I recently retweeted this from @AoverK:
“A majority of the population has written off improving their lot in life while a small minority is actually bettering/improving themselves.”
Soon after my retweet, @DoctorIllusion responded with:
“Yes… and it should stay that way so those of us who improve ourselves keep a high market value.”
Both tweets are fundamentally correct. 80% of guys simply don’t want to improve themselves, for whatever reason. Worse, many guys think that non-physical self-improvement is a type of cheating. As a guy who wants all singles to meet their relationship goals, I’m a bit put off with Doc’s rejoinder tweet. That’s my emotional response. My logical response is to agree with Doc. When out and about in the village, I certainly don’t want a bunch of suave players messing up my dog game with the tourist ladies.
The dichotomy between my emotional response and my logical response highlights a broader philosophical divide. As a Manosphere writer, do I want my efforts to be self-serving or to be helpful for men looking to meet their relationship goals? I want both. In order to provide useful advice, I need to experience attraction and dating first hand. I need to practice what I preach. If I can’t work the attraction element, my words of advice are mostly useless. I’d be nothing more than an academic ensconced in an ivory tower.
There is a dilemma at hand. With advice regarding masculine self-improvement becoming more of a media (Internet) phenomenon, more and more men are learning about confidence and charisma. For the guys who already understand this and teach it, we’re essentially putting ourselves at a competitive disadvantage in the zany world of attraction and dating economics. McQueen’s podcast featuring Chef highlights this very nicely. To wit:
Christian: “…and now, you out-approach me” (referring to Chef)
It goes on a bit later: “Let’s talk about how you fucking cockblocked me…this fool walks up – I taught you too well is the problem… he started speaking Italian… yup, fuck, I’m going to get a drink now. She just melted over that. It went from, like, deer in the headlights with me to deer in the head lights with you. I was just crushed.”
What Christian basically did was cockblock himself by helping another guy become more attractive to the opposite sex. Short term, he punched himself in the ‘nads. Ouch. Long term, he upped his sexual market value hugely. Christian proved himself something of a master of teaching. He has become a bodhisattva of attraction advice. Now he can use that for his own charisma. That’s the best frame-builder. A guy who helps other guys meet relationship goals is in a better position in the overall scheme of attraction.
While Doc Illusion might cast a jaundiced eye towards helping men becoming more attractive, he’s doing much the same himself through his own blog. His tweet was quite good in pointing out the dilemma that guys like us face. We help others to help ourselves. It’s a virtuous circle.