A life gone somewhat awry.
I know I harp on this subject. I do this because it’s a huge problem for men. I’ve covered well how technology seriously disrupts in-person social interactions. Streaming video, satellite TV, entertainment servers, all of it acts as barriers to genuine human contact. Congratulations, nerds, you won. But girls still won’t date you. Yes, that was an abrasive remark aimed at the socially dysfunctional men who created such technology.
There is another way we isolate each other. During our collective commutes to work, our vehicles typically holds only the driver. Commute times are long, averaging 35 minutes. That’s 35 minutes in social isolation as we drive to and from work, mentally focusing on work, those idiot drivers surrounding us, and the sundry minutae of life.
I was reminded of this commute-based isolation when I started to use public transportation earlier this year. While I was taking the bus, I got to know some of the regulars and enjoyed the social interaction. Here in South Florida, bus riders are not rich folk. It didn’t matter to me. In the mornings I chatted with the young, overnight security guard of Cuban origins who got on the bus stop as I did. Returning from work, I talked about motorcycles and life with the middle-age Puerto Rican bus driver. I also chatted with tourists who took the same bus up the beach to get back to their hotels. Of course, there were drunks and mentally ill homeless to deal with. Such is the life of a regular bus rider.
With a new and far more lucrative contract just having started, I’m now taking the commuter train (Tri-Rail). These are hard-core commuters and mostly like me, the white-collar crowd. Most are glued to smart devices so I don’t interrupt. But these past few days, there has been cordial chit chat with other passengers and a few occasions. Such times are excellent opportunities to be social in a socially frictionless environment. Just this morning, while waiting to exit the train, I was standing next to a middle-age flight attendant, a stewardess to use the older vernacular. She was in uniform. That train stop has a shuttle to the Miami airport.
I opened the brief conversation. “So we’re both going to work.”
She smiled at me pleasantly. “Yes, we are.”
“But you’ve got a helluva an office.”
With that she laughed and a light exchange ensued as the train slowed to a stop. We wished each other well and walked to our separate shuttle busses. There are a couple of take-aways from all this:
1. Take advantage of social opportunities. I’m advocating making radicall changes to your commute, but perhaps a carpool might be something to explore if your job, job schedule, and geography permits it. Bonus, save money on gas and wear and tear on your vehicle.
2. When opening up a conversation, it’s easiest to bring up something that you both have in common. Even something as innocuous as going to work is a conversational opener. What I did with the flight attendant was a variation of the environmental opener (HT Roosh)
Social isolation can too easily wipe away social skills. All men, regardless of age, must be reminded of this often. Just now, as I’m writing this post, I’m on the train. The gentleman across from me has his eyes firmly attached to his smart device. I tried to engage him in conversation but he was a bit terse and put in his ear buds. Hint, taken. Maybe tomorrow I’ll sit across from someone more social.
Here’s a photo of an interesting business I see from my train-based commute:
Ross Jeffries is a seduction educator from way back. His first book on seduction was published over 20 years ago. He had a great quote that I heard on an archived talk show from 1992. When he was asked “What do women really want?” his response was rather brutal.
“I don’t care what they want.”
Before the audience could respond, he continued.
“I only care what women respond to.”
This is the solid crux of the matter. It is the heart of the Red Pill world view in the context of attraction and dating. It is what men of all ages must accept and internalize. There’s a blizzard of words where women claim what they want. Fair enough, but social expectations and polite company compel women to say what they are expected to say. Men must know this if they are to have good dating experiences. The rest of the TV segment is entertaining.
Some more of his wisdom:
“There is what women say they want.
There is what women think they want.
There is what women respond to.
Which one do you think matters?”
This is rather cold stuff but it’s ultimately true. The truth of this is on display in the online dating profiles of women. I’ve read thousands upon thousands of such profiles and the vast majority are not exactly riveting. Fortunately, there are consistent patterns in these profiles. Here is a typical statement in a woman’s profile:
“I’m looking for a decent, honorable guy because I’m tired of dating jerks.”
This is a perfectly reasonable request. Yet between the lines it’s easy to see how the actions and words are not in synchronization. The desire for a decent, honorable guy is what she says wants and what she thinks she wants. But how is it that she keeps dating jerks? Those are her actions in real life and that’s the fundamentally truth. She reacts positively to the type of guys she perceives – retroactively – as jerks. Why are they jerks? It’s very likely that these were attractive men simply exercising their options regarding women. When it comes to attraction, no one wants to be just an option. This is a feature of our species, not a bug.
I render absolutely no judgments on either the woman or the men she’s dated in the past. This is simply the reality regarding attraction and dating. No amount of social expectations or shame can change this reality. Men and women will do what they want even while acknowledging (with words) the problems of the current attraction and dating landscape. Rather than wasting energy of trying to change the world, both men and women can make personal adjustments to better adapt so that relationship goals can be met.
