Gentlemen, if you find an awful online dating profile written by a woman, post a link to it via a reply, below.
I don’t care about the profiles from the men. There are plenty of blogs where those profiles are revealed and reviled by women.
Also, I don’t care about the profiles of women under 35. Leave the youngsters alone. I want the profiles of seemingly mature, intelligent women.
I’ll review it and it passes muster in the awfulness department, I’ll post it up here and tear into into like a hungry weasel.
theprivateman
/ February 17, 2011Got one!
Her photos show a somewhat attractive blond of 47 years old.
“Honesty means everything to me!” [write more words, cupcake]
Eight photos and here are her words (from Plenty of Fish):
About Me
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
First Date
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Here is her list or requirements:
Male
Live in United States
Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex.
You must have a picture to contact this user.
Must not be looking for Hang Out
Must not be looking for Talk/E-mail
Must not be looking for Other Relationship
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not be looking for Activity Partner
Must not do drugs
Must not be married
Must not smoke
She has NO words at all. NONE!. She offers the photos which show her physical attractiveness, nothing more. But at 47, she needs to be offering more than that. Hypergamy gets interesting after 40.
Her photos aren’t bad, but seriously, is this all that she has to offer? Just a vague promise of physical attractiveness?
Next.
Alpha Cat
/ February 19, 2011You have to be an idiot for not noticing a fake profile in the first place.
theprivateman
/ February 19, 2011Did you read today’s post?
There are a lot of clueless and desperate guys out there. I’d rather educate them than insult them.
Jeremiah
/ April 6, 2011Good call. And well stated.
theprivateman
/ February 20, 2011Got another!
This was in the First Date section on Plenty of Fish…
YOUR BIGGEST JOB IS TO KEEP ME LOL
LOL No, your biggest job is to keep a man from leaving you.
Workshy Joe
/ February 21, 2011She put a LOL in her subject line too?
Wow. That’s like saying “I’m an entitled princess. Ha ha!”
Just out of curiousity privateman, how old are you and what’s the lower end of the age range you search?
Paul Murray
/ May 26, 2012I’m becoming convinced that women write profiles that they would find attractive for a man, and don’t understand that men are different. For a woman, the primary purpose of a relationship is to generate drama – excitement, mystery, tension. Her relationship is potentially the most important thing she has going on: “Your biggest job is to keep me” is actuallt “my biggest job/thing im my life is finding and keeping my man”.
A man had other things that are more important, and want’s – well – simple happiness. Felicity. So we write profiles offering that, and the women aren’t interested. They don’t want to be happy. If anything, they want to be made *un*happy.
So the obvious experiment is: cull the women’s profiles for the most objectionable garbage (I’m sarcastic and dress well – can you keep up?), and make a fake male profile with the same stuff – only make him 6’2″.
Days of Broken Arrows
/ February 21, 2011Actual quote from a Match.com profile of a 34-year-old, never-married “veterinarian vegetarian.”. Spot the cognitive dissonance:
I’m rather type A, am blunt and straightforward, have very high standards for everything in life (including for myself and my partner), but am down to earth, easy-going, and low maintenance.
Huh? Anyway, then after a long, self-obsessed list detailing the minutia of every elitist thing she likes (SWPL), there’s this gem:
No smokers, snorers, superficial, or self-absorbed people, please.
I’ll throw her points since she doesn’t require someone 6’0,” though. However, you do need a graduate degree to date her. Is this dating or a job application?
theprivateman
/ February 21, 2011Yeah… I’ve seen some of those types of profiles but after a certain age, the lengthy lists of requirements start getting smaller.
“Blunt and straightforward”. That bodes ill.
There is a difference between introspective and self-absorbed.
Self absorbed is “what do I want?”
Introspective is “what do I offer?”
Prediction: A series of flings with BadBoys smokers while she rejects her fellow beta vegetarians. Her veterinarian skills will come in quite handy at home in 20 years.
Steve
/ February 26, 2011This from a 42 year old women. She is frumpy and her appearance gives a good indication of what follows:
If you too, find online internet dating and the message boards very harsh, maybe we might just get along.
I am not looking on an internet dating site at the moment. I am feeling cautious about internet dating. There is simply so much dishonesty and crassness on this site from tacky men. Then of course there are the boozers who hide behind a computer and suck away on their brown froth. Very very unattractive and repulsive.
Any “boy” that wants to tell me lies please don’t even look once at me, let alone twice. I have no interest in dishonest “boys”. Only immature cowards with low self esteem tell fibs. They bore me to tears.
Oh, and the “boys” only looking for sex on this site please don’t even look once at me either. I desire a mature man wanting a relationship.
The other thing that concerns me about internet dating is how many men have slept with how many women on here. It’s a candy store for men on here. I don’t fancy catching any yucky bugs from floosie men that have slept around.
I am a bug-free genuine woman looking for a bug-free genuine man.
Will I find that on here…..I’m really not sure that I will.
I am fussy.
I would like to get to know you before I become more intimate sexually with you. I need to know that I can trust you with my heart and soul. I am looking for a nice, normal kind hearted man who understands my sensitive, perceptive nature.
In summary….
I won’t be settling for anything less than the best.
theprivateman
/ February 26, 2011Sometime after 40, there is the big flip when there are quite a few more single women than single men.
Damn right it’s a candy story. Sadly, much of the candy has gone sour as evidenced by this profile. She’s obviously attracted to the exact same type of man she writes about. If not, how would she know so well about these type of men?
She will have cats. There’s that “never settle” meme again.
P Ray
/ February 1, 2012Women should “never settle”. Because the man they “settle for” will have his whole life become a misery in choosing to become legally entangled with such a person.
Men need to pick up on the verbal cues of her and her friends to make sure that they aren’t becoming the last one in the game of musical cocks.
Steve
/ February 26, 2011Part of me feels pity for this neurotic wreck of a woman. She wants a man but is so lacking in social skills, she creates a barrier around herself to keep Intimacy well away. The fact is she would probably settle for any man who would give her the time of day, likely one with equally undeveloped social skills. This would end in tears, reinforcing her bitterness and apprehension. If she only stepped outside of her self imposed fantasy world, she would be happier (though still not much to look at). You have to wonder what sort of rubbish her friends tell her.
Tinderbox
/ March 2, 2011The “Just Be Yourself” concept has done untold harm to both sexes over the last few generations. It’s demasculinized and softened men, and turned women into raging id monsters.
jj
/ April 14, 2012Really? Most women I know are way more easygoing than the men. You’re definitely exaggerating. Maybe you just feel threatened because women have become more assertive. Confident men, by the way, like or should I say, expect smart confident women.
theprivateman
/ April 14, 2012You need to read more of this blog and other Manosphere blogs. Threatened? No, men are pissed off with the masculinization of women. A smart, confident woman is usually bossy and domineering, two extremely ugly traits in a woman.
NMH
/ March 2, 2011This not an awful profile, but a study done by a very clever man. I found it at http://www.edatereview.com
Ill let you all read it, its just too good to spoil it with my take on it:
Over the past few weeks, I’ve conducted a study to measure the effectiveness of match.com. I created 6 control groups that are designed to be representative of all match.com users. Over the course of one week, I measured the response rates of all 6 groups, in order to determine which group will receive the best user experience. The results may shock you, but they are designed to prove that online dating is most certainly not the most effective medium for men to meet women.
The 6 control groups/profiles are as follows:
there were 6 total profiles created, all in the same area in Washington DC. Each was posted during exactly the same week (7-day period) of July, 2007. Each profile has almost the same text description (obviously some text was altered for the different genders; however, the overall information is identical). The only difference between the profiles are attractiveness (for men and women), and height (for men only). There was no contact made by any of the profiles – this experiment was designed to measure the natural response that each profile will receive. The statistics in each profile are as follows:
1. Attractiveness/Weight – varies 2. Height – 5’5″ for all women, varies for men 3. Income – All are 75k – 100k 4. Location – Washington DC 5. Everything else is constant
The attractiveness of each profile is described below:
1. F-1
This female is extremely attractive, as rated by 10 males. Her average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 9.37. Most would describe
her as a clone of Angela Jolie.
2. F-2
This female is average, as rated by 10 males. Her average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 6.78. She is about 10 lbs overweight,
but in no way unattractive.
3. F-3
This female is a somewhat unattractive, as rated by 10 males. Her average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 4.52. She is about 40
lbs overweight, but not hideous.
4. M-1
This male is extremely attractive. He is 6’0″ and looks like Mc. Dreamy, as rated by 10 females. His average rating on a scale
of 1-10 was a 8.44.
5. M-2
This male is average, as rated by 10 females. His average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 6.13. He is still an average weight,
but is only 5’9″ tall.
6. M-3
This male is also average as rated by 10 females. His average rating on a scale of 1-10 was a 5.65. He is only 5’7″ but still
average weight. The only thing separating this male from M-2 is the height, in which he is 2 inches shorter.
Here are the results over the period of 1 week:
F-1 Winks: 2651 Emails: 752
F-2 Winks: 2101 Emails: 721
F-3 Winks: 985 Emails: 203
M-1 Winks: 245 Emails: 68
M-2 Winks: 11 Emails: 2
M-3 Winks: 2 Emails: 0
So the conclusions are:
1. The attractive female (F-1) received 10x more response than the attractive male (M-1).
2. The average female (F-1) still received almost as much response as the attractive female (F-2).
3. The average males (M-2, M-3) received little to no response whatsoever.
4. For the males, if your height is below 5’9″, you can expect almost no response.
With that, happy match.com-ing!
theprivateman
/ March 2, 2011Interesting report. I wonder how much the data has changed since 2007.
Tenacious_B
/ July 8, 2011Wow, that explains a lot. I’m 5’7″ and consider myslef easy on the eyes, and fit. Yet gettting replies to my emails is like pulling teeth.
Paul
/ March 3, 2011Hm, try this:
“I’m 25 and a divorced mother of two girls. I’m very into photography. I love learning new things and am constantly trying to figure out ways to do or make or fix things myself. Im a very curious girl who wants to know everything, and how it works. im extremely random. I tend to bounce from subject to subject when talking. Most people find it hard to keep up with me….Hell i find it hard to keep up with me?
Ive been in only 3 real relationships. Each one Completely Opposite from the last. The first one lasted 7 years and ended in a quiet divorce with no fights. The second one was the worst and lasted 2 LOOONG years. He really did a number on me. There was a lot of emotional turmoil and confusion, a huge lack of trust due to an abundance of lies and deception and more lies. And even physical abuse. And then my most recent…it was almost a year. I have nothing bad to say about it. Other then he couldn’t love me the way I feel love should be? I felt insecure with him and lonley and when I told him he just he knew?
I am Sarcastic, random, and awkward
its actually embarrassing to admit. I long for something real. Im tired of loving someone with my whole heart and receiving a black eye or a cruel word in return. i forgot what its like to be chased, Or to feel wanted. I wonder if there really is someone out there for me? I mean really? I dont want much? i only want honesty,respect,and loyalty. I want to be in a happy relationship. the kind of thing that makes people smile for u not frown”
theprivateman
/ March 3, 2011It’s not awful and it’s written by a twenty-something. It’s actually kind of poignant in that regard.
But she’s a single mom with two young kids… no comment.
She’ll likely find a white knight beta kind of guy who loves her desperately but with whom there is no chemistry.
ZLX1
/ March 21, 2011Question:
If I’m a single dad [I received 100% custody in the settlement, two teenage boys] does that mean I am limited to dating only single moms for the most part? I ask because I’m not really interested in dating them because I don’t wish to contend with another man’s children or a parade or baby daddy, but at the same time I know that there will be many women that will disqualify me for the same thing. Perhaps I should not even provide that info as it’s technically none of her business until I decide to allow her time in my life. That is unless the woman specifically states in her profile that she’s not interested in a man with children.
theprivateman
/ March 21, 2011Your situation is challenging. You won’t be limited to single mothers but those women will be the low-hanging fruit in the dating world. You should be honest that you have kids, you just don’t have to mention the full custody arrangement right away. If you indicate that you have kids, the assumption on her part is that you have them on a limited visitation schedule. Some online dating websites specifically ask if you have the kids all of the time or just part of the time. You might as well be honest or just shift to an online dating website that doesn’t ask for specifics regarding custody issues.
A close family member of mine is a single father with two teenager daughters and he lives in a relatively small town. Dating has been a challenge to him.
I strongly suspect that you will find yourself forming a soft harem of single mothers. As you kids get older and move away, you can start to limit your harem. Read my story about my step father’s wall calendar.
jj
/ April 14, 2012She’s so young, if I were her I’d take my time. She shouldn’t settle for someone she feels no chemistry for. Those relationships are one sided and eventually end up with both people feeling like if something is missing : hint “mutual” chemistry
NMH
/ March 4, 2011MY all time favorite, from a 45 year old woman who is about a high 6/low 7 but apparently thinks she is a 10:
“……..If it is a gal in a dress and heels for whom you are searching, I can glam up with the best of them for a classy night on the town…”
Jesus Christ, all profiles say this.Can youn think of something else? Oh that’s right, women are herd animals….
“….I am a woman of ambition and confidence….”
read: I don’t date losers.
“…. I hold fast to good old fashioned morals and values…”
read: He better be chivalrous and pick up the check.
“…I am comfortable with a group of people or simply getting to know someone one-on-one over a cup of cappuccino. My fun-loving attitude propels me to seek adventure in every corner. What would make those experiences more exciting would be to share them with a special man whose appetite for fun is never satisfied…”
Read: I am really projecting, MY appetite for fun must always be satisfied, or Ill dump you in a giffy.
“The type of man who can win my heart is abundantly rich with morals and values”
Read: Goddamn I keep repeating myself. OK, I’ll admit it: I so BADLY want an alpha who will commit and not fool around! Please! PLEASE!!!
” He is educated and capable of intelligent and engaging conversations on a host of topics.”
Read: I expect that you will keep me entertained 100% of the time–I want a constant gina tingle. Oh, and you better be smarter and more interesting than me.
” He must enjoy life and wants to be part of it, and not watch is go by.”
Read: I want an alpha go-getter; boring Beta’s need not apply.
” He must like to travel and that doesn’t mean watching the travel channel.”
Read: Only worldly experienced men who can tell me enchanting stories of far away places need apply.
“I want to be with a man who is respectful of his appearance and health as well as other people.”
Read: Only men 6’0″ or taller can apply, but he better say that an overweight woman has her own special beauty.
” His attention to honesty and truth are evident, as he sincerely and confidently looks me in the eyes when we communicate.”
read: I want ALPHA COCK. But he must commit, no matter how far down my looks degrade. PLEASE! PLEASE!!!
The door is open to a new best friend in life. I hope if you are the one for me that you happily walk in. Maybe our first date can be one of those XXX football games…you know, the ones where you get to the parking lot early and commence the most fabulous of all football traditions: the tailgate! I’m game, are you?
read: I will wait forever until prince charming arrives to make me into his perfectly structured life that includes his other alpha friends. I don’t want to make any effort, I want a man whose life I can fit into. I can’t wait to be the center of attention of the alpha friends, sipping mint julips at the tailgate party.
Yes, this is standard faire from women in their mid 40′s who are quickly losing their looks where I live. *slaps hand on forehead*
theprivateman
/ March 4, 2011She will either rationalize that she’s happy being single or she will join a harem.
Excellent analysis.
I have read so many profiles that I simply can’t tell them apart due to the lack of creativity. I also suspect that most guy’s profiles are equally uncreative.
NMH
/ March 4, 2011Judging from her photo, I doubt a 45 year old alpha would include her in his harem. She is a high 6 for a woman her age, but about a 4 for adult women. She might get a pump and dump from a drunk 45 year old professional man, but possibly could be included in a harem of a 60 year old alpha man.
She doesn’t seem to realize she does not have the looks for an alpha her age, which she clearly wants. Again, standard faire for aging soccer mom’s.
theprivateman
/ March 7, 2011Where is the photo? (sorry, lots of comments and it’s hard for me to keep abreast of them all.)
NMH
/ March 7, 2011Before I forget…my all-time favorite Headline for a demale profile on Match.com (from a middle 8 who was 47):
“Looking for a Bad-Boy with Boy Scout qualities.”
Boy, that says it all. Years ago I would have not understood this but it now its perfectly clear after taking the red pill.
What I notice is that there is a nearly perfect positive correlation between a woman’s SMV and her demand for an alpha that will commit. All women want this, but the lower the woman’s SMV, the more willing she to accept a man whom is not that.
NMH
/ March 10, 2011Another one, from a 44 year old Asian woman whose looks are clearly hitting the wall. Probably was a mid-8 when she was 25-30, but now would be lucky to be assigned a 6. All misspellings are included:
Read: I am an alpha female. Of course I am, I am ASIAN.
Read: projection, projection, projection! I want people TO THINK these things about me, even if they are not true!
Read: yes, I have two SUCCESSFUL kids, and so they need a role model of a SUCCESSFUL man, and NOT the LOSER father who made a salary that was less then mine! Also, if you are a SUCCESSFUL man, we will be able to see more, do more…I mean, SPEND MORE. MORE! MORE!
Read: I know that since you clicked on my gorgeous picture to read my profile that you must be an alpha male, and so I have nothing but sweet eastern well wishes for you! Now, if you happen to be a beta like my loser former husband, than FUCK OFF LOSER!
theprivateman
/ March 10, 2011Your analysis, while blunt, is spot on.
NMH
/ March 10, 2011Almost forgot: the profile of the Asian woman described above has the headline “I am glorious, you are champion!”
Jesus fucking christ: I’m getting tired of all these woman wanting alpha cock and thinking they have the looks to get it, when they6 don’t.
NMH
/ March 11, 2011And another, from a 48 year old woman with an attractive enough face who apparently is about average weight for around here (ie, mildly obese): Some of this is boilerplate but I love the way she shames men for wanting a physically fit woman. All misspellings intact:
“Im only 5’0 tall. I have several pounds to lose. I have a cute face. i’m not ugly! I like to have fun and make the people around me have fun. I like to make people happy and enjoy our friendship. I’m looking for a male friend to talk to and get to know. Then if things go good maybe more. I’m not one to jump into marriage, been there anddone that. I have great friends. I enjoy my job. I’m not lazy, I beleve you have to work for what you want. I’m looking for a caring, loving man that will accept me as I am. He wants to have fun and enjoy life. I want a man that has a great heart and is willing to share with me great times. If your hung up on a skinny cold ***** then I’m not that .I a very caring person. I have a lot to offer a good man. I look for not what is on the outside so much as for what you have on the inside, compassion, caring loving, honest man. I HAVE ONLY BEEN ON HEAR FOR A SHORT TIME AND I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MEN ARE SO UNKIND AND SELFISH THAT THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT THE OUTSIDE LOOKS IF YOU ARE A REAL MAN AND TAKE THE TIME YOU MIGHT REALIZE THAT LOOKS ON THE OUT SIDE DONT MAKE U HAPPY. THIS IS SO HURTFUL TO THINK MEN DONT HAVE COMPASSION, CARING GENUINE ,HONEST FEELINGS TO SHARE . I’M ON FOR 1 MORE WEEK AND I HOPE YOU MEN WILL READ THIS AND THINK BEFORE YOU JUDGE SOMEONE FROM THE OUTSIDE IN.. I BELIEVE IF YOU FALL FOR WHAT IS ON THE INSIDE YOU AND MADE A GREAT FRIEND AND COMPANION.”
I have little doubt when she was young and slender, she got attractive guys interested in her. Now that she’s overweight and doesn’t get the attention she used to she is shaming men for using standards that she likely previously used on men. Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?
Hughman
/ March 15, 2011“HEY IM [name redacted] IM 19 ,
IM FROM BIRMINGHAM (SHARD END) I DONT TRUST MANY PPL.
IM DOWN TO EARTH N KEEP MY SELF TO MYSELF.
IM NOT THE MOST BRIGHTEST OR PRETTIEST FLOWER OF THE BUNCH!
. I DNT WANT ANY CREEPS TO MESSGAE ME ! THNX
I PREFER MEN TO BE MEN RATHER THAN A PRETTY BOY
I HAVE SELF RESPECT ND FOR OTA PPL:
LOVE MY WEEKENDS
DONT LIKE PPL THAT TAKE THEMSELFS TO SERIOUSLY.
I DNT GO OUT THT MUCH NO MORE IM ON THIS FOR A BIT OF FUN
.
…. missbubbly-08@hotmail.co.uk xx [emoticon of a drinking]”
It’s a double shame because she’s actually got a cracking body, and an acceptable face.
theprivateman
/ March 15, 2011Ah, sweet ignorant youth.
I’d like to see something like that written by someone over 40 years old.
Hughman
/ March 15, 2011I’d say half of the good looking girls on PoF below the age of 21 have profiles in a similar style in part of the world. Poorly written, very little info, what little there is generic bullshit ‘I like clubbing, my girls, drinking’, usually some hate at assholes. Quite depressing really. I message them on occasion just to practise writen Game. Very rarely reply, and at first I thought I must be failing somewhere. Then the few that did are in the 9 band on the whole, and even they seem intimidated, not talkative at all in the sense of asking questions, but will reply even to simple one-word Game.
(Not enough data from n<6 beauty and above 21s, as I don't look at them.)
NMH
/ March 16, 2011This profile is not exactly awful, but this is what you dealing with if you are wanting to date a younger attractive woman: She is 38, an age adjusted high 8.5, cute face, nice body, athletic/toned which is probably a correct assessment from herself (surprise!), Sets her age range for a man from 28 to 55. The thing is she sets her income requirement for a man at $75,000/ year or greater:
“OK, so this is the part where I’m supposed to divulge enough information about myself to spark interest from others…
I am a very outgoing, upbeat, positive person who knows what she wants out of life. I enjoy a broad range of things, from going to the movies to visiting a museum. I’m very diverse with most everything.
As for who I am seeking, my ideal mate would be one who is also outgoing, considerate, smart and driven. He’s successful in what he does and he knows what he wants out of life. He has morals that are no longer found with people these days and he knows how to treat a lady with respect. My ideal mate is also one who can be versatile… hiking one minute, enjoying the Caribbean the next. Does this sound like you? ”
Yup. If you are an older guy and you want a physically attractive woman, it comes at a price. Her price is what $75,000/year salary can give her. Very typical around here.
Twenty
/ March 21, 2011A fun game to play when reading women’s profiles is to ask yourself before every sentence: “How would being with this woman make my life better?”, and then mentally clip out any lines that don’t address the question.
It’s amazing just how short most profiles become after this operation. One has to wonder why women write so damn much about everything except why a man would want to date them.
It’s almost as if, having been told they’re special little snowflakes their entire lives, they don’t quite realize that they have to attract men on more than a superficial level, if they want more than superficial interest (i.e., the old in-and-out).
Here’s one, picked more-or-less at random (chica is a chubby 36y/o 5):
Let’s see:
People who know me would say I’m a caring, loving and outgoing person. Okay … you claim you’re “caring, loving and outgoing”. Vague and unverifiable, but sort of relevant.
I have many great friends and wonderful family that are very important to me. How nice for you. Snip.
I enjoy dinners with friends, wine tasting, skiing, wakeboarding, concerts, traveling and watching movies. Okay, some shit you like. As opposed to, what? All those people who hate dining with friends? Snip.
I’m a huge [baseball team] and [football team] fan and love going to games! More shit you like. Are you under the impression most men need a woman to take to sporting events? Snip.
I’m looking for a strong, honest, loyal man and a partner in crime to have fun with and hopefully make a lasting connection. Things you want. Great. Snip.
Want to know more just ask…. Filler. Snip.
So, we’re left with … what? Chica says she’s “caring” and “loving”. So’s everyone, to those they care and love. But that’s it.
I maintain that 99% of women’s profiles are awful because the little dears just can’t bring themselves to understand that they need to give men a reason to date them. But since, as an earlier comment pointed out, even the bow-wows get hundreds of e-mails, it’s a forgivable error.
NMH
/ March 21, 2011Yet another, from a 46 age-adjusted 6-7 (only one pic). Its pretty clear why she is divorced:
“I am a mixture of sweet and spicy – sweet enough to be kind and loving, but spicy enough to have a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor. Truth is, I’m just a nice girl (most of the time) who’s looking for the right man that not only fascinates me but also brings out the best in me. I love funny guys who can hold me spellbound with a story or make me laugh until I cry.If you’re comfortable in your own skin, have a strong sense of self and aren’t afraid to expose your flaws, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine. The man for me is one who shares my views on love, family and friends. I would only have eyes for you and you only have eyes for me. Is it you? ”
She’s an excitement junkie, and boy if you don’t have her entranced with a fantastic story, she will unleash the sarcasm. I bet she cut her ex husband to shreds when he dared to be boring to her.
One thing Ive learned is that women think sarcasm is a real sense of humor. No, its incredibly unfeminine because its cruel, especially if its directed at a person.
ZLX1
/ March 21, 2011Found one the other day on OKCupid. Can’t find the exact one now but the gist of it was:
Single mom of two at age 21.
Whole profile language was spelled in gang-ese: Whatz Up!, Yo, Yo.., Trippin’g Dogz.
Summary or her profile message was that being a single mom is hard and that she was tired of doing it on her own. Was looking for a “homey” [no shit] that would be dependable and help her with her babies. [At least she was honest]
The most priceless part was that she had photos posted up of her throwing gang signs. Nice.
ZLX1
/ March 21, 2011Oh forgot to mention, this was a white girl, about a 5.0-5.75, face was about a 7 but she was chubby so gets downgraded. She might have been a solid 7 or 7.5 before she got the baby making body. Someone should have hit the gym after pumping out the bastard children. Yummy.
MW
/ March 22, 2011Behold!
And run awaaayyyy!
http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=26035890
ZLX1
/ March 22, 2011Well, at least her profile says she likes to go the the gym. I guess we’d have that much in common? Lol.
MW
/ March 22, 2011Another winner:
For a 31 year old woman she’s astonishingly immature:
http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=14872200
I’ve also noticed that so many hot women come across as childish, stupid and vain. Some appear smoking hot, but sound utterly idiotic (maybe because they are). I hope my profile doesn’t sound like some of these morons.
theprivateman
/ March 22, 2011“I’ve also noticed that so many hot women come across as childish, stupid and vain. Some appear smoking hot, but sound utterly idiotic (maybe because they are). ”
It’s because too many men let her be childish, stupid, and vain.
NMH
/ March 22, 2011But she’s got a rockin’ body. Puts the 31 year old womanatee’s where I live (the Ohio Valley) to shame, much more the warpigs my age.
Love those boots. Perhaps she is consulting with that annoying narcissist “Wifey”.
She probably has Herpes; but is too stupid to know, though (“What? Is that acne around my gina again? Ill just put Clearasil on it”)
MW
/ March 22, 2011NMH, you would shit yourself at the plethora of babeage in Van. Her body is much better than her face, which is a 5 at best. Womanatees do exist, but are rare here. Lots of zaftig chicks that still have it and if they lose weight will bump themselves up at least 1 degree.
The Ohio Valley is a day’s drive from Montreal. Take a trip to Quebec at least once, and you’ll understand why Ferdinand Bardamu loves it so much. Quebecoises (Female Quebeckers) really are something else. Their manner is just lightyears different from the usual bullshit.
MW
/ March 23, 2011Who is Wifey?
NMH
/ March 23, 2011Yea, Ive heard good things about the women in Rain-couver.
Wifey = http://theslutwife.wordpress.com/
NMH
/ March 28, 2011And another, a 42 year old, age adjusted 8.8, very girly-girl (short skirts, high heels)–unfortunately, this is the kind of look that I’m into, but usually whose personalities turn me off due to the excessive entitlement. She does not fail in that category:
“I am attracted to confident men that are ambitious and know what they want in life but yet have ethics and morals that guide him to always do what is right.
I love men that have a general knowledge of a little of just about anything. Arrogants (sic) is good but I despice (sic) cockiness. I am searching for a man that is mature but yet knows how to have fun. He must be strong for those times that I go weak, to be patient when I am being a little hard to handle. I want to be able to look at him and know that I am the one he longs for and desires in everyway. I am searching for my soul mate. But until he lands in my lap then I would love to find someone to chill with and just enjoy each others company.
*Groan* Another girl who requires tight game to control, who probably loses the gina tingle and any sign of weakness. The more attractive they are, the more they are like that.
theprivateman
/ March 28, 2011“Hard to handle”
No further comment necessary.
Flower White
/ April 3, 2011I love reading what men really thingkabout women and the realities of aging and dating.
Alpha male harem, ha ha ha, it’s to laugh, I’ll say. As If. Only loser chicks and fat ladies go for that nonsense
But …I’ve used tips here to reformat my dating profile. So thanks alot.
Yes I’m 40 … ish. Heh. Slim not skinny, hah. Deleted my OK Cupid profile, just too many men over 50 behaving like 14 year old boys. Been through it all online …the flakes, the fast-forwarders, the men who want sex so badly that I have to ask them:why not just hire a sex worker?
I notice that attractive men have the habit of bringing up sex in their profile.
DUH! Dogs like trucks men like sex women love shopping.
It’s tacky to announce this it makes you seem like a chump.
Like, I I wrote in my profile that I love shopping (I don’t), most men would take me for a golddigger.
What then, do we ladies do with men who write that sex is an important part of their lives!
Ha! Even dumb loser chicks know that men have sex with women that they don’t even like and have no plans for a future with.
Thanks for the rant.
Oh, by the way, I’m currently on a “niche” site for interracial dating. I let the men approach me. I do reply to all, even to tell them good luck, we want different things. Still, men that are way too old for me and live much too far away, contact me. Don’t men read? I digress.
Goodbye!
theprivateman
/ April 3, 2011And so will you if you find an alpha.
Based on how you write, I would say that you are in your 20s.
detinennui32
/ April 27, 2011We have no use for snowflakes. Sorry, there’s nothing special about you.
I detect that this person chooses to use deception in an online dating profile. Who’d a thunk?
See one of Roissy’s maxims (I paraphrase): If the woman has an incentive to lie, she will choose lying every. single. time.
MW
/ April 14, 2011This is the most direct profile I’ve seen. But the pic doesn’t match the ethnicity…I smell a scam. A big headache
http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=27170301
This one has an interesting take:
http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=25880940
MW
/ April 14, 2011Annnnnnddd of course, the very picky eater (couldn’t resist, sorry):
http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=16681569
Wow, where’s Solomon when you need him? or Rhett Butler.
NMH
/ April 14, 2011Her interests include “cheesecake”. Fat-ass as soon as she gets married.
MW
/ April 14, 2011Doubtful, she’s Chinese. Even if they chub out, they still only look like a zaftig 130lb white chick. If she has curves to begin with, the weight will be in all the right places. The rare fat Asian chick is a true tragedy. I expect white chicks to put on weight with age and reallllly pork out. But an Asian who’s let herself go seems much more of a disappointment to me.
My Name Is Jim
/ June 5, 2011Jesus H God, is this woman defensive much? I made it through about 5 lines before concluding no mortal could penetrate those b—h shields.
