Archive for December, 2012

A Big Change Here… And A Request

It’s been a fine two years blogging and that has garnered almost a million page views. I’ve accumulated many readers and commenters with a blog that has few photos. It’s time to make a change. I’ve alluded to what I’ve planned but now it’s time to make if official. The Private Man is moving on. Relax, this blog won’t vanish. I’ll still post here. Rather, I’m transitioning to something different. The new year makes it all the more auspicious.

My new project is Red Pill Dating. That will be my new blog and business. I am not casting out my shingle with the hopes that I become the next Evan Mark Katz (link below). He’s a great dating and relationship coach. There are others – Moxie and Bobbi come to mind, as well (links below). It’s tough yet delicate work to de-program politically correct ideology so that men and women understand dating and themselves honestly. I give th e successful dating coaches huge amounts of credit.

My approach will be different. I will be offering live classes in front of real people. Perhaps I am old school. I don’t care. I need to see eyeballs and hear laughter. I need to listen to questions directly so I can see facial expressions.  Dating is about the real world where two people actually see each other. I’m an old softy (link below) . I really do want to see people meet their relationship goals. That’s my passion (link below).

Each class will be about 90 minutes long and include appetizers and drinks. Entertainment will be a huge part of each class. What some of you don’t know is that I’ve done both stand-up and improvisational comedy. I’m also a licensed teacher and have a few years experience doing just that. When I’m in front of a crowd, I know what I’m doing. Applause and laughter are always the reactions.

The Internet-based, fee-based, personalized dating services is not my priority business model. However, if that’s where my business ultimately leads, I’m not stupid. Just know that live classes in front of real people will always be the core of what I will be doing. I’m good at what I do.

Some of the ground work has already been completed. URL, hosting, class venue(s), PowerPoint presentations, and curricula have all been arranged or created. But I’m still missing some things. I want to hire a good web developer (Bronan? Link below) and do effective local marketing.

Marketing is not my forte but I know the subject fairly well. The professional marketers are concentrating on web marketing. Sure, that can work when selling books or PUA “systems”. I want to focus on a particular geographic and demographic group.

My first need for help is honest content. My commenters have contributed some righteous truths regarding attraction and dating ‘twixt the genders. I really need that content to keep coming. Do bear in mind that the Red Pill Dating blog will have a more polite tone to it. I know, that sucks. You commenters can use your bluntness on The Private Man blog.

My second need is for investment. Web development and marketing isn’t cheap. While two investors have been quite generous, I want my regular readers to give a hand so I can make this work. This is somewhat like crowdsourcing. Here’s where the investment will go:

1. A fine website. Hosting is arranged along with Webpress extensions but I need someone (hired, of course) to make it shine brightly.

2. Marketing. Criminy, just how does one market to a specific geographic/demographic market in the realm of the world wide web? Regardless, it will cost money.

The return?

1. Free classes! Of course, that requires you come to South Florida (link below). South Florida is a weird and wonderful place, bonus! The class will be awesome. You invest, you get a free seat. Laughter guaranteed.

2. Knowledge that a Manospherian is getting up front and personal with real men and women to dispense Red Pill wisdom. Local media coverage is almost guaranteed. National coverage is likely. Reading my obituary after a blue pill person shoots me is another bonus!

So, hit the donate button. Let’s get this really started.

I’m Drew Corbin and this message is enthusiastically endorsed!

Evan Marc Katz

And That’s Why You’re Single

Date Like A Grownup

I’m an old softy

Bronan the Barbarian

Florida!

Spring Break!

20 Comments

First Date From Online Dating – Protocol For Men

[Note: My target demographic is for a cohort over a certain age. You youngsters can sit this one out. Damned punks... get off my lawn!]

So, you got yourself a date with a woman from online dating. Of course you didn’t ask for a date, you stated it (link below). “Keep Friday evening open, I’ll take care of the rest.” That’s a confident line, right there. Do you know how many men actually show such confidence? Not nearly enough. Welcome to Club Charisma. You’ve now just entered the group of the top 20% of men.