My blog and many other Manosphere blogs encourage masculine self-improvement that goes way beyond the pickup artist systems marketed by thinly veiled hucksters. I focus more on charisma, confidence, competence, and leadership. But some of my blog peers focus on physical self-improvement. Others make masculine fashion the central theme of the blog. The nice side effect of such masculine improvement is that a man becomes more attractive to more women. Note that I said this is a side effect, not the primary goal of self-improvement.
There are far more resources available for women looking to meet their relationship goals. In previous blog posts, I’ve already mentioned the dating coach industrial complex. There are also hundreds of self-help books for women that address attraction and dating. I’ve also had some advice for women. The dating exercise for women is one of my best blog posts for women. I’ve also got some good stuff at Red Pill Dating blog.
If a man comes to me for advice and I can only give him one sentence, it would be “To learn about women, always look to their actions before accepting their words.” Ross Jeffries knew this and broadcast it back in the day. I’m sure my commenters will bring up far more ancient and similar wisdom. I welcome that. Human beings are remarkably predictable regarding the behaviors of attraction and courtship. Generalizing is not a bad thing in this context because we’re all not actually special snowflakes. To willfully ignore those patterns is the fast track to relationship goal failure and general dating frustration.
OK, time for the comments – “I’m not like that” or “I know someone who isn’t like that.” See, I told you that people are predictable!
Living in South Florida means being around lots and lots of retirees. Thankfully, most of them don’t drive during rush hour. If they did, I’d be dead. Motorcycles and older drivers are a poor fit. Instead, there’s a loud bell at 10AM and the gates of all the local retirement communities open and a vast armada of Buicks slowly rolls out, at trolling speed. At 4PM, another bell rings and the Buicks return. As I am firmly middle-aged, my senior years are most definitely on the horizon. I can’t wait.
Being a senior citizen grants certain privileges. My young colleague pointed this out today. He spent the weekend with his parents who have recently moved to a retirement community. “Old people do weird shit” was his observation. This is exactly why I’m looking forward to being a codger. Why do old people do weird shit?
Because they can, dammit!
Here’s a partial list of things I intend to do when the excuse of old age allows me:
- Grab my crotch and give the finger to random neighbors
- Wave my cane around menacingly
- Criticize everyone and everything
- Refuse to clean up after my dog (my dog will be old and crotchety, too)
- Open stuff at the grocery store for a quick snack and put it back on the shelf
- Tell stories about me that didn’t actually happen
- Pants up to my navel
- Socks and sandals
- Tell wildly inappropriate jokes (racist and sexist, both)
- Loud flatulence in public
- Mutter, mutter, mutter…
- Buick, slowly, no lane discipline
- Quote Rush Limbaugh
- Pay in coins when there are at least six people in line behind me
- Slow jaywalking as a hobby
- “Damned kids these days!”
- Old man smell (does that come in a bottle? I sure hope so!)
- Attend town council meetings, rail about taxes and refuse to shut up
- Block pedestrians on sidewalks with a slow and unsteady gait
- Loudly demand senior discounts at convenience stores
- Hearing aid buzz (“What? WHAT?! Speak up, dammit!”)
- F-bomb becomes F-machine gun
- Vote often and selfishly (“We don’t need no fucking bond issue for those fucking crappy schools, anyway!”)
- Pretend to be confused by technology and obnoxiously pester younger people to help
- Incredibly graphic descriptions of disgusting health problems
- Scourge of the local senior center
- Dentures, hand puppet, hilarity
Y’all get the idea, I’m sure. Feel free to add more.
Posted in Uncategorized on July 8, 2014
“Editor’s” Note: Danny has pretty much given up blogging on his primary website. That’s his choice and I respect it. But his life has moved on. Gone is his military career – he retired at 40 – and a new career, after vocational school, will soon begin. But in the meantime, his life is interesting and I’ve agreed to post some things of his. This is his post. I’ve not corrected or edited anything. It’s copypasta at his request.
it’s been a while since i thought about writing something. to be honest, i really didn’t have anything to write about. well that’s officially changed.i got a job.i placed applications at damn near every place that has radiology. i STILL haven’t gotten a call back and when i call they refer me to HR. so i placed applications at every restaurant within 15 minutes of my house. 2 places called back. long story short, i’m now a kitchen guy at hooters. yes, hooters. they let the fox into the chicken coop. been there about 2 weeks. and let me tell you, it’s been fucking interesting. for now, i can really only do dishes, but that means i ALWAYS have the girls coming up to me.first, one of the girls came to the back and made a smart ass comment, a shit test. i called her out and told her she was on planet danny, and on planet danny i’m the sun and she’s the moon, and moon revolves around the sun. she laughed it off and gave me a, “yeah, ok.” and walked away. the next day she came in about an hour into the shift and asks me, “so i’m the moon and you’re the earth?” i laughed and told her i was the SUN. now when she comes in and drops off shit for me to wash i tell her, “thank you my moon.” and she answers with, “of course my sun.” tonight i got her number and going for drinks wednesday. she’s easily a 7.