My Name Is Jim
/ June 5, 2011I mean, she says straight up that “your opinion doesn’t matter whatsoever.” Well she sure is honest about it isn’t she, the pathetic thing is she’ll get hundreds of replies anyway. Men have gone much too easy on women for way too long, and this is the bitter fruit it bears.
Blissex
/ August 12, 2011The best line in the profile is: «but I wouldn’t date a scaredy cat anyways.»
Because she will “date” a lot of cats when she will be 30-40 if she keeps the attitude.
Other fabulous lines (and just the nickname she has chosen “shutyourmouth” is a classic in itself):
«Move along if [ ... ] you are into girls with big/fake nasty tits, or have wandering eyes when you’re in a relationship» (I have no tits and am insecure if you look at other girls who got tits).
«I’m a perfectionist and a little neurotic…I can be really particular or super random » (I am a crazy bitch, and I hope that perfect guys just dig them)
«I’m not a pet fan, but I’m starting to tolerate small, not too yippy dogs» (I am learning so I’ll love cats when I am 30-40)
Then the usual “hot bastard, but sweet and nice” dream:
«a true gentleman (chivalry isn’t dead) with a spine» «charismatic (but not fake or a player)» «as confident as you are humble/modest»
Another gem:
«had bfs owe me $$$ before, not cool!» (so she had bf who was sponging off her, the hamster is muscular in this one).
theprivateman
/ May 3, 2011Here’s a real winner from a mid-30s woman in Boca Raton, Florida. She’s actually quite attractive, age adjusted 8. This is an actual cut and paste from part of her profile, nothing has been changed:
Five kids
Two ex husbands
Bad temper
Not classy
Emotional control issues
Unemployed
Doesn’t return phone calls
Arrives late
Arrogant (doesn’t like losing or being wrong)
She doesn’t like pets so she won’t be a cat herder later in life, just miserable and alone.
Blissex
/ August 12, 2011I have a completely different take on this profile, and that it is good and humble. Because she is obviously being sincere and doing a fairly full disclosure (unless she is omitting even worse details) with even a sense of self deprecating humour.
She is an average person with a messy life, but at least she is self aware and fairly open. She does not seem to hate men, or to be an entitled princess, and she is aware of her character flaws, and not proud of them (“I don’t even like myself much”).
Obviously her profile is not very palatable, but she gets points for being human instead of pretending to be a special unique snowflake. I guess that dealing with the 2 ex husbands, the 5 kids, the annoying relatives has sandpapered away the pretensions…
theprivateman
/ May 8, 2011Another winner from South Florida…
http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=2364958
NMH
/ May 9, 2011Lemme guess: her “business” was being a porn star 20 years ago with the screen name “Alexis Groove”.
Talk about a woman demanding the gina tingle. When they are older and are in the top 5% (for her age) like this woman, the only man that will please her is George Clooney.
Ive heard South Florida is full of these types.
theprivateman
/ May 9, 2011South Florida is indeed full of these types. As I am not George Clooney, they pretty much ignore me online.
But I can get ‘em to deal with me via day/night Game.
Blissex
/ August 12, 2011«demanding the gina tingle.»
Uhmmm she is actually demanding a lot of money for a very, very expensive lifestyle. She claims that she is low maintenance, because she was raised on a farm, but her lifestyle sounds extremely expensive, thus «TOTALLY Financially Secure You should be too!». Whatever her business was she gives (or wants to give) the impression that she sold out and is retired now with enough money to afford her lifestyle.
Her target is basically a very well preserved retired 50-55yo investment banker or businessman with around $10m in their retirement funds after accumulating bonuses or selling their business. Why ever a retired wealthy well preserved 50-55yo alpha guy would want to have a long term commitment to a woman like that and their own age (however well preserved) instead of getting a series of 25-30yo nymphettes is a question that probably she hasn’t consciously asked herself yet.
As to expensive, just consider how much her housepets would cost (suitably grand house with large park around it, and even just consider daily food expenses):
«1 Teddy Bear Pomeranian named Jumpin Jacks
1 Asian Leopard named Jasmine Jolie
1 Maine Coon named Jaggy James»
Less high maintenance girls have much cheaper cats as children replacement.
There is also such sadness in this choice of pets, in her case her devastation at not having children is obvious in the choice of pets and their names. Probably her dream as a farm girl was to have two boys to be called James and Jack and a girl to be called Jolie, but then creating a sellable business and running out of time…
«I’d rather be single, happy, and content then in a miserable relationship.»
I am afraid this sounds like that she is cougaring extensively, and she would give up her weekly input of young cocks only for her ideal same age target in a committed long term relationship. Odds are that she will continue to provide NSA fun for a lot of local hunks for some more years. If she is unlucky when her looks and age eventually limit her chances to continue pulling young cock she may meet a charismatic young conman who will strip her of all her money in exchange for temporary validation.
Another possibility is that her retirement funds have taken a battering in the depression and/or she is afraid of losing them ina Madoff style story, so she is looking for a financially secure partner for extra safety.
NMH
/ August 12, 2011Brilliant analysis, Blissex
theprivateman
/ May 22, 2011I like to keep this thread/post alive…
Here’s another, direct from South Florida.
Headline: “Trading in bad boys for one good man”
She’s 40 and a “mental health therapist”
She is indeed attractive, if that’s her real photo.
Some text: “I have 5 children, they mean the world to me and I am looking for someone who enjoys children. I am confident and independent, I am happy with my life and looking for someone to share my time with.”
Five children?!?!? Um… the bad boys took her hard and left her pregnant.
Translated: I want a beta White Night provider to cover for my piss-poor man picker.
whiteboykrispy
/ June 1, 2011Here’s a good one, from a girl I would rate a 6 on OkCupid:
Her self summary:
“I suck at relationships. First and foremost. I’m a perfectionist, I’m demanding, and most of all-I’m picky. I’m an analytical chemist and just graduated in chemistry, neuroscience, and biology. Looks like law school after this, but right now? I don’t want to do jack shit. I’m small, but vicious. I don’t take any sass, but I’ll readily give it. I love my friends, but I would sacrifice them any day for my own personal entertainment. ”
Things people first notice about her:
“I’m hot. It happens.”
And dear god, the mother load- “You should message me if”:
“In light of recent events, I felt that perhaps it would behoove me to create a “dating disclaimer” if you will.
*Disclaimer-La’Cee reserves the right to end this date at ANY time during the night. If you are at a location where La’Cee often frequents, she reserves the right to still regularly attend such social occasion-untainted by your supreme suck ass-ness. If this date ends extremely poorly, do not expect La’Cee to a) keep your phone number; b) stay friends with you; c) recognize you at some later date and pretend to be best pals with you. Also, if CoCo does not like you-forfeiture is the best decision for you.
Dating Application:
I verify that I am not:
A) a douchebag
B) a tool
C) sex crazed
I verify that I will not at anytime:
A) comment on La’Cee’s bra size as she is well aware that they are there and they did not pop up over night like “hey, how did these get in here?”…
B) refer to my junk
C) inform La’Cee that your junk is pierced (WTF?!)
D) propose
E) comment that my father is a senator…over and over and over….
F) give La’Cee flowers that she is miserably ALLERGIC to.
G) comment on how extremely super awesome I am…over and over and over…
H) let my dog eat La’Cee’s designer shoes.
I) cry while on the date.
J) Make La’Cee a mixtape including, but not limited to: “Take Me Home Tonight” and anything by Phil Collins.
K) Have a giant pot leaf tattoo right next to my dick.
J) Take me to a dinner at the home of the midwife who delivered you where I then watch her act out your birth story.
Signature: ________________________
That sad part about this is that these are all based on a true story. FML.
Suggestions for additions? Let me know!
Also-there is another girl on here who uses this disclaimer. How lame is she for stealing my facebook note-AND she told me?! Liz Schmid is retarded. Get your own info. “
NMH
/ June 1, 2011Holy fuck. From a 6? *slams whiskey shot down throat*
todd
/ February 27, 2012best. comment. ever.
detinennui32
/ June 20, 2011oh my God. Get. Away. From. Me.
detinennui32
/ June 20, 2011Do you mean to tell me that people actually WRITE shit like this on online dating sites? And expect replies?
todd
/ February 27, 2012I’m sure she gets 100′s of replies every week.
detinennui32
/ June 20, 2011DO you mean to tell me people actually write these things in profiles? And expect replies?
NMH
/ June 3, 2011This is from a 40 year old who is cute in the face but is about 60 lbs overweight. You can tell she got a lot of attention when she was younger (If she was slender): She has a lot of high hopes for a future man:
I am full of life, love and happiness looking to share it with someone who will reciprocate the same. I am looking for someone motivated, knows what he wants, and is not afraid to go after it and get it.
Read: I want alpha, of course
I fulfilled one of my life long dreams, and looking to fulfill another. I am not looking to sit back and watch life go by, I enjoy it to the fullest, and want someone that wants the same. I maybe forty, but age is a state of mind, and my mind is set at 30, hahaha. All my cohorts in crime are younger than me and I often forget I am the age I am. I look to be with someone younger than me, someone with adventure and spontaneity. I want to wake up each day elated to be in love!
Read: I want to be a cougar. Wanna love that young, alpha cock.
This is really pretty standard wher I live.
Badger
/ June 6, 2011I am awesome. I tried writing a profile that was all modest, but in the end, it just wasn’t me. It’s not arrogance or even confidence, it’s cheeky bravado.
I’m pretty darn smart and witty, but not in that annoying way that comes off as bitchy/stuck bitch.
I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, but I rock heels and a dress. I don’t mind getting dirty, but I love bubble bath.
I make my bed every morning, I don’t drink coffee, and I like my cows grass fed and medium rare.
I am an atheist, and still one of the most moral and compassionate people you’ll ever meet. I’m the rare breed of woman that is both fair and logical.
I play softball, love football (NY Giants!), and am learning how to box. Because of a bad injury (concert mishap) I can’t run on hard surfaces, but I’m pretty speedy.
You’ll just have to ask if you want to know more.
You should message me if:
You are tall, have a cute butt, and you are a man of action.
Please don’t even bother if you think you’re anything less than a decent human being.
Dealbreakers:
1. Under 5’9″ (sorry… just being honest here, don’t want to waste your time or mine)
2. Uber religious (sorry, you can’t convert me)
3. You waste my time with your wishy washy bullshit.
4. Allergic to cats. Sorry, they were here first.
5. General stupidity, bigotry, ignorance, etc.
Dealmakers:
1. You cook things that involve more than a box and water.
2. You have a big dog. I’m talking pitbull, mastiff, great dane, mini-pony.
3. You have the ability to sociaize sober.
4. Women other than your mother have called you a catch.
5. You moonlight as a ninja.
todd
/ February 27, 2012She sounds pretty cool assuming she’s hot.
RufusT
/ April 22, 2012This bimbo’s into beastiality…..That Sh*t is growing by leaps & bounds among today’s sexually liberated “with it gals”, both gay & straight…The euphemism among those in the know is “animal husbandry”…..The animals she specifies are among the favorites among that set…….Really……
Adriana
/ June 9, 2011I am amazed about how few women really understand or get it. What about their feminine side, what about their soft side, what about showing a man that he is valued and offer him a safe place to land. And, what about their love of self. I don’t see any of these profiles stating any of the qualities a man would want. I know men crave these things from the women in their lives…they just can’t get it from their friends. These profiles read like desperate, overfunctioning women who will do all the work and offer you a place to “land”.
Now that I have found you and am a woman in a mans world, I shall continue to learn. I look forward to this. Maybe I’ll come back and share my profile with you all.
theprivateman
/ June 9, 2011In your own online dating profile, write the top 10 reasons why you would make an excellent romantic partner for a man.
Start each reason with the word “You” so you reframe a list like this to put the focus on the potential partner. For example:
“I will be a comfortable place for you to rest your head when you are weary.” becomes:
“You will have a comfortable place to rest your head when you are weary.”
While the difference might seem rather subtle, such a change in focus can have a tremendous impact. I man reading such a sentence will likely be thinking “she’s putting me as the focus in her life”. That’s quite an impression and very unique in the current cultural climate of selfishness.
Adriana
/ June 9, 2011Mine does say ..” You will always have a safe place to land, safe in the knowing that you will never be judged or betrayed for sharing your secrets with me.
Although you have already given me some more ideas. I wrote mine from the very most feminine part of me..a complete and total rewrite but I am sensing that it would safe to go deeper with that.
The above sentance in my previous post should have read: ” and will not offer a man a safe place to land.”
whiteboykrispy
/ June 12, 2011Barf bag anyone?
.:: *hEy! ii’M eMiLy hMm.. i dOn’T kNo wHeRe tO bEgIn!?!? i aM MaJoRiNg iN gRaPhiC DeSiGn aNd MiNoRiNg iN MaRkEtiNg. cOmMuNiCaTiOnS && MaNaGeMeNt .. ii hAvE rEaLLy bLuE eYeS.. i aM a bRuNeTtE.. iM LiKE 5’5.. ii LoVe tO gO ShOpPiiNg.. & mY BiRtHdAy iS oN ApRiL 2o! i LoVe rUnNiNg.. VeRy RaReLy dO i gEt mAd.. mY FaMiLy mEaNs tHe wOrLd tO mE.. ii LoVe LaTe NiiTe hEaRt~tO~hEaRtS WiiTh mY gUrLs.. ii WaNnA dAnCE & KiiSs iiN tHe rAiiN.. i LoVe MuSiC.. fArM gUrL aT hEaRt.. bOnFiReS aRe sAwEeT.. sAtUrDaY mOrNiNg cArToOnS aRe tHa bEsT.. ii LoVe tHe CoLoR PiiNk.. i LoVe rOcKiiN’ oUt.. i LoVe gOiN’ oN rOaDtRiiPs.. i LoVe SnOwBoArDiNg.. iM pReTtY sHy bUt cAn bE LoTtS oF fUn.. LoVe tO mAkE PeOpLe LaUgH.. i hEaRt mY fRiEnDs.. i LoVe tO GoLf.. ii LoVe tO wAtCh MoViiEs wHiiLe CuDdLiiNg.. bEcAuSe oF pAsT ExPeRiEnCeS i FiNd iT hArD tO tRuSt PeOpLe.. i LoVe CuDdLiNg.. wErE nOt iN HiGh sChOoL aNyMoRe sO LeAvE tHe dRaMa BeHiNd.. sTaRbUcKs iS mY PiCk mE uP.. ii LoVe SpRiNg & sUmMeR.. i LoVe hAuNtEd hOuSeS.. i hAvE fUn WiTh eVErYtHiNg i dO.. i LoVe hAnGiN’ oUt WiTh fRiEnDs.. i LiKe tO dReSs~uP aNd LoOk cUte bUt tHeRe aRe sOmE dAyS wHeRe i dOnT GiVe a sHiT.. i LoVe rAnDoMnEsS.. i LoVe tO dO cRaZy aNd sPoNtAnEoUs tHiNgS.. iiF yOu WaNt To KnOw AnYtHiiNg eLsE, JuSt AsK mE! bUt yEa..tHaTs iT! bYeS! ::.
Bronan The Barbarian!
/ June 12, 2011Jesus christ. Reading the first sentence gave me motion sickness. And she’s a graphic design major as well…
theprivateman
/ June 12, 2011“wErE nOt iN HiGh sChOoL aNyMoRe sO LeAvE tHe dRaMa BeHiNd.”
Given the way she wrote that profile, I think she’s still in middle school.
Badger
/ June 12, 2011You better ask a/s/l before going any further with that one.
Lance Draper
/ December 17, 2011tHiS gUrL iS aN IdiOt.
whiteboykrispy
/ June 13, 2011No way I’m sending little susie here a message.
Badger
/ June 19, 2011“I have my own house, car, money, live in [location] and I’ve been loving life. One of my favorite things to do is host my friends at my house. They tell me I’m fun to be around and we talk about a lot of different topics.
I really like investing, business, sounding like I know what I’m talking about and meeting new people. Of course there’s more, silly! If I tell you everything here, then there will be nothing to make our first meeting awkward!
I was raised that men respect women. I enjoy having my door held open and I want to be the woman in a relationship. I’m strong willed and fairly independent, so it’s going to take a secure man to hang with me.”
NMH
/ June 20, 2011In other words: she wants a man better than her to treat her like an equal most of the time, but to accept her special privileges, like doors being opened and dates being paid for. Of course this has to come from an alpha; betas need not apply. Pretty much all of the profiles from college educated women are like this. If they are attractive they can get it, if they are hefers they better get some cats.
Thomas V. Munson
/ November 9, 2011New to site: need condign analysis. Where do heifers get off with so much attitude? I used to feel sorry for these gaggle of fat bitches I’d see out (CFB’s in my jargon-clueless fat bitches) and assumed they understood the deal i e we’re fat, older, surplus women and well have to go to chick flicks with our friends as pretend we’re havign so much fun (usually they are loud). Reading here, I’m wrong. Don’t they know a) rich man get young pussy b) good looking rich man get super models c) good looking men of any age date considerably younger-there are no men anywhere near their standards who would take a pee on them let alone fuck them. are they crazy? I have not been on a date since Carter was president, and it was the middle of his administration, so I’m out of it. But the rich dudes I know get eye candy that pass for their daughters, and even moderately succesful ones, even after divorce, get good stuff. Sort of like cars; rich get new, moderates get good used ones, some miles, maybe off-warranty, but good performance. Ladies-if you’re fat you’re fucked. Don’t think nice clothes, expnsive jewelry, good perfume change anything-a man will fuck a hot gal in a subway urinal.
Bronan the Barbarian!
/ November 9, 2011Thomas – That was funny as hell. Good observations.
Badger
/ June 24, 2011This profile isn’t awful as much as it’s full of tropes and cliches (italicized by me). As I said in my guest post for Susan Walsh, these things either lower her mate value or don’t differentiate her from the crowd and so they are wasted space.
“So here goes[disqualification]…I grew up in NJ – going to NYC, the beach all the time, and of course Atlantic City. I’m pretty family oriented so I get back to NJ pretty often.
I went to [redacted] for undergrad and fell in love with [redacted]. Ended up working on campaigns and traveling around the east coast for the next few years. But after grad school, I found myself back here. I recently moved to [redacted] and am enjoying trying new restaurants and checking out the area.
Work keeps me pretty busy. I just started a consulting firm. I love my work and what I do. But I try not to work too hard[I work hard but not too hard] and take advantage of the city – museums, restaurants, festivals, etc. and also just hang out with friends watching movies or cleaning out the Tivo.[I like to say in, but I like to go out...]
I’m not looking for a one night stand or to marry the first person I meet,[the man should make the sacrifices of a relationship but won't get the payoff of my commitment] but I figure this has to be better than going to a bar.[Another disqualification and diss of online dating] I’m pretty easy-going[I've found women consistently overrate their agreeableness] and love to be spontaneous. Just email and let’s see if we click.”
NMH
/ June 24, 2011I think you are reading WAY too much into it. You may meet her in person and she may be as bad as you predicted, but she may not be. I would not throw in the towel just because she desqualifies herself somewhat–I would rather have someone with a checked ego than someone whose ego is overblown.
Badger
/ June 24, 2011NMH, I don’t mean she disqualifies herself, I mean she disqualifies online dating. This “here goes nothing” attitude is like sour grapes in reverse. It’s supposed to be nonchalance, but it comes across as either prissiness or desperation. Why insult the guys you hope will date you by acting like it’s a last-ditch option?
theprivateman
/ June 26, 2011Here’s a quick PoF profile title that sums up many of the issues:
“Looking for Mr Right to entertain me”
She’s 38, divorced, with kids in the house.
6 body, 6 face.
She prefers darker skinned men.
todd
/ February 27, 2012“darker skinned men” – we all know what chunky moderately attractive to unattractive women can easily get in droves… and she does too. Disgusting.
NMH
/ June 27, 2011From a 6 whom is 43, cant really tell for sure because there are no body shots, which is never a good sign. Standard entitlement, in particular how the first date should be. Has her SWPL demands. But I did highlight the deal breaker *sigh*
“My friends say I’m easy-going, witty, encouraging, dependable, intelligent, straightforward, and drama free.
My exes say I’m those things, too – just too much of those things.
- I like to learn and do new things. This would dictate my ideal date. I would rather engage in an activity where we can really see each others’ characters, than sit across the table from each other in a restaurant learning only what we want the other to know.
- I like children and animals, but I don’t/won’t talk to them in an annoying baby voice.
- I like being creative in the kitchen, though the results are debatable.
- I like watching my daughter and her friends enjoying each other and growing up right in front of me.
- I prefer music, movies, and cars from the 60s.
- I prefer action/suspense to romantic comedy.
- I prefer fresh, organic, vegetarian – except when I prefer fried chicken, mac-n-cheese, and Pop-Tarts.
- I don’t have collections of things.
-I don’t go to the gym or exercise religiously.
- I don’t say things I don’t mean.
- I don’t talk badly about anyone – unless they work at the DMV!
- I don’t believe texting counts as a conversation.
I’m looking for someone who can appreciate these things AND can conjugate English verbs, use silverware, and realize it takes two to make a conversation. I’d really appreciate someone who’s easy-going, but does have an opinion. It’s okay with me if you have a different opinion than mine, if it’s okay with you.”
One she’s married, she will be a cow at 50. Completely predictable with the women around here.
Adriana
/ June 27, 2011What say you guys? Critique away!
I feel interested in hearing about you, what you dig, what you don’t dig. You will have a safe place to land, a person with whom you can confide and know that you won’t be judged or belittled or have drama imposed on you. You will be accepted at your word and trusted because you deserve that. I feel happiest in a relationship where the man can be the man and I can be the girl. I feel happiest with men who are open, filled with integrity and compassion and are willing to look beneath the surface for all the good a person is but can’t possibly show in a photograph.
A few of my favorite things OR Things that make me feel happy…. The smell of fresh cut grass and running around barefoot in it, the smell of summer rain. Remember when you were a kid and your Mom would make you come inside? Mine did too. But when I was blessed to have a child, I didn’t. We would stay out and play in the rain, run around dodging drops. This included the puddles, the first snowfall and hoping it would cover the trees so I can get a good photograph and the last (they are always the last of the season to me, yes, this is a bit of wishful thinking) my addiction to candles and lipgloss, music and my dorkiness about not knowing who the artists are but knowing the song, puppies, sunshine, my unshakeable belief that my last first kiss coming, stubble on a mans face, I love how soft it feels on my hand when I touch your face, flip flops; the closest thing to going barefoot a girl can get, dancing to music while vacumming, loud evenings out, quiet evenings in, being outside near water, my often vulnerable side, my “signature” scent, compliments of Bath and Body, walking for exercise and enjoyment, beer and wine, food and the absolute gratitude of each and every day. Strong hands and strong character, And, let us not forget the absolute gift I was blessed with when the Universe decided almost 16 years ago that I was the one for my son.
todd
/ February 27, 2012Good opening. The following gigantic run on sentence needs trimming. Readers don’t need to know every single thing you like in the world and try to break it down into sentences instead of a half a novel sized run sentence.
NMH
/ June 27, 2011Not bad. At least you don’t have a list of demands.
My picture of you from your clear, imaginative, yet ceepily detailed writing is that you are a college-educated SWPL, with a successful or potentially successful career, who wants a guy better than her, or might be satisified by an equal as long as he had an edge to him (think leather clad bad boy with motorbike). Therefore, I would be pessimisitic that you would ever be interested in me or most guys out there like me, despite the fact that I am a college educated professional. But I know the drill with on-line dating and am jaded.
The reason why I say your detail is creepy is because I suspect if a guy does not fall into your detailed dream you will reject him. I dont see there is a broad window of tolerance of anything outside of your imagined man for you.
Adriana
/ June 27, 2011Ahhh, isn’t it interesting what perceptions are formed? I am not college educated…street smart/school of hard knocks and life 101 but do have a great career. I no longer have a list…so I am open to all types of men and have been having fun with that.
Truth is, I don’t care what someone does or doesn’t do for a living nor do I care about college education. In fact, and I am being completely honest here, I don’t look at income as a deciding factor or what some does for a living. I am interested in WHO a person is rather than WHAT a person is.
I remain open and want to be surprised.
How does a woman portray that?
NMH
/ June 27, 2011The need to be surprised is a concern to me. This suggests to me that you always needs the man to excite you mentally or give you the gina tingle. Even if that is what you require, you should not ask to be surprised in your profile.
If you are in fact this way, then you are doomed to date bad boys who will dump you, or you never find a man that will satisfy you.
Just say you want to meet someone nice with similar interests. The most important thing is you dont say too much of yourself to turn him off. By far the most important thing in a profile is to have good pics of your face and body.
If a man gets a woman who’s is slender, has just one great body part (boobs, butt, or legs), likes to show that off, has a cute face, and has a pleasant non bitchy, demanding, or entitled personality he has hit gold. If you are this, you have the right to expect the same, but no more. If you expect more, than you deserve the douche-bag behavior you get.
Ian Ironwood
/ September 29, 2011This sounds like an outstanding profile to attract . . . a lesbian. Seriously, all the nature imagery is nice, and paints a picture, but is it really a picture a dude would want to see himself in? Right up front? And mentioning Bath & Body isn’t a plus. We know girls smell good.
Honestly, mentioning puppies, sunshine, and fresh-cut grass is NOT going to get you a passionate dude . . . it’s either a Beta or a lesbian life partner.
Adriana
/ June 27, 2011I still find it interesting how people focus on one word or one sentance and the perception is formed. Very interesting,indeed.
Thanks for the input, NMH. Much appreciated.
Dddunn3d
/ July 3, 2011In the above I gather that word would be ‘sentance.’
Dd3dd
/ July 14, 2011This one is going to be hard to beat, IMHO (From OKCupid)–
Things I am:
A WRITER, an artist, an eclectic atheistic solitary Pagan (figure that one out!), a childlike (not childish) soul, an open book, a grammar/spelling nut, a soprano, a 70s baby, a woman of small stature, a blue-eyed light-skinned girl with long blonde hair, an avid reader, a vegetarian, a daughter, a sister, a polyphasic sleeper, and an asexual.
If you know what asexuality is, you can skip this part, but I feel like I should explain “asexual” to those unfamiliar with the term; after all, this is primarily a dating site. I picked “bisexual” because OKC does not give me a better choice, and I am attracted to both sexes the same, which is NOT AT ALL.
I chose “bisexual” because I don’t think “straight” is the default. What is this, heterosexual until proven gay? Ha, no. For me, asexuality is a sexual orientation of “no,” not “no sexual orientation.” It means I have never been sexually attracted to anyone, and I am not trying to change this. It’s a legitimate, mature, somewhat rare orientation, and you can learn more about it at the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, or for my personal take, try my essay about it on my site, swankivy.com or my YouTube series on Asexuality. Feel free to ask questions, but be respectful please.
Finally, I promise I don’t want to make my lack of interest in sex/dating into the point of this profile, but this is important if you are combing my profile looking for romantic compatibility. I joined this site originally for the tests and stayed because the matches really do work for my friendships. I’ve met over fifty nice people in person through this site, and never ended up hanging out with someone who expected to have sex with me. The site’s matching algorithm IS matching me with similar people, and my profile IS attracting those people to me. I don’t need to make it shorter, take my photos down so you’re not so disappointed, or delete it completely. It is getting me in contact with the kinds of people I want to talk to. Maybe that’s you.
The funnier part is that I found this one in my ‘quiver’ matches.
Hardee-har-har.
Badger
/ July 19, 2011Not bad, just really unintentionally funny…”Love dogs, pretty ambivalent about cats but in general I find them emotionally withholding. I also really love hamsters… I get that’s kind of weird but I think they’re super cute. “
just me
/ July 28, 2011Oh my gosh, this is the best site ever…I am learning so much. I just tried online dating about 2 months ago- wow I’ve gotten so really weird emails!!! Below is my profile info, I would love feedback….I can handle it- go ahead be honest…dont hold back the criticism, its how I can learn:
I am a happy, friendly, kind person. I am not shy and enjoy laughing and having fun. I am a hard worker. I am not afraid to get my hands dirty but am very feminine and enjoy wearing dresses and dressing pretty. I am looking for someone to spend some time with, to laugh and do some fun things with. Honesty, integrity and a good work ethic are really important to me. I hope to find someone that I can respect and enjoy life with and that wants the same.
I love being outside on a nice sunny day, at the beach or in my garden. I can have fun doing pretty much anything and love going new places and trying new things. I like to sew— I know, I’m the last person in the world that still does.
I love all foods, especially exotic foods from interesting places. Traveling is the best and I hope to do more of it. I have a wonderful daughter and son, I am a lucky woman and truly happy
NMH
/ July 28, 2011That’s the best profile Ive seen in a while. Simple, down to earth, intelligent.
Ian Ironwood
/ September 29, 2011Meh…
It reads just like a thousand others. What woman ISN’T looking for all of the above? While there are few overt “danger signs”, and it does come across as sincere, it also doesn’t want to make me contact you. There is little distinguishing here, except the sewing part, which could point towards “I’m going to turn your home gym into a sewing room, buster . . . “
just me
/ November 3, 2011Dear Ian Ironwood
Constructive criticism is what I asked for-not straight up insults. For example what are the overt danger signs???? I said that I am kind and friendly- that hardly implies that I would be turning your gym into a sewing room and dont worry about being interested in contacting someone like me me or not- my pictures would show you that I am 5’5″, 111 lbs, long dark hair and a face pretty enough to have been prom and homecoming queen way back in High School- so most likely I wouldn’t be responding to your rudeness anyway- next time someone asks for constructive criticism you might want to consider your word choice.
Ian Ironwood
/ November 4, 2011I chose my words most carefully.
I wasn’t insulting — I didn’t say anything mean. I just said it read like a thousand others. When you are trying to find a mate, the whole point is to DISTINGUISH yourself amongst a sea of competitors. What in your profile does that?
And yes, dudes screen for “danger signs”, that is, indicators within a profile that the woman in question has more baggage issues than most men are comfortable dealing with. Say, more than three cats, or five ex-husbands, or a request for an income statement as well as a head picture. As I said, you didn’t display any of these overt danger signs, and as far as potential “covert” danger signs (the subtext we read into the text you write) the only one I saw was sewing. It was also the most interesting thing about your profile.
And when sewing is the most interesting thing in your profile . . . well, don’t expect a lot of good men to line up for you.
Just sayin’.
todd
/ February 27, 2012It’s fine.
