numbers on the outside of the ring by using a hammer and punch. I felt like Thor but on a much smaller scale. I have lots of those rings now and I wear them on any particular finger when my mood suits me, I sometimes wear several rings at once (pea-cocking?).

That very spur-of-the-moment photo provides a very unique opportunity for an online dating profile experiment. I have a mostly inactive online dating account on Plenty of Fish (PoF). I’ve not done any recent online dating mostly because of events related to health and pavement. But the profile is still out there. Wow, I just made that profile public.

I have the option to make the gun photo my primary profile photo and see what the response will be. Should I do this, here are my predictions:

  • PoF receives complaints and my account is banned because, you know, assault rifle. Again, I’m not political about this issue but I’m curious how a photo with this type of weapon will be received.
  • PoF receives complaints and my account is banned because, you know, “wedding” ring.
  • Women respond favorably to the gun photo and their attraction for me goes way up yet they don’t notice the ring. Because, you know, assault rifle.
  • Women respond favorably to the gun photo and their attraction for me goes way up but they do notice the ring. Because, you know, “wedding” ring.

So, readers, what say you? Should I make the infamous gun and ring photo my primary online dating profile photo? Perhaps hilarity would ensue. Granted, I am a shockingly handsome fellow so the girlies will, of course, respond to that. I am just wondering how these “accessories” will impact my online dating experience.

DragonCon Photos

This is me in my friend’s DragonCon exhibitor booth. I am definitely looking awesome in that fine kilt and sporran.

I bought a new kilt and sporran to fit in. Damn, I look good.

This is the ring set up where I pretended to be Thor. We sold a shitload of those things and I got to work out my aggressions. Danny would be proud.

RingSetup[If you want to buy a ring, let me know. I can have any combination of words and letters punched on the outside of the ring. The number of characters is limited by the ring size and there is only one font. There are four different styles available. Contact me for more details. Seriously, these are cool rings and only $20 a pop plus shipping and handling.]

Online dating is the crucible of real attraction ‘twixt the sexes and it’s away from the prying eyes of political correctness. It is the behind the scenes action that reveals the true motivations of men and women alike. Read online dating profiles and be informed.

P.S. – Don’t forget to donate. Thanks!

It’s Not Fear Of Rejection, It’s Fear Of Punishment

I read many different Internet forums that deal with men’s issues as they relate to attraction and dating.  I was over at the A Voice for Men forum and found a devastatingly perceptive observation regarding why so many men don’t approach women. Here’s the post, in italics, that started the thread (in the Relations & Dating section of the forum).  My inline comments are in bold. I have some additional comments are under it.

I have a theory that the notion that “men fear rejection” is horribly misguided.

I was exploring my fears almost a year ago, and I realized: “Wait! I don’t fear rejection. I fear punishment!”

Fear of Rejection:

  • The fear that she might say “no,” and not be interested in having a sexual relationship with me.

Fear of Punishment:

  • The fear that she will express disgust or shaming or laughing towards me. That’s right girls, punish his ego.
  • The fear that she might tell her friends that I am a “creep,” and that the women will start spreading the word amongst themselves. This is good motivation to learn better social skills.
  • The fear that my advance will be felt to be dangerous, or that my interactions with women will be felt as potentially dangerous, because I did not observe some cautionary signal that women are looking for but I don’t happen to know. More motivation to learn better social skills.
  • The fear that I will show up on the radar of white knights, who will then signal that I am “under watch,” warn women of my approach, interrupt future approaches, what have you. I loathe white knights.
  • The fear that I will lose social status, be laughed at, or shamed before the local community. This is huge and I have more comments on this below.

Other Fears:

  • The fear that she will make up in her mind that not only is she not interested now, but that she will decide that she will NEVER be interested. The writer of this thread post doesn’t yet understand that there are few, if any, second chances.

When I inventoried my fears, I realized that by far, the fear of punishment dramatically dwarfs the fear of rejection. Yet, we’re always hearing talk about how men “fear rejection,” and how it’s viewed as almost an insult to women: “You can’t handle that she might say no. You feel entitled to a yes, basically.” But that’s ridiculous.

Imagine that you had telepathic powers, and you could read a woman’s mind, to see if she would say “yes” or “no.” There would be no punishments issued, because she wouldn’t even know that you asked. Would you check to see her interest? I can’t speak for you, but for myself, I’d do it in a heartbeat! I’d be constantly scanning most every woman around me, in order to find out, “Are you interested?” (..!) If I were afraid of the rejection itself, my answer should be “no.” But it’s NOT the rejection I’m afraid of. It’s the punishment.