You obviously picked something simple like ice cream or maybe a trip to the bookstore. Coffee is out because it’s been done to death and doesn’t speak well to your creativity. Dinner is also out because it’s too much cash for a first date with someone you don’t really know. A movie? Please, you’re smarter than that. Never, ever do a dinner and movie first date. You’re welcome.

So you perhaps picked a happy hour at a relatively upscale place. Happy hours are good because it’s relatively inexpensive and if the date goes really well you can segue to dinner, preferably at another pace because of reasons discussed below. But please, don’t drink too much. Also, it’s a public space so your date should feel comfortable. If she is not comfortable with a place that serves booze, think about the book store. Of course you like the bookstore, you literate SOB.

A weeknight is good for first dates because a Saturday date is too laden with formality and expectations. A first date is merely a chance to see if there is enough mutual attraction for a potential second date. Don’t overdo first dates, ever. If you do, your membership card to Club Charisma is instantly revoked.

No matter what her age, there’s at least a 50% chance she will flake. A good flake will involve a counter offer via voice or text. “Something’s come up and I’d like to reschedule for another time.” That’s a good flake because she still wants to see you. A bad flake has no counter offer. Don’t ask for one. Tell her you’ll call her another time (you won’t) or ignore the text. Then block her online dating profile. She’s done. The worst flake is when she simply doesn’t show up with no notice at all. Even grown-up women do this. Get used to it.

If it’s a weekday date after work, you should dress reasonably well. If you have a casual work environment, think seriously about changing beforehand. Showing up with sloppy dress is not cool. You’re better than that. Standing out with good clothes is a serious hallmark of a confident man.

As you’re meeting in a public place, arriving early is not a problem because it gives you time to observe other people in a social environment, that’s a learning opportunity. Arriving just a few minutes late is also an option because it signals to her that you have a full and busy life.

Before the date, arrange with a friend to call you during the date or send you a text. If she’s smart, she’s likely done the same thing. This is the “bail out!” option. If your date is obviously not going well – for whatever reason – that phone call will save you without an awkward way out. “Oh crap, I have an emergency I have to deal with, I am so sorry.” It’s a nice excuse and protects feelings. Just be aware that it can be used on you, too.

Things get sticky now. As you’re a smart online dater (link below), your profile contained honest and realistic photos. Your date, however, may have very well posted much older photos or even photoshopped photos. If she looks nothing like those photos or is too unattractive to you for some reason, you might be in a tight spot. Thankfully, you’ve arranged for the bail-out call in advance. Use that opportunity. Egregious online dating profile lies should not be encouraged. As you’ve got other options, you can move on to the next one.

The date should be light-hearted and fun. Make jokes, laugh, tease, flirt. In your conversation, avoid the heavy topics like religion, politics, and past relationships. Here’s a great rule of thumb – if you feel compelled to talk about your exes, you are not ready for dating. The same applies to her. If she starts bad-mouthing her exes, that’s a huge red-flag. Talk of the exes is a dating killer.

If you find yourself truly attracted to this woman, it’s time to ramp up your Charisma. You’ve been reading my blog, right? Now the pick up artistry (PUA) stuff applies. Use it for good, not evil. When you bounce venues and you have any time on foot, tell her to take your arm. Insist on it. It’s a bold and confident move.

If you’ve bounced to a new venue, a second date is almost guaranteed. You needn’t push for seduction. In fact, at our age, it’s rather unseemly and pushy. You’ve got the second date. To secure it, take her firmly in your arms and go for the kiss. That’s why she’s holding your arm. She’s comfortable with you. Going for the kiss is a bold and confident maneuver. Women adore that, no matter what they say. Easy on the tongue, tiger. Once the kiss is done, hit that second venue and don’t speak of the kiss again until the end of the date. You’re giving the impression that such kissing is perfectly normal to you… pre-selection, what a concept.