Dd3dd
/ August 8, 2011I stand corrected: from OKC
About Me-
“i a white redneck girl like to go out to have fun drink shoot pool go dancing and-just to have fun i play bingo and i love hang out with friends and family and like to go camping fishing i work at a hotel been there for a 11 years i’am in a relship right now and hope to stay in this relship and make my relship with my man work i dont want to lose him i’am just looking for someone to talk to when iam down and like to meet new friends to hang out with me and my old man and yes men i’am bi and not shame of it either i just i would like someone to tell me it i will be alright and everything will work out i love riding in big trucks and go mudding i’am close to my family to i wish my man would take me out alot more with him and teach me alot of new thangs i hate fighting with him i understand thats why he gets mad at me and don’t want to be around me sometimes i under stand that just writeing to u people now wants to make care oh yea i love to watch the sun set and walk on the beach and dance on the beach to i hated when my friends lie to be about something just tell me the truth even knowing it my hurt me i will get over it [sic]“
theprivateman
/ August 8, 2011Amazingly bad profile, that is. Of course, she’ll get incoming messages from desperate guys. Guys that I want to hit upside the head with a clue by four.
Dd3dd
/ August 20, 2011And another, from Match.com
55yr old, 6-7/10, age and weight adjusted:
I am a woman who has worked on her career for a long time, raised a daughter, and now its time for me.I am beautiful sexy and a kind woman looking for a gentleman that is ready for love.I have class .Im not looking to date a lot of men.I want someone who has worked through his past relationships and has lots to offer, and Knows how to make a plan. I would do best with a working Business person Doc or attorney.Im too busy to be with someone retired.Waiting for me to stop working.I love what I do.As specific as I am. I get broke men from out of town writing me.I do not get it.
Of course, the businessman, doctor or attorney she’s looking for probably isn’t looking for her……
Ian Ironwood
/ September 29, 2011No lie! Gosh, can a profile scream “entitled!” more? She’s looking to marry up and be a high-class trophy wife . . . 25 years too late. “Broke men from out of town” is probably her best bet, actually.
cyberdatingnet
/ August 25, 2011You’ve got to see this hosebag:
She couldn’t write to save her life… http://adultfriendfinder.ca/members/toronto.html
I enjoy going out for the usuals . i can enjoy just about anything if i am with my best friend. I love to read, go for drives, listen to music and play midnight frisbee! I’m just kinda checking this out right now but if you can pique my interest I’m sure we can talk and see where things go. My family and friends are very important to me. I need to hookup tonight in a bar at Toronto. I have never done this online thing before (how strange is it to rate yourself on looks?). An educated professional who is positive, energetic, caring and thoughtful. I like to draw and volunteer and work and listen to music. However usually that stuff doesn’t matter. I enjoy a variety of outdoor activities.
Guest
/ September 5, 201150 y.o., lives in small town in the middle of nowhere, not bad looking, for long term (the following is a small excerpt from the very long and descriptive profile):
“Think of these questions as Deal Breakers !!
1). Single? Available? Divorced? How many times divorced? How long have you been divorced?? The Separated need not apply !! Ya gotta be unattached in EVERY way, because I am …..
2). Are you totally disengaged from the last woman? No rebound men for me…I have no baggage or drama, so I’m looking for a man with no baggage/drama. Just recently out of a long-term relationship?? pass me by…you and I are on different levels of the dating/love life cycle. To me, timing is everything…….
3). Smoker?? Sorry, I can’t and won’t be around someone who smokes or chews, not even parttime.
4). Heterosexual?
5). Working full-time here in Idaho and live here also?
6). Your kids, are they the same age as mine (25-22-20) or older? I am only interested in men who have children the same age(s) as mine,(young adults). I can concentrate on you and I want the same in return.
7). How many ex-wives and where is your ex-wife? On the East coast or farther away??
8). Do you have a criminal record? If so, move along, I’m NOT the one for you..
9). If you are a player, or not ready for a committment, or just looking for a one night romp, you are NOT for me, NEXT !!
10). If your a guy with jealousy in your heart, or you have trust issues, we will not get along, trust me!
11). For fun, would you be willing to take dance lessons with me? I am wanting to learn the romantic dances, you know, the Tango, Foxtrot, Waltz, Rumba, Salsa and of course Jitterbug!
12). Can you be spontaneous??
13). Do you know what True Love is??
14). Can you handle watching a chick flick a few times a year?? Yes, I do watch guy flicks ! I sometimes have to cover my eyes so as not to offend my delicate sensabilities!! LOL
15). When you meet a woman for the first time, do you bring flowers????
16). How do you feel about PDA’s?? (Public Displays of Affection)??
17). What is your idea of a perfect (dream) date?
18). Have you ever been around/dated a widow?
19). Ocean or the mountains?
20). Do you want to grow old and gray with me?
21). Do you like “slow hand”?
22). Are you a lone wolf or the marrying kind?
23). What do you think of this statement: “Love is friendship set on fire”?
24). Coffee, Tea, or Me ??
25). Can you be two different men? One man outside the bedroom, and another man inside the bedroom????
26). Are you healthy? Any kind of medical conditions??? Taking any medications??
27). Do you still have ALL your hair and teeth????
28). Can you/will you paint my toe nails if I ask you to ??”
Ian Ironwood
/ September 29, 2011Doesn’t want much, does she?
I find this humorous:
1). Single? Available? Divorced? How many times divorced? How long have you been divorced?? The Separated need not apply !! Ya gotta be unattached in EVERY way, because I am …..
2). Are you totally disengaged from the last woman? No rebound men for me…I have no baggage or drama, so I’m looking for a man with no baggage/drama. Just recently out of a long-term relationship?? pass me by…you and I are on different levels of the dating/love life cycle. To me, timing is everything…….
7). How many ex-wives and where is your ex-wife? On the East coast or farther away??
And then:
10). If your a guy with jealousy in your heart, or you have trust issues, we will not get along, trust me!
So SHE can have jealousy and trust issues, but not her man.
She’s in Idaho. You’d think anyone with an XY chromosome and a body temperature above 90 degrees would do.
Guest
/ October 1, 2011Didn’t also mention that she’s looking for guys 40-55. In other words, ten years younger to only five years older. Very common for middle age women to search for (much) younger guys. Something about self-delusion/rationalization hamster I guess…
jj
/ April 14, 2012What a dumb comment made by Guest on October 1, 2011. Complaining because this woman only wants to go 5 years older in her choice of men and ten years younger. SO WHAT? Many men out there won’t even go as much as a year older, despite that they die 6 years younger than women, on average. And I have seen profiles where men list ages as much as 20 years younger than their old a**es. Women are humans too. We all can appreciate youth and health, and women don’t want someone sooo old because they’ll make widows earlier.
Ian Ironwood
/ September 29, 2011I found a couple I wanted to pass along. Here’s the first:
46, divorced (age adjusted 6)
My best friends describe me as loyal, funny, down to earth, dependable, witty and crazy.
READ: I spend a lot of time with my girlfriends because I can’t seem to find a date. I usually buy the wine, too, and then we bitch about all the losers in the world and how much we hate our exes and can’t wait to find Prince Charming until we pass out drunk. It’s classy. No, really. .
I love to laugh, but not at anyone’s expense.
READ: I’m goofy.
I believe life is too short to be angry and unhappy all the time. After all, the sun is always shining behind the clouds.
READ: I’m on my antidepressants, and I’m feeling much better now. Took fifteen years to do it, but . . .
I’m not perfect, I’m always the same person.
READ: I am bitchy and frequently stuck in a rut.
I never meet a stranger.
READ: I sleep around. A lot.
I don’t pretend to be something I’m not and really don’t care for those who do. I have been told that I am a very genuine person and that I am proud of.
READ: I’m bitchy, and won’t hesitate to tell you why you are pissing me off.
I have two daughters who I dearly love and cherish. They are my reason for smiling. I have a large, loving family and am grateful for each of them.
READ: Seeking surrogate stepfather who won’t molest my kids. But they’re always going to come first.
I would like to meet someone who has similar interests as me. I don’t travel much but would love to someday.
READ: If you’re horny, call me and tell me a couple of lies, and you’ll probably get a one-night stand out of it. I’ve been poor or working-class all my life, and I’m looking forward to bagging a rich dude.
I would like to tell you more but perhaps in more of a one to one setting.
READ: If that vague description didn’t make you want to fuck me, then maybe a coffee date where I don’t wear panties might do it. In a really, really dark café.
If you think you might like to get to know me, drop me a line.
It has to start somewhere, right?
READ: Dear god, someone please date me!
Ian Ironwood
/ September 29, 2011Here’s the second:
Separated, 36, age-adjusted 4.
I am very committed to my work, I love what I do. (She’s in sales)
READ: I’m a workaholic who won’t be home until 7-8pm every night, and spend my weekends catching up on work. If there is a work/romance conflict, work always wins. And sex? Really? Once a month. That’s all I have time for. Why do you think I’m separated?
I have two sons who are the engine of my life.
READ: My sons are always going to be the first men in my life, and you get whatever is left over after them and my work.
I am a good person driven by my interest & perseverant
READ: I feel guilty about being a workaholic but I justify it constantly.
I love what I do for living, however I am open to a new professional opportunities.
READ: I’m in sales, but if you can support me or get me a higher paying job, you move to the head of the line.
I believe that honor, integrity and respect are foundation for any good relationship.
READ: My ex cheated on me when I wouldn’t put out, and now I’m wounded.
I like to treat people with the same honesty that I expect from them. Love is the most important gift that we can give to the people around us.
READ: Please, God, someone date me so that I don’t feel like such a failure!
Ian Ironwood
/ September 29, 2011And, lastly, this one:
41, Divorced, age-adjusted 7. Technical job.
Well…
READ: I’m ambivalent and indecisive
I am open minded, spontaneous, adventurous, honest and fair.
READ: I’ll do anal if you get me drunk, and I once had a fling with another chick in college that I’ll never talk about. But I probably won’t rag you about your past much.
I also can be a home body and Love to watch hockey.
READ: Lazy couch potato, but I USED to be hot…
Communication and team are big with me.
READ: I’m happy to let you lead until I’m not, and then I expect you to fold like a cheap chair to keep me happy.
Like to be able to have an open conversation, to laugh about ideas and happenings and share lots. My career and family are important to me as well.
READ: I talk. A lot. To everyone. All the time. Only about 20% will be pertinent, and 10% will be genuinely interesting, but if you don’t listen attentively to all of my crap all the time, boy, will you hear about it.
Looking for and interchangeable fit, where my match fits as ideally into my life as I do theirs.
READ: Just about any warm body will do, but I reserve the right to unleash my flakiness on you unexpectedly.
deti
/ September 29, 2011oh my God these are funny
Ian Ironwood
/ September 30, 2011Oh, this one was choice. 41 yo, 7 (age-adjusted)
This dating thing hasn’t gone so well for me.
READ: RED ALERT!!!
Yes, I’ve had long term relationships; I’ve been engaged a couple times, but never married – Just too many what ifs about more than which way the toilet paper should roll (for both of us).
READ: I wanted a four-bedroom McMansion in the suburbs, and he wanted anal.
Id like to believe that being single isn’t terminal, so here I am still trying.
READ: Oh, dear god, I’m desperate to prove I’m still fuckable!
Here’s what you need to know about me: I am not Jessica Alba, Charlize Theron or whoever is the latest flavor of the week. If you’re looking for a Barbie doll, please move on. I’m not her physically, emotionally or intellectually, but best of luck if that’s what you want.
READ: I have tragically low self-esteem and I’m bitchy about my weight because my ex had the temerity to actually suggest I work out and sent me into a downward spiral of ice cream and soap operas. But I still have a vagina, so . . .
If you’re still reading, here’s some more information: I’m animal person and try to learn about wildlife and nature, but am partial to dogs. I am by no means a PETA member, but believe they need someone to give them a voice. I’m “Mom” to a 7 year old terrier and a 1 1/2 year old lab mix who are the center of my world.
READ: I’d like to be a PETA person, but I’m just too lazy and uncommitted for that. Besides, German Shepherds can’t give you babies. I looked into it.
I love to read. Give me a good story and temporarily there is no work that needs done, apartment that needs cleaned or dogs to walk.
READ: I am addicted to romance novels to fill my empty life, and that has given me vastly unrealistic expectations about how men are supposed to be. If you don’t fit within that range . . . well, I do have a vagina.
I choose to keep only a few people close to me that I consider “friends”. They are relationships of mutual respect and acceptance. They are my friends because they know me and accept my quirks.
READ: I’m such a moody train-wreck that there are only a few hyper-flaky girlfriends who still call me, because compared to me their lives look great.
My family is my family – just like everyone else’s I don’t always like or agree with them, but they are part of the package.
READ: I have a genetic history of mental disorders and a toxic childhood. Mom is now on like six different anti-depressants, and dad drinks a lot and doesn’t say anything. See what you have to look forward to
I seem to have gathered some spots on my body that are a bit more cushy than others. Fortunately, they don’t appear to be growing…
READ: I don’t work out, but this is probably as fat as I will get for a few more years. Probably.
I have no children, and I can honestly say I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. At this stage of the game I cannot see myself changing diapers, chasing a toddler or paying for college at 60.
READ: I realize that I have squandered my precious few years of being sexually attractive by selfishly indulging myself and driving away any decent alpha-type man because he didn’t “respect” me, and now that all I have on my plate are losers, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m essentially a failure as a woman. But I’m not bitter. Really. I’M. NOT. BITTER.
I am a very upfront person, what you see is what you get. I am a confident and realistic person.
READ: I’m a bitch. There, it’s out.
I’m not an adrenaline junkie – you won’t catch me sky diving and I don’t like roller coasters.
READ: Get used to cable TV and watching my ass expand to fill the available room on the sofa. Good times.
I don’t care for over priced clubs with loud music and watered down drinks. Give me a hole in the wall where I can shoot pool and actually have a conversation without shouting or a backyard with my friends and I’m a happy girl.
READ: I suck in real bars because I’m competing with younger, prettier women who will blow you in the parking lot, so I hang out at poorly-lit dives where the dudes are usually beergoggling enough for me to show off my boobs and get some tiny modicum of validation of my womanhood. Occasionally I get drunk and fuck one in the bathroom, but I’d never admit it.
I’m a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl, but occasionally I like to get dressed up and go out to dinner or to the theater. But sitting at home, cuddling on the couch, watching a bad movie with a beer and pizza works just as well.
READ: Cheap date, but worth . . . oh, who am I kidding? Please, just someone . . . tell me I’m fuckable!
The older I get, the more I find that going places on the weekends where I have no cell reception are usually the best.
READ: I see a lot of “antiquing” in our future.
I am spiritual/religious, but not a Christian.
READ: I took a yoga class ten years ago but I like masturbation too much to be religious. Besides, going to church on Sunday really eats into my “me” time. And all the ladies there keep asking about my prospects, and it’s just too humiliating now.
Here’s what I need from you: You’re someone I can have fun with.
READ: Someone who will take me out and pick up the check.
Someone to share new experiences with as well as the same boring ones.
READ: 3rd date handjob, 6th date screw, and anything after that is purely twice-a-month missionary. Blowjob? What is this thing you call ‘blowjob’?
You should be just as comfortable at home with a six-pack, pizza and movie as you are at a Broadway show.
READ: I’ve given up on a wealthy Prince Charming. If you have a job with benefits, and don’t mind that I don’t cook, we might get along.
You must be able to make me laugh, but not in a juvenile boogers and farts kind of way.
READ: 3 Stooges, Benny Hill and Monty Python? Keep it with your porn collection.
You should know what a newspaper is and occasionally read one.
READ: If I catch you on-line, I’m going to assume it’s porn.
You must not be married (that includes separated), attached or looking for your 4th or 5th wife At the very least you should be a dog person; someone who does more with their pet than just expect them to sit in the corner waiting for you to have time for them.
READ: I’ll treat my dogs better than you, every time.
We should compliment each other – teach me things, make me want to learn and grow. Challenge me to be a better person.
READ: OK, at this stage in the game, I might consider anal if you get me drunk. But only if you pay my car payment and only expect it twice a year.
deti
/ September 30, 2011PM: You MUST give Ian a little section of this blog so he can keep putting these up. This is just too damn funny.
theprivateman
/ September 30, 2011I agree! I’ll noodle over some way to highlight the recent comments on this page.
Ian is damned good and he also has his own blog.
NMH
/ September 30, 2011wow the entitlement comes through in that one! Ugh!
Oh, and “modicum” rocks.
Ian Ironwood
/ October 3, 2011You guys . . . I just calls ‘em likes I sees ‘em.
And for the record . . . happily married for almost 15 years. AND I work in porn.
NMH
/ October 3, 2011“AND I work in porn” Which means you work in Chatsworth, CA., right?
Ian Ironwood
/ October 3, 2011Actually, I don’t, but my company has offices there.
deti
/ October 5, 2011Not Chatsworth. Canoga Park.
Ian Ironwood
/ October 5, 2011Actually, most of the Big Porn guys have offices in Chatsworth, which I find amusing. Once upon a time it used to be the cowboy actor neighborhood. Errol Flynn had a house out there, and so did Gene Autry. But there’s plenty in Canoga Park, too.
Heck, porn is everywhere.
Ian Ironwood
/ October 3, 2011Another 48 year old 7.
Curiosity, love of music, liberal politics – those are some of the qualities you might first notice about me. I’m a writer and an avid reader.
READ: I was a liberal arts major who got my MRS. Degree. And then got my DIVORCED Degree.
I’d like to meet someone who loves the outdoors, savors words and music, and is always learning.
Intelligence is essential. Laughter is, too.
READ: Looking for an independently wealthy yachtsman with season opera tickets and a pile of degrees. A professional degree is essential. But you can’t just be an egghead, you have to be rich, well-built, funny, and smart – but not so smart that you’ll realize what a mistake it is to get involved with me.
I take good care of myself, and I’m looking for someone who does the same.
READ: I’ve recently been hitting the gym like mad because I ballooned up after my divorce and the last date I was on stood me up because “I don’t do fat chicks”. Now I’m obsessing about it, and I want you to obsess about it too.
Character is important to me, too – a concern for the planet, and for other people.
READ: I want you to be rich AND an environmentalist humanitarian. No fortunes made in munitions, forestry, tobacco or petroleum products, PLEASE. Unless you have more than one home, then we can talk.
Talking about myself isn’t my favorite thing.
READ: I’m not comfortable sharing anything about myself until I know you’re going to fit my Prince Charming profile. And talking about myself could possibly lead to a depression-inducing round of self-examination and introspection that could very well send me to an institution. So PLEASE don’t ask anything personal, while I have you thoroughly checked out by private detectives. Besides why talk about me when we can talk about my ex-husband?
I’d much rather talk about what’s happening in the world, dreams of travel, the book I’m reading, a great new singer you or I have just heard, what I’m learning right now or what’s puzzling me.
READ: Face it fellas, I’m just not going to shut up. And I don’t really see talking about you as a fun time. So prepare to gnaw your arm off to get away. That’s what my ex-husband did.
Incidentally, I’m not interested in long stretches of e-mail correspondence. A bit of exchange is fine.
READ: I’m anxious to get MATRIMONY 2.0 underway before my boobs completely sag and I’m just not fuckable anymore.
I’d like to hear a bit more about you, your likes and dislikes, etc.
READ: A copy of your last three year’s tax returns and a P&L will do for now. We can save the intimate stuff, like real estate and annuities, until we get to know each other better. Plus, if you’re kinky, get it out there now, because I need to know my deal-breakers before I meet you in person.
But you haven’t really met until you’ve met in person, I think. Don’t you agree?
READ: It’s okay for me to check out your financials on-line, but don’t you dare dismiss my rapidly-aging ass until I have a chance to flaunt it to you in person.
What I like to do: I’m a travel junkie. Recent travels include Pacific Northwest, Mexico, Guatemala. I would love to go to Buenos Aires, Portugal, the Greek Isles
READ: Dude, you better be rich and have some serious frequent flier miles stocked up.
I’m also a francophile from way back.
READ: I expect to honeymoon in Paris, because my cheap-ass first husband only took me to Florida.
I’m passionate about music. I sing in an a cappella group.
READ: I am a nerd, but I take it seriously.
I am a writer and avid reader.
READ: I blog about how there are no good men out there and I read other womens’ blogs about how there are no good men out there. And I don’t own a TV.
Enjoy hiking and yoga too.
READ: There will be no spectator sports of any kind in a future with me.
My hot spots: Favorite hike in the mountains is on Max’s Patch.
READ: My ex husband took me there for one of our few “couple’s weekends”, where he got me drunk and gave me the best sex I ever had in the woods. I’ll be happy to point out the spot as I lure you up there to re-live the memory. I won’t actually have sex in the woods with you, but I’ll talk about it a lot, and maybe we can do it in the hotel room with the lights off and pretend.
A few of my favorite things:Singing. A perfect phrase in music or in prose. A perfect peach. Sarah Vaughan, Nina Simone, Ella Fitzgerald, Betty Carter, Al Green, Lucinda Williams, Gillian Welch, Feist.
READ: In case you haven’t guessed it yet, perfection is very important to me. I’m praying to GOD that it’s not important to you.
Ian Ironwood
/ October 3, 2011This one is a 47 y.o. 7.5, based on the one picture.
I have been divorced for 3 years now and am finally ready to start looking for that special someone to share those special moments in life with.
READ: My ex husband quit paying for my insurance.
You know, the ones that make you smile long after they have happened.
READ: You damned well had better be fascinating. I won’t tolerate any less.
I have 2 pretty great children that make me laugh every day. Laughter is important – it gets you through the not so wonderful parts.
READ: I’m bipolar. My kids think Manic Mommy is funny, and laugh a lot. He quit paying for their therapy, too.
I am not “the party girl” and do not want someone who is more interested in a buzz than all that life has to offer.
READ: I don’t drink. I’m wound up tighter than a bee’s ass, but I’m too much of a control freak to have a drink, relax, and maybe get laid. Besides, it messes with my medication.
I need genuine friendship and trust and feel you can’t find that at the end of a bottle.
READ: I met my ex-husband in a bar.
This is not to say I don’t enjoy the occasional beer – especially during football season – it just isn’t a priority.
READ: I’ll drink a beer with you, pretend that I enjoy watching that awful game, and that way you’ll think I’m the perfect woman. Because all men love football and beer and women who will watch football with them. Even if I secretly hate it and expect some SERIOUS concessions as a result. At least, that’s how it worked with my ex.
I love football season – it is my favorite time of year!
READ: I know exactly where you will be all weekend long! And the fall sales are here!
I volunteer when I can for anything my children are interested in.
READ: When it comes to doling out my attention, you’re pretty much screwed.
I currently am a Girl Scout leader because my daughter enjoys it and I was surprised how much I enjoy it too – not only my time with my girl but all the other girls too.
READ: It gives me a feeling of power to be in charge of my own army of mini-me’s. It allows me to express my deep and abiding desire for control until I have a husband again.
I also volunteer at school though I am not allowed to say hello to my son when I am there (he has reached the age where I am embarrassing LOL)
READ: Whereas I reached the age when I’m embarrassing years ago. But maybe if I hang out at school enough some divorced dad will pick me up. I need a rebound guy like an alky needs a drink.
What I like to do:Most of my free time is spent with my children and their activities. When they are not around, I like to read, do arts and crafts with my best friend and hang out with friends and family.
READ: Notice there’s no “sex” in the above. Or anything even remotely suggesting it. Take the hint?
My hot spots:I do not have any favorite “hot spots”.
READ: If you can’t figure out why by now, you might be just the sucker I’m looking for!
I like the mountains but my children love the beach so that is where we spend most vacations.
READ: Despite my being a control-freak, I still let my kids boss me around. If you aren’t willing to be bossed around by all of us, then calling me is probably a poor idea.
Show me something new – I am willing to try.
READ: That way I can say “I tried” and then make you feel guilty as hell for wanting to do it again. So you get exactly 1 CHANCE at oral, anal, or anything kinky. Then it’s back to a twice-a-month “wifely duty” unless I can find some way to get out of it.
Ian Ironwood
/ October 3, 2011Last one for today…
43 y.o. 6
This is the hard part: My friends would describe me as compassionate, funny, intelligent, kind and a lot of fun to be around.
READ: My friends drink a lot and are willing to lie on my behalf.
Life is short and we owe it to ourselves to enjoy every moment.
READ: I’m desperately trying to hold on to the last shred of my womanhood before menopause, and I need your help!
I love music! Rock, metal, alternative, classical, some country, traditional celtic. I play drums, take Irish dance lessons.
READ: You Have Been Warned.
I am an independent, self-reliant woman looking for the same in a man.
READ: I have a job, you need to have one at least as good as mine or better. I’m willing to entertain the idea that I’m not going to get a Prince Charming, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to go for the gold, y’know? I’ll settle.
I want someone who can go to a black tie event one night, a rock concert the next and be comfortable at both.
READ: You damn well better be entertaining. A lot.
I have had a few failed relationships since my divorce and am tired of playing the “dating game.”
READ: All these dudes I keep dating want me to put out up front. Like I’m some sort of porn star or something. You think I like sex? Why the hell do you think my husband left me?
I am looking for a soulmate. I am a hopeless romantic and am comfortable with going out or even a quiet night at home.
READ: You had better be willing to spend every waking moment paying me attention or I’m going to freak. And if you don’t meet my romantic expectations, God help you.
I am looking for someone to share my life with who won’t try to make me who they think I should be.
READ: I am highly resistant to change and will balk at the slightest suggestion of anything new. Which means we have sex my way or not at all. Preferably the latter.
I wouldn’t do that to whomever I was with.
READ: I really, really hope you believe that.
I am more loyal than a St. Bernard and when I give away my heart I will have eyes for no other man.
READ: I will obsess about your fidelity every waking moment, and will demand that you will never, ever look at another woman. And if I do catch you looking – even at internet porn – I’ll scream that you have a sex addiction, never loved me, and I’ll constantly compare you to my first husband who at least had the decency to do that out in the garage where I wouldn’t know about it.
If you’re not serious, please do not contact me.
READ: If you are serious, please contact a mental health professional.
Guest
/ October 4, 2011These are all great
Ian Ironwood
/ October 5, 2011Oh, here’s a goody . . .
36 yo. 6
I am here looking for a long term relationship with someone who wants the same and that eventually wants to get married and have kids…down the road…
READ: I suddenly realized that I have like only a couple of year’s worth of eggs left before I hit that “problem pregnancy” stage, and that just doesn’t fit in with my life plan. CALL ME!
First of all, I am STABLE. I feel that this is one of the most important qualities that I possess and one of the most important characteristics of a mate. I graduated from XXXX and XXXX. I have a good, stable job – where I have worked for over 13 years. I own my own home, cut my own grass, have my own vehicles….take care of my responsibilites, etc.
READ: I am highly competent and will not only look down on you if you are not likewise, but any attempt at “helping” me will be met with derision and annoyance. In fact, if it wasn’t for the sperm issue, I wouldn’t really need a man at all.
I am looking for a man that is honest, smart, trustworthy, gainfully employed, open minded, considerate of others…a man that has his life together.
READ: In other words, I’m looking for some other woman’s husband . . . because a dude like this would have been snatched up a long time ago. Don’t care about your ex – just want some sperm.
I am most attracted to country boys…no metro men, no men that stand in front of a mirror and flex their muscles…just not my cup of tea! A laid back truck drivin, camo wearin, fishin, dippin, beer drinkin, mud slingin guy…that is more my speed.
READ: Despite my hyper-competancy and demands for high character and employment issues in my Prince Charming List, I want all of that and a bull Alpha, too. Anything less and you’re just a sperm-donor. And it would be great if you owned a large tract of real estate out in the country I could tell you how to run.
I do not particularly care for city life, although I do like the conveniences. My dream living situation would be living on several acres out in the country on a farm with all kinds of farm animals, dogs, cats, kids….quiet, wooded, peaceful…with a porch swing.
READ: Something in the $500,000-$1.5k range. I’m not THAT picky.
Plenty of room for my kids and animals to roam and play.
READ: I will, of course, be consuming most of your resources with my family and pets.
I am not a fan of large crowds or “fancy type” bars…I am all about having a family, cooking dinner every night, taking the kids to the circus, etc. I am a nurturer by nature.
READ: Please, God, someone inseminate me!I’m willing to ditch my highly-competent, highly independent, highly-stable lifestyle for a life of subservient matrimony if someone will just KNOCK ME UP, QUICK! After I’m pregnant, of course, I reserve the right to change the rules arbitrarily.
I like to take care of others. I’m the kind of girl that would tell you to invite your friends over to watch the game and I will cook lots of finger foods and serve you and enjoy doing it!!
READ: That will also give me an opportunity to identify any friends of yours I deem ‘toxic’, as well as any I think I can fix up. Oh, and I’ll end up emasculating you at least three times before the end of the game. Once on purpose.
I like to cook, read, ride horses, go to the beach, attend fairs/festivals, hang out & drink some cold ones, go to my fav comedy club. I’m generally low key for the most part. I don’t like going out all the time. It is nice to stay home, chill, sit out on the deck drinking some beer, lay in the hammock talking, laughing, just enjoying time together.
READ: I’m a cheap date, really I am. Low maintenance! JUST GIVE ME YOUR SPERM!
I have not been camping in years and would love to meet a guy that likes to go camping although my idea of roughin it is drying my hair in the community, campground bathroom. Lol. So maybe some campin at a nice campground.
READ: Or a nice hotel. Yes, I’m sure I can talk you out of that camping BS pretty quickly, once I’m pregnant. But if you think I’ll do you in a tent in a public campground, well, if it makes you call me, you just keep thinking that, buster . . .
I am extremely independent…almost to a fault. I’m a “call it like I see it” kind of person.
READ: I am a pushy bitch who will not hesitate to call out any weaknesses I see in you, as well as subject you to my imperious judgment about your behavior. If you try to do anything for me, I will resent you for being domineering and thinking I am incompetent. If you don’t try to do anything for me, I will resent you for not being thoughtful and considerate enough. See where this is leading?
It is what it is…and nothing more. I’m not going to be something that I’m not.
READ: Any idea about me changing from this position is hopeless. I’m going to be a pushy bitch. Get used to it.
I’m smart. I ask questions. I think and process thoughts. I don’t act in haste. I’m not careless or reckless. My life is planned and structured and I think about how the actions that I take now will affect my future.
READ: I am an anal-retentive control freak who will be satisfied with nothing less than total control of your life, as well as mine, under the false premise that “we” are managing “our” life. I’ll let you sign the papers, just like a real adult. Plus, as an added bonus, I’m indecisive and overly-cautious. I see a lot of Friday nights watching CSI re-runs in our future. And you’ll like CSI. No, I mean you WILL like CSI . . . or else.
Some of the things that I like are candy, trucks, horses, chocolate, the color green, iphones, reality TV shows, the news – reading, watching and discussing, comedy, beer. If XXXX is airing a live trial, you best believe that I am watching it.
READ: I have a morbid and unhealthy fascination with the minutia of the lives of complete strangers. You can pretty much count on me discussing Dancing With The Stars far more than discussing you.
I am a prissy girl, but at the same time, I like to kinda cut loose, drink a lil too much and laugh and play. I have three tatts and I love them – will get more. Love guys with tatts. Piercings are cool too.
READ: I’m a princess, but if you at least look like a “bad boy” I might fuck you. If you get me drunk. And it won’t be even half-decent. But then I’ll pretty much assume we’re on for marriage and kids. Did I mention I stopped taking my birth control?