I don’t hear anybody really talking about this, but I think that we should be talking about this more loudly.

I think we should be talking about all the ways that men are punished for doing the task that is assigned to men ANYWAYS. I am meaning how men are forced to be the ones to initiate, or else nothing’s ever happening for you. What sense does it make to force a person do a job, refuse to tell them how to do it “right,” and then dole out powerful punishments for doing it “wrong” ..? This is the most important paragraph in the thread post. Women won’t correctly tell a man how to approach a woman, that’s the Manosphere’s job.

I want us to be vigilant about making it safe for men to make sexual requests of women. And I want to get the word out that we need to be compassionate for boys and men who are making sexual requests. There’s this whole thing about shaming socially awkward men, especially socially awkward men who are making sexual requests. Yet these are the people who MOST need to make awkward sexual requests, so that they can develop to the point where they can make skilled sexual requests. I somewhat disagree. A man must learn better general social skills before he starts trying to be more assertive with his relationship goals.

My experience from talking with women is that they have simply NO CONCEPT of what the punishments are like for men. Norah Vincent wrote about this in “Self-Made Man,” and trying to explain to women what the situation was. I know a feminist woman who goes to bars in order to compete to make men cry  with her friends. I want men to go out there, and talk about the punishments. (I told several feminist women about this, and they said, “That’s not feminist! That’s not what a feminist would do!”, but… …they were all friends with the feminist who does this. They just weren’t aware that it was her.)

At the very least, whenever you hear the phrase “fear of rejection,” consider replacing the phrase with: “Fear of Punishment,” and think about what exactly are the things you are fearing having happened.

I think men are being made to take on too much crap from women, and I think men are too often serving as the servants of women in dishing out punishment and shame. I want us to push for more sensitive women. Me, too.

Us gents in the world of masculine self-improvement are continually extolling guys to have incredibly thick skins when it comes to approaching women. That makes sense when it’s only a simple rejection. Frankly, I had never considered these various punishments that might accompany a simple, polite rejection. Women – and girls, especially – do judge ferociously should the “wrong” guy approach. The thermonuclear rejection, “ewwww, as if!” is a form of emotional punishment meant to belittle a man’s ego.

For a guy established in the community and re-entering dating without adequate social skills and charisma is running a huge risk when he approaches a woman to see if there is a mutual attraction. She will likely be nice about the rejection but if she’s also part of the community and is social, she very well might assassinate his character to her friends, male and female. To me, this is the biggest punishment because it greatly reduces the man’s future chances to successfully approach other women. Likely, he won’t know why he is presumptively rejected without even a chance.

Fear of punishment is a huge reason for the popularity of online dating. If the approach can be made from the relative safety of the computer, the rejection can have far fewer punishments for the man. There’s a big caveat here. In smaller communities, there is a still the risk of punishment because women will communicate with each other. This applies to small geographical communities and/or online dating niche communities, like JDate (trust me, I know this from personal experience).

The next time a woman mocks men for the fear of rejection, I’ll be the first to speak up so I can say, “It’s not fear of rejection, it’s fear of punishment”. I urge other guys to do the same.

Carrying One’s Self

“Carry” has a different meaning than simply hauling something around. It also means how one presents himself or herself in the public space. “Carry” in the context of this meaning is no longer USED often. It’s a word that is simply losing favor as the English language evolves. It’s a word that needs to stay alive because it fits so nicely to the concepts of successful dating attraction.

Here are some examples of phrases that use the word “carry” in this context.

“She carries herself with grace and style.”

“He carries himself with quiet dignity.”

“She carries herself gravely.”

“He carries himself like a fool.”

These phrases sound as if from a 19th century novel. They are still valid, however. Masculine Charisma and feminine charm can be so easily described when using “carry”. Consider how people perceive you. If someone asked “How does he carry himself?” What do you think would be the answer? The same applies equally to women. “How does she carry herself?”. The answer gets to the heart of how the public perceives that person. You are that person.

“Carry” includes personality, attitude, behavior, and appearance – in that order. This is why the word is so useful. It strikes to the heart of having a well-rounded personality. So much of self-improvement for men and women alike is based on constituent parts and not the whole person as presented to the public. The modern manifestation of “carry” is “frame”. Frame is a more common term now but it’s still not common enough to ask “What’s his frame”? Unless you’re with a Red Pill aware person, the question isn’t understandable to enough people.