I’m going to bow out of the seduction potential at the end of the date. That’s not my style (as my first dates will attest) because I’m over a certain age. You do what you want. PUA will be your guide. Now is the time for post-date follow up. Text her the next day, in the afternoon. “That was a fine first date!” is the text – not a phone call. If you get a positive text in return, go for the second date and be bold about it. “Our second date will be [insert activity that you want]. That one can be dinner or something more involved…and not a movie! Dates are about the time spent together, not the activity you might be doing.

You can also expect the “you’re not the one” text. It’s always a text, I know this. Take this in stride because it happens often enough. Despite the kiss ( or even the seduction), despite your perceived attraction from her, it’s her decision to bail on the second date. It’s also your decision to do the same and pursue your other options. And you should. When a woman states that you’re not the one, you’re done. You’re toast, It’s over before it began. If you don’t like it, you’re not ready for Dating 2.0. But remember that while women are the gatekeepers to sexuality, men are the gatekeepers to commitment.

Lest my readers think that I am too pro-masculine, a future blog post will be about protocol for women regarding their first date from online dating. Warning: I will be dishing up some inside information.

Good Frame: Statements, Not Questions

Online Dating, A Short Primer

99 Comments

Satire Ahoy! Advice For Princesses And Goddesses

Dating and relationships are so difficult. It’s so hard for the modern, sassy woman to find Mr. Perfect only to find herself in a relationship with Mr. Chump who is incapable of making her happy. I’ve got some solid advice here so if you’re single, find yourself a pint of your favorite ice cream, put your favorite cat on your lap and start reading. If you’re married or in a serious relationship, do the same but skip the cat. Any modern gal in a relationship should know about the dating game because being single is so fabulous! There’s no baffoonish man making your life complicated and you can shop ’til you drop without an annoying Y chromosome type looking over your credit card statement.

For any woman, whether single or not, the name of the game is you and your feminine fabulousness, no matter how you express it. Every woman is both a princess who deserves to be spoiled and a goddess who is wise, powerful, and all-knowing. Your needs, your desires, your whims deserve to be fulfilled. Your very happiness is at stake, after all. If you’re not 100%  happy, there’s something outside you causing that and as a princess and goddesses, you have to change it. For most women, that unhappiness is not having a man in her life or having the wrong man in her life.

Now I have to break it down for the single girls. Here’s my advice: Prince Charming is right around the corner so don’t accept second best. How do you know he’s second best? He doesn’t make your heart soar and your libido swoon. It’s just that simple. As you meet men – I recommend online dating – be sure that the chemistry is immediate and powerful. If you don’t want to jump his bones instantly, ditch him fast because your va-jay-jay will never forgive you if you don’t. There’s a strong, good-looking, successful guy just for you and never, ever settle for anything else. Your soulmate is out there looking for you. You don’t have to change yourself in any way. He should adore you for all of you, even if your curves are especially curvy. There’s simply more of you to love. Embrace your personality quirks. If you cry or get angry easily and for no real reason, that’s who you are and it’s simply fabulous.

The easiest way for a strong and independent woman to find a man is to use online dating. It’s easy and can be free. Find your best photos. It really doesn’t matter if they are bit older, your more youthful body is a better reflection of your wonderful inner beauty. Write a really good profile. The best ones list out in detail what you deserve in a man. Be extremely specific. The great thing about online dating is that your in-box will be constantly filled with guys telling you how beautiful you are. This might take some time but a whole bunch of tasty snacks to feed your body will make you feel better while you read your many messages. The bad part about online dating is that many unsuitable men will be contacting you. They will be too short, too old, too ugly, too poor, too desperate. You might find an incredible guy online and so you should send him a message. Tell him what you deserve in a man and make him prove that he’s up to the task of making you 100% happy.

