Post-Divorce Pickup Artistry For Men

To be honest, the type of advice I give to post-divorce men contains a few elements of Pickup Artistry (PUA). The attention PUA has received has recently increased significantly. PUA has received lots of criticism, mostly aimed at the PUA teachers and Manosphere blogs that target young men. As well, there are many businesses selling PUA “systems” where the marketing is simplistic to the point of ridiculousness. “Watch this video, get laid tonight” was the actual subject line of a PUA systems marketing email I once received. The whole Eliot Rodger tragedy was erroneously blamed on PUA because of his involvement with PUAHate.com, a website that is no longer online. For the woefully ignorant, “PUAHate” is against PUA. Facepalm, wow, just wow, I can’t even…

Another term related to PUA is “Game”. That word is relatively common in the part of the Manosphere where young men are found. As my audience is older with very different life experiences, I don’t anymore use the word Game and I avoid the term PUA. But it would be disingenous of me to claim I’m not advising elements of PUA and Game. Traditional Game and PUA for young men focuses a great deal on “closing”. The close can be getting a phone number, a passionate kiss, or a sexual encounter. That’s the traditional approach. Game and PUA has evolved quite a bit since the days of Mystery and David DeAngelo. The current approach is to teach masculine self-improvement, amongst other things.

Such self-improvement applies to men of all ages. I do urge my male readers to investigate the masculine self-improvement Manosphere blogs which cater to the under-30 demographic of men. Unfortunately, it might take a bit of digging because the Manosphere is not categorized well enough to steer my readers precisely. However, I open the comments to anyone who wants to make a recommendation. When making a recommendation for a particular blog, even your own blog, please include the URL; a description of that blog; and the demographics of the blog’s readership.

What I’ve observed in the typical post-divorce man is a distinct lack of self-improvement effort. I understand that it takes time and effort. Fortunately, such improvements work to significantly increase a man’s confidence. Such confidence  is a vital foundation for building up social skills and then adding the PUA skills. Combining the social skills with the PUA skills yields a man’s Charisma, the most important part of being attractive to the fairer sex. I’ve written about it previously. But this must be noted often: A man’s self-improvement must be about him, not just trying to attract dames. Guys, beware the Sodini effect.

A post-divorce man with confidence and charisma really doesn’t need too much in the way of PUA tactics. He does, however, need the ability to read a woman’s mood during the course of a hopefully flirtatious conversation. He also needs the willingness to approach women and to know the right context in which to do so. “PUA” for these guys is about situational awareness and adjusting accordingly, not a set of pre-produced routine tactics sold as a seduction “system”.

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  1. #1 by The Ronin on July 1, 2014 - 9:14 PM

    My Blog is aimed at “our” demographic, guys 40+ post divorce or going through it. It’s early days yet, my posts deal with rebuilding one’s life, the physical, mental and spiritual elements all examined http://www.menversion3.com

  2. #2 by jv on July 1, 2014 - 11:29 PM

    https://badgerhut.wordpress.com/2012/03/27/great-game-material-deep-rapport-questions-to-create-emotional-connection/

    Classic post for all ages in regard to building rapport and emotional connection quickly without friendzoning yourserlf.

  3. #3 by Omega Man on July 2, 2014 - 1:09 AM

    Despite what the naysayers would proclaim, “Game” works and it is well worth a man’s time to learn what makes women “tick”. Depending on the age group you’re in, you will have to tailor the approach and how you read a woman’s response, but once learned, they will guide you in all subsequent situations you may find yourself in.

    The fundamental philosophy of Game is not to “be yourself” but to “be the best you can be”. The concept of self improvement is fundamental to Game and to PUA. Yes there are shlocky web-sites telling gullible young men that “you too can get laid tonight” but only after you spend $150 to learn the secrets of seduction. There is more than enough free information to help any man.

    In my own case, I took the following steps:

    1. Get fit, that is run, lift weights, LOOSE WEIGHT
    2. Dress well
    3. Become well read – Sophocles, Plato, Cicero, Tolstoy and Shakespeare were my choices
    4. Approach the ladies

    That’s it.

    The road is not easy and is 10 times harder than you originally imagined, but the trip is worth it.

    • #4 by Marina on July 5, 2014 - 4:13 AM

      My brother has done pretty much what you’ve written about and he loves his new life! Solid advice, man!

      I’d also add Meditations by Marcus Aurelius to the list – it helps you get through a lot of shit.

  4. #5 by elmer on July 2, 2014 - 8:29 AM

    R.Don Steele wrote the definitive guide for this 25 years ago : How to Date Young Women For Men Over 35.

  1. Post-Divorce Pickup Artistry For Men | Manosphere.com
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