My partner MUST like dogs…I have three – a mini Daschund, a Yorkie and an English Bulldog. They are very important to me.
READ: Far more important than you’re likely to be.
If you’ve already been divorced 2 x, the third divorce will not involve me.
READ: I prefer to be a widow. After the insemination is fine.
Deal Breakers: You don’t have a valid driver’s license.
READ: You must have a high-status car.
You don’t pay your child support.
READ: You must have sufficient resources to support me AND whatever other family issues you’ve created. I mean, after I divorce you, how will I know you’ll pay MY child support?
Your ex is a stalker.
READ: I want NO BAGGAGE from you, Sperm Donor! That DNA is mine and mine alone!
You couldn’t get enough credit for 2 pieces of bubble gum.
READ: You must have mad resources. Oh, and I’m going to put you into debt. In a big way.
Criminal history outside of some general traffic issues.
READ: We won’t bring up MY indiscretions. Everyone was peeing in that front yard that night. Oh, and I speed, so I don’t mind if you do too. I don’t want to be a hypocrite.
So what are ya waiting for? Message me…let’s get this parrty started, right?!?!
READ: OMG! I just lost another EGG! Please, please, please, give me some sperm! If I’m not pregnant – or at least engaged – by Christmas, my mother and sisters will never let me hear the end of it!
NMH
/ October 5, 2011A 6 with tatoos, who wants a guy who really turns her on YET is secure and stable.
Standard fare from fat ass middle-ages american women these days.
Ian Ironwood
/ October 10, 2011From a 46 yo 4 . . . on a good day.
I want to find someone on this site who is just a regular guy. No major issues. We all have some but I don’t want someone running from the law.
READ: Someone ELSE, that is. One relationship with an escaped prisoner is enough! I’ve learned my lesson! No felonies, please! (Misdemeanors considered).
I believe in treating people as I want to be treated. I want to be treated like a queen so I will treat you like a king.
READ: I want to be treated like a queen . . . so I will let you. In fact, I pretty much demand it. And you being treated like a king . . . sure. Fine. Whatever.
Once I’m in a serious relationship, he is the only one and I put my heart and soul into it and give it my all.
READ: I’m more than happy to obsess about you to the point of stalking, and if I see you speaking to another women even before we’re a firm couple, count on me to take the bitch out.
I love all types of music but am a rocker girl at heart. You can’t go wrong with a little Led Zeppelin, Nickelback, Pink Floyd, etc. I like country too though. I have just about all genres in my collection. Not a huge fan of rap but some is ok. Eminem is pretty good but in small doses.
READ: I haven’t listened to the radio since 1993. And I won’t date a black dude. Rednecks are fine, if they have their own truck and a job. And if you have a bitchin’ El Camino or a Camero, I’ll probably go down on you in the parking lot.
I have a strange sense of humor and am not afraid to use it.
I am easily amused and I can find humor in almost any situation. (My Grandmother’s funeral for example. That’s a story for another time.)
READ: I have no tact and often say incredibly embarrassing and inappropriate things in social situations. I cover up for this by using my “strange sense of humor” as a justification for nearly any appallingly embarrassing behavior.
I love to read murder mysteries and have recently discovered Harry Potter. (My pseudo neice got me into it.)
READ: I spend a lot of time on my own thinking about how to kill other people and get away with it. I fantasize about the children I am now convincing myself I don’t really want to have with strong projections on other people’s children.
I absolutely love the beach. No matter how bad life might seem, sitting and watching the waves come in puts everything into perspective. I love the mountains too but would rather be at the ocean.
READ: I spend a lot of my time clinically depressed.
I am a big, beautiful woman and proud of it. I’m not one who is ashamed of myself or my body and won’t sit and pick at salads.
READ: I’m fat and that’s not gonna change. Get used to it. Oh, and I like to be on top. A lot.
I love to cook for my sweetie so I would love to find someone who likes to eat and isn’t picky about everything.
READ: I love to cook, but I’m really bad at it and only know five recipes. Mac and Cheese is number one. And number four.
I have 3 cats who are my babies. I had a dog who died a couple of years ago at 16. In other words, I love animals.
READ: DANGER! WARNING! (And even though my dog is dead, I had him stuffed and mounted at the foot of my bed, so I can see his adorable face and bright glass eyes every morning when I wake up. You’ll get used to that, eventually.)
I love kids too. Because of situations I never had any of my own but I don’t mind if I meet someone who has kids. They are a blessing from above and can be a true source of amusement sometimes. (The things that come out of their mouths!)
READ: I’ve resigned myself to never breeding because I’m essentially too self-centered and lazy. But I’m willing to be self-centered and lazy for your children, too, as long as the little bastards don’t get in my way and leave the cats alone.
I am a Christian but do not go to church. I have a problem with organized religion. The hypocrits and all.
READ: I was brutally rejected in Church youth group by a buck-toothed boy who called me a hippo, and when I went crying to the pastor he vilely suggested Weight Watchers and a gym. Clearly, he didn’t truly love me the way Jesus does.
Well, I think I’ve run on long enough. If you want to know anything else, send me a message. Good luck with your search!
READ: Please, please, please talk to me and validate that I am a worthwhile human being whose vagina isn’t destined to atrophy before menopause. If I have to face one more Thanksgiving sitting across the table from my mother and sisters without a man, I’ll never forgive myself. Especially after what I did at my Grandmother’s funeral. Some people just have no sense of humor.
theprivateman
/ October 10, 2011Absolutely hilarious!
deti
/ October 10, 2011Thanks Ian. I needed that.
ZLX1
/ October 13, 2011Here you go. Copy and pasted off the dating site.
I could write some lame profile saying everything the typical male wants to hear. Or I could be honest and say…. I am a female; which means I am as close to absolute perfection as you can get. With that being said, I expect more than most people settle for. I DO expect to be treated like the Queen I was in my previous life and consider myself to be now.
I have a twisted, sarcastic sense of humor that is not appreciated or even understood by most. If you get my sense of humor, you might be someone I would be interested in. I have a Top Ten list of traits I look for, and a sense of humor is one of them; now you just have to knock out the other nine!! That list is available upon request.
You need to actually put some effort into keeping me entertained. I don’t find hiking ten miles to be entertaining, unless of course you’re going to fall on your butt and roll backwards down a hill. Otherwise, I would consider this to be some demented form of torture. I am not a survivalist or a sports star. I am a woman in the most feminine sense of the word. I do not like insects or any other type of slimy creature. I can be overly emotional given the right atmosphere. So choose your activities wisely.
I have been told I am a “self involved” person; it’s not my fault the world revolves around me.
In all seriousness I am generally considered to be easy going and easy to talk to; and those who know me understand my sense of humor, style and overall attitude.
I have a son that is legally considered to be an “adult”. However there are moments that I definitely have my doubts. This leaves me the freedom to come and go as I please, as long as work permits. I am content going out and letting loose, staying home watching a movie or reading a book. It just depends on the company, the movie and the book.
Please DO NOT respond if you fall into any of the following categories……
Dishonesty/Faithful…. there go 90% of all men
Physical (lack of: grooming, style etc.)…… another 5% eliminated
Irresponsibility…. another 3% gone
Over sensitive (clingy)…. another 1% shot down.
That leaves 1% of men that might fill my expectations for my Top Ten list.
P Ray
/ October 15, 2011“I could write some lame profile saying everything the typical male wants to hear.”
That’s already a red flag. You are after a great guy, and then say that what the typical male wants, is lame.
“Or I could be honest and say…. I am a female; which means I am as close to absolute perfection as you can get.”
You’re not what the typical male wants. So how could you be anything close to perfection?
“With that being said, I expect more than most people settle for.”
That’s true, most people when in a relationship, finally settle for divorce. You’re settling for a date, at most.
“I DO expect to be treated like the Queen I was in my previous life and consider myself to be now.”
Yeah? I was a king in my past life. Problem is you are living in this life, tough noogies.
Too tired seeing this type of entitlement, maybe someone else can finish up – she’s a good candidate for P&D, since all the love’s already been extracted from her time with badboys.
1% of men? Lady … those 1% can do a lot better than you.
Jester
/ October 15, 2011While this is an email from a woman and not a profile, I’m sure most of you will understand the silly smirk on my face after reading this. You may need a strong drink for this… C&P spelling disasters and all…
“after reading your profile it has made me even more interested in you, wowhave you ever hit the nail on the head!! the picture thing is so true after all beauty is in the eye of the beholder not everyone agrees on what is beautiful and yes our own perception of our pictures are also clouded. And yes alot of profiles are full of crap but mines not
) now I don’t know if I’m your type or not but I think you are mine, seeing you with the animals shows me that you have a good heart. the truth about me ? I am the mother of eight, three of which are out on their own, my 22 year old daughter is still living at home with me along with the four younger ones that So, because you have never read an honest profile, let me be the first: I smoke more than I’d like to, I weigh more than I’d like to (I’m 5’7″, 210lbs.) The pictures may not appear that way but I’m pear shaped and have, ahem, the nice term is a booty. My pictures are recent. When I say Christian on my profile, I mean it. When I say passionate about everything, I mean it – I would never say I was Christian when I wasn’t, as I find a lot on this site. To me, Christian just means I’m a believer, and trying to be a better person every day – yes I go to church. I don’t force my beliefs on others, however if you ask, I’m more than happy to answer and debate. I have shitty credit. It’s getting better, there are a lot of excuses for that but ultimately it’s my fault. You look too young for me, but I like your height. I love your profile, it’s the first honest one I’ve found. I don’t smoke in the house, my house is clean but my bedroom is a mess and so is my van. Sometimes it’s so full of coffee cups that they fall out when I open the door, lol. I’m sweet and kind and honest and funny and I have lots of people around who love me. I was the bosses daughter and my husband married me cause he thought he would have it made. My marriage was devastatingly loveless and heartbreaking. I got out 11 years ago and thought I would be remarried by now, but I have not found my husband and time is running out.I have adopted and they are 10,7,3,1. I have 3 dogs, a cockatoo, an African grey and any number of dogs and puppies that my daughter and I rescue and transport to the northern rescue where they find loving homes for them. Not to mention the odd wild animal/ bird that we have had to take in. my personality ? well I love to joke around and laugh and truly can be a pain in the ass. I am a primary care nurse that works in a clinic in northern Saskatchewan. If you are the least bit interested ask away and I will tell you because I believe in honesty. if your not interested that’s fine too, but to bad for me cause I think your a good choice. oh, you might be wondering why if I’m out in Saskatchewan am I looking in Ontario? well because where is it written that my soul mate has to be living in my sector of the world? Michelle”
Because dating doesn’t suck enough, let’s try dating from 4431 km’s (2753 miles) away! =D Can’t knock her for trying, but geez… Great job selling yourself huh? lol
Ian Ironwood
/ October 18, 2011That was just . . . pathetic. No other word for it.
NMH
/ October 18, 2011Jesus.
Fucking.
Christ.
*strums banjo*
Legion
/ December 15, 2011Did she include a photo of the 22 yo daughter?
Ian Ironwood
/ October 18, 2011A 46 year old with a 6 body and a 4 face she hides behind her hair and only photographs when the shadows can obscure it.
I am looking for my potentially husband!
READ: And a sixth grade grammar book. But I thought I’d put you on notice, if there’s no ring, there’s no reason to call.
I am a single parent of wonderful children.
READ: They’re a collective pain in my ass, but I’m counting on them as my meal ticket in my old age if you don’t work out. So please work out, marry me, take care of me, and let me kick them out of the damn house.
I am trusting,faithful,honest,smart,motivated,family values and respectful.
READ: I’m not, really, but that’s what I want in a man, so I’m hoping if I lie you won’t notice it at first. Note I put “trusting” right up front. That’s Femalespeak for “gullible”.
Also in the near future I want to open a home health care agency.
READ: So I don’t just want a soul mate, I want an investor. And probably an unpaid worker. But either way, don’t count on seeing too much of me.
Some things that I enjoy are,cooking,movies,comedy clubs,riding motorcycles,plays,traveling,reading,site seeing,shooting pool,quite candle lite dinners at home and cuddling.
READ: I made most of that shit up, but that’s what I want in a man, so I’m hoping if I lie you won’t notice at first. Notice I didn’t say anything about sex? There’s a reason for that.
I am looking for someone who open doors,pull out the chair,a handy man!
READ: I’m tired of my rude kids treating me like crap and want my ass kissed. Plus, my house is a dump and I need someone who can pay to have it repaired.
He must have an out going personality,romantic,trusting,have family values.
READ: He must not cheat on me and be willing to spend a lot of money on me and my ungrateful kids.
He must be motivated to want more out of life, and enjoy the finer things.
READ: He’d better be rich.
Someone who is the head..but know his woman is the neck that supports the head!
READ: And that’s about all the head you’re gonna get with me, buster. And when I say “support”, I really mean “tell him what to do while I spend all of his money”.
I want us to come home after a long day and lend an ear to the other.
READ: I want to come home after a long day and talk your ear off for two hours about the lives at people at work that you don’t even know, while never actually asking you anything about your day. Just deal with it. That’s how it’s going to be.
There’s no such thing is 50/50 in a relationship, not unless you don’t love someone.
READ: So if you love me, you will put up with my unreasonable shit. If you don’t put up with my unreasonable shit, you don’t love me. Simple as that.
When you love someone and the feelings are mutual, you will go the extra mile.
READ: If you love me, you will buy me things. A lot of things. A lot of expensive things. Or you don’t love me.
I don’t have time for games,or grown men who loves to play them!
READ: If you object to me owning your wallet and your testicles, keep moving, buster. I only want the weak-willed rich ones with no sex drive.
If you do not meet these requirements please don’t waste my time! No pic no response!
READ: I’m a demanding bitch who requires no less than perfection. And damn it you had better be handsome and rich! And a little bit blind, because I’m not 25 anymore. Or even 35. But that doesn’t mean I don’t . . .
I DESERVE THE BEST IN THIS WORLD….
READ: If you just threw up in your mouth a little over my sense of entitlement, you’d better not call me.
I would like for the guy to greet me with some flowers, and already have planned out the date. I want to see how creative and romantic you are, so surprise me!
READ: I want to see how much money you are willing to spend on me, sight unseen, before I decide if you’re worth keeping. I want you to act like an Alpha, of course, but be my beta bitch from the get-go. Because I deserve the best in the world. Really. My mother told me.
theprivateman
/ October 29, 2011No comment… just wow…
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=18691882
Profile here:
I’m looking for that magic and it is called love. Keep an open mind and your soul will be open to find that soul mate we all yearn for. I know often it doesn’t happen overnight. It has for me before…but again that doesn’t happen often and it won’t happen when I don’t get out much these days but I don’t really care how long it takes I will find that next person and hopefully the last one I love in #4.
I will be honest. I want someone better then me, someone that can teach me something and open to learn from me as well. I am known to be a smart girl. I have been in love three times and have been in two relationships. And, it seems I love more and deeper each time. And, I have actually become a better person and learned from each of my lovers. I don’t like to hurt people but it turn I end up getting hurt more because I always worry about the other party and I was end up getting hurt.
I am currently looking for a job because I have kind of a wreckless side to me, I wasn’t going to but I hit the black jack tables and lost my money to pay my bills so I have to get a job so I can pay my bills. Same thing happen that was close to a tragedy years back when I lost a ton of money on the tables. I’ve played from Vegas to Macau. I use to do fairly well but when I broke up with my first ex-boyfriend but given I have a low threshold for pain I went on a wreckless gambling spree. For some reason that always seem to help me forget my woes. I have been told twice by two people, one a man and one a woman (both in or close to their 50′s) that I was perfect except for my gambling.
Back to that, I started chasing my losses. I basically lost my nut, I loss as much as most people should have in their retirement accounts at 65. And, I earned ever penny of it working 10-12 hours a day. I still think its important to have a good job to provide for a family but I had a lot of time to think of whats important. And, its the same as it always had been to me, to be able to enjoy and spend my time with my family and friends. And, I am very down-to-earth and not very materialistic. However, i do enjoy toys.
So, for the past few years I have been struggling and paying for my wreckless behavior and fixing everything I caused and i spent a lot of time reflecting. And, I am trying to get over this hump. And, all it would be is to get off my arsh and get a job and study every night. Yes, it was fun but paying for it wasn’t. You know how when it “rain it pours”? Boy did it pour… I went through hell, even an IRS audit. I use to make more in a couple months then people did in entire year and I took that for granted. Actually, I was devastated because I am the type of person that always had my life planned out. Not everything works as planned as I learned. But, I did everything I was suppose to do. I went straight to college out of high school.
The mistake was I stayed in a relationship where we both loved each other but we were completely incompatible for way too long. And, I had to get out. He couldn’t function when it was time and I let myself be in this relationship six more months to hold him up. But, it got pretty bad and I had to get out. It took him three years for him to talk to me. Then he contacted me and I think he wanted to see if there was anything still there before he moved on.
When I was rebounding he was in therapy then there was that period was completely alone for two years and he was in a relationship, but finally after four years I was healed. I was productive and I felt good about myself. Then a girl in my building was introduced to me and I felt sorry for her and helped her with resources I didn’t have and I couldn’t get rid of her. My parents always said I have a tendency to help people before I can help myself. She even made suicidal threats if I left or not let him in my life. which is probably the reason I kept her around but we did become best friends and it was great. We joked around and laughed and smiled. I was happy. I even tried to get her laid. She worked as my assistant and I am kind of a perfectionist and never was the best at telling people how to do things right. I end up hurting their feelings. She told me (when she had to moved out of our building because she quit her job-she thought they were going to ambush her and give her a drug test) and I didn’t know her that well or what was happening when I first met her otherwise I would have advised her differently. She was the first best friend since I had since 5th grade. Friendship has always been important to me. Things became terrible after she professed her feelings for me and being that she was insecure I just went along with it because I loved her as a friend and I didn’t want to hurt her I was very unhappy for various reasons. I am the type to celebrate love but given the situation, there was no celebration but a lot of sneaking around and she had lied to me and I was done and didn’t want anything to do with her so I emailed her parents because I wanted her to be safe,the girl was a compulsive liar. That’s how she survived but she was going through such a tough time and it was so hard for me to walk away from her. And, finally her parents sent her away so she could fix herself and maybe they were also suspect that there was something going on with us. I was kind of relieved this way I could focus on my studies but I found myself missing her so much I cried every night for a month. I went and visited her and told her I was unhappy and I couldn’t do it for much longer and she said she wasn’t ready and she made me stay in it and she said I was perfect but I wasn’t a man and I won’t ever me because I love being a woman. But the heart wants what the heart wants.
Originally she told me that if I tried this relationship thing and that if it didn’t work out we could be friends. We weren’t friends and it seemed she was out for blood because on the same day I went out there to have this note notarized. I told her it was for my Dad and so he won’t feel like I was being scammed and then I tried to break up with her. Not smart or good timing but I was so unhappy. I tried to get out several times when she was still in town. She had shared stories with me about how her ex would break up with her even after she got the ticket to visit him. The girl could bear a lot of pain. I was lucky, men have always treed me well. With her, not so much from the stories she told me. And, stupid me breaks up with her after I get her to notarize a note of the monies she owes me and my family. Forget the money I didn’t have that I spent on her. I only expected her to pay back what she borrowed from me and my family and she has yet to pay us. Its been over a year and I am actually starting to feel less pains from the entire situation.
I was betrayed. She’s a typical trapper. I don’t consider myself gay but I loved her very much. And, I have never been or even thought about a woman in that way…with her I loved her because she was my best friend.
Like us all she had issues. She cared more of having a facade that what was real. She won’t try to get a hold of me to return my things that she took or even pick up her clothes that she mixed in my closet at my parents house. And, not even a good faith effort to make payments of what she owes me and my parents. She made me lose a lot of my trust with them. And, she let me hurt when all I did was help her. Women are scary and I am glad that I a woman as well and prefer men. I never thought of a woman in that way. She was my best friend and she guilted me into being with her and I really didn’t have the heart to turn her down, however I was shocked to say the least when she aggressively pursued me.
I noticed men that had me on a pedestal didn’t really approve of this too much. I wasn’t perfect to them anymore or they figured I was never attracted them to begin with. But I never told any of the men I hung out with that I wanted more then friendship. It’s so obvious to me but maybe it wasn’t to them. Some of my friends tease me still and say things like, “So what are you looking for these days?” I am not insecure and I accept what happened. I fell in love with her. But, we never had sex and there were reasons to why it didn’t happen. But, I have never kissed in so many bathroom stalls in my life…but it was all pretty much emotionally driven, however she was an amazing kisser.
Now, again…I am looking for that magic and I doubt I will find it here but if you don’t try how will you find it. The guy before her was another taboo type of relationship. He was 10 years my junior and I did love him as well but I didn’t want him to be resentful of me 10 years later because he had a lot of life to learn. I was 32 and he was 22. I thought he needed to experiment more life. He always asked me if I loved him but I couldn’t answer and be responsible for breaking his heart. He looked like a man not a kid. In fact, in our pictures he didn’t looked any younger then I was. And, that’s the one I should have dated. Maybe the “one I let go”. He was a beautiful person and because of what is expected of us in this life we tend to do what “they say is right for us”. Not what we think is right.
If #4 comes my way and I feel the love I will never let go again and I will do what it takes to give it a true effort to find out if this is it. And, one good thing is, none of my past lovers are local. I don’t have any baggage that you would have to deal with unless you had some. These planned out dates and profiles leaves an expectation that dismisses the quality of spontaneity that true romance manifests itself. I have never been successful in finding romance on one of these things.
Andrea
/ May 24, 2012She’s updated her profile, and wow, is she angry (or bitter). I guess 6 months of looking for “magic” has worn her down. She has posted a ton of pics of her with all kinds of men, which seems kind of strange. Here’s part of her newest diatribe:
“I’m going to cut-to-the-chase in efforts to not waste anyone’s time. I am looking for a relationship but I am going to get away from my novels. Many of U don’t seem to read it anyway. I don’t work out or do really anything. My doctor cousins say we have the best genes on both sides of the family.
My favorite dress attire are boxer shorts and a tank top or no top. But my neighbor just shared to me that him and his 10 year old son (now 12) would watch me naked and his son calls me the “Naked Lady” bc I often go home and am in a hurry to just take everything off. Its really humid here.
Anyway, I am told from people that “don’t know me” that I am arrogant, a biatch, that I don’t care about the building and do what I want (I swear some of the dumb rules they tailor make for me-this is of course second hand info.”
NMH
/ October 29, 2011the only good thing about her is she is attractive. Because of that, she’ll never have trouble finding a bf, despite the fact she screams “train wreck.”
At least she lets you know whats wrong with her. And I find her admitting to hypergamy refreshing.
ZLX1
/ November 2, 2011Damn. This one takes the cake. Cut and pasted just part of it. Hell, she hasn’t even finished expelling her husband from the house and she’s out dating again on the dating site. I think I just puked in my mouth a little.
Here:
I am most proud, right now, of getting out of a marriage that stifled me. (I am currently undergoing the divorce process. We are stuck in the same house for now but we have a custody arrangement set up for the kids and if I have them, he’s not here. When he has them, I either get out for the day, or hole up in my office and work. Not ideal, I know! We have been separated since June 2011) I am also proud of being a mom and of taking a huge step in starting my own business in order to support myself. I am crazy independent and have learned the last few months that help is sometimes very necessary (if painful) to accept.
I am most grateful for my family and my supportive friends and my relationship with God, hands down.
Ian Ironwood
/ November 2, 2011Note to the Ladies:
When you first engage a man on-line at a dating site, and you get past the first email, then launching into the gleeful account about how you fleeced your ex in the divorce settlement does not suggest “Happily Ever After” to any dude you send it to. Just sayin’.
ZLX1
/ November 3, 2011The above thing I posted wasn’t even from an e-mail., it’s part of the text of her profile. Whew. Deluded to say the least, ROFL.
Ian Ironwood
/ November 3, 2011Note to the Gents:
When a lady bombs out in an email, don’t just ignore her. Tell her no, thanks, and then explain to her why she bombed out. Maybe if we start educating them, they’ll take the hint.
P Ray
/ May 25, 2012May just be creating better liars.
On the other hand, the greatest ones, nobody knows they’ve lied.
ZLX1
/ November 4, 2011Jay-sus:
I am a single mom with two kids. No sympathy needed, I am doing it just fine. A man actually had the nerve to message me and tell me that most men will not date a woman with one child let alone two, and that I speak of my children too much in my profile..WELL GTF OVER IT! I gave birth to these children, and they are my life. Accept it or move on. I guess you have to be a parent to understand. I am looking for a man who actually likes children, and maybe even has a few that he takes care of. I work a full time job while I attend college online. After earning my degree I plan to work as a substance abuse counselor. My kids and my job are pretty much my life. I am not on here to meet guys to “hook up” with. Sex is great with the right person, but I am not into doing the nasty with random men..so if that’s what youre looking for..move along please. I will not be bringing you around my kids until you prove your not a pedophile pyscho. And even then I will be cautious. Maybe I seem ridiculous..I am old fashioned. I want a husband. But I will not just settle for anyone..I want THE ONE. He just has not found me yet and hence here I am! So about me, I like to sing. I love to watch the Saints win, but I will watch football just for the heck of it as well. I love music. I am opinionated about almost everything.
Ian Ironwood
/ November 4, 2011This one has “incipient bitter ex-wife” written all over it. Goddess, is there ANYTHING she brings to the table that’s a positive?!?
ZLX1
/ November 4, 2011Love how she says she is old fashioned but has two bastard children and never married.
ZLX1
/ November 4, 2011Man this one sounds so pleasant. If you asked her for a sammich she’d stab you in the face:
Single, never married, no kids, 39
I am a self employed professional, who is very determained and picky . I have many interests in the field of art and travel, have traveld out of the United States Extensivley. Am Looking for a truthful person. No slackers allowed. Have interest in the arts, meuseums, exercise, hiking, travel ect.
Am not interested in small talk like “oh Baby you are the one. or
Sweetie how much money do you make. Have friends , who were stupid enough to fall for these lines, I am not the one.
Hold 2 college degress. love warped sense of humor. amusic from classical to pop. Swiming, horsebackriding and numerous other sports. am into yoga and pilates.
I have many things to offer the right person . are you the one??
just visiting
/ November 4, 2011Damn. I just felt an icy shiver go up my spine.
NMH
/ November 4, 2011It would be fun to have a Match profile with the headline: “Go make me a better sammich!”
Ian Ironwood
/ November 4, 2011Something tells me she’s not interested in fellatio, either. Just a wild guess.
ZLX1
/ November 4, 2011She claims two college degrees but my 8th grader can spell better than her.
To wit:
determained
traveld
meuseums
ect.
degress
amusic
Swiming
horsebackriding
Ian Ironwood
/ November 4, 2011Haven’t done one of these in a while. This is a 38 yo SV6-7, depending on lighting.
I would like think there is still hope in the world of dating.
READ: Dear God, I’m desperate.
I have been on and off XXXXXXX for a few years now, just never really met anyone here.
READ: I’ve sent a couple of emails, but when the dudes realized I wouldn’t put out fairly quickly, they quit writing back.
My work is my life – which, can be a problem for some and caused me to lose my marriage.
READ: DANGER! WARNING! Workoholism = Low Nookie Quotient. I mean, if I didn’t give it up to my ex because filing reports was more important, what chance do you have? Really?
I am trying to start doing things outside of work and am finally ready for a “grown up relationship”.
READ: I fucked up my last one, and I’m hoping that you’ll be either more gullible than my ex or richer. I don’t care much which one.
My hobbies, when I’m not working, are cooking, drinks, entertaining, the beach, listening to live music (all ranges except Heavy Metal, and rap), going out to restaurants for a nice dinner or cooking dinner at home during the week, farmer’s markets, long drives, the mountains – outdoor activities – okay, I’m not a big camper, but will try anything, and traveling the world!
READ: I’ve suddenly realized that I’m in my late 30s, no kids, I’m getting fatter, and I haven’t been on a date in a year. So now I suddenly want you to come along, knock me up, and then spend a lot of money on you while I slowly cut you off for sex over a three-year span.
My goal is to live life, it’s short and I’d like to meet someone to live it with!
READ: Oh, CRAP! Was that another egg? I’ve only got like two dozen left before . . . before . . . OH GOD!
At one time, until about a year ago, I did work out – now, I’m just working to create balance. I do enjoy positive mentalists and think life is beautiful!
READ: By “work out” I mean “joined a gym”, then quit going after two weeks because it didn’t really work with my work schedule, and who am I kidding, anyway? I’m 38 FREAKIN’ YEARS OLD! Those college age be-yatches at the gym were intimidating, anyway. But I still pay the membership, so I’m still technically “working out”, aren’t I?
My dating goals are to meet someone to do things with, enjoy life with and to create a life together (eventually). I’d love to have a family, but, certainly understand that time isn’t working on my side at this point, but you never know.
READ: Sweet Jesus, I want your sperm! Quickly! Premature ejaculators to the front of the line! If I don’t have a baby by the time I’m 40 my mother will FREAK OUT!
I am very no nonsense and expect that the person I’m talking to, have their mess together. Financially, mentally, and if there are children, that needs to be under control.
READ: Have a job, don’t have a vasectomy, and if you have kids from a previous marriage, they’d better not come between me and my sperm.
Overall, I’m pretty understanding and flexible, but, am willing to not settle either.
READ: Who am I kidding? Really, if you show up with an assistant manager’s job at Bojangles and own a 1995 busted-ass minivan, you know, as long as you look good in a tux, can lie convincingly to my mother, and are still fertile, dude, we can make this happen!
ZLX1
/ November 4, 2011If I ever meet someone that I think is normal I’m posting her profile here for bro analysis and gut check. Not kidding.
ZLX1
/ November 6, 2011This about says it all, only a snip is necessary:
Single, never married mom of two toddlers:
My first date I just want a man to BUY my dinner and take me to a movie with his money. A man who is willing to spend his money on me. Not a gold digger just hoping for a man who believes I am worth everything.
NMH
/ November 6, 2011LOL! Hysterical.
ZLX1
/ November 6, 2011If this isn’t wife material I don’t know what is:
**Disclaimer: Girl in profile is much more complicated than she appears!**
I just moved back to the East Coast a few weeks ago and I thought I’d see who all is out here.
I’m not interested in any games or juvenile/immature relations. You need to be able to hold yourself well, be very stable, be spiritual, be independent and enjoy “me” time, and be able to handle me. You can not be clingy, passive/aggressive, controlling, insecure, voluntarily unhealthy, or have unresolved ex issues. I like someone fairly taller than me. I will NOT get involved if you are a Virgo or a Gemini!!
I’m a Mac girl, I like Central time better than Eastern time, I love to laugh, read or listen to (audio)books, bake, spend time with my friends and family, travel, and I love dogs. I’m allergic to cats so if you have them don’t bother contacting me as I will not be able to be around you or your place hehe. I’m finicky. I have ongoing medical issues and will be needing another surgery in several months. I’m fairly open-minded and you need to be, too.