If any incredibly lucky guy scores a date with you, take the opportunity to assess him carefully. You must be on the lookout for reasons to dump him and quickly. There is no frivolous reason to ditch a man. It’s all about you, remember? You are the lead actress, director, and producer in the movie that is your life. You’re looking for the best supporting actor you can find to join you in your Oscar-winning movie. Don’t be afraid to walk out on a date. You might run into Mr. Perfect on the sidewalk. Just so you know, your date pays for everything and should have brought a nice gift for you. If he didn’t do those things, you have to cut and run. Right after dinner, of course. A smart woman never turns down a free meal. Surf and turf tastes so much better when it doesn’t dent your shoe budget.

If you find that magical, instant chemistry with a guy, test him a little. He has to constantly prove himself as a quality suitor. Also, keep him on his toes by breaking dates at the last minute and generally being a little evasive. Princesses and goddesses are in short supply. If he tires of the testing, just go back online and find a new potential paramour. They’re waiting for you. As for sex? If you want to have some nookie time, even on a first date, go for it! We live in the age where it simply doesn’t matter how much or how often a woman expresses her sexuality. You go, you sexy grrl!

For you attached ladies, you really need to evaluate the current state of your relationship. As a princess and goddess, you deserve complete happiness. Oh, and being only somewhat happy doesn’t count. If that man in your life isn’t making you 100% happy, seriously consider trading him in for a better model. He’s probably already thinking about doing the same thing, typical in men who can’t handle a goddess like you. A break up or divorce is short-term pain in exchange for long-term gain. Imagine yourself as the free woman, untied from a man who is likely holding you back. You are free to pursue your passions, to travel the world, to lead a fulfilling life. You’ll also be free to find a man who adores you, even if you’re a single mom and no longer quite the 20-something girl from a few, ahem, years ago.

So, are all you incredible girls ready to take on the world and find your happiness? Ready… Set… GO!

[This post was inspired by Roosh's Compliment and Cuddle and is a repeat post of mine. It should serve as a reminder of all the miserably bad dating and relationship advice given to women.]

25 Comments

Why Is Dating So Horrible?

There are two reasons. First, there are these words – “polite company”. It’s really rather simple. When we discuss dating in polite company (Ed – not while actually on a date), we tell each other lies. We tell each other what we are expected to say, not the actual truth of the matter. Worse, we believe the words. This is not a gender issue, it’s a polite company issue. In our zeal to avoid offending our delicate sensibilities, we set ourselves up for failure.

The results are predictable. As we believe those pretty lies (HT, Heartiste), our expectations become unrealistic. So then frustration and disappointment sets in when faced with the reality of meeting new people with the intent of dating. The contrast between the pretty lies and the actual dating process is big and ugly. It’s where words and actions never seem to meet.

The second reason dating sucks is the word “deserve”. We tell each other that we deserve to have everything we want in the opposite sex. Women tell this to each quite often as a way of bolstering egos and soothing hurt feelings. Ellen tells her perpetually single friend that she deserves a great man. The single friend internalizes that concept and dating success continues to elude her.

Men, however, can also have this attitude but it’s not expressed verbally nearly as often. Witness the whole “nice guy” social phenomenon. Men have been told to “be nice” and he will be more attractive to women. The man internalizes that and his attitude shifts to “I’m nice so I deserve this particular woman”. Love and laughter do not ensue for him.

It’s time for some candor. Men and women deserve nothing when it comes to dating the opposite sex. If we deserve anything, we deserve to know the truth about attraction and dating. Everything else, especially dating, requires effort in order to achieve success.

Yes, dating is horrible. But it doesn’t have to be. Armed with the truths about how men and women are actually attracted to each other, we have a fighting chance of actually reaching our relationship goals. The truth is coming out through blogs like this, self-published books, and a growing number of dating coaches willing to confront the social expectations of “polite company”.

Some background:

The Vicious Circle of Lies and Misinformation With Good News

The Vicious Cycle Of Misinformation And Lies

22 Comments

A Subject That I’ve Been Avoiding

A reader made a comment and it contains a request for advice and information on a topic that I can’t really address. This is due to simple ignorance on my part. I have done no research nor do I have any experience in this area.

So, read the comment to see what the issue is and perhaps one of my outstandingly brilliant readers can address it with a comment.  And it gets complicated… she’s 35. Thanks in advance.

