If My Traditionalist Readers Only Knew…

I have a wonderful and diverse group of readers. They hail from all over the world and cover many different political and social outlooks. There is a group of readers who are firmly in the traditionalist, socially conservative, religious camp. Several times over my past years of blogging I have been called a tradtionalist, at least in regards to attraction and dating.

I’m not going to take umbrage at being called a traditionalist. It’s just a label assigned by commenters and to them, I do fit into a traditionalist mold. This is because I advise that women and men follow some basic guidelines regarding dating. Such guidelines do bear a passing resemblance to a few historical dating and courtship rituals. The similarities are merely passing. The biggest similarity between historic dating – prior to the sexual revolution – and what I advise is the process of dating. Yes, having a dating process isn’t particularly romantic.

My dating advice is updated to reflect social and technological changes. The technological changes are quite obvious with online dating and texting taking the lead. Tinder is sweeping through the pre-married crowd and may seriously impact the post-divorce demographic. I’m keeping an eye on it. The biggest social change is the financial independence of women. Gone are big, expensive, chivalrous dates. Shorter, casual, and inexpensive dates are the new dating normal. Meetup.com singles groups are a good combination of technology and social change. Singles in roughly the same age demographic can join a Meetup group online and then attend the actual events.

One of the biggest social changes is access to the raw truths about attraction. Men are using the Internet to learn about how attraction works and what they can do to increase their attractiveness. Quite a few men have sent me emails asking for advice or just wanting a sympathetic ear to hear their stories. Women are more likely to seek out a dating coach, either in real life or digitally. Attraction and dating blogs for men and dating coaches for women provide the same type of truths. Blogs for men are as diplomatic as a sledge hammer. Dating coaches for women cover that sledgehammer with lots and lots of softening diplomacy.

The women I’ve been involved with in the past would likely laugh out loud at the traditionalist label I have acquired. As The Private Man, I don’t reveal too much in the way of personal information. I will say that I don’t live a traditional life outside of dating. Discretion prevents me from going further. Women from my past would politely refer to me as a libertine without any shame. There are quite a few impolite adjectives that would be applied to me, as well. I’m taking so many secrets to my grave, my funeral will require two coffins.

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  1. #1 by Tarnished on July 7, 2014 - 10:00 PM

    ” Yes, having a dating process isn’t particularly romantic.”
    -Doesn’t necessarily matter if it’s romantic, so long as your advice works for you/the person using it.

    ” I will say that I don’t live a traditional life outside of dating.”
    -Interesting. Why might this be? Were you ever nontraditional in terms of dating, or has this always been the lone aspect of your personality that’s “old fashioned”? I’m just curious…don’t give away any secrets. ;)

    • #2 by theprivateman on July 8, 2014 - 7:20 PM

      My advice for dating is not old fashioned, it’s advice updated for this century with just a few echoes from the past. I attempted to be “non-traditional” in my dating endeavors after my first divorce over a decade ago. I was doing online dating back in 2001! It was an exercise in epic fail and the Friend Zone.

      • #3 by Tarnished on July 8, 2014 - 7:38 PM

        Sorry to hear that, PM. A decent number of my friends and customers have been friendzoned by their love interests…it’s always the same heartbreaking story, just with different men. If what you do works for you and the women you pursue, then I wish you luck and hope your skills only reap more of what you’re looking for.

        What exactly didn’t work for you? Were you besotted with women who were the epitome of the typical lamentations of the manosphere? If so…that sucks. I know such women (a majority, in fact) and they aren’t very valuable as a potential spouse. Very entitled, very “princessy”.

      • #4 by theprivateman on July 8, 2014 - 8:28 PM

        “Besotted” is a fine word. I’ll be using it in a future blog post.

        Up until about six years ago, I was a fat guy. Being fat wasn’t a lifetime curse, but an occasional problem when bad food, too much drink, and a sedentary lifestyle vectored together to get me all blubbery. It impacted how I perceived my SMV. Because of that, any woman who gave me positive emotional attention become an instant romantic interest. This was the post-divorce version of oneitis. These were regular dames, not princesses. But I’ve learned since then.

      • #5 by Tarnished on July 8, 2014 - 8:44 PM

        Thank you, kind sir.

        Hmm, I can understand and sympathize with that. Managing a gaming/comic store, I have two basic customer types: the scrawny dudes and the heavy dudes. I like nearly all my regulars, but am attracted to larger men, usually. My FwB is 6’2″ and is about 60 pounds overweight (fat, not muscle), but I think he is uber sexy. I keep trying to get him to workout with me since his body image is kind of low, but he’s not really into exercise.

        How did you perceive your smv? Was it higher or lower than you believed?

        Glad you didn’t waste time with princesses. Every once in a while one of my regulars will talk about a gal he knows at work/in college and it’s bleedin obvious she’s using him as an orbiter. I try to tell some of them what’s going on, but 90% of the time they don’t want to see it.

      • #6 by theprivateman on July 9, 2014 - 1:48 PM

        At the time, I perceived myself with a fairly low SMV. Yeah, I was clever, smooth-talker but I couldn’t around the fact that was 50 (or more) pounds overweight. I still plowed (hehehe) ahead with my dating efforts and learned quite a lot, especially after discovering the PUA blogs and fitting that knowledge into my experiences.

        Yeah, I avoid princesses at all costs. They are easy to spot in the context of online dating.

      • #7 by Tarnished on July 9, 2014 - 8:23 PM

        Plowed ahead, huh? Lol. Did all of these ladies happen to have “huge tracts of land”? ;)

        I guess weight preference is just another one of those things…like I said, my FwB is about as overweight and I still find him sexy. Maybe it’s like how some guys like larger women?

        So, tell me true: How much of PUA stuff actually works? I’ve watched the TV show staring Mystery and read Neil Strauss’ book, but it honestly just came off as being pretty fake. There were some tricks they recommended, and I was confused as to how they could work on anyone…

      • #8 by LostSailor on July 10, 2014 - 2:33 PM

        Tarnished, I’ll take a stab at this.

        My back story is similar to PM’s, though I started the changes that lead to my weight loss before I was divorced. After some initial forays into the dating world, I realized that it was a different landscape and I had some learning to do.

        So, how much of thie “PUA stuff” actually works? The two short answers are 1) it depends and 2) quite a lot.

        Now, I’m not really talking about Mystery’s TV show or Strauss’ book, which I’ve actually never read. Those guys certainly popularized PUA and “Game” but Game especially has evolved from those early basic PUA concepts. For young men who may be a little socially inept, classic PUA tactics can be a stepping stone to gaining the necessary confidence to be more successful with women. So in that context it certainly can work.

        For older men (as well as the young ‘uns), Mystery’s clowning tactics don’t work so well. And here Game (or as PM calls it “Charisma”) is more about the concepts and understanding women and how they play the dating game. And that “stuff” is golden.

        The reason why that “stuff” could “work on anyone” is that when it’s done properly, with confidence and flair, it’s just perceived as charisma. The point to magic is that you never see the real trick, so to speak.

  2. #9 by LostSailor on July 7, 2014 - 10:05 PM

    Ha. I can certainly understand some people’s confusion. Recognizing and acknowledging that biological differences between men and women and the fundamental basics of attraction is now considered conservative or “traditional.” It’s a mark of how low our society has fallen that advising men to stop being simpering wimps around women and learning to show some confidence and masculinity are seen as nearly radical acts.

    I’ve encountered the same. After my Red Pill revelation and examining and critiquing feminism, I’m often seen as a traditionalist conservative fellow traveler. Which really couldn’t be farther from the truth. Post-Red-Pill, my basic political and social views haven’t changed from what they’ve always been: an eclectic mix of liberal and libertarian. But then, I’ve usually been one to fly under the radar.

    I’m taking so many secrets to my grave, my funeral will require two coffins.

    And, sir, if I outlast you, I’ll tipple some whiskey on both…

    • #10 by Hamster Tamer on July 10, 2014 - 10:07 PM

      As if to prove the proverbial pendulum has swung way too far towards one extreme, you can now find “articles” on the likes of XOjane, jezebel, etc. where SIW® wimminz “justify” indulging in being the submissive recipient of REALLY ROUGH (leaves marks, SCABS even) sex–replete with harsh DEGRADING language–but, fer real, they’re still feminists, and don’t you judgemental patriarchs dare say otherwise! :lol: :roll:

      • #11 by Tarnished on July 11, 2014 - 12:29 AM

        Ugh, that’s extreme.
        Bdsm is one thing, actually having a sex partner rough you up so much it leaves marks like that? No thanks. Real pain can’t possibly provide that much overriding pleasure…

  1. If My Traditionalist Readers Only Knew… | Manosphere.com

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