Archive for December, 2012
Dating and relationships are so difficult. It’s so hard for the modern, sassy woman to find Mr. Perfect only to find herself in a relationship with Mr. Chump who is incapable of making her happy. I’ve got some solid advice here so if you’re single, find yourself a pint of your favorite ice cream, put your favorite cat on your lap and start reading. If you’re married or in a serious relationship, do the same but skip the cat. Any modern gal in a relationship should know about the dating game because being single is so fabulous! There’s no baffoonish man making your life complicated and you can shop ’til you drop without an annoying Y chromosome type looking over your credit card statement.
For any woman, whether single or not, the name of the game is you and your feminine fabulousness, no matter how you express it. Every woman is both a princess who deserves to be spoiled and a goddess who is wise, powerful, and all-knowing. Your needs, your desires, your whims deserve to be fulfilled. Your very happiness is at stake, after all. If you’re not 100% happy, there’s something outside you causing that and as a princess and goddesses, you have to change it. For most women, that unhappiness is not having a man in her life or having the wrong man in her life.
Now I have to break it down for the single girls. Here’s my advice: Prince Charming is right around the corner so don’t accept second best. How do you know he’s second best? He doesn’t make your heart soar and your libido swoon. It’s just that simple. As you meet men – I recommend online dating