I only recently found your website and I must say, it is really refreshing to read guys opinions on dating/understanding women etc – world only knows how many similar articles there are by women on how to understand men.

Let me just mention to you that I, for one, am the person who doesn’t believe in dating rules. I believe in being yourself and natural. I am not here for looking for the dating advice, as I’m not ready for this kind of thing – not yet anyway.

But what I would like to ask you is to point me out to an article that would talk about,  widows – meaning, what do you think one should talk about to another when there’s been 2 years of an awful black hole of recovery and when you have spent lovely and respectful years with your partner.

I know that at this stage, having the near perfect relationship (yes near to perfect and yes, there have been disagreement as anyone would in a normal relationship), the requirements get higher.

Partly because now I know what makes me happy and know what made/ did not make him happy. If you have something you wrote down before or would be interested in investigating it, it would be great. It would be nice to see what guys/men think of that or how have you/they come out it.

29 Comments

Oh, Come On…

I think one of my Manosphere buddies sent the following comment. It was in response to A Social Exercise For Men (link below).

What do ANY of you “guys” know about dating and “picking up” women?! You are all very bitter, hateful, chauvinistic, misogynistic, and more. Us women can smell that from a mile away. Why don’t you be brave and post your “gorgeous” photos here? I’m sure you are all built like Adonis, have extremely high i.q.’s, dress well, smell great, are successful, well groomed and fabulous. Right? It’s easy to write an anonymous blog bitching about women. You are not ph.D’s, psychologists, therapists, or social workers, OR have you been successful wooing the ladies. You are like little babies-you cry and scream when you don”t get your own way i.e. when a woman won”t give you the time of day.

Seriously? Bill? Mentu?

A Social Exercise For Men

35 Comments

Dating 2.0 – Good News & Bad News For Women

One of the most prominent and public of the Pick Up Artistry (PUA) guys is Roosh. He travels the world, writes books, and also blogs (link below). His forum is quite active with a few thousand guys in ongoing discussions about women, relationships, and life in general. His latest blog post (link below) describes a phenomenon that seems quite natural for younger men. Here’s the money quote:

Fast forward to today and I don’t get nearly as many emails from guys expressing their desire for girlfriends or marriage. In the past, game used to be seen as a means to an end, but I see a shift where now game is the end. Many guys just want to fuck a lot of women for an extended period of time. They seek more to imitate rock stars than stable family men.

The main reason for this shift is that there is little incentive for men to choose monogamy, which used to be a requirement for regular sex. But now women are volunteering to be in harems. Players only need to send a terse text message with improper grammar to get women to come over for sex.

A middle-aged guy with confidence, competence, Charisma, and leadership can also play the mini-relationship game. I personally know several gray-haired lotharios doing precisely that, usually with younger women. This is actually good news for women looking for commitment. It’s good news for two reasons -

1. She can quickly screen out such commitment-avoident men by not rushing into the bedroom for some sexy time. The lotharios will quickly move on but a man interested in commitment won’t rush things. Of course, she will likely be very attracted to such cads and tend to ignore other men. Thankfully, there’s an exercise for that (links below).

2. She can learn the feminine skills necessary to create attraction and maintain a man’s interest to the point of commitment. Such information is widely available in areas of the ‘Net unaffected by the poison of the mainstream media. Of course, these will be the politically incorrect feminine skills so it will be challenging to square off against some ridiculous and emotionally damaging social expectations.

It’s bad news for women because as more and more men understand and practice their Charisma, more and more men will be tempted to eschew a committed relationship and go for soft harems or a series of mini-relationships. To counter this, a woman is required to understand and learn how to be feminine in the context of a committed relationship. That is something outside the scope of this blog. However, Athol Kay (link below) can take over nicely at that point.

RooshV

RoosyV – The Rise Of The Mini-Relationship

A Dating Exercise For Women

A Dating Exercise For Women – Amazing Follow Up

Athol Kay (Book and Blog)

54 Comments

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