The Invisible Middle Age Person

This is about men and women over a certain age. When women are no longer noticed, usually because of age, there is great verbal consternation. Many words go into the ‘Net ether that bemoan the great invisibility of a certain demographic. It’s good copy and results in many page clicks. There is a great collective wailing and gnashing of teeth amongst the estrogen gang.

When men become invisible, they either buy the trappings of status – I live in south Florida and see it constantly – or they completely retreat from the dating marketplace through social isolation. Such men don’t express their deepening frustration. Rather, they unhappily accept it. It’s an awful scenario.

For men and women alike, it doesn’t have to be this way. The solution is simple: be noticed, stand out, don’t blend in with the miasma of social mediocrity.
Standing out is not easy. It’s also not the same for men and women. Three of the noble rules of attraction must be reinforced now:

1. Men and women are different.

While obvious on the surface, this is a revolutionary notion given the current landscape of social expectations. The great, and wildly unrealistic, slow-moving tsunami of “equality” ‘twixt the genders  has our generation somehow convinced that men and women are the same above the shoulders. That’s a the worst lie ever foisted on western civilization. That lie is ruining attraction, dating, and relationships.

2. The feminine attracts the masculine.

Ladies, if you look and act in a feminine manner, men will notice you. The first is appearance. Men are visual (and how many times must you be told that?) Here’s a great quote: “When I was young and clever, I tried to change the world. When I was older and wiser, I simply changed myself.” Please keep that in mind. The world will not bend to your opinion.

Whether 25 or 65, looking feminine can happen. It does take work. The term “descernable waist” is your friend. Long hair is a serious bonus. If your “friends” tell you that you shouldn’t work on yourself, please find new friends. They don’t want to see you happy with your appearance because they are unhappy with their own appearance. Femininity also means behaving in a feminine manner. Those are natural gender behaviors. What, being happy, pleasant, and nurturing is offensive? Insert eye-roll and forehead slap here.

3. The masculine attracts the feminine.

Gentlemen, you are failing. Let’s say it again: Confidence, competence, charisma, and leadership. It’s hard to stand out because it’s been beaten into your heads to keep those heads down and fit in. That’s understandable. Fitting in means being invisible. The easiest way to stand out is to dress better  and working seriously on your charisma. By the way, charisma can be learned, regardless of age.

For you guys in colder climes, you’ll have to wait a bit to take off the parkas and wear better clothes. No matter, standing out visually is an act of serious confidence. Shut up and do it – just don’t be a clown about it. Dress one level up from the guys you normally associate with. It will work.

Being invisible is the death of attraction and dating. It does not matter what the gender. Don’t be invisible.

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  1. #1 by Tarnished on March 12, 2014 - 10:36 PM

    Pretty good advice for those in the dating sphere, especially men/women who want to attract women/men using traditional methods. Of course, the part about “don’t be invisible” should be followed at every age, not just when you’re older…besides, it’s more fun that way.

  2. #2 by angelwanderer on March 12, 2014 - 10:52 PM

    The overall message I get from your post is that women aren’t women any more and men have fallen too, that they should explore building on the things that their sexuality has to offer in attracting a potential mate.

    Many things I agree with.

    I do feel that the sexes have been compressed together into a somewhat androgynous alternative. Women walk and talk like males and men are more like the shy ladies of yesteryear, cowering in the corner, waiting for a scrap of acknowledgement to be thrown their way. I think the word ‘equality’ has been applied too liberally and we’ve paid the price for that. We have feminism to thank – and a bunch of feminist sympathises who thought that humanity would be better off with these new set of values.

    On the upside, if you’re dating within your own age range, you won’t have to worry so much. You’ll probably be attracted to a person who shares similar values to you, brought up in a time like your own, value sexuality like you do. It’s only when you look at the younger generation and say to yourself: “Where did femininity go? Where is masculinity these days? How do these guys even get together? Where is the romance in a courtship?”

    And in return they look to the oldies and say: “Everything you wanna know about someone is already online so stop pissing about and get a room! I’ve already tweeted them and they think you’re hot!”

    Ahh… the times they are a-changin’.

  3. #3 by Anonymous Coward on March 12, 2014 - 10:59 PM

    I’m one of those middle-aged guys who has retreated from the dating marketplace. On Friday night, as I’m walking the dogs after getting home from work, I ask myself whether I wish I was going out on a date that night. It would be easy enough to do – there is a very
    pleasant woman at the office who has been making eyes at me for months.