i have a large rack above me to the right that the girls put cups in. when the racks are full, i wash them. when they’re done, i stack them to my left for the girls to take back out. i think it was day 2 or 3 that a girls came in and placed cups in the rack and said, “we always have cups.”. i told her they weren’t cups, they’re love. i pointed to girls rack above me and told her that the girls love me, then pointed to my stacked cups and told her that i love the girls back. she laughed and walked out. same girl was placing cups in the rack and was standing very close to me; she’s about 5’8″. i turned my head to the right to grab shit and i got a face full of tit. i backed away and apologized- she was laughing. i told her “thank you” while making a voice like my face was buried in there still.
the girls HATE getting wet, and i have the hose. the girls know if they stay in my section too long they may just end up getting a little water on them. so they unload their shit as quickly as they can and hurry away. i now know how to cause just enough spray to get a little on them. when i do they squeal and talk shit. i give them a side glance and point the hose right at them. they yell playfully and run out the kitchen.
and then there’s the best part about being in the wash station. when the girls come in and leave for the night, they change in a corner behind me. well, when we close, and they’re rushing to get out, they change out of their shorts and shirts in front of me. one new girl asked why they change with me the there and one girl said dismissively, “he works here, he doesn’t doesn’t count.” then one girl called my name, i looked ad she was standing there without her shirt and asked me if i liked her bra. i laughed and told her if she kept it up she’d end up pregnant. all the girls laughed.
the other night, while the girls were changing to go home, a girl mentioned, “i finally got my clit pierced. i love it.” this led to a brief conversation about best sexual positions for clit piercing, which led to favorite sexual positions. and it wasn’t a conversation that was had in a hushed tone. they were VERY vociferous about it.
they just hired a new girl- solid 8. when we were starting the shift she was pretty chatty with me. i don’t know her, so i said little more than to answer her questions. as the shift went on, every time she came to the back, she’d stare me down for a good 4-5 seconds. prolonged eye contact- classic IOI. as we were closing one of the kitchen guys told me that girl liked me. i told him i knew. he looked at me weird and i explained the eye contact shit.
he laughed. this guy is banging the hottest girl in the kitchen (she’s WAAAAAAAAAAY too young for me). but i call his chick my little mermaid. she LOVES it.
my girl was changing and i told her we needed to hang out we have a day off. i copped her number and we did a little text flirting after i got home. and let me tell you, the girls at work are 7′s MINIMUM.
they feed me free food, give me a beer after shift, and i get paid to neg 7′s+. and if you don’t neg the girls, you’ll get rolled by them. i LOVE this job.
I have a wonderful and diverse group of readers. They hail from all over the world and cover many different political and social outlooks. There is a group of readers who are firmly in the traditionalist, socially conservative, religious camp. Several times over my past years of blogging I have been called a tradtionalist, at least in regards to attraction and dating.
I’m not going to take umbrage at being called a traditionalist. It’s just a label assigned by commenters and to them, I do fit into a traditionalist mold. This is because I advise that women and men follow some basic guidelines regarding dating. Such guidelines do bear a passing resemblance to a few historical dating and courtship rituals. The similarities are merely passing. The biggest similarity between historic dating – prior to the sexual revolution – and what I advise is the process of dating. Yes, having a dating process isn’t particularly romantic.
My dating advice is updated to reflect social and technological changes. The technological changes are quite obvious with online dating and texting taking the lead. Tinder is sweeping through the pre-married crowd and may seriously impact the post-divorce demographic. I’m keeping an eye on it. The biggest social change is the financial independence of women. Gone are big, expensive, chivalrous dates. Shorter, casual, and inexpensive dates are the new dating normal. Meetup.com singles groups are a good combination of technology and social change. Singles in roughly the same age demographic can join a Meetup group online and then attend the actual events.
One of the biggest social changes is access to the raw truths about attraction. Men are using the Internet to learn about how attraction works and what they can do to increase their attractiveness. Quite a few men have sent me emails asking for advice or just wanting a sympathetic ear to hear their stories. Women are more likely to seek out a dating coach, either in real life or digitally. Attraction and dating blogs for men and dating coaches for women provide the same type of truths. Blogs for men are as diplomatic as a sledge hammer. Dating coaches for women cover that sledgehammer with lots and lots of softening diplomacy.
The women I’ve been involved with in the past would likely laugh out loud at the traditionalist label I have acquired. As The Private Man, I don’t reveal too much in the way of personal information. I will say that I don’t live a traditional life outside of dating. Discretion prevents me from going further. Women from my past would politely refer to me as a libertine without any shame. There are quite a few impolite adjectives that would be applied to me, as well. I’m taking so many secrets to my grave, my funeral will require two coffins.