I want to get back into horseback riding and am currently taking my RCIA classes.
P.s –> I’m not vanilla. If you don’t know what this means then chances are we wouldn’t work. Save us both the time, please!
Also… if you’re going to message me put some effort into it. I’m not desperate and I get annoyed easily by poor grammar or lame pick-up lines. I’m not lying when I say I’m complicated so if I’m not impressed by your first message I’ll just delete, ignore, or block. Seriously.
**I have nothing in my profile about enjoying camping or fishing because they aren’t my favorite things to do. I also am NOT smiling in my picture. GAH!**
ZLX1
/ November 6, 2011If you date her, just do yourself a favor and save the hassle and shoot yourself. Jay-sus.
ZLX1
/ November 6, 2011This wasn’t too bad but then there was this:
My goal is to find a true companion in life. I have met many of my personal goals such as an education, career that I love, house, car, no bad debt:) I have a credit score well into the 800s:)
First time I’ve seen a woman advertise her credit score. I guess maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Odd though.
tm
/ November 8, 2011Here’s another one. I bet after reading all the requirements, including the last sentence warning, hundreds of quality men will jump at the chance to have a date with her:
About Me
I’m honest, trustworthy, college educated, well traveled, attractive, cultured, liberal, non-smoker, family oriented, optimistic about the future, sociable, learning Portuguese, LOVES SAMBA, enjoys foreign film, honest & enjoys foreign film.
The Socialwork & teaching professions aren’t overflowing with hot candidates so I’m casting a wider net!
My stubbling block…… i’ve heard I’m unapproachable. The most “unline” works “Hello!”
WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR—
HONEST; leads an active lifestyle; college educated; attractive; LOVES WOMEN OF COLOR; humorous; practical; at least 5ft 6in & height weight proportionate; financially responsible; have a great personality; spiritual; well traveled; “deal closer” & will take the lead as a MAN; good communication skills; thoughtful; responsible; likes to dance; must have your car and house / apartment and is a man of substance
First Date
This is a no-brainer but important all the same. This event requires the following: two interested parties, their best effort, and a solid date strategy.
Interested parties – the point of dating is to learn about the other person and to market yourself so turn your phone on vibrate and give facebook a rest until you visit the little boys room or vice versa.
Best effort – 1) Everyone shows up on time. 2) Put some effort into your hygeine & appearance.
Solid date strategy – guy should initiate with 1) an official date idea or activity that does not involve “I’ll come to your house” or “You can come to my house” “Let’ get together on —–. I’ll call you on the day of to discuss the details.” 4) Confirmation of the date with the itinerary. Being easy going & laid back isn’t an excuse to not put any thought into the date.
A first date should involve an opportunity to talk & get to know each other further. Talking is necessary…. Sorry it just is so get chatty. DO NOT MONOPOLIZE THE CONVERSATION. Then follow up with an active outing or something that teaches me about your interests or that you’d like to learn with someone that you wouldn’t do with your guy friends.
Things to do — coffee, cultural event, sporting event (i’ve got lot’s to learn but i’m receptive), quirky little local events, and when in doubt ASK.
Most importantly, TAKE THE LEAD! You are the man & I am a woman (not sub-species) so demonstrate your outstanding qualities. I will not quibble over the check — yes you are responsible. The door & the chair, you should have this as well.
If you have a great date. Set a plan for a future date. Don’t get frisky or suggestive unless you really are getting the green light. You’ll know it when you see it! if I swat your hand away know that it is NOT a love lick
If any of the above is undesirable or offends you then we may not be compatible for a first date.
MaMu1977
/ November 16, 2011S
Ahem, I’ll handle this…
I’m looking for a man. Preferably (and by preferably, I mean nothing but) White or Brazilian. I’ve been pumped and dumped by enough “alpha” black guys to man a side of football, but the non-alpha black guys won’t fuck me because they know about my reputation and Brazilian guys are hot and white guys seem like they’d put up with me not putting out before marriage.
O
P Ray
/ November 16, 2011She says “college educated” but doesn’t state what her qualifications are.
Some people go into college/university, and drop out after a year/semester/week and call themselves “college educated”.
Lying or diminishing the truth by omission/lack of detail, on a relationship network is already one red flag.
ZLX1
/ November 8, 2011One from OKCupid:
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Whether I would prefer to be hit on in a bar, where I might at least get a drink, or online, where they can’t touch me.
I LOVE gender roles. It’s awesome being a woman dating. Picking and choosing, getting free dinners and drinks. If it wasn’t for the occasional threat of death or rape, I’d probably never settle down.
theprivateman
/ November 11, 2011This one is interesting. She’s discovered something about South Florida dating and she actually might think about the Red Pill.
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=29760371
Here’s her rant:
This probably isn’t the right forum for this but I had to put this out there. Dating absolutely sucks. I have altogether lost any sort of confidence in the opposite sex and here are my reasons why.
Now, before I go on, I do need to point out that I’ve met a few decent guys on here and you know who you are since we’re still friends. (And no, I don’t mean, YOU douchebag, the one that said all those awful things to me and proclaimed himself to be my friend). SOOOOO, excluding those guys, let me tell you what bugs me about the rest of you.
This might hurt a little so read on with caution because this is a reality check for many of you. First of all, I am so tired of guys complaining about how shallow the women on here are. The same guys who would think that its awful for a woman to be shallow are the same ones that tell me that they would never date a fat girl or someone older than them. I’ve had guys who are so chubby that they can’t see their private parts complain about the fat girls that write them. I had one guy tell me he is disgusted by the 50-year old women who write to him when those women are only 4 years older than him and he is freaking 8 years older than me. Do you all have distorted mirrors??? You sag and age just as bad as we do. Some actually worse. Get over yourselves. Accept it and date someone in your attractiveness bracket. Let me ask you this. If you are trade school material, do you honestly think that you are going to get into an Ivy League University? I think not.
Another thing I am tired of hearing is all the whining about how women like guys who treat them bad. First of all, if you really looked at it objectively, what’s the one thing those guys have that you probably don’t? Good looks? EXACTLY! And you KNOW you are willing to put up with a lot of craziness from a hot chick so who are you to judge?? Besides that, I firmly feel that this misconception is due to the fact that you are again trying to date outside of your attractiveness bracket. If the playing field was level, you’d have a better experience. Not so for us women! We can be better looking, more educated, funnier,etc. and the guy will still be a complete douche. Sure we can leave…and some of us smart ones do but not before the guy has done some serious damage…and you guys are quite skilled in that area. I don’t see many women running around treating good looking men bad just because or leaving them for no particular reason.
Then there are the hot guys. You all suck too. Here’s why. You think that just because you are hot, you can treat people however you want. When a woman actually calls you out on it, she must be a complete lunatic, crazy, etc. I mean, God forbid, a woman hold you to your word when you say that you are going to do something and you don’t do it. I’m sure you do that to your boss at work all the time. Yeah, right. Most of you are looking for a doormat. Well, they sell those at Walmart so why don’t you head on over there and pick one up? Oh wait, I forgot. POF is free. You probably don’t want to spend the $20.
Then, there are the sex-crazed, penis picture sending guys. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? I know of only one woman who likes the penis pic. She has a collection on her phone. Aside from her, most of us are appalled. We really don’t care to look at that thing. Please put it away. AND…some of us don’t want you whipping it out on the first date asking us to kiss or touch it. I know this is shocking to you but its true.
SOOOO, please tell me because I haven’t been able to figure it out, why exactly should a woman want to date you when this is all you have to offer? I suppose some of you will get lucky because you will find one of those women who likes money and you might happen to have some. I’m not one of those. I could care less if you have a ton of money, are as handsome as Brad Pitt, or are as powerful as a world leader. Be a decent person for Christ’s sake. That’s all I ask…and yet, so far I haven’t found.
P Ray
/ November 16, 2011Everytime a woman tells a guy he is shallow for having a body shape preference,
point out that women always pick men taller than them as their boyfriends or husbands.
Try this experiment sometime:
Go into a mall, check all the couples.
I can guarantee you 99.999999% of the time, the man will be taller than the woman.
Hey lady, weight is something you can control.
Height is something you can’t change (without breaking bones).
That’s why I tune out women who say men are shallow; they’re looking to win a debate while ignoring objective reality.
P Ray
/ November 16, 2011“I don’t see many women running around treating good looking men bad just because or leaving them for no particular reason.”
That’s because those women can’t easily replace those good looking men.
Good behaviour by a woman towards a man, when he has a lot of other things going for him,
is a reason why the player mentality is spreading.
Blame women for wanting what other women want.
The term she is looking for is “mate poaching”.
tm
/ November 23, 2011Here’s a (fortunately brief) gem. In translation from womanese: I’m hot, and all men don’t deserve me, but just in case there’s one that does, here’s what I want:… Nothing about her, just what she wants:
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=33657819
The picture alone will attract lots of quality men, supposedly.
tm
/ November 23, 2011Oops, she’s under 35. Didn’t read the requirements. My bad.
But really, if one can legally drive, get married, drink, vote, and be elected to office, shouldn’t that mean they’re functioning adults, even if they’re young?
ZLX1
/ November 25, 2011Typical trash:
Cut and pasted:
I am a cheerleading coach. I coach ages 7-30 and I love it.
Besides that, I am VERY family oriented. My family is very close and that will never change
I have some of the best girl friends anyone could ask for. we definitely can cause some rukus during a fun night on the town. Dancing and bar hopping are our specialties. FYI – It is important for my friends to like you also! =)
-Random Facts About Myself-
I love funny movies
Vince Vaughn & Will Ferrell are my favorites
I am late 99.9% of the time
Pink can solve anything
Motorcycles are my weakness
Sour candy is the shitttt
I hate cold weather
But love snowball fights & sledding
I drive a Volkswagen Cabrio
Coaching cheerleading is my passion
Gin & Juice is my drink of choice
I am a shopaholic & can easily shop for hours
Shoes and purses are also my weaknesses
Tattoos are sexy
I am grossed out by butter teeth
My friends are def. the best
My family is my strength in life
Hussy & Dub-T are my favorite words
I love to laugh & love people who can make me laugh
ZLX1
/ November 25, 2011Don’t know if I posted this one before, if I did, it’s worth repeating. Yeesh.
I’m a single mom and I’m doing the damn thing. I have 4 children, 2 girls ages 8 and 9 who live with their dad and two who live with me full time, a 2 1/2 year old girl and a 6 month old baby boy. My first focus is my children and behind that is my education. I’m really easygoing and easy to talk to. I don’t take life too seriously and I’m grateful for every day that I wake up. I took time out from dating after a horrendously crappy relationship and I’m ready to give this a go again.
What I’m doing with my life
I’m majoring in psychology so that I can go into the field of addiction counseling.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m a recovering addict.
Jayden
/ November 30, 2011analyse this chick’s :
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Bildngsbrgertm
cause I’m stumped.
I’ve interacted with her and her age’s for real.
Ian Ironwood
/ November 30, 2011I don’t have an account, but if you post her profile I’ll de-construct it for you.
ZLX1
/ December 2, 2011Here we go, About a rating 6.5 in looks, is thin as a major plus, Age 38, vegetarian of course and works in the field of, wait for it, wait for it, sales/marketing. Yeesh. This one just screams wife material huh? She’d take all your stuff, your kids and your balls with her.
————————————————-
I spent the better part of my youth discovering who I truly was and didn’t think about starting a family as early as some of my peers. Having fun and being able to laugh with the person I’m with is very important to me. I’m passionate about what I believe in and not afraid to be honest with others and most importantly myself. I’m highly independent and totally content with being on my own, unless that amazing guy comes along and sweeps me off my feet. Meeting people online freaks me out, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. Looking for someone that I am both physically and mentally attracted to…someone emotionally and financially stable that has their life together. Sense of humor is required. If you’re a Republican…don’t even waste your time.
ZLX1
/ December 2, 2011Oh, and according to the pop psychology of the OkCupid personality ratings – she almost off the charts lower than average sex driven rating. So you get all of the above shitty attitude plus a dead fish in bed during the two times a month that she would deign to let you put the tip in a little bit. Hehehe.
Lolz. I’m going to reach out to her and have some fun.
Pirran
/ December 6, 2011Ok, Female, 35 (no photo – should we be surprised?).
And…then…this:
“I march to the beat of my own drum. I love people who cannot help but be themselves, ALWAYS. I like to make as much noise as possible when I’m doing something. I don’t take compliments well. I never know what to say in return. You can always count on me for the poor delivery of any joke and the truth. You can usually find me causing trouble, causing a scene or causing a headache. Rarely do I hang up my clothes. I am hopelessly messy, and am occasionally insomniatic. I do everything my own special way and it’s usually the hardest way possible. If there is a button to push or a flip to be switched, I must do it. It’s totally ok for me to stare but not for you to stare at me. My main goal in life is making sure I laugh and smile more than anything else. I’m usually the first one to laugh at myself. If you can’t take a joke then I will probably have a hard time relating to you. My sarcastic humor will win you over in no time. Or so I’d like to think. I have a big heart, but a bigger mouth. I enjoy money but it will not lead me to a career I hate.”
Pirran
/ December 6, 2011Mommee?….MOMMEEEE!!!…..Make the bad lady go away….
Actually, I think she might have poisoned my dog…..or be hiding in the bushes RIGHT NOW….
I’m never going outside again….
ZLX1
/ December 6, 2011Not even F’ing kidding. Copied and pasted right from this nutter’s profile. WTF?
****PRIVACY NOTICE:
Warning–any person and/or institution using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including but not limited to my photos. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee(s), agent(s), student(s) or any personnel under your direction or control. The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one.
ZLX1
/ December 8, 2011IAN!!!!!
Ian where are you? This needs some analysis. Age 35 – 7-8-ish age adjusted. Proud Christian. WTF?
I am unique. I am sincere…not pretentious or fake. I am VERY honest. I am goal-oriented, good with details and words, and driven to succeed. I have a master’s degree in education, but it ended up taking me nowhere, so I am hoping to go back to school for a 2nd masters degree in professional writing with a concentration in web content design. I am currently reading a book for dummies on how to design web sites from scratch using HTML and CSS, but I am still in the very beginning stages. I just want to succeed so bad. I am determined. I take a lot of walks and think about my goals. I also hang out at the mall a lot. I like fashion and shopping, and am stylish. I like animals…especially cats. I like the beach, Atlantic City, the nightlife, club music, repeating strange hip hop lyrics, and comedies like The Hangover. I have a goofy, dirty sense of humor that I let loose with people that aren’t too uptight and rigid with social rules and norms, but a lot of the time I am in “mode serious” and I don’t always understand or know how to respond to the typical sarcastic sense of humor. This is due to the fact that I am a proud aspie. Yes, I have an autistic component to my personality, and yes, I am proud of it:) Lastly (and ironically, this should be first), I am a Christian, and this is important to me. The denomination that I identify with is Assembly of God. I am looking for a Christian partner who is open to the possibility of discovering a whole new world in me.
P Ray
/ December 8, 2011I’m betting, in line with her “Christian” background, that she is also a “born-again” virgin … in that level of “Asperger’s”, I’m sure she’s relaxed on meeting standards.
Pirran
/ December 10, 2011She likes cats?….I didn’t see that coming….
Ian Ironwood
/ December 15, 2011Ask, and ye shall receive . . .
I am unique.
READ: No, I’m not. I’m just like a million other women out there. OK, my DNA is unique, but apart from that . . .
I am sincere…not pretentious or fake.
READ: Yet I wear heels, makeup, and choose clothing that “flatters” me. But I’m not pretentious or fake.
I am VERY honest.
READ: And hope you are VERY gullible.
I am goal-oriented, good with details and words, and driven to succeed.
READ: I have had the same crappy clerical job for eleven years and realize that I’m never going to make more than $35,000.00 a year.
I have a master’s degree in education, but it ended up taking me nowhere, so I am hoping to go back to school for a 2nd masters degree in professional writing with a concentration in web content design.
READ: If being a secretary sucks, being a teacher sucked more. Since I don’t have a proper vocation and I can’t pick a career and stick with it, I’m going to spend more money on a useless degree and an education that will be obsolete before I graduate. Because I realized that these internets everyone’s talking about are probably the Next Big Thing. I mean, doesn’t web design pay $70-$80k a year? Besides, maybe I’ll meet a computer genius husband who can look past my downsides and see me for the unique, honest, loveable creature I am. A thick 401k wouldn’t suck, either.
I am currently reading a book for dummies on how to design web sites from scratch using HTML and CSS, but I am still in the very beginning stages. I just want to succeed so bad.
READ: But not bad enough to understand that it should be “I badly want to succeed”, not “want to succeed so bad.” But I’m sure I’m cut out for a career in Professional Writing because I use words like almost every day.
I am determined.
READ: I am relentless and desperate.
I take a lot of walks and think about my goals.
READ: And pick up cans on the side of the road to fund my lofty dreams. Two birds.
I also hang out at the mall a lot. I like fashion and shopping, and am stylish.
READ: I will spend 10% more than you can possibly earn. And at the end of the year I will insist on donating all of my “old, unstylish” clothes to charity, to prove what a good person I am. I hope it doesn’t bother you that many of the clothes were only worn once, and that some still have the tags on them. Because you should never compromise on “being beautiful”.
I like animals…especially cats.
READ: DANGER! WARNING!
I like the beach, Atlantic City, the nightlife, club music, repeating strange hip hop lyrics, and comedies like The Hangover.
READ: Books? What are these things you call “books”?
I have a goofy, dirty sense of humor that I let loose with people that aren’t too uptight and rigid with social rules and norms, but a lot of the time I am in “mode serious” and I don’t always understand or know how to respond to the typical sarcastic sense of humor.
READ: I am socially backwards and often respond inappropriately to common social situations. I cloak this social awkwardness in anger and disapproval when people misunderstand the bullshit that flies out of my mouth. But I play off my rudeness and lack of civility as my “sense of humor”. And if they don’t get it, then I play this card . . .
This is due to the fact that I am a proud aspie. Yes, I have an autistic component to my personality, and yes, I am proud of it:)
READ: Yes, I’m autistic. And I’m not above using my condition as a justification for a whole realm of behaviors that you will find frustrating, annoying, and ultimately lead to thoughts of homicide.
Lastly (and ironically, this should be first), I am a Christian, and this is important to me.
READ: No sex before marriage.
The denomination that I identify with is Assembly of God.
READ: Damn near no sex after marriage unless we spend six hours praying for forgiveness, first.
I am looking for a Christian partner who is open to the possibility of discovering a whole new world in me.
READ: “Submit to your husband . . . “ LOL! Yeah, right! I’m still technically a virgin, but if you think I’m getting that dirty thing near my mouth, you had better think again, mister! And the back door? Exit only. Forever. Also, no porn, no looking at other women, no talking to other women, no masturbation, and if you don’t tell me how pretty I am six times a day I’m going to FREAK in public, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it because I’m autistic and you’ll look like an ass.
ZLX1
/ December 8, 201136, solid 7.5 Wants to tear your balls off.
——————————————————
I am a good natured person who wants to find someone to be happy with
I am not shy and go after what I want. I do not play games -what you see is what you get with me. I am a straight shooter and prefer people who can handle and speak the truth. I love to stay active, its important to me to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I love to snowboard in the winter however I am not the best at it. I will keep doing it even if every time I end up face down on the mountain. I also believe in honesty without regret for it, dismissive, sad, unmanly behavior makes me laugh. I am not perfect by any means – I have my own faults and issues with trust (I believe it is earned) that said I am a bleeding heart and almost always apologize if I am out of line – I am Italian after all so sometimes I have a firey personality. Do not contact me if you dont have a full set.. seriously.. I have no time for posers, jerks or losers. I would not be on here if I did. I can pick up “that guy” in any bar, any where. So if you are not an adult man, who can act regular do not bother me. =) I have to get a little cynical now – if you are a nice guy I will talk to you but dont get nuts in my inbox – trust that a non response is the nice thing for me to do. Wanna get rude and I will shut you down. I dont get nasty unless I am forced too and some people on here are sketchy. I choose to not respond to inappropriate stuff end of story, I am trying to find someone who matches me and that guy is NOT going to be vulgar in the first message I get… so seriously… take it light and move on if I am not for you.. ITS ALL GOOD.
I love sports – especially seeing them in person. I am originally from NNJ so I am a NY Giants fan and my dad has season tickets, I try to get to at least one game a year. I love the Phillies and have seen 2 games this year for the first time. They were AWESOME! Would love to meet someone who wants to do things like going to games and being active with me.
I work out with weights, I do minute drills. I am healthy and want to stay that way – I am not afraid of hard work =)
I have kayaked, and zip-lined both were fantastic!
What I’m doing with my life
I work for an insurance company and in my spare time I love spending time with my nephew and neice. I work out every day, healthy body = healthy mind. I work to live, not live to work. My job is just that – when I am done my day at work it is left there. I like to focus on the friends and family in my life. I am always open to trying knew things. I have done a triathlon and kayaked on the schuylkill all on a whim. I recently did the Spartan Race at blue mountain and it was a great experience I actually won entry into a special race for finishing in the top 10% of racers for the day. I want someone who wants to be my partner in spartan races and all things like that.. I am a planner but can also be spontaneous. I also spend a lot of time thinking about finding the right man for me, I have a lot to offer to the right man. I am becoming a part of the spartan street team which basically consists of me going out to be a motivator and getting people to join up for races. So message me if you are interested!
I’m really good at
Taking care of people. I have a huge heart and once you are in it you are there for good.
P Ray
/ December 8, 2011She doesn’t have a lot to offer any man, as her age is going to make pregnancy difficult.
Doesn’t say what she brings to the relationship except competitiveness and demands.
Which contradicts the bit about her being “really good at taking care of people” and “have a huge heart”.
Seems like someone with plenty of moodswings.
ZLX1
/ December 8, 2011Spot on man. See that’s why I’ll bring the profiles of any women I’m interested in here for some bro-nalysis to pick out stuff I miss.
NMH
/ December 9, 2011Think she is bitter now? JUst wait until she hits the wall five years from now, and can no longer attract the man at the bar like she proudly claims.
Total bitter entitled woman who needs a lot of tight game. She will be pumped and dumped by posers for her life until she hits the wall.
Pirran
/ December 10, 2011Spartans, Come back with your shield or on it.
(Testicles optional)
ZLX1
/ December 8, 2011Chunky 6: Not too terrible in words but looking for a daddy for the bastard child very hard. Never clean up after another man. Rules you can live by…
I have all but given up the search in finding the perfect man, because quite frankly, I haven’t found anyone who has sparked my interest long enough to hold a conversation with…let alone a semi-intelligent one. I have a huge heart that I shield fairly well, I’ve almost gotten it down to science. I love being a nurse, and love being a mother. I enjoy doing all kinds of things, mostly being spontaneous, having a 6 y/o makes you spontaneous, you have to always be ready to get up and go. I am a pretty die hard (sports team) fan and enjoy going to games throughtout the year.
I want…well, I want to find something long term. I want some kind of substance…not just someone who is going to charm their way into my pants…altho the thought may be nice…it just gets dolled up way too much…there is more to life and love than sex. I want someone I can trust completely, with no doubts. I want someone who will be able to love and appreciate my child as if he was his own, as my child has no paternal influence other than my brothers. I cook, I clean, and I can manage finances, what more could you want?? lol… I am not your flat bellied, blue-eyed beauty, I am me, and I want someone who will want and accept me for me…inside and out, no matter what I look like or what I’ve been through…
Someone who knows we are not getting any younger, and there will be a time where will become old and forgetful and wrinkly, but still be able to love each other just the same as when we first fell in love. There was a time where I believed none of this was possible in real life, but I have been through a lot of life changing events in the past year and I hold out hope and am willing to wait and eventually work for something that I know is going to be just as important to someone else, as it is to me. He’s out there!
ZLX1
/ December 9, 2011This one is just fill of the HATE. Jay-sus! Who in their right mind would sign up for this crap? About a chunky 5.
I have no time for games, I have a son that is my focus and everything else comes 2nd to him. There is no question about that, and it is not an option to think otherwise. I believe that your children should always come first. I am single and looking for something more serious, but friends to talk to would be nice as well. The more you push me, the more you will piss me off. I am opinionated but a great listener also. I believe in communication, it is key in any relationship. I also believe strongly in 50/50. I refuse to carry anyone else on my shoulders, my independency is important to me. I hope that is an attractive trait. In my past relationship, I got lost with who I was, because I was busy trying to please the other half of me. Dont get me wrong, working together to have a better life is one thing, but compromising who you are to make someone else happy just doesnt work. You need to be confident in where you are as individuals as well as a couple in order to be successful together. I want someone in my life who accepts me for me, and I would do the same. If you want to change someone, if the thought of “if only this person would change…” then you need to take a step back and ask yourself is this really the person for you. You should love the person your with for who they are.
NMH
/ December 9, 2011Sounds to me like when her husband asked her to lose weight and she felt that this “compromised who (she was)”. However, Im sure if her husband lost his job she would have dumped him in a heartbeat, because the loss of income would compromise e expenditures.
Its all about her.
Pirran
/ December 10, 2011“I also believe strongly in 50/50″
At 50, I will take 50% of everything you own…..
tm
/ December 10, 2011Another new gem:
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=22865680
This self-professed redneck mama needs a donation. In return, she’ll probably donate something you’ll see your doctor about.
Dave
/ December 11, 2011“Enjoying a drink in my favorite hangout” ,…. in the fucking ladie’s toilet?!.That picture just about summed it up for me didn’t even need to read profile
ZLX1
/ December 12, 2011Ok well I’ll just put this information here as a comment on dating.
I’m looking at a profile on OKCupid. They have these little matching questions you can answer. One of the questions is:
“Which is bigger? The Earth or the Sun?”
Her answer: The Earth.
She has a Masters Degree and works in Education.
I’m going to go pound my face in my desk. Yes – it really is that bad out here.
johnno
/ December 13, 2011>23 y-o, sort of chubby 6 (being generous). This is the intro:
Okay well this part is always the hardest part of all.. TALKING about myself..
Males, you need to learn not to judge a book by its cover. If I send you a request, and you accept, then I expect for you not to judge me based on what I look like, but by what I say, and just because 99.9% of you guys complain that you can’t find a decent chick, that’s because you expect to end up in bed with the first female you come across. Maybe if you guys were a lot less sleazy, then maybe you’d get a decent chick.
Yes I am giving this a shot, but so far it’s been nothing but a bad experience, because males do judge before they get to know. So if I send a request, don’t judge me by what I look like..
>And the conclusion:
What’s the point in accepting a request if you’re just going to delete the person 2 minutes into the conversation..??
One other thing I’ve learnt is that people will always base their decisions on whether to speak to you on here based on your looks and not your persona.. At the end of the day, it is your looks that will fade and not your persona..
if people think they are going to meet their match made in heaven on here, lol you won’t..
it’s called going into the real world and looking..
how do you know if someone is your type or whether or not you share the same interests, if you haven’t spoken to them??
>Any thoughts?
NMH
/ December 14, 2011I predict she is a size 14. Moo.
Ian Ironwood
/ December 14, 2011Oh, this was a fun one. 43 yo non-adjusted 4. Hilarity ensues.
I am a 5’10″ BBW looking for someone who has a sincere, OPEN and honest, lonely heart. Please know that it takes a special man to love all that a big beautiful woman has to offer and dont be shy about it.
READ: I’m Fat. Let’s get that right out in the open. Fat. Heavy. Big. And it ain’t goin’ away.
We do tend to show our gratitude VERY WELL. lol.
READ: I’m Fat, but I swallow.
I am a true southern lady and carry myself as such.
READ: I use my culture to validate my bitchy attitude.
I expect an adult to be an adult.
READ: So don’t give me any of that “feelings” bullshit.
In private I tend to be very assertive and know what I like. Nothing wrong with that and I’ve never had any complaints. lol.
READ: I’ve never had any complaints because all the decent guys figured out that “very assertive” means “dominating bitch in the bedroom” and got the hell out. The others . . . well, it’s difficult to hear complaints with my ass on your face.
I have multi colored, basically red tinted below shoulder length hair. At birth I believe it was brown. lol. Large beautiful brown eyes, or so I’m told. Full lips and I kiss very well. And enjoy a man who can kiss too; as cuddling is a great pastime. lol.
READ: After sex with me, you’ll ardently fantasize about cuddling. Just cuddling. And maybe chewing your arm off to get away before I wake up. I swallow, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it often. I mean, heck, how good could I possibly be at it when my coochie has cobwebs in it?
I would describe myself as very independent,
READ: (“Bossy”)
intelligent,
READ: (“Smart ass”)
spunky,
READ: (“Bossy”)
flirty,
READ: (“Horny and desperate”)
sexy,
READ: (“I swallow”)
loving,
READ: (“desperate”)
loyal,
READ: (“desperate”)
dedicated,
READ: (“obsessed with finding a man before I die alone”)
honest,
READ: (“verbally brutal, blunt and untactful”)
funny,
READ: (“smart ass”)
strong,
READ: (“Emotionally needy”)
and full of integrity.
READ: (“Like my fat ass is going to be able to cheat on you!”)
I am a lifelong friend and enjoy loving others for who they are. People are great and each of us offer a small part in the world we live in. I am a firm believer that it takes all shapes and sizes, colors and personalities to make up our world and if we all looked the same then there would be no need in looking at anyone.
READ: Did I mention I was fat? And a little homely? And I swallow? And if I catch you staring at another bitch I’ll slit your throat in the middle of the night?
I believe I have loved some of all those qualities. Very importantly, I am not a shallow person and am looking for the same in a man.
READ: I wish I was pretty enough to be shallow, but since I’m not, I’ll turn necessity into virtue and hate on the pretty bitches and use my festering resentment and low self-esteem to make your life a living hell. Enjoy!
Prefer soft and cuddly or firm and proud. Doesnt really matter to me as long as you are the best person you can be and carry yourself with pride and confidence.
READ: I want an Alpha. I don’t deserve one, don’t really expect one, and if I got one I wouldn’t know what to do with him, but I want an Alpha. Or a Beta who can fake it until we’re legally bound in marriage.
As a partner for me I prefer a white male; but to each their own- your preferences are yours. Live and let live.
READ: I’m a racist, but I want to feel good about myself. I’d never marry a black dude. I’ll marry a white dude and fantasize about a black dude for the rest of my life, but I’d never marry a black dude. Besides, I can’t lead most black dudes around by my vagina the way I can most white dudes.
Men find my smell terrific and I hear it daily. Thats important because the smell of a man alone can drive me crazy.
READ: So can the smell of bacon, cheesecake, or Cinn-a-bun. If I smell terrific, that’s why.
Love a man to smell fresh and bitable. lol. Its a goal of mine to always be classy and smell great.
READ: It’s a goal. As in, “I ain’t there yet.”
After so many heartbreaks in my life is it too much to ask for a man who is simply looking for a respectable, funny, loving woman who wants nothing more from him except to hold his hand with pride and be his woman.