Given today’s political correctness, “carry” implies judgment. Indeed, it is a word that judges. There is nothing wrong with that. Privately, in our own minds, we judge other people constantly. We make a mental evaluation of the person we are interacting with and come to certainly conclusions about that person. No amount of social conditioning will change that.

So, reader, how do you carry yourself?

Gentlemen, Let’s Talk Body Hair And Its Removal

“Manscaping” is a real thing. It gets far more important with age because for many men hair does weird things with age. For example, if you sneeze and your nostril hair comes shooting forth like hirsute fireworks or a disgusting party favor, you have a problem.

Have you seen your ears recently? Of course you haven’t. You’ve got errant hairs there, too. In fact, your body is likely a terrible combination of sasquatch and a porcupine. I empathize. I truly do. The local drug store has some excellent battery-powered devices to help you with nose and ear hair. Buy those devices and use them. They are cheap enough to toss away once the blades get dull.

We will start from the top and move north. The hair on your head likely requires some attention. A good barber will help. If you’re losing your head dome hair, give serious consideration to a buzz cut or shaving it off. Bald is in. If you even think about a comb-over, have a good friend slap you hard in the face. Twice. If you are blessed to have a full head of hair (I hate you for that, by the way), get a good haircut. The 70s, 80s, and 90s are well behind us so you new hairstyle should reflect modern styling but is age appropriate. If you’re over 40, a metrosexual hairstyle will get you another two slaps to the face.

Moving south, let’s address your neck and facial hair. The back of your neck will need attention. You’d be surprised at how much that neck hair can grow. The tough part is fixing it. Your barber can tend to it nicely but there might be some routine maintenance required. This is where you need some tools of the trade and a close female friend come in handy. Since your hair is tough, the standard drug store hair trimming tools are mostly not up the task. Go to a Sally beauty supply store and invest in a professional quality hair trimmer. It’s not cheap. Expect to pay at least $70. Thankfully, you can buy new blades.

A beard is a cool thing to have. While women might claim to hate facial hair, those are only words. Wear your beard with pride. Do bear in the mind that even facial hair must come in moderation. ZZ Top and the Duck Dynasty crew can happily sport full beards because they have other attributes to make up for their long facial hair. You don’t have those attributes. Keep the facial hair trimmed and neat.

As we continue to move south, it’s time to address a part of a man’s body that requires the most manscaping, the back. Because I live on the beach, being shirtless is common. A hairy back is not pleasant. Worse, it’s hard for a man to tend to his back hair conveniently. There are some products to help and but a good back back trim and shave really does require a second person. That hair trimmer from Sally can be just as effective on the back as it is on the head. Using a razor takes all the hair off but can be considered optional, if a bit itchy.

There are professional solutions to dealing with the back hair. Laser treatment and waxing are available. As I’ve not well researched these two options so I will let my readers do their own research. I will say that waxing is a painful option. I tried it. I won’t try it again.

As for chest hair, knock it back. You needn’t shave it off, just keep it under control. This you can do yourself with that professional hair trimmer and one of the guards or adjustments to the blade depth. Technically speaking, back and chest hair is fur. Once it grows to a certain length, it stops growing. You’re not a sheep requiring regular shearing. But still, chest hair and back hair can get unweildy as a man gets older.

Moving further south, things get rather awkward. It’s time to talk pubic hair. Here in south Florida, men trim and shave “down there”. Yup, we’re talking shaving you’re twig and berries. Some years ago, the good folks at Norelco actually started an ad campaign promoting the “optical inch”. That’s the extra bit of penile visibility when the pubic hair is shaved off. Yes, it is possible to use a regular razor once the pubic hair has been trimmed back with the clippers. There’s an added bonus to shaved pubes as reported by several women I know. There are no extraneous hairs to complicate oral sex.

Once the initial manscaping has been accomplished, regular maintenance is required. If you’ve shaved your own head, continue to do so or see the barber if your hair is fuller. Beard maintenance is not that hard. A good scissors and the trimmer will help. Watch the mustache length. Pubic and chest hair can be handled regularly. Only the back hair presents the most challenge. With creative use of dual mirrors and a back shaver, maintenance can be done on your own. It’s not easy.

For you young guys reading this, I’m sure you’re scratching your heads and then dreading the impending body hair of doom. Don’t fret too much because it can be dealt with.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,076 other followers