    But I always find, that I’m content to walk the dogs, and I’m glad I don’t have to go anywhere afterward. Maybe it’s just because I’m tired on Fridays, but I don’t seem to feel any different about it on Sunday.

  4. #4 by BB on March 12, 2014 - 11:47 PM

    Good post ..great points ..I have been following you on word press for a few years , and being a more traditional woman who enjoys being feminine and nurturing , I have enjoyed reading your blog . Life has been busy these days and I haven’t been tuning in as much .
    One caveat , however, I think and have always had my own unique flair and find the same attractive in a man .What I think backfires is when either tries to dress in styles better suited for twentysomethings ..Some can pull off hipster for a day .It is good to be versatile but overreaching backfires imo ..

  5. #5 by naz on March 13, 2014 - 12:16 AM

    one thing i’ve been wondering for a while…how do you learn charisma? I def agree that there’s just some ppl we’re naturally drawn to, but how would a guy in his mid twenties go about learning to emulate this quality? any books, movies you would recommend would be greatly helpful.

  6. #7 by Jim on March 13, 2014 - 6:37 AM

    You make the mistake of thinking middle aged men aren’t content if they’re alone. Problem is many men as they age become selfish with their time as they should. And with that viewpoint in mind, engaging women in the dating sense or even thinking about it becomes depressing.

    Just wait til prostitution is legalized as the states looks for more tax revenues. It won’t be middle aged men who share the same viewpoint as above. They’ll be much younger.

    • #8 by Feminist Whisperer on March 13, 2014 - 8:29 AM

      There’s much truth here – I’m a man of a certain age and I’m perfectly content doing the things I want to do with my life.

      As for living in Northern Climes – that’s easily addressed by wearing a quality overcoat – 3/4 length camel hair and you will stand out from the crowd. Add a jaunty hat and a nice scarf – all win.

  7. #9 by The Ronin on March 13, 2014 - 9:23 AM

    I think it’s not so much age, but attitude and how you interact with the world around you. I was cocooned within my marriage for 24 years, unknowingly melting into one of the ‘Unseen’, not realizing I’d almost dissappeared when my marriage ended three years ago, along with it my identity and the few social ties I had left. I had become just another middle aged slub like Steve Carell played in “Crazy Studid Love”. Climbing out of that pit of invisibility requires pretty much what the movie depicts, getting your physical, emotional and spiritual ducks in line, but simply dressing better than the average slubs and socially engaging with other people on a daily basis is a good start. Took me about two years to personally unwind the ‘Invisible Man’ bandages and reinvent myself. These days it’s rare I don’t have my social calendar full of things to do and attractive/engaging company to do it with, I don’t even recognize that guy from three years ago.

  8. #10 by TheGenXFuture on March 14, 2014 - 10:12 AM

    Model Paulina Porizkova once said that when you turn 40 you become invisible. I have heard similar from other women. My answer is, “No, you get to experience what a normal person’s life is like,” or for young females fretting about the wall, “This is what it is like to be most men.”

    Here is a link quoting her, worth a quick read: http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2010/10/20/paulina_porizkova_feels_invisible_and_

    Having known attractive women who get noticed well into middle age, I can tell you how it is done. You must be working on yourself in some inner way, the handsomeness or beauty that comes out through your skin. It makes you physically healthy. Unfortunately when young many females have an inner ugliness hidden by youth that comes out post wall. Paulina Porizkova seems to have something inside and discipline that brings out the inner in the physical. She will age well.

    For us men it is letting go of the bitterness and having an inner fire driven by a vision that shows in our eyes and movements. It makes any man of any age regardless of physical stature look great. Develop a project and make it your thing regardless of what you currently do. Something that you can talk about to anyone, advance, etc. You will walk differently and act differently without realizing anything other than people treat you differently. Men and women, if something good burns in your heart the body is always warm.

  9. #11 by Take The Red Pill on March 14, 2014 - 5:26 PM

    I LIKE being middle-aged and invisible; I feel like I’m less of/not a target for society’s modern avaricious, manipulative female. Going ‘Ghost’ is great!

  10. #12 by Carlos@Find Love & Find Friends on March 17, 2014 - 12:21 PM

    Good advice “If your “friends” tell you that you shouldn’t work on yourself, please find new friends. They don’t want to see you happy with your appearance because they are unhappy with their own appearance.”

  1. The Invisible Middle Age Person | Manosphere Me

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