READ: Well, yes, it is too much to ask. But I’m asking anyway. Because my entire validation as a female stems from my ability to hoodwink some dude into putting a ring on my finger, and maybe if I can lure a self-deluded Beta away from his assistant-manager’s position at KFC long enough, I’ll have my one special day before I start making his life a living hell. I mean, honestly, what do I have to offer a man? Neediness and bossiness? Guilt? There’s a reason I’ve never been married.
Everything else just sort of falls into place as long as you take being my partner in life as serious as I do. It boils down to a 50-50 where I do what you like because you like it and you do what I like because I like it. Is that really too much to ask for?
READ: Unless “your” 50% includes a love of anal, slender women, or the last slice of pizza, in which case you’re SOL.
Please tell me it isnt, because I’m holding out for it.
READ: I’m an entitlement princess who’s more than a little frustrated that the Prince Charming I was promised didn’t arrive on schedule, and now I want to take out a lifetime of resentment out on the one poor slob who might consider me as a wife. And if I can’t get Prince Charming, then I’ll just start collecting cats. That will show you. Don’t fuck me and marry me, and I’ll selfishly take my DNA out of the gene pool.
I tend to be attracted to older men who seem to know the importance of loving what you have because its only yours.
READ: I tend to be attracted to older men who seem to have more money and worse eyesight than younger men.
Mid 40′s is nice. Range is probably between my age of 40 to maybe a young 50.
READ: Hey, as long as your masculine spirit was crushed by the Sexual Revolution and the wave of divorces that followed, I’m good.
Love building out of wood and am very artistic in anything I choose to tackle. Lots of home projects.
Own my own home and love to work on it.
READ: Of course, I have no idea what I’m doing so I’ve caused over $5000 worth of damage to my home and have a stunning new bay window in my bathroom that I hadn’t originally planned on. Plus my roof, yard, and back porch need repair, and like I’M gonna be the one who pays for it. So if you have your own toolbox, so much the better. Just give me one chance to demonstrate my stunning lack of competence with tools and you’ll never let me do anything on the house again. Which is just what I wanted.
Most of all I enjoy just being with my partner as my best friend and confidant.
READ: I need to tell SOMEONE about all of my bad teenage sexual experiences that warped me into the entitled, overweight spinster I am today. I mean, my therapist threatened suicide if I brought them up again, but if I can captivate you with pussy, maybe you’ll listen and pretend to care.
I am so loving (in bed and out) and I feel I am going to burst from it before I find someone who truly wants to receive it.
READ: I am so freaking horny I’d hump a monk if I could get away with it. Doesn’t mean I’m good at it. You don’t have to be a chef to be hungry. Hope you aren’t a “chef.”
If all this sounds like something your looking for in a down to earth woman then please just say hi and we’ll go from there. I will answer anyone who feels like writing me.
READ: I’m desperate.
UPDATE: Where in the world are all the real men in my age group who are not afraid of a real woman and a real relationship with a real companion?
READ: Where in the world are the Alphas I crave, and why do they recoil in horror when they come to my door? You’d think that a sixth-date “sure thing” would convince them I’m serious. Yet they just keep screaming and running away. I mean, just what does it take to find a good girl like me attractive?!?
And let’s not forget- the matter of not being a drunk!! Theres enjoying a drink occasionally and then theres a ” got to have 5+ a day”. Uugghh!!!
READ: Oh. That’s what it takes. Figures.
Lance Draper
/ December 20, 2011To her credit, she calls herself fat, and not “fluffy”. Oh man, I hate that one.
ZLX1
/ December 14, 2011Did I post this one already? Dear Lord, it’s getting so hard to tell them all apart.
I’m not real good at selling myself…because…hey..I am who I am. I’m very honest and upfront and very sarcastic.
I’m looking for my best friend, someone I can laugh with uncontrollablly for hours until my stomach hurts and tears are running down my face.
He cooks for me
He knows when to give me my space….and when not to
He is upfront about how he feels about me, holds nothing back
He fits in like a glove with my family
He remembers that I love lavendar and hate putting the dishes away and that I take a bath every single night
He nudges me…not pushes me…to try new things, be a better person, work harder, be better
He smiles when he sees me
Always kisses and hugs me goodbye/hello
Is an amazing lover…you know what I mean
Thinks I am one the greatest people he knows
Doesn’t treat me like a child but lets me be one sometimes
And most of all….regardless of any qualities/faults he may have……makes me feel loved whether I am in his presence or not….and I never had to doubt it for one second what I mean to him.
Legion
/ December 15, 2011Guest says:
September 5, 2011 at 1:39 PM
Sorry, late to the article here. Would I have a shot with your profiled women this way? (And apologies to TPM for the length.)
“Think of these questions as Deal Breakers !!
1). Single? Available? Divorced? How many times divorced? How long have you been divorced?? The Separated need not apply !! Ya gotta be unattached in EVERY way, because I am …..
After my divorce I’m emotionally detached – is that good enough?
2). Are you totally disengaged from the last woman? No rebound men for me…I have no baggage or drama, so I’m looking for a man with no baggage/drama. Just recently out of a long-term relationship?? pass me by…you and I are on different levels of the dating/love life cycle. To me, timing is everything…….
Yes, my last girlfriend deserved dumping.
3). Smoker?? Sorry, I can’t and won’t be around someone who smokes or chews, not even parttime.
Wow, a requirement I meet straight up.
4). Heterosexual?
Ye-e-s-s. Why the question mark from you. Should I be bringing recording equipment for you and your female friend?
5). Working full-time here in Idaho and live here also?
Idaho?
That leaves you 2 men to choose from, doesn’t it?
6). Your kids, are they the same age as mine (25-22-20) or older? I am only interested in men who have children the same age(s) as mine,(young adults). I can concentrate on you and I want the same in return.
One, collage age, close enough.
7). How many ex-wives and where is your ex-wife? On the East coast or farther away??
One ex-wife on the East Coast, thank the gods.
8). Do you have a criminal record? If so, move along, I’m NOT the one for you..
No convictions.
9). If you are a player, or not ready for a committment, or just looking for a one night romp, you are NOT for me, NEXT !!
How about for a long weekend or a month, if you’re good.
10). If your a guy with jealousy in your heart, or you have trust issues, we will not get along, trust me!
Like I would care.
11). For fun, would you be willing to take dance lessons with me? I am wanting to learn the romantic dances, you know, the Tango, Foxtrot, Waltz, Rumba, Salsa and of course Jitterbug!
I’ll SAY yes to that.
12). Can you be spontaneous??
Not in a combustible way. (Why do I even go there first?)
13). Do you know what True Love is??
Yes, that’s what you feel just before your special woman rips your heart out and eats it before your eyes.
14). Can you handle watching a chick flick a few times a year?? Yes, I do watch guy flicks ! I sometimes have to cover my eyes so as not to offend my delicate sensabilities!! LOL
You gotta be kidding me.
15). When you meet a woman for the first time, do you bring flowers????
Ditto.
16). How do you feel about PDA’s?? (Public Displays of Affection)??
I would like a nice blowjob.
17). What is your idea of a perfect (dream) date?
See PDA above.
18). Have you ever been around/dated a widow?
Yes, see no convictions above.
19). Ocean or the mountains?
Oceans. Usually the land is flatter and easier to walk around that way. (Obviously I’m not a West Coast type.)
20). Do you want to grow old and gray with me?
I’m already gray. Started when I was 29 years old.
21). Do you like “slow hand”?
Whatever way you do it best.
22). Are you a lone wolf or the marrying kind?
As to marrying – be there done that.
23). What do you think of this statement: “Love is friendship set on fire”?
See the part about True Love above.
24). Coffee, Tea, or Me ??
I’ll first need coffee to do you.
25). Can you be two different men? One man outside the bedroom, and another man inside the bedroom????
Like Jekyll and Hyde? See no convictions above.
26). Are you healthy? Any kind of medical conditions??? Taking any medications??
I’m in my 50’s and doing the “better living through chemistry” thing. As if you aren’t.
27). Do you still have ALL your hair and teeth????
And more, see no convictions above.
28). Can you/will you paint my toe nails if I ask you to ??”
Lol LOL rofl ROFL roflmao ROFLMAO…
tm
/ December 17, 2011Another gem: hispanic, 6.5 ish, separated, looking for friends:
First of all I will never date black men. I love asian men. Latinos alright but cant stand that macho crap. If ur a dancer , trainer, fotographer the furthest u will get is friends. I hate to see pics of guys ABS. If I want to see them I might as well ask my boys to let me see. LOL. If u go to fitness connection hit me up. We can workout together. I Workout 5-6 days a week for 2-3 hrs a day.
Well I went on a date with a guy I met on a dateing site. He was telling me to try this site so I am. I glanced at some of you and look very familiar. This is how it goes if I didnt answer back its either I have too much to catch up or Im not interested. I am very blunt and hate to waste time. I am very friendly. So dont be pushy. Dont ask for my number or anyother way of reaching me. Meaning email, messanger, texting, or fb. I am here just to chat. I have already two fwb and lots numbers for booty calls. Lol. I have no time for dates.
thediverdown
/ December 20, 2011I know this is off topic, but I’d be interested to see a sample of a good female profile.
Some of the dissections of phrases that you guys did — while I see where you’re coming from — weren’t the first thoughts on my mind when reading (I tried imagining the words were written by a woman, then written by a man). I think perhaps we have different buzz-phrases? Not sure. Either way, I’d be interested to see something quality. PM made a good point re: writing the profile in second person. Anything else spring to mind?
Phoenix
/ December 23, 2011About Me:
Ask….this website is like special olympics. Even if you find someone, you’re still retarded.
………….I like attractive men, not men that look like they got hit by a van. Don’t enjoy skinny men, I like people who are sarcastic & witty, neck hair grosses me out, ignorance is not the least bit attractive, and I have an obsession with the Browns. I’m curvy and I would like someone to love that about me. I spend some of my Friday nights playing bingo with 85 year old women, I bake cupcakes all the time, and I enjoy Star Trek. I have a cat named Bernie Kosar, you must love him too. He’s actually more like a dog.
I don’t care how a guy spells (as long as you have a diploma & a future), and I don’t care what kind of past you have. Just treat me good & I’ll be happy. I despise certain music. I listen to mostly classic rock & oldies (Sinatra, Etta James, etc.)
(She’s fat)
tm
/ December 29, 201135, hard to tell, a bit overweight, bad photos anyway:
…island girl who enjoys relaxing while watching TV, cooking,traveling, reading, meeting people, shopping, hanging with friends and going to church. I also enjoy trying or experimenting on new ideas(hobbies). I would like to own my own business
EXTREMELY UNIQUE:
Positive attitude is the key to my life.
I am a God fearing person who also enjoying hanging out with my non-christian friends, sharing ideas, accept other people’s opinion( who they are), flexible.
Ghetto attitude and behavior are not welcome in my life.
MUSIC:
Reggae, soca, gospel, R&B, Jazz , hip hop
I am very straight forward person (get to the point). Classy , professional, intellectual independent and respectful person.
Gentleman, Gentleman! Please if you were not raised with a positive male role model in your life. The lord is willing and waiting with his arms wide open to have that father-son relationship with you.I know you are trying to do it on your own by saying I am grown but it will affect your relationship in the future.First: Humble thyself Second: you MUST forgive your earthly father for his ignorance of not, for not know how significance his role was in your life.Third : Love thyself!
I believe that ‘emotional detachment’ is worst than cancer. Communication is extremely important. if you don’t think you are ready for her say something, it ok. There are intelligent black woman like myself who will not curse you out but will understand. Don’t stop communicated and disappear. You are too intelligent for that. Yes you need help but send an email and move on to your next playmate because I am not your playmate.I will pray for you as you deal with your emotional detachment issues. When you meet an intelligent God-fearing young lady who was raised in a humble, peaceful, loving , christian home with two parents who will be together until death through thick and thin. Wow! you will know exactly how to treat her like a queen because her parents already establish that role model in her.I know,I know, you are all searching for the love of your but please work on thyself first.The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. We are not perfect but with Christ as your first love everything will work out.
Observing a beautiful woman with curves is great and compliments are always welcome but if you want to play. Please I am not the one. Erased the statement out of your head’ All women are the same’. No we are not. Leave your baggage/problems, Christ is waiting patiently for you to give him your baggage to him. Now lets start and afresh. Smile!!!
Ian Ironwood
/ December 29, 2011Ian’s Exegesis:
35, hard to tell, a bit overweight, bad photos anyway: …island girl who enjoys relaxing while watching TV, cooking, traveling, reading, meeting people, shopping, hanging with friends and going to church.
READ: I’m lazy. I’m fat. And possibly a pothead.
I also enjoy trying or experimenting on new ideas(hobbies).
READ: Definitely a pothead.
I would like to own my own business
READ: I have little education and work a dead-end job without the chance of retirement or advancement. I figure owning my own business is the key to fame and fortune. At this point, selling weed is looking pretty good. Or Pampered Chef.
EXTREMELY UNIQUE: Positive attitude is the key to my life.
READ: Until the weed runs out. Then run for cover.
I am a God fearing person who also enjoying hanging out with my non-christian friends, sharing ideas, accept other people’s opinion ( who they are), flexible. Ghetto attitude and behavior are not welcome in my life.
READ: I’m a pothead, but I go to Church, so Jesus loves me and that makes me a good person. Besides, it’s a lot harder to get a booty call at church, but the heathens don’t mind.
MUSIC: Reggae, soca, gospel, R&B, Jazz , hip hop
READ: I’m only into black dudes.
I am very straight forward person (get to the point).
READ: I am rude and direct and totally lack any feminine charm. But if you point that out, you aren’t “respecting” me.
Classy , professional, intellectual independent and respectful person.
READ: When I’m stoned, I seem a lot smarter and respectful because I’m too high to form a coherent thought. And I use a lot of big words I saw on Jeopardy!
Gentleman, Gentleman! Please if you were not raised with a positive male role model in your life. The lord is willing and waiting with his arms wide open to have that father-son relationship with you.I know you are trying to do it on your own by saying I am grown but it will affect your relationship in the future.
READ: I get high and go to church and talk to Jesus a lot. I expect that you will too. And that he’ll substitute for the missing father figure in your life, which will make you eternally grateful to me for leading you to the lord, which will bind you to me in love for all of eternity without me having to actually have done anything to earn your love and respect. And as the years go one, and we age and you realize what an utter mistake you have – hey, do I smell popcorn?
First: Humble thyself
READ: You will be my bitch.
Second: you MUST forgive your earthly father for his ignorance of not, for not know how significance his role was in your life.
READ: I have a lot of daddy issues, so I’m fully comfortable about lecturing you about your own psycho-spiritual problems with your own father. I expect you to be an emotionally bleeding wreck, because it takes one to know one, and really all the dudes who came from non-broken homes already passed my sorry ass up like it was radioactive. And then I expect you to see me as some heaven-sent savior of your sorry ass, which will bind you to me forever.
Third : Love thyself! I believe that ‘emotional detachment’ is worst than cancer.
READ: Because “emotional detachment” usually means a dude isn’t into me, and that’s worse than cancer. If you aren’t begging at my feet, then you aren’t doing your job.
Communication is extremely important. if you don’t think you are ready for her say something, it ok.
READ: Oh, hell NO it’s not! When I say “communication”, I mean “I’m talking to YOU, bitch-boy!”
There are intelligent black woman like myself who will not curse you out but will understand.
READ: I won’t really understand, but I won’t cut you. Not while we’re dating. That’s got to be worth something.
Don’t stop communicated and disappear. You are too intelligent for that.
READ: Apparently I dated a lot of “intelligent” guys in the past who saw what they were getting and cut the hell out, and I need you to be just dumb enough not to do that.
Yes you need help but send an email and move on to your next playmate because I am not your playmate.
READ: I’m going to pretend that I’m a good girl, but let’s face it, I’ll probably give it up on a second date if you sweet talk me because of my low self-esteem and my fondness for Blueberry Kush #2. First date if you’re hot and have a job. That means I’m a lady. And if you’re beta enough, I might string you along until there’s a ring on my finger.
I will pray for you as you deal with your emotional detachment issues.
READ: You sorry son-of-a-bitch, you’ve rejected me already and haven’t even gotten to the end of my profile. Asshole. Maybe Jesus will shame some sense into you.
When you meet an intelligent God-fearing young lady who was raised in a humble, peaceful, loving , christian home with two parents who will be together until death through thick and thin. Wow! you will know exactly how to treat her like a queen because her parents already establish that role model in her.
READ: Mom totally dominated Dad all his life and never let him have an opinion she didn’t give him, but he was probably cheating on the DL just to stay sane. You can expect all of that marital bliss PLUS my own generation’s healthy helping of entitlement if you marry me. And yes, I fully expect you to kiss my ass in private while you pretend to be Alpha in public, because if you make me look bad at church, so help me I might just cut you. If you didn’t pick up on the term “queen”, perhaps insert “entitlement princess” instead. Because that’s how Daddy treated me, and if you don’t, then you aren’t worthy.
I know, I know, you are all searching for the love of your but please work on thyself first.
READ: You sorry sack of shit. You’ve already rejected me, haven’t you? Then it’s your fault, not mine. If you don’t like me, then it’s because of your issues, not mine. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this chocolate cake? WHY ARE YOU CLICKING ‘NEXT PROFILE’!?!?!
The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. We are not perfect but with Christ as your first love everything will work out.
READ: If I’ve inspired enough religious guilt by now, maybe it will overcome the terror you feel in your heart at the prospect of dating me, and the Lord will move you to come be my bitch just like I prayed. Miracles do happen . . .
Observing a beautiful woman with curves is great and compliments are always welcome but if you want to play. Please I am not the one.
READ: Lord! I’ve been pumped and dumped so many times at this point, I’m an attention slut for my own validation, but please be a handsome beta I can safely dominate. If I don’t get married soon, people at church will start to talk . . .
Erased the statement out of your head’ All women are the same’.
READ: It will be the first of many changes to your brain I am planning. MWAhahahaha!
No we are not.
READ: Yes, we 35, hard to tell, a bit overweight, bad photos anyway: …island girl who enjoys relaxing while watching TV, cooking, traveling, reading, meeting people, shopping, hanging with friends and going to church.
READ: I’m lazy. And possibly a pothead.
I also enjoy trying or experimenting on new ideas(hobbies).
READ: Definitely a pothead.
I would like to own my own business
READ: I have little education and work a dead-end job without the chance of retirement or advancement. I figure owning my own business is the key to fame and fortune. At this point, selling weed is looking pretty good. Or Pampered Chef.
EXTREMELY UNIQUE: Positive attitude is the key to my life.
READ: Until the weed runs out. Then run for cover.
I am a God fearing person who also enjoying hanging out with my non-christian friends, sharing ideas, accept other people’s opinion ( who they are), flexible. Ghetto attitude and behavior are not welcome in my life.
READ: I’m a pothead, but I go to Church, so Jesus loves me and that makes me a good person. Besides, it’s a lot harder to get a booty call at church, but the heathens don’t mind.
MUSIC: Reggae, soca, gospel, R&B, Jazz , hip hop
READ: I’m only into black dudes.
I am very straight forward person (get to the point).
READ: I am rude and direct and totally lack any feminine charm. But if you point that out, you aren’t “respecting” me.
Classy , professional, intellectual independent and respectful person.
READ: When I’m stoned, I seem a lot smarter and respectful because I’m too high to form a coherent thought. And I use a lot of big words I saw on Jeopardy!
Gentleman, Gentleman! Please if you were not raised with a positive male role model in your life. The lord is willing and waiting with his arms wide open to have that father-son relationship with you.I know you are trying to do it on your own by saying I am grown but it will affect your relationship in the future.
READ: I get high and go to church and talk to Jesus a lot. I expect that you will too. And that he’ll substitute for the missing father figure in your life, which will make you eternally grateful to me for leading you to the lord, which will bind you to me in love for all of eternity without me having to actually have done anything to earn your love and respect. And as the years go one, and we age and you realize what an utter mistake you have – hey, do I smell popcorn?
First: Humble thyself
READ: You will be my bitch.
Second: you MUST forgive your earthly father for his ignorance of not, for not know how significance his role was in your life.
READ: I have a lot of daddy issues, so I’m fully comfortable about lecturing you about your own psycho-spiritual problems with your own father. I expect you to be an emotionally bleeding wreck, because it takes one to know one, and really all the dudes who came from non-broken homes already passed my sorry ass up like it was radioactive. And then I expect you to see me as some heaven-sent savior of your sorry ass, which will bind you to me forever.
Third : Love thyself! I believe that ‘emotional detachment’ is worst than cancer.
READ: Because “emotional detachment” usually means a dude isn’t into me, and that’s worse than cancer. If you aren’t begging at my feet, then you aren’t doing your job.
Communication is extremely important. if you don’t think you are ready for her say something, it ok.
READ: Oh, hell NO it’s not! When I say “communication”, I mean “I’m talking to YOU, bitch-boy!”
There are intelligent black woman like myself who will not curse you out but will understand.
READ: I won’t really understand, but I won’t cut you. Not while we’re dating. That’s got to be worth something.
Don’t stop communicated and disappear. You are too intelligent for that.
READ: Apparently I dated a lot of “intelligent” guys in the past who saw what they were getting and cut the hell out, and I need you to be just dumb enough not to do that.
Yes you need help but send an email and move on to your next playmate because I am not your playmate.
READ: I’m going to pretend that I’m a good girl, but let’s face it, I’ll probably give it up on a second date if you sweet talk me because of my low self-esteem and my fondness for Blueberry Kush #2. First date if you’re hot and have a job. That means I’m a lady. And if you’re beta enough, I might string you along until there’s a ring on my finger.
I will pray for you as you deal with your emotional detachment issues.
READ: You sorry son-of-a-bitch, you’ve rejected me already and haven’t even gotten to the end of my profile. Asshole. Maybe Jesus will shame some sense into you.
When you meet an intelligent God-fearing young lady who was raised in a humble, peaceful, loving , christian home with two parents who will be together until death through thick and thin. Wow! you will know exactly how to treat her like a queen because her parents already establish that role model in her.
READ: Mom totally dominated Dad all his life and never let him have an opinion she didn’t give him, but he was probably cheating on the DL just to stay sane. You can expect all of that marital bliss PLUS my own generation’s healthy helping of entitlement if you marry me. And yes, I fully expect you to kiss my ass in private while you pretend to be Alpha in public, because if you make me look bad at church, so help me I might just cut you. If you didn’t pick up on the term “queen”, perhaps insert “entitlement princess” instead. Because that’s how Daddy treated me, and if you don’t, then you aren’t worthy.
I know, I know, you are all searching for the love of your but please work on thyself first.
READ: You sorry sack of shit. You’ve already rejected me, haven’t you? Then it’s your fault, not mine. If you don’t like me, then it’s because of your issues, not mine. Who wouldn’t want a piece of this chocolate cake? WHY ARE YOU CLICKING ‘NEXT PROFILE’!?!?!
The Lord will never leave you or forsake you. We are not perfect but with Christ as your first love everything will work out.
READ: If I’ve inspired enough religious guilt by now, maybe it will overcome the terror you feel in your heart at the prospect of dating me, and the Lord will move you to come be my bitch just like I prayed. Miracles do happen . . .
Observing a beautiful woman with curves is great and compliments are always welcome but if you want to play. Please I am not the one.
READ: Lord! I’ve been pumped and dumped so many times at this point, I’m an attention slut for my own validation, but please be a handsome beta I can safely dominate. If I don’t get married soon, people at church will start to talk . . .
Erased the statement out of your head’ All women are the same’.
READ: It will be the first of many changes to your brain I am planning. MWAhahahaha!
No we are not.
READ: Yes, we pretty much are.
Leave your baggage/problems, Christ is waiting patiently for you to give him your baggage to him.
READ: If you read all that and still don’t date me, you’ll make Jesus cry, you selfish asshole.
Now lets start and afresh. Smile!!!
READ: WHY ISN’T ANYONE EMAILING ME!?!?!?!?
pretty much are.
Leave your baggage/problems, Christ is waiting patiently for you to give him your baggage to him.
READ: If you read all that and still don’t date me, you’ll make Jesus cry, you selfish asshole.
Now lets start and afresh. Smile!!!
READ: WHY ISN’T ANYONE EMAILING ME!?!?!?!?
tm
/ December 30, 2011Thanks Ian Ironwood’s, ha ha. I had a blast as usual with your comment. You should write a book of translated profiles. And go on Oprah to promote it
ZLX1
/ February 3, 2012Bravo Ian, Bravo!
sam
/ January 3, 2012here’s one for review. i thought it wasn’t bad.
she’s white, 49, 5’7, slender, and attractive (her pix not great), not beautiful but a pretty “7″. master’s degree, looking for a good guy near her age.
“i’ve looked for you from the cobbled streets of florence to the hustle and bustle of bangkok’s open market… yet despite the many paths traveled, ours have yet to cross ~ perhaps we are destined to meet here?
those close to me would describe me as smart, compassionate, curious, funny, sensual, and thoughtful. i love to travel ~ there are always more places to see and things to do! it’s definitely time to dust off my passport. i also enjoy going to the movies and theatre, catching up with friends over brunch, and wandering the aisles at Home Depot arming myself for my next home project.
i also love learning and new experiences ~ so….if you find the theatre a yawn, no worries! share and teach me about the things you love and are passionate about. you’ll find me a very good student! ultimately, though, i think who we spend time with is more important than the activity that brings us together.
who is my ‘perfect man’? in short? someone who can make me laugh, make me think, and make me tingle!
although it would be easy to jot down a long list of “must haves”, i’ve discovered that life isn’t about lists. it’s about the intangible… but, what i will say about who i’m looking for is that he’s smart and soulful, loves to laugh, seeks new adventures, and yearns for something real and meaningful.
in return, he’ll find a woman who’s loyal and affectionate, who seeks and respects his thoughts and opinions, and one who will always offer a comforting hug, a soft shoulder, and safe place to land after a difficult day.
btw sorry for the primary photo! i promise you i look waaay less ‘grainy’ in person! also, as i’ve been asked for others, i’ve posted the few i have ~ as you can see, i really love having my picture taken – not!
a little bit of a shy streak there….”
P Ray
/ January 3, 2012She’s 49 and still looking for tingles?
What does she bring to the table besides a “desire to travel and (haha) learn”?
I’m betting her master’s is in a soft touch subject.
Ian Ironwood
/ January 4, 2012Hey, at least she said “he’ll find a woman who’s loyal and affectionate, who seeks and respects his thoughts and opinions, and one who will always offer a comforting hug, a soft shoulder, and safe place to land after a difficult day.”
That’s a lot more than most women are willing to say these days. And yeah, she’s probably exaggerating, but at least she understands men enough to know that we want respect. How sold on it she is, I couldn’t say.
Personally, it looks like she’s looking for an elder Prince Charming to whisk her away and pay for a lot of expensive trips. On the bright side, she’s still probably sexually active. She’d be worth an email, at least.
sam
/ January 4, 2012to jump in with more info from other parts of the profile, it says her grad degree is in science – so not soft at all. and her salary range was 80-100k. likely she can pay for her own travel.
P Ray
/ January 5, 2012It may be a Bachelor of Science in (gag) Psychology.
In other words, qualification to work in “The Estrogen Ghetto”.
From my experience talking to the girls with that qualification … they have difficulties putting together rational arguments or accepting anything other than complete submission to their points of view.
Those that I spoke to seemed to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and had trouble speaking the truth or not being hypocritical. They had their way in discussions through volume, not reason.
Of course, with the great excuse “It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind!”
sam
/ January 5, 2012interesting assumptions being made. it’s not a degree in psychology – though i pity the poor girls who do based on your comments! – its in the biological sciences, as in animal science.
sam
/ January 5, 2012oh, and it’s a graduate degree – which means Master’s or PhD, not a Bachelor’s.
i have to say i find this site interesting, but as an older guy i am a bit shocked by how harsh the judgements are – and usually with no substantial evidence. are all the guys answering 20 year olds w no life experience? to make a comment like “she’s 49 and still looking for tingles?” shows just how ignorant some of you are about women. would love to read your profiles and see your pics to see why you all think you are so above the women who are online seeking a relationship. it actually makes me more empathetic of their plight.
stepping off my soap box now.
P Ray
/ January 5, 2012“though i pity the poor girls who do based on your comments!”
That’s an interesting assumption you’re making there too.
The idea that you treat someone poorly because they are deficient in character or don’t meet your expectations.
How about, getting on with your life without them? Sure beats “hanging around with them based on what you can get out of them” or “so that you can trade up” … how many guys got to be on the losing end of that circumstance?
Society has changed, and dating advice has changed to accommodate that.
Most of the previous generation has no idea that marriage was something that worked out for them, but they needed to keep up with and change their attitude for the shift that happened in society between the time they got married and their children got to that age too, so that their advice would be effective.
ZLX1
/ January 4, 2012And she has a masters degree and is a social worker:
I am a Social Worker in the healthcare industry and currently love my job. I moved to Hbrg a little over a year ago for this job! I am def more of a city girl then a country one. I feel like I have everything I need in life but I’d like a relationship to feel complete. I am very independent and can support myself, but also realize I like to get attention and spend time w a person I’m dating
I also have a dog and it is very important the person I date likes big dogs!
NMH
/ January 5, 2012Bad job, but good looks = she wants it all.
*sigh*
ZLX1
/ January 5, 2012I just read a profile on Match by a 35 year old divorced woman. She says she is a stay at home mom. She lists her income as $35,000-$50,000. I guess being a divorced stay at home mom pays pretty good.
CPT
/ January 5, 2012How most ads in my area read: This is a SBF/25
“Ima try to keep this simple and extremely real……
I’m a tall, attractive female. Really down to earth, with goals, intelligence and a great sense of humor.
Im looking to share my time with a really cool, successful, FUN, down to earth, tall attractive guy.
I consider myself a sweet girl. I always speak my mind and I’m very blunt, so please be honest with me and have good intentions here.”
First, using “Ima” isn’t cute.
They are all “attractive” despite any indication they aren not.
They all consider themselves sweet yet…
they are all “blunt” which means they switch between eye batting brat to cunt in 60 seconds. Any woman that states she is blunt and outspoken is usually a bitch.
ZLX1
/ January 6, 2012This was one is just so typical. Here you go:
The basics: I am a divorced, single mom with the most amazingly awesome 3yo little boy. I work full time and enjoy spending my free time with my family and friends. East Coast born, Midwest raised. Tall, athletic, brown hair, brown eyes and I love to laugh and make others laugh!
I like to have a fun time and I am looking for someone to share that time with. I would like to find someone that a conversation would be endless and time stands still when we are together. I need someone to make me laugh and laugh . I believe that honesty and trust are the two most important aspects in a relationship.
I would describe myself as loyal, trusting,sarcastic and honest ( to a fault!) I enjoy being outdoors, going to movies or a nice restaurant, but i also am looking to find someone to spend time with at home.
Family is extremely important to me and should be valued by the person I am with. I am very honest and hope that my partner in crime will be as well.
List of things/traits I am not interested in:
-men who smell bad
-men with really bad teeth
-men with bad shoes
-men who cannot carry on a conversation
-men who do not have a JOB
-men who use swear words as adjectives, nouns and verbs
-men who do not like kids
-men with excessive facial hair
-men with dickie-do’s
-men with boobs should not apply!
-men with ego’s bigger than mine
-non-assertive people
-texting instead of talking (texting is fine to start with, but not long-term!)
Let me know if you have any questions……look forward to hearing from you……..that is if I have not scared you yet!
theprivateman
/ January 6, 2012“men with ego’s bigger than mine” and “non-assertive people”
Really? First of all, her ego is so large that another dimension is required to fit it all. “men who do not have a JOB”
Yeah, women don’t care about money as long as he has lots of it to spend.
ZLX1
/ January 12, 2012Nailed it Private Man.
Freed Mind
/ January 18, 2012“The basics: I am a divorced, single mom with the most amazingly awesome 3yo little boy.”
Translation: I am married to my son whom I worship and put on a pedestal.
“I work full time and enjoy spending my free time with my family and friends. East Coast born, Midwest raised. Tall, athletic, brown hair, brown eyes and I love to laugh and make others laugh!”
Translation: I am looking for a really tall, muscular Adonis who will keep me constantly entertained.
“I like to have a fun time and I am looking for someone to share that time with. I would like to find someone that a conversation would be endless and time stands still when we are together. I need someone to make me laugh and laugh .”
Translation: I am seriously ADHD and I’ll dump you in a heartbeat should you fail to keep me constantly entertained.
“I believe that honesty and trust are the two most important aspects in a relationship.”
Translation: I am a very deceitful woman who doesn’t trust any man.
“I would describe myself as loyal, trusting,sarcastic and honest ( to a fault!)”
Translation: I am a rude, boorish, obnoxious, judgmental, tactless cunt who makes myself feel better by putting others down.
” I enjoy being outdoors, going to movies or a nice restaurant, but i also am looking to find someone to spend time with at home.”
Translation: You better spend a lot of money on me to keep me interested.
“Family is extremely important to me and should be valued by the person I am with. I am very honest and hope that my partner in crime will be as well.”
Translation: My ultimate goal is to trap a sucker who will be an ATM to me and my son.
“List of things/traits I am not interested in:”
*Yawn* Who cares? Anyone with a list of must-haves or dealbreakers simply isn’t worth my time or interest.
“Let me know if you have any questions……look forward to hearing from you……..that is if I have not scared you yet!”
Too late! Any man you’d possibly be interested in clicked on the back button long ago. Be prepared to get pumped and dumped by the dregs of humanity.
johnno
/ January 12, 2012> 32 y-o HB7 brunette with fit body (yeah, not bad despite her age):
Eclectic, arty, sporty, grungy, manic, lazy, affectionate, iPhone advocate, laid back, adventurous, nerdy, tough, sensitive, only occasionally right over-the-top. I work hard and play hard.
When you read below you may get the feeling that I’m uptight and a bit of a princess . I’m really not . I’m very easy-going and I won’t nag. I’m happy to do my own thing while you do yours as long as when we get together we have fun doing it. I like to laugh and play (whether that’s beach cricket or trivia nights). I am fairly competitive and love to win, so be prepared that if you dare me I’m likely to take you on.
I am looking for a buddy to do the Bondi – Bronte run a few evenings a week, or whatever fitness you’re into. I’m not really a morning person but I would like to get into a morning workout routine, so if you give me incentive I’ll be there.
If you fit my desired checklist below, please send me a request. Looking forward to hearing from you.
> And this is her little list:
Are you:
- a world traveller?
- a fan of football, running and the beach?
- appreciator of literature, art, theatre and music (from classical through singer songwriter to electronica)?
- a motorcycle or scooter rider?
- 5’10″ or taller? (That’s me + heels.)
- afraid of nothing?
These are non-negotiables.
I’m seeking an Eastern Beaches guy to hang out with for friendship, fitness and miscellaneous fun.
Deal breakers:
- smokes
- takes things seriously
- doesn’t like/get Monty Python
Highly regarded attributes :
- Literate
- Good sport
- Coordinated
- Vegetarian (or near to)
- Surf (you can teach me)
- Dive
- Doesn’t stuff up the punchline
- Hair (on head, not necessarily on rest of body)
- Speak languages other than English
- Enjoy conversation about international relations, Jungian philosophy, parenthetical commas and something really stupid I can’t think of right now
- Get technology and knows how to make macs sing
- Understand why organic products are worth the money
- Enjoy hanging out with friends over dinner, drinks or anything else
- Know how to smile and laugh
- Can cope with being beaten by a girl
- Look equally good in a suit or a t-shirt and shorts
- Can shop for your own clothes
- Are used to looking after yourself and doesn’t confuse gender roles with reality
I’m NOT looking for someone who:
- Wants to share every excruciatingly mundane moment of their day, every day
- Is not yet over their previous relationship(s)
- Presumes buying me dinner means I’ll sleep with him on the first date
- Is looking to have someone move in anytime soon
- Wants kids
- Wants to do everything as a couple
- Sweats the small stuff
- Is insecure, needy, moody, jealous, time-consuming, arrogant or doesn’t have his own life
Yes, I realise this all sounds incredibly picky , but think of it this way: I am saving you time and the cost of dinner if you don’t meet the criteria. I am quite happy being single and am not keen to give that up. I’m looking to be friends with and date a guy who ticks most of these boxes. The relationship is a long shot and I’m not going to plunge back into that with just anybody . I know that “all of the above” may not exist, but I’m putting it out there just in case.
By the way, if you send me a request, please have a photo. And if
I accept your request, would you do me the favour of writing to me to let me know about yourself?
And to that guy who got all hurt because I accepted his request and then didn’t chat with him…try opening with something a little more exciting than “Hi, how are you?”
>Total entitlement princess.
ZLX1
/ January 12, 2012Damn, she just described me to a tee, down to the last detail. I guess my number just came up fellas. Forward it to me bro, I’m going in… Lolz.
P Ray
/ January 12, 2012Is the guy allowed to have a checklist too?
ZLX1
/ January 12, 2012Let me put this one out here as a lesson/reminder to all the guys. This is not an awful profile and actually she seems quite datable if she’s in your age bracket. Woman, 42, Divorced, No Kids. Now listen close to what she says attracts her, a man with C-H-A-R-I-S-M-A.
———————————
I would feel very special if you would open doors for me, hold my hand, put your arm around me and kiss me often. I love it when a guy takes charge and makes the plans for the day/evening. I am looking for a guy that is up for anything. If you would dance all night at a wedding or jump in the car to take a road trip on a whim, you are for me. I am attracted to confidence in a man. If you are the type who is outgoing, and completely comfortable meeting and talking to new people, I like that! If you want to have non-stop fun and live life to the fullest, write to me and I will join you!
———————————-
So she likes a guy who:
1. Kino Escalates
2. Takes Charge
3. Makes the plans (she likes to be led)
4. Generates fun.
5. Confident.
6. Outgoing/Social.
P Ray
/ January 12, 2012I suppose this same guy will be making all the money in the relationship?
In that case, why should he be with a 42-year-old? There are plenty of younger women who will appreciate his contribution (and be cheaper too).
After all … I bet it takes more confidence to ask out an 18 year old when you are 42 …
than to ask out a 42 year-old, when you are 42.
ZLX1
/ January 13, 2012Hey, maybe the guy who gets her is 60. Game is game.
jamie
/ January 13, 2012While some of you guys can be a little nasty, overall, this is a funny thread. I don’t take online dating very seriously and I’m too young to meet the criteria, but I thought I’d submit my OKC profile anyway. Feel free to rip it to shreds.
My self-summary
I’m a shark!
What I’m doing with my life
I’m a shaaaark!
I’m really good at
Suck my diiiiiiick!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m a shaaaark!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
books: steal this book, electric kool aid acid test, geek love, etc.
movies: henry and june, what’s new pussycat, europa europa, etc.
shows: x files, freaks and geeks, mad men, etc.
music: nickel creek, regina spektor, louis jordan, etc.
food: local, in season, wild caught, beluga, foie gras, cholula
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Communal living after the revolution. Self-sufficiency, sustainability and not being found.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I like to wear dirty jeans.
I’m looking for
Guys who like girls
Ages 22-38
Near me
For new friends
You should message me if
…you can hunt, fish or forage….you can build a generator….you can hack into the pentagon….you have a concealed carry permit….you are willing to hang around my house for free food and to get things off of tall shelves for me occasionally….you just want to tell me how you’d like to “hit dat”.
Women have the power
/ January 14, 2012http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200811/the-power-female-choice-fat-chicks-get-laid-more
P Ray
/ January 14, 2012Fat chicks have to be more willing to put out because that’s the only thing that separates them from the thin chicks.
It’s possible that without the fat chicks being willing to put out, the thin chicks would be _even more_ stuck up.
However, the fat chicks being willing to put out, inflate their egos to stadium-sized proportions, since they figure the man who has sex with them (and they make sure he is as alpha as they can get since they figure that their stock rises if they’re seen with a socially dominant guy) is going to become the one they marry.
So the fat chicks then threaten the thin ones’ chances, the thin ones run relational aggression (women are the biggest misogynists), and we’re still back to step one in a way, since even most of the fat chicks want to be with Mr. Big … or see other guys as invisible, as they are scared to raise the social status for a guy who is not a Mr. Big, since he can then snag a higher status female.
So they sabotage themselves in a sure way (by being the sex-friend of Mr. Big, and losing him), rather than by taking their chances with a normal guy (nothing hurts a girl more than being dumped by someone who was “their inferior” so that he can trade up … he got value while she didn’t … whereas if she got the pumps from Mr. Big she becomes like Bebe Buell, and it becomes a source of pride).
deconstructed
/ January 15, 2012Here is another one. I know she is only 32, but I had to share this.
She’s Asian (most likely Chinese), lives in Ottawa (Canada), and works in retail as a manager.
——————————————
Source: http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=33084110
Hi guys, I’m a sexy playful girl that has a bit of a naughty side who likes getting her way but don’t get me wrong I do like someone with an edge and knows what he wants.
I am attracted to men with power, who are selective and has alpha male qualities. They should be smart, funny and smooth (if you’ve got it, you’ll know what it is). I’m looking for someone to impress me, the real deal, a no expenses spared type of guy, so don’t just ask me to dinner, I can do that anytime. I’m used to being treated well (shopping, fine dining, getaways) so if you’re not prepared to spoil me silly, do not waste my time or yours…..pretty please.
——————————————
On first sight, she comes off as a spoiled rotten brat. That, or she lives above her means.
Better be the CEO of a hedge fund company and/or a super asshole to handle this one. At least she’s being honest about looking for an alpha male…
P Ray
/ January 16, 2012She’s very wordy and carefully measured in her statements.
She’s had plenty of experience smashing guys, and goes to great lengths to protect her image.
There might be a sextape or more in her past, ahahahaha…
Freed Mind
/ January 18, 2012She expects you to take her out shopping on a first date? Good grief!! Her sense of entitlement is off the charts.
I see this a lot…..women who were really hot and desirable in her teens and 20s seem to be blissfully unaware of the fact that they can’t quite attract the same type of men once they’re on the wrong end of 30. That would at least partly explain all the really delusional 30-ish, 40-ish, and sometimes even 50-ish women who grossly over-estimate their own SMV.
She is admittedly attractive, though one does have to wonder how old those photos really are. Having said that, the uber-powerful, dynamic, wealthy alphas she demands can just as easily bag an even hotter gal 10-14 years younger.
My guess is she’ll eventually find a well-to-do man 15-20 older, but deep down no man she meets will ever be good enough.
NMH
/ February 1, 2012Wow. Another hot chick with excessive demands. Dresses well and nice body though.
tm
/ February 3, 2012In my opinion, regardless of looks, ANY demands are an instant turn off.
ZLX1
/ January 30, 201244, About a 5-ish. Are you shitting me? I mean, hell we all hope to win the lottery and hey thanks for buying a ticket, but come on lady…we’ll be here on planet Earth when you come back down to reality.
About Me
Enjoy the fun and sun and the beach, the views of the sunset and the mountains. I love lazy Sundays. Love spontaneous Saturday night plans. Involving music, friends and laughter!! I love to eat, all kinds but really love Mexican and good homemade comfort food. I cook, but want you to cook for me!~
First Date
Wine and dine, involve something a little different. Maybe go somewhere you would never go on a first date. Like Italy!!??!!
the same
/ February 1, 2012This is really good, It is actually very educative, I am very scared of the dating enviroment, women are very scary and cunning specie. In boxing and in life in general protect yourself all the time.
The only solution I see is to reduce the over_inflated value of women by refraining from falling into these traps called “dating”. We have to go back to old ways where women valued men and men valued quality women not only the physical part of it.
This is a battle, a psycological warfare, The only way to win is ti respect ourself and let women know that disrespectfully game wont be allowed.
the same
/ February 1, 2012Women know that they have a “tool” to control men, and that tool we know its name. Now, when they are getting close to 30 the value of that tool descreases drastically, combine also with her wanting to be a “mom” put a lot of pressure on her. Then it is time for men to control the situation, sometime not getting laid is it better that falling in a trap. We can be stronger than this, we actually are.
Women have worked together to have the edge, now we have to combine forces by respecting ourself in order to change this situation.
the same
/ February 1, 2012As we can see all these women are nut.
Time to offer a solution: She starts acting “crazy” dump her, You see she is crazy, run away. Do do Online dating. Dont take crap from any. No getting laid for sometime is better than having a witch for a company.
ZLX1
/ February 3, 2012I just love it when a woman tells me “how it is” whether I like it or not.
Single mommy, 39:
Ok guys here it is…..if you are not 5’10 or taller move on. If you younger then 35 and older then 45 move on. If you live out of state move on. If you think this blonde hair blues eyes makes me an easy target for your games move on! I am here for a SERIOUS relationship! Not a quick lay, one nite stand, hit in run or whatever you wanna call it. With all that being said…..I am a mom of 3 wonderful kids. I am a big kid at heart. Have a great sense of humor and personality. I can go with the flow of things. I’m the type of person that will tell you how it is whether you like it or not. I have too many interest to list. Feel free to contact me if you meet the above criteria. I kno I’m not perfect and no one is but, I kno my twisted prince charming in out there somewhere. Come find me!
P Ray
/ February 3, 2012I forget, which fairytale is it where prince charming marries a single mother?
theprivateman
/ February 3, 2012Wasn’t that part of the Jerry McGuire story line? Hey, all you single moms! You can have Tom Cruise commit to you!
ZLX1
/ February 9, 2012OK, men, I’m sure you’ll spot how feminine and lady-like this one is. Any volunteers to go all in with this one? That’s what I thought… Seems like a typical EPL plot line judging from her statements. Funny how she can’t live without her ex, or his cash…more likely.
I’m 34 with two young children. I like to go out with friends and have a good time, but I’m a homebody as well. I have a good sense of humor and I like laugh. My kids come first and when they are happy, I’m happy.
Tired of bullshit and don’t have time or want it in my life! I try hard not to be drama an dont like to waste time on it! At times I have a mouth like a sailor but can curb it when necessary. Don’t like to be controlled and won’t deal with possessiveness or being controlled. I am who I am…take it or leave it.
Lots going on in my life right now so I’m looking for friendships. Open to love if that’s the way things go.
The six things I could never do without
My kids
God
My phone..hate to say it but it’s true! Lol
Money…gotta pay the bills
Tv…I’m a junkie to a point
My exhusband. I know crazy! He’s a great dad!! He’s my best friend!! And thats all the further it goes. We want to always stay close so we are available to our children whenever they need us!! We do not want the collapse of our marital relationship be a stressor for them in the least!! Don’t hesitate to ask me questions on this one of you have any…I know it sounds so off the wall!!
P Ray
/ February 21, 2012She left out the Marilyn Monroe quote (groan) : “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
ZLX1
/ February 12, 2012Wow. Looks like she doesn’t want a man who plays games or is looking for a one night stand. She also doesn’t want too many paragraphs in her life. Odd that she says you should know “right away” if it’s going to work out or not. Hmm, it seems they get very desperate for commitment as they age:
YOU MUST LIVE WITH IN 20 MILES OF [Redacted] OR I WILL NOT RESPOND TO YOUR EMAIL SORRY
First was born and raised in [Redacted] I moved to [Redacted] in 94 and still trying to figure out why lol….IF YOU HAVE TO MUCH GOING ON RIGHT NOW DONT CONTACT ME ALSO IF YOUR GOING TO PLAY GAMES DONT BOTHER READING ANY MORE…WERE ADULTS PEOPLE GROW UP
i love the beach…i listen to all types of music…love to hang out and have a great time…my son is my world…im tired of the whole game thing you either like me or dont…i am 100% italian and love every min of it…im not looking to get married tomrw but want someone who is not afraid of a strong women and can pick up and go away or stay in…oh im not the best speller lol…so your on a dating website for the same reason i am, to find someone who wants a relationship and can become best friends…i have been told im to pushy thats not the case i know what i want and what im looking for so NO GAMES im in this for the real deal…not looking for a quick hook up…so if your in it for the long haul feel free to leave a message…i am tired of meeting people that are jerks and losers…i am tired of wasting my time…you should know if its going to work out right away…im not looking to get married tomorrow i just want someone whos willing to give it there all..im not trying to sound like a **** i just know what i want…IM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN THE AREA SO IF I DONT RESPOND TO YOU THATS WHY…ALSO I DONT WANT GAMES THERE IS TO MANY GUYS THAT ARE LOOKING JUST TO HAVE ONE NIGHT STANDS THATS NOT ME…DON’T PLAY ME …and you must have a car and drive and willing to put 100% into it…I’m serious about love
Some Guy
/ February 15, 2012This shit is hilarious.
I’m very afraid of women over 35 and may have to post a couple profiles to let you guys choose the least worst option if I dare date.
I’m 37 and live in DC and meet about half the women I date online on ok cupid, but I’m curious what you guys think about target age ranges and how they online versus offline. Which age ranges are the biggest pains in the butt/ have the most unrealistic expectations?
For example, I meet women in the 23-30 range in real life but usually target the 27-33 crowd online. Marginal qualuity overall — Hits and misses, really. warning: DC women can be very manly, pushy, uptight, and frumpy (all with the expectations that only nice and attractive women truly deserve )
I’m very afraid of women who have turned 35 — im afraid that they are the angriest and most high maintenance but have the sneaking suspicion that there are a few (two or three ??) grounded women out there .
I’ll need some help at profile translation –
Will post two choices soon….
Thanks
P Ray
/ February 21, 2012Baby rabies hits in the 30s. Along with an almost certain previous history of bad relationship choices (if not, she’d be married by now, right?).
In a wonderful reversal, this is where most men get to capitalise, with a few choice words, to level the sexual inequality.
Of course with this new equalisation comes the horror of the “oops” pregnancy, along with the STDs from her previous relationships.
With great risk, comes great rewards
sofia
/ February 20, 2012http://sofiastry.wordpress.com/2012/02/18/insane-dating-profile
pm
/ February 25, 2012I hope this girls profile is a troll. Nice revealing pics on her part. Great way to attract good men.
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=35190354
“I’m putting on my shades, to cover up my eyes. I’m jumping in my ride, I’m heading out tonight. I’m solo. I’m riding solo.” Jason Derulo
I’m a single mother to a (1) beautiful daughter who turns 4 in April. I gave birth vaginally which means I don’t have an unsightly scar above my snatch. Being a single mom sucks hardcore. But, I read the ‘Britney Spears Guide to Parenting’ so I should be good. I am fully aware having another man’s child increases my mate value indefinitely! We all know it is simply joyous to raise another man’s kid! Anyhow, I am currently licensed to ill as well as a full-time LPN student. So basically, I’m like a doctor.
Her father’s dead. Let me clarify: he is technically alive simply because I can’t afford to hire a hitman…yet. Unless, I was in Russia. Contract killing only starts at a couple hundred bucks. Or, he just go out into space. In space, you would explode before you suffocated because there’s no air pressure. Or, I could get lucky and he could die of natural causes… like a freak gasoline fight accident. I don’t cook. But, I know how to make coffee.
I love engaging in fun risky behaviors like running with scissors, listening to Micheal Bolton, and wearing sunglasses on the back of head. I own many machine guns, which I disguise and transport in violin cases. I really like selling kidneys on the black market, digging for fossils, and thinking about butterflies. I’m not saying I’m a freak, but I do take showers naked.
Aside from soliciting capital murder, I lead an active and healthy lifestyle. Exercise bulimia, a neurotic phobia of eating, and copious amounts of fat burners prove a sound diet plan for me. The 450+ diet pills a day not only help me maintain my svelte figure, but also contributes to my constant state of paranoia, heart tremors, hallucinations, and caustic anxiety. I can go days without food and sleep. Thank you to society for pressuring me to be thin and beautiful.
So go ahead and message me! Wait ten days, then something really awesome happens… Nothing! That’s right, absolutely nothing will happen! It’s pretty incredible!
jamie
/ February 27, 2012hahaha. CalicoStarFish is funny. If you can’t tell that her profile is a joke, then you’re taking online dating way too seriously.
One interesting side effect of having a bullshit profile is that you only get messages from 3 types of men: Horndogs looking for casual sex, Clueless dudes playing the numbers game with generic copy+paste messages, and Guys who get the joke. It’s pretty easy to tell which are which. If done properly, a funny girl can use a troll profile as useful tool to screen for compatible personalities. There is nothing more tedious than being on a date with a guy who isn’t funny and doesn’t get your sense of humor.
pm
/ March 1, 2012Usually I don’t get women’s humor. It’s not on the same level as men. I did chat once with a woman whose profile was clearly intended to be ironic. She basically said to message her if: “if you expect sex on the first date, if you don’t call back after the date, If you want to beat me up, if you are a deadbeat, etc.” I couldn’t help but think that all that communicates is she has been with a lot of losers and she is attracted to them. Not really something you should broadcast to the world.
P Ray
/ March 2, 2012@PM: It’s to show the world she has “experience”.
Problem is that most men are not attracted to women who have “been around the block”.
John
/ February 28, 2012Here is one I found on POF. It seems pretty ok, but I’m curious to know what you’ll read between the lines.
I’m hoping to find a companion who can be my best friend. I would like to be in a relationship in which both people compliment the qualities of the other. That doesn’t mean we have to share everything in common, just that we could love and appreciate the differences in one another. I want to be loved for who I am, and I want to give the same to some really lucky guy!
I am a very honest, friendly, caring person. I have 3 kids (2 at home) I love being mom, but I also would like to have a great guy in my life to be my teammate–You know, a you and me against the world kind of thing! I am a professional, but I am not “money” or materially focused. I drive a used car with over 200K on it and I’m perfectly happy doing so. I am a homeowner, but I don’t live in a mansion. I’m not looking for a rich dude who wants to impress me with his money, but I also am hopeful that there is a man out there who is financially responsible with a sound work-ethic (not that I don’t think there are those of you out there…I guess I just couldn’t think of a better way to say that). I sometimes have an off-the wall sense of humor, and I’m told I can be pretty quick witted, so I suppose I need to find someone who can at least tolerate (if not appreciate) my goofiness from time to time. I tend to really be the silliest when I’m stressed out, but I suppose that’s better than being grumpy, right?
I feel that chemistry is very important, although I do understand relationships are built on many more factors than mere physical attraction.
I value intelligence and good conversation in a partner, an awesome smile always catches my attention, and a person who is genuine, kind, and generally happy appeals greatly to me. You don’t have to be a body builder, but someone who is at a healthy weight appeals to me the most. I appreciate the differences in others, and am always excited to learn new things and have new experiences. Nearly every person who has crossed my path in life, male or female, friend or lover, has left something with me of themselves that I value greatly, whether it is the music they loved, a book they read or just a silly phrase or mannerism. I feel like one of the greatest things about finding that someone special is learning from that person and allowing those lessons to make me a better person. I suppose that’s why I don’t really feel that I need to find someone who has “29 dimensions” of personality that are just like mine. I’m with me all the time, I’d rather be challenged by someone who thinks a little differently than I do about some things.
I hate to excercise (might as well be honest) but I do it anyway because I really want to be a healthy person. Also, I feel less guilty for eating junk food when I’ve walked three miles before work…:) I enjoy spending lots of time outside and prefer to get my physical activity in the great outdoors, rather than in a gym.
Weight seems to be an issue with guys on dating sites, so I’ll just say that I think of myself as about average size. I wear between a size 6 and a size 8, and I’m probably kind of curvy, although some people might define curvy as fat? I dunno.
For the record, I want a boyfriend. Not a husband, domestic partner, friend with benefits, or fiance. I think it is best to take things one step at a time and just see how it goes. I’m in no hurry to make a major life-changing decision, but my heart is open and I am ready for love when it finds me.
NMH
/ March 21, 2012This sounds like the kind of profile my gf would write. So, based on my gf’s persoanlity, I would say she is NOT materialistic (you can take her to the meat and three), she is reasonably humble, but she still wants to date up: must be taller, smarter, MUST have job (unemployed men need not apply), must be interesting. First few dates leading to sex you must give her the gina tingle, but after sex this is not as important. Would look over you if you were ill.
Golfie
/ February 29, 2012POF gem …
“I am Suzy i am a 37yr old yes thats right 37yr old ,INDEPENDENT (single) parent. My 18yr old son is in the army and its just me and my 16yr old daughter at home.Am looking to make new friends, and have a laugh along the way. . If you do decided to message me can you please make it more than a “Hello Babe”,because if thats the way you get a womans attention , no wonder your on a dating site
Thankyou”
Well no wonder she’s on a dating site
ZLX1
/ March 11, 2012Lolz, what? 35 – decent looking 7.5-8, but obviously batshiat crazy….this is all that is in her profile.
Hello!! I am the type of person that if I were lucky enough to hit the lottery I would open up a rescue to help all the unfortunate animals, I cannot help the fact that I absolutely love all the critters in the world. After all they love you? yes I understand sometimes things are out of our control however I do not understand why some get a pet when they are babies only to realize they can’t handle the responsibility? Is that fair? Why wouldn’t you think about this before hand? ‘m a true animal love, my dogs sleep w me everynite! if you can’t handle this please don’t waste our time either of our time, Im not changing and neither are my dogs
LostSailor
/ March 25, 2012Here’s one from OKCupid. I won’t post the single, hideous photo—there’s not enough eyewash in the world—but feel free if you dare (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/levine1919). Claims she’s 39 and is looking for guys 33-52–gotta cast a wide net; she’ll take anyone with a pulse–and is still “working on” a college degree.
Here you go:
My Self-Summary
This is an impossible proposition [haven’t had a man touch me is years] and I’m not even sure I want to be doing this. [yeah, I know, it’s a waste of time, but I’m desperate] But here goes…
I am intense and driven. [I will shred your soul and put your balls in a vice] A dear friend once described me as “what you see is what you get” and I think that’s fair. [and what you get is homely] I am very honest and emotionally open. [I will bitch at you constantly] If there is something I become interested in, I am very passionate about it and will devote a lot of time to learning it. [I will pry into every dark, secret corner of your life] I am intellectually curious and want the same in a man. I can be demanding – but I give everything I ask for and more. [Really, I will bitch at you constantly] I appreciate humor and people who can make me laugh – and am willing to laugh at myself. [But mostly I will laugh at your expense]
I like to argue and debate. [You will never get a word in edgeways] Politics are my life and you have to be pretty left of the spectrum for me to even contemplate a relationship of any type. [I’m a radical—your pecker just went into the vice with your balls] I want someone who is equally intense and passionate. [I like it rough...]
In addition to politics, I love to cook and explore foods. I like to travel and wish I could do more of it. [This is just filler I copied from the profile of a more attractive woman] I am definitely a city person – just wandering around, exploring different neighborhoods, walking everywhere, etc, make me happy. [I am aimless] Before politics, I was a writer and a poet. [I am dippy] I love the Romantics and Wordsworth’s Prelude is one of my favorite works of art – even though he sold out in his older age.
I am also sweet and kind and generous. [Totes stole this, too]
PS – all you progressive men who say a college degree is “necessary”: I’m smarter and more well-read than 80% of the college grads I know – schooling and intellect are not the same [I’m really an idiot, but still consider myself superior to everybody, including you. Have I mentioned yet that I’ll bitch at you constantly? Seriously.]
What I’m Doing With My Life:
I’m a radical political activist. For real, that’s what I do with my life. [I don’t have a job.]
Six Things I Could Never Do Without
Politics. Laughter. Books. [I really don’t get out much] Good food. [But I do eat a lot. I’m “curvy.” Deal with it.] Good friends. [I have two. They’re as homely as me] Sex. [Not that I’ve had any recently. At least not with a human being. Say, do you have any extra batteries?]
P Ray
/ March 25, 2012Intellectually curious, but haven’t even graduated in a “soft-touch” subject, e.g. Women’s Studies, Early Childhood Education or Religion?
In other words, she’s too lazy and scatterbrained to finish her education.
Cupid says, she is not OK.
“I’m smarter and more well-read than 80% of the college grads I know – schooling and intellect are not the same”
Smarter and well-read … but not smart enough to know that without a proper qualification your odds are pretty low on landing any kind of stable work if your looks go.
Even the Hooters Girls have to meet a basic standard.
“I’m a radical political activist. For real, that’s what I do with my life.”
So you’re an easily manipulated idiot, who gets the taxpayer to subsidise her living.
Nice red flags in her favourites list.
Any man she’s with, has to earn enough to feed three. In a tough economic climate, that’s a hard sell.
I’m sure she’ll manage something with an alpha who’ll get his rocks off though. She gets more of what she rewards, less of what she punishes.
And the guy is going to wonder that if she’s the reward of being a nice guy, he’d better be looking elsewhere. That is the wise decision.
Ian Ironwood
/ March 26, 2012“I’m a radical political activist. For real, that’s what I do with my life.”
Actually, gentlemen, if you were an aging feminist activist who suddenly realized that she will most likely die alone and be eaten by her own cats, this is precisely the kind of profile you would place to entice some self-loathing Beta on his third divorce to come and be your private ATM/punching bag. She can’t say “feminist”, or she’ll make even the timid run. But what female “political activist” do you know of who doesn’t identify (strongly) with feminism?
This one has BIOHAZARD written all over ti.
crazybunny66
/ March 26, 2012wow, you´ve all done your homework, it seems, but honest guys, we´re not all THAT bad, are we?? On a positive note, If I ever were to take up online dating, I now know what NOT to put on my profile. Keep it going, you make interesting reading
@ The Private Man: nice blog, I like it
LostSailor
/ April 1, 2012This one is too long to post here. Really. She’s kinda cute and apparently like to get semi-naked and drinky a lot, but…
The crazy is strong in this one…
LostSailor
/ April 1, 2012And it would be helpful if I actually remembered to post the link:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/mundivagance
ZLX1
/ April 4, 2012Yeah, this is one you really want to take home to mom:
I am still thinking how to write this. But for now, I will start with the things you tell your mother about me when you realize I really am the girl next door. I am educated, you may even use the word smart. I have great family values. I am very compassionate and generous. I am thoughtful of others. and I am pretty. (modest, too.)
Then this is what you will tell your friends: I am funny. I love to hike. Yeah,I like to go out but I am not a barfly. I am not skanky. I got my sh*t together. Oh yeah and I am pretty cool.
All that aside, I know it sounds like a stereotypical douchebag “pattern cut out” profile but, hell I am going to rewrite this, I just wanted to get it down so I dont get all crazy shifty about the idea of online dating and delete the whole thing right away.
If I think you are shady, a pervert or you dont have the balls to take things farther then the internet ( like actually meeting me) Yeah, I am not going to respond to you. btw, not here for casual sex or if your married. kinda wanna date someone, call me crazy I know. oh i am 5’10, sorry but i will only be your friend if you are shorter than me. I date tall guys. yep, i am a prick like that
Hell, most of you didnt even read this and just looked at my picture to decide my worth, awesome. Just for my own amusement, if you do msg me, put the word dazzling in the context somehow so I know you read this. IDK I think it will be funny that I just keep getting, hi there.
Oh and if I happen to know you, dont judge me jerkoffs, you are on here too
P Ray
/ April 4, 2012oh i am 5’10, sorry but i will only be your friend if you are shorter than me. I date tall guys. yep, i am a prick like that.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2124824/Taller-women-greater-risk-ovarian-cancer-Every-inches-height-increases-thrieat-7-cent.html
Nature is a prick to pricks like you. Enjoy finding a guy to finance your health. What a piece of work that lady is.
ZLX1
/ April 4, 201238, solid 6.5, I sense a little entitlement here though, it also evokes Roissy’s post about how a woman fills up her schedule when no man is around:
I have many hobbies. Just ask! It might spark up an interesting conversation!
My goals are to finish up paying for my home, learn how to scuba dive (why not???) and figure out why I am here on this lovely planet called earth!
I love to go out dancing with my girlfriends on the weekends I don’t have my kids and let my hair down! After working all week, I need my “me” time…even though I LOVE being with my girlies, I want to maybe to explore a possible dating relationship with a guy! The girls are fun, but there are some things that a great guy would make even better–like walking hand in hand and going shopping and out to dinner!I’d like a guy to spoil me just a little-and in return I would spoil him too! I’d also like a guy who I can talk to and be myself with…a guy with brains, but also a guy who just wants to have fun! Are you that guy? Can we talk about the deeper meanings in life? If that is you, send me a message and I will respond!
ZLX1
/ April 4, 2012Interesting, 36, a 6-7:
I am kinda a unique girl that had it tough growing up. I overcame so much and was rewarded with hard work. I have earned everything that I have on my own. I have a 17yr old daughter that I have raised on my own, and she is my world. I take honesty very seriously. You only have one life, why get caught up in webs of lies. The truth may hurt, but I rather that than a lie.
I am very responsible with real life, and I take my career and learning very seriously, but out of work I am silly and very outgoing. I love funny. My favorite is the type that doesn’t even know that they are funny, they just are. Sarcastic people always make me laugh as long as they are respectful…. I love movies, any movies mostly but sci-fi. I can’t get into that. My favorite food is seafood and mexican. I can get down with wings,beer, and soul food too, I love fried cabbage and greens, lol. I like to cook and try new recipes as well as read in my spare time. I like any music but country really, old school rap and R&B is my favorite. I love to travel, I haven’t been outside of the US yet, but I know I will soon enough. I just love going different places and making memories. I love learning about art and my favorite subject is psyche.
The biggest thing about me is that I hate the cold and snow. I love the sun and swimming. When summer comes my whole mood changes. When I go to Florida, I’m dreamy. I just turned 36, but I feel and look young. I feel the world is in my hands, and I have so much I want to do. I am very adventurous. My biggest goal is relocating to Florida. I plan to do it in the near future. I’m open to meeting friends as well as dating.
I cannot tolerate people that sit around and wait for a career or money to fall out of the sky. I don’t like disrespectful, racial or rude people that don’t listen and think the world is about them. I don’t care for non-listeners that are playing video games and have a cell phone in the other hand. I absolutely hate liars.
I do like to be treated with kindness and I think the littlest things in life mean the most, notes in your lunch, on the mirror…a rose in your car, car doors being opened by the man…you name it, a precious girl should be treated like a princess.
Jester
/ April 9, 2012I had to put this one up… I was friggin cracking-up reading this profile. The last line almost made me wet myself.
I’m just going guess here, but I think she may be looking for a non-drinker. Ironically, she’s a smoker… Because there is no evidence of smoking taking lives at all ages of life. lol
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=33775171
** NOTE ** IF YOU DRINK, EVEN SOCIALLY, SORRY I AM NOT INTERESTED. PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME.
I MUST EMPHASIZE THIS AS I LOST A GIRLFRIEND DEC 23, 2011 TO AN ALCOHOL OVERDOSE, SHE TOOK HER OWN LIFE.
I AM A NON-DRINKER, NON USER OF MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCES. CLEAN & SOBER.
I am an ELEGANT PRINCESS, passionate, romantic, classy, sassy, witty, free spirited and very spiritual woman who enjoys theater, opera, comedy, dancing, movies, eating out, coffee, family, friends, movies and the spiritual realm.
I am searching for a definite ALPHA MALE who is also a NON-DRINKER, NON-USER OF MIND ALTERNING SUBSTANCES, CLEAN & SOBER who is confident, aggressive, assertive, and masculine, yet is kind, loving and sensitive to me. A BUSINESS OWNER / PRESIDENT / CEO of an ackomplished Company and well-to-do Professional. Someone who when we go out automatically holds doors for me, who lights my cigerette, who helps me with my coat/sweater who stands on his own two feet, who has good values & morals, is honest, mature, funny and would protect me. I am interested in something long term and should I ever marry again, I want a wedding like the one in the “Guns N Roses” You Tube Video of “November Rain”. So, sweep me off my feet and make all my dreams come true and you will be well compensated with benefits. Prefer cut men. If you like cooking, that would be great. I hate cooking!! You must be CLEAN & SOBER, a non-user of alcohol and mind altering substances.
The photos of me were taken in August of 2011 at some friends and since then I have lost a few more pounds, on purpose. I have been taking better care of myself. In the last year, I have lost 40lbs eating right, walking etc… I am slender now.
I am a Libra which means balance. Balance in my life is very important to me. Having said that; honesty, trust, good values and loyalty are also things I admire, desire and search for.
I do not drink, but I do smoke and someday I would like to quit. I will not be interested in anyone that does drink. This is extremely important to me.
My music varies; I do like to go dancing but I also enjoy abit of jazz, classical, rock, grove and funk.
If you have read this far, watch the You Tube Video/Slide Show of Love’s Theme by Barry White; if you get a chill watching it, you’ll understand me and how music takes you places in your heart. You may, perhaps, be the gentleman for me.
LAST NOTE:
I clearly indicate many times in my profile NOT to be contacted by anyone who drinks, even socially (this would include moderate drinking as well). Simply put, if we were to meet and spend time together, there will come a day, a time or an event where you will order or have an alcoholic beverage. At this point, I will get up and leave and that will be the end of it.
Therefore we won’t ever meet if you drink socially or even moderately.
I am quite serious about finding someone that does not drink. It is a dealbreaker for me. It’s very important to me not to be around people who drink as I have seen drinking escalate, witnessed the violent, horrific and gruesome results it can lead to and lived it. So, for my own safety, I can not be with or around people who drink.
First Date
Pick me up in either a Rolls Royce, Cadillac or Limo is a wonderful way to start. I do like the FINER things in life. I’m being honest. I’m an Elegant Princess looking for her Alpha Male King.
LostSailor
/ April 9, 2012I’m sure she’s being honest. Really. That limo should be pulling up any second now.
I’m predicting that after decades of being pumped-and-dumped by her supposed Alphas, she’s going to wake up on the sofa in her studio apartment with a handle of Smirnoff’s and ask her cats where the hell she went wrong…
Jester
/ April 9, 2012If anyone can tell me WTF this woman is saying in her profile I will give them a prize! lol
Honestly, she’s probably one of the creepiest looking women I have ever seen. She would fit right in with the rest of the Adam’s Family. I think even Uncle Fester might be challenged trying to understand WTF she is talking about in her profile.Have at it boys! lol
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=28990744
Interests
FitnessTae Box Tweakwando and Karaty
About Me
. I like Bananas very long and very big 10 inche and more MANDIGO And Like SMIRNOFF ICE and me drink 8 foor be good Hi There and thanx for dropin by. I will try to make this short as possible.Its hard to talk about yourself with out trying to sound to egotistical. lol 3 things my friends would say that describes I am a smart Female seeking Man who enjoy Funny time. I am very open minded and am hugely attracted to attached females who like guys at once. If this you you, I’d love to speak with you. If you are more into conventional one-on-one play, feel free to message me as well, but please be open minded. I am especially attracted to attached/married man PIMP and Gangster – I have always enjoyed forbidden fruiti I am very dominant and like inche really hard I’m really a big mistress who control much in his house And my washer is very clean and me Rap Game whit celebrity Follow me in TWITTER or Facebook Josianne Lasoprano or http://www.twitter./lasopranos Bye Am Real Quebecor whit England oh oui oh la la la oh oui o yes and like lot laught ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha All and ist me make all payment and paye all bill my condo my bunker my local my studio hip hop my office my appartement Duplex and complex my bar You think me liars Me rap games whit some celebrity Go Douwnload Mixtape G-unit in B-Torrent after Go The pirate bay and writer G-unit and Search Return G-unit ist Me xxxxx Good luck whit me Man ! Lucky Luciano I’m a very hardworking all round great gurl
And all those close to me I know that all my dogs are well trained and I’m the big panthers Am Big Joker for Biker
First Date
The Mafia Cosa Nostra after Gomorrah and camorra Gangstreet and Hell’s Angels Am crew
LostSailor
/ April 9, 2012Actually, Jester, those last two profiles were written by the same woman.
The trick is figuring out which was was the “before” and which was the “after”…
LostSailor
/ April 12, 2012Here’s one from OKC. 39. Pics are only of her face, top of her breasts, and eyes. Listed as 5’5″ and “curvy.” She’s obviously not just hit the wall but likely plowed into it.
My self-summary
You may want to skip past this rant. You have been warned.
I’m a kind girl, a most of the time good girl, and I hate to sound unkind because I love love love men… but…
Once upon a time, people met offline and couldn’t fake their height, age, or looks as- tadaa: there they were face to face. I mean sure, one of the two (or both) might turn out to be a total tool(s), but at least in that moment of first meeting there were no immediate visible surprises. But now here we are in the candy store– the never ending bar… and for some bizarre reason, women tend to lie about their weight and age and for men it seems height and age are the top two attributes that are altered.
I’m not looking for a male model. The sexiest part of a man is his brain. And his hands. And his voice. For starters.
Oh- and honesty. Honesty would be swell.
In other words, if you are a 60 year old man who is looking for a Mazda Miata with a pussy, just say so! No need to slice off a decade and pretend you want a deep meaningful relationship with a contemporary. Trust me, there are a gaggle of 20-something-year-olds who will be happy to ride your wave until it crests or they find a bigger one. In other words, don’t lie.
If you want an incubater, again: just lay it on the line. There are a ton of women in NYC who are quite ready and willing to share/raise a baby with you providing you aren’t a sociopath and are gainfully employed.
And if you are looking for a sassy, sexy, quirky woman who is so not a hipster but so so cool: Ahem… me! Over here! Write me.
I don’t lie. I really am 5’5″and a half ( there was no option for half inches) and I am an average build (with curves). My hair is blonde, and my eyes are light. My lips full. And though not viewable, my brain… I’ve got a good one. None of my limbs are unscrewable. And while I am unscrewable (on the first date that is) if I like you, I’m happy to screw (and screw and screw and screw) after we know each other a bit.
I haven’t gotten any in a while, and the only guys that hit on my are old men who don’t mind a pump-n-dumpR once in a while
LostSailor
/ April 12, 2012More…
What I’m doing with my life
After 12 years of not typing/writing a creative word, I just started writing again. This makes me very happy.
I have nothing else to do, so I’m going back to writing bad lovelorn poetry. This doesn’t really make me happy, but that’s what I have a hamster for.
You should message me if
You are smart, sexy, tactile, affectionate, handsome, give good voice…. Pleasepleaseplease, just be moderately hot and under 50…
You are a man not a boy. and have a big one
You like yourself. not a complete loser; partial losers are okay
You generally play well with others and have showered in the last week. Okay, two weeks
You like to be the boss in bed. (not anything crazy… just that you know when to be gentle and when to be rough). C’mon, you know how I like it…
You are a great kisser. just do me already
You believe that laughing about a crappy day is more productive than sulking. and your Xanax prescription is up to date
You are a good hug giver. really, just do me already
You are kind.
You are honest. actually, just lie to me. I’ll believe it
Oh! And for the love of little tender baby Jesus, please write me a thoughtful message if you want a reply. Doesn’t have to be an opus. Just more than: “You’re hot!” and NEVER “Wass-up?”
I seriously considered sending a “wass-up” message. I still might… Oh, and given her comments above about creepy 60-year-old guys, she lists her desired upper age-range as 60. If this shit weren’t amusing, it would be depressing.
jj
/ April 14, 2012How old are you? Don’t you recognize a mock profile. It’s not real, it’s a funny fake profile, they did it for fun.
LostSailor
/ April 14, 2012How old am I? Old enough to still throw you over my knee…
Profile is real, darlin’. No woman can fake this level of anger and entitlement.
P Ray
/ April 12, 2012Haha… can’t fake their height, looks or age.
But could certainly fake their qualifications, job history, character, financial status, marital history, health/mental conditions, achievements and reciprocity.
She’s the one they mention with the saying “some people grow up, and some people just grow old”.
P Ray
/ April 12, 2012Oh whoops, what am I saying:
Botox, fillers (alliderm – zombielips), makeup, high heels
what was that she said about people couldn’t fake age, height or looks in person?
BR
/ April 14, 2012Really? Are you out of your mind? Do you think women are lining up to get impregnated by an old man when they can get a man their own age who can give them a healthier baby. The only women I see doing this are low life gold diggers. Yeah, she’ll make a fine mother.
Starting at age 25 men’s risks starts increasing for father related illnesses for their babies.
By the time a man is in his late 30′s those risks have increased so much more. So the younger the man is, the healthier the baby, and the younger the man is the more it reduces those risks brought on by the mother. Look it up on wikipedia. There has been some research done relating some types of autism where the father’s older age might be factoring in.
Plus, how the heck is an old man going to play with a kid without risking breaking his hip or the many age related problems of old age?
theprivateman
/ April 14, 2012Such a litany of rationalizations and denial. Your hamster is strong.
LostSailor
/ April 12, 2012Okay. One more short one. 55yo IMs me. Sparse, uninteresting profile, but here’s the gem:
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Pizza, Hot dogs, Cake, Ice cream, Hamburgers. Music, “all types” And comedy,
Funny, I haven’t read any of those books or seen any of those movies. I have heard of the band Cake, however…
jj
/ April 14, 2012So, what’s wrong with listing your favorite foods? That was part of the question.
LostSailor
/ April 14, 2012From your earlier comment, I took you to be just a typical, naive woman. But this is just reveals a garden-variety troll.
ZLX1
/ April 25, 201240 y.o. Nice looking for 40. Age adjusted 7? The hamster, it is strong.
So I will begin with this I know what I want and am not willing to settle for less simply because for the past 20 years I have!
I’m 40 divorced for nine years my son is 20 and in college! I’ve had several successful long term relationships and several not so successful.
I’m looking to find someone who is divorced first and foremost if you are not DIVORCED please do not message me. I am NOT interested. Not to be rude but if the ink is still drying not a good time to message me either. Again I have been single (less the relationships here and there) for over nine years and I do not want to be your re-bound person.
Since some of you have failed to read I do NOT tolerate SMOKERS even if you have listed “Trying to quit” not acceptable….
I am ready for a long term relationship and am looking for someone who is truly at that point in their life as well.
I have been on eHarmony, Match, and several other dating sites and every now and then I step back from the dating merry-go-round of hell and take a breath.
I found this site on my iPhone and thought I would see what it is all about. That is why I am here and that is why my “Self-Summary comes off harsh and abrasive.
Putting my soul out there as I have done in the past?? Well I guess if I meet someone and we hit it off then I will bear my soul to them…..
ZLX1
/ May 6, 201238 y.o., This is just, well, classic hamsterish…, here you go:
Doesn’t anyone read my profile?? I want someone WITHOUT kids! If you have kids and they’re over 18, I MIGHT consider it! Also, I am looking for a guy who’s religious. I know not everyone on here is and that is fine– for someone else– not me. I will not settle. I’ve been waiting my whole life for the perfect guy. I’ve never married and have no kids. I really have no baggage. Please read my profile, too. It’s not that much info.
You should message me if:
YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS, ARE NOT PSYCHO, NO: TATTOOS, WEIRD PIERCINGS, HARLEY’S, DUIs, SMOKING, EVEN CIGARS (EVEN MORE GROSS THAN CIGS), CRAZY EXES, LOOK, I’M LOOKING FOR THE NORMAL GUY THAT IS ATTRACTIVE TOO. ATTRACTION IS PARAMOUNT.
Jay in DC
/ May 7, 2012I feel like I shouldn’t even bother posting this profile here because if you are in Hell on Earth for Dating AKA DC, you know the drill. You can rubber stamp this profile here because every other chick has it. You needn’t go farther than myself, Phil in DC, Roosh, or Roissy for education about the No Man’s Land this place is for dating. But here we go anyways—
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“I’m a to the point person so here it is…
I’m not out here looking for a good time, I’m looking for something real which can be hard to find in the hectic world we live in.
I work hard, play hard, and laugh a lot and I’m looking for someone that enjoys the same. They should be confident, but not cocky, and they should know the difference. They should want a strong, confident, successful woman who needs support, attention, and affection and plans to give the same.
I’m competitive by nature but I don’t argue which can drive some people nuts. i would rather spend my time kicking ass on a pool table instead of arguing. Pool was a hobby that became a passion, maybe an obsession, none the less…I love it. I play pool in three leagues two nights a week (APA) and I usually go to Vegas for competitions once or twice a year. I’d like someone that can enjoy this with me but is doesn’t have to be their passion, it is my passion, they can have a passion of their own and maybe we can share.
I love to travel and always make it an experience. I have visited Russia during White Nights and have built houses in Nicaragua and I plan to do more of the same. I want to start taking some short trips to Europe, it is unforgivable that I haven’t been to France or Italy in all of my travels.
Do i want to be swept off my feet? Yes, at least a little. That doesn’t necessarily mean fancy dinners or extravagant gifts, it is more about thoughtfulness. Though, fine dining is something I truly enjoy and I like a man that will make the decisions about restaurants and picking wine. I have a stressful job and make decisions all day and sometimes I just like someone else to lead so I can follow. If I want something in particular, you will know, I’m not shy about expressing my opinion or desires.
Those are just a few things about me, there is much more to explore. If you are reading this, you know how it works. If you think we are a fit, contact me and we will see what happens.
I’m a Capture Manager for a government contractor. I focus on large or strategic deals – usually $300M or breaking into a new client. I sometimes work long hours, espeically during a proposal, but I love my job even though I can complain about it. Salary- 150,000+”
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Oh and she has “a cat”. Something tells me she will be collecting a few more at 35 years old already…
P Ray
/ May 14, 2012I wonder how much of her dealmaking is about spreading the love.
Or deliberately lowballing the figures or working through FUD.
ZLX1
/ May 13, 2012This is delightful. 37 Y.O.:
About Me
Let’s face it, writing these things sucks and it really doesn’t matter what you say because someone could seem like your perfect match on paper and when you meet, you might have no chemistry at all. So, I’m going to skip all the “I like a fun night out, but also enjoy snuggling on the couch” stuff because honestly, don’t we all?! Here’s me in a nutshell…I’m fun, funny, educated and sarcastic. My favorite show is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and I can’t stand people who are too sensitive or get offended by every little thing. Some things are just funny, it won’t kill you to laugh at them! I also hate when people have the spelling ability of a 1st grader or refuse to capitalize or punctuate anything…not everything you write is a text message and people managed to write things before cell phones…oh the horror! Anyway, after all that, if you still want to contact me, go right ahead!
First Date
Anything that makes me want a second date.
cassandrasphotography
/ May 14, 2012Ok….so I’m reading these and steadily losing hope if I should ever find myself single. jeez. I didn’t realize men hate smart confident women so much. Why did I bother getting my education? Boobs would have been cheaper.
theprivateman
/ May 14, 2012There’s nothing with being smart and confident. There’s a whole lot wrong with being bossy and domineering. Learn the difference.
But you’re right in the long run, boobs would have been cheaper. While a woman is impressed with a man’s education, a man cares quite little about a woman’s education.
NMH
/ May 14, 2012As Bernard Chapin says, a gym membership in a woman is more important that a bachelors degree to attract a man.
A woman being strong and confident is not an excuse to be a bitch, even for a second. That’s where most women cross the line.
LostSailor
/ May 15, 2012You got an education? That’s nice. Hopefully you did it for yourself rather than under the mistaken assumption that it would attract a man. Can’t tell whether you’d have been better off spending the money on boob without seeing what you got. But if that’s your go-to comment…
You really shouldn’t be depressed by this site or the posts of these profiles. Instead, take it as an educational opportunity. There’s a reason this profile was posted, and it has absolutely nothing to do with a woman being strong or confident. This particular profile doesn’t relate “strong and confident.” It resonates with bitchy and hard-to-please. Key word: she’s sarcastic. My read on this one is that this woman frequently makes cutting, inappropriate remarks and finds that it turns people off and even offends some. She’s also hyper-critical of minor spelling and grammar and seems likely to be hyper-critical in other areas as well.
Now, she could be perfectly pleasant, perhaps actually witty. Perhaps she just wants to bring out the best in people so they can be the best that they can be in an uplifting and positive way. But it’s highly unlikely. The point is, this is an online dating profile. Designed to attract a man who might ask to meet her for a date. If this is how she chooses to put her best foot forward, experience in online dating would inform us that she’s likely to be a horror show…
Cpht7
/ May 15, 2012word of the day: IRONY
LostSailor
/ May 15, 2012Or perhaps more aptly: miscomprehension
Ian Ironwood
/ May 15, 2012i’m one of the few men who do care about a woman’s education, but it has little to do with her career or earning potential. I didn’t lay awake at night when I was 14 whacking off to images of cogently-argued doctoral theses or insightful cultural commentaries. The only reason I wanted a wife with an education was so that she would be able to a) keep up with me intellectually and b) provide a good example for our children. As it was, I went with Mrs. Ironwood, fresh out of High School. She didn’t have an education . . . but she was educatable, which we established over the course of our courtship. We later invested in her education for financial reasons, but I hardly get a lump in my pants thinking about her diplomas.
Want to know what did attract me? Her social adeptness, her charm, her grace under pressure, her gentle humor . . . and the fact that she doesn’t try to wave “strong and confident” around to get attention the way a man does. I don’t mind that she’s strong and confident, but it isn’t a requirement — the way she demonstrates that strength and that confidence, in decidedly feminine ways, is what sets her apart from her career-monkey single girlfriends. So she gets the prize.
P Ray
/ May 19, 2012You talk about having an education – what field are you educated in?
Let’s hope it’s not something in the social sciences or the liberal arts…
P Ray
/ May 19, 2012Question is directed towards cpht7
Cpht7
/ May 14, 2012Ok, so you are most concerned about looks. Then when you find out she’s bitchy or bossy later your all surprised and pissed cuz you didn’t take the time to be attracted to a personality rather than a set of tits? Do you see how that could backfire.
theprivateman
/ May 15, 2012This is exactly what courtship is for men.
LostSailor
/ May 15, 2012And of course, personality is easily and accurately conveyed by an online dating profile.
Sorry, hon, it’s all part of a package. Good looks, pleasant personality, interesting mind. Pleasant personality with a lack of effort to be decent looking isn’t going to fuel attraction. And you can’t force or fake attraction (well, you can, but the results are disastrous, especially for men who swallow the feminist line and lie to themselves about what they find attractive).
Isn’t the feminist line that women shouldn’t “settle”? Well, the men here aren’t going to settle either, even if it hurts your feelings.
Cpht7
/ May 15, 2012I realize attraction is a part of the dating package, I’m actually in a relationship right now….that wasn’t my point really at all. I was talking about when someone doesn’t bother with the pleasant personality or interesting mind, and is only paying attention to looks or the sex aspect and trying to gently point out that’s the cause of a lot of heart ache. (And it doesn’t hurt my feelings, I don’t have issues in that area)
LostSailor
/ May 15, 2012I think the point was in your comment you assumed that men aren’t interested in personality, only a set of tits. All this from a man’s reaction to an online dating profile. The number 1 thing a man looks for in an online dating profile is attractiveness, primarily based on the pictures posted. The profiles of women on line are generally blandly generic and of little use in determining her personality. The main purpose of reading a woman’s online profile for a man is to scout for red flags. Some of the ones with the worst red flags get posted to this thread for TPM’s reader’s general edification and amusement.
I’m not here to cause or prevent a woman’s heartache. I’m here to learn tips to more effectively navigate the world of dating 2.0 (both online and offline) to find a decent woman and hopefully a relationship. Until that stage is reached, you’re responsible for your own heart, just like men are. Wasn’t that the point of feminism?
Ian Ironwood
/ May 15, 2012Yeah, looks only get you in the door. It takes a lot more to keep you there more than one or two dates, and then a WHOLE lot more to even consider a permanent commitment. Any dude who marries without at least a 3 year observation period and extensive investigation deserves his attorney’s fees.
ZLX1
/ May 18, 2012I didn’t say anything about the woman’s looks. I submitted her age and what she wrote. Her looks did not matter. It was her personality, which you are so concerned that we should love as much has her looks, that turned me off to her. Her looks were great.
What turned me off was the following:
1. She states writing these things (dating profiles) sucks: indicates to me that she thinks online dating is beneath her. I have actually read profiles where women flat out said “I can’t believe I’ve sunk this low…” as the opening line of their profile. Really? So then I guess because I am doing online dating I’m a lowly piece of crap? Get over yourself dear.
2. She said she’s educated. I’m neutral on that point, other than every woman puts that in her profile as if to say “Look what a great catch I am! I’m educated!” That’s neither here nor there for me. A masters in organizational management doesn’t give me a boner. What!!!???? That’s right, I’m looking for a woman that I am attracted to and her educational attainments are not part of the package that does it for me. That’s a nice to have, not a must have. If I was a woman looking for man, his education and career would be much higher up on the list of important stuff I was looking for.
3. She says she is sarcastic. Sarcasm is not the same as having a good sense of humor or wit. I deal with tough people all day in my business. When I get home the last thing in the world I want to be is “challenged” or to play word games with an acid tongued woman. I’m not asking for too much. Just a woman who exudes warmth and humor rather than sarcasm.
4. She says she can’t stand people who are sensitive or get offended by every little thing. This would indicate to me that she is the kind of person who says and does a lot of overt and covert things to “sting” the people around her and then wants to act surprised that their feelings are hurt.
5. She “hates” (her word) people who can’t spell properly or use good grammar. Well, her’s is not the best. This indicates to me that she is hypercritical. So, if she met a guy in person somewhere that she found attractive, he was charming and fun, and then he texted her later and misspelled something, she would dump him instantly? Don’t think so. Why put it online and turn people off?
6. Makes contacting her seem like a dare: “Anyway, after all that, if you still want to contact me, go right ahead!” No thanks.
7. Her idea for a first date: “Anything that makes me want a second date.” So, I am here to provide the entertainment for her? Is that correct? Am I not also a human being out on this date? Does she not have a responsibility to try to make a good impression on me as well and to make me desire to see her again? I guess not in her world. I’m just a wallet, tour guide and stand-up comic all in one. “Hey honey – you bring the vagina, and I’ll bring the money and the funny!”
This is what I am looking for in a long term interest, and I don’t think I’m atypical:
1. I must be physically attracted to her. Oh my gosh you put that first???!!! Yeah, I did. Believe it or not, there are women out there who are flattered that their date, boyfriend, husband finds them physically irresistible. Or would you prefer something else? Like I tell my friends “Yeah, she has a nice personality and she’s educated, but the only way I can bring myself to have sex with her is to turn the lights out…” I don’t think you would. I’m not asking for Kate Beckinsale and I’m not personally pretty enough to date her. I’m just looking for whatever it is that I find attractive. Sometimes that’s a woman with brown hair, sometimes blonde. Sometimes she is taller and thin, sometimes a little shorter and curvier. I just have to find her attractive.
2. Must be feminine in appearance and demeanor. It’s okay for a woman to be a woman and for a man to be a man, and for the two of them to be together. I only date women with long hair, who do a little make-up and who wear dresses and heels from time to time. I don’t put up with women who have boob tattoos or who cuss, drink, or smoke to excess or otherwise act like men or masculine. I like women, not men with boobs.
3. Must have life skills. I judge, and yes I just used that word, I judge her as I find out more information. I’m looking to see if she makes responsible decisions and can manage her life in a reasonable manner. I bring a lot to the table. I require that any woman I would be serious with bring similar qualities. Not that she should have the same financial resources or attainments that I do, but that she conducts her life in such a way that one day I might consider entrusting things to her because she has a track record of not being a loser.
4. Must be fun and engaging. I don’t expect her to entertain me but I don’t want to hang around with a sourpuss that never laughs and always has a frown on her face. I like a woman with whom it is pleasant to spend time with. So when we are not having lots of sex, it is fun to do things together and to talk and to kid around.
5. Must be compatible with my lifestyle. If she is so busy going to girls night’s out, zip lining, kayaking, volunteering, rock climbing, chasing after her children, etc., etc. then I can’t date her with serious intent. I will not accept that I will invest my time with someone who would place me in 6th or 7th place in her life. There are many other women who would not do that. Why settle right? (chuckle) Nor will I mold my life to revolve around her family and friends. I am happy to build a life together with her, but I am not abandoning mine all of mine to be her lap dog, waiter and chauffeur.
6. She must have morals and have some type of inner spiritual life. Watching Jersey Shore and reading Cosmo horoscopes doesn’t count.
7. Oh yeah, she has to be educated. I almost forgot that one.
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So given this woman’s looks and personality combination what is my personal assessment in regards to would I attempt to date her? I would bang her but she seems like a pain in the ass and it would personally be painful for me to spend the time with her required to get her into bed. Not worth the effort of even casual interest or a fuck and run / pump and dump adventure. I’m sure just a few profile clicks away is some rich doctor or lawyer who has been waiting his whole life to sweep such a woman off of her feet. Never fear, Prince Charming is right around the corner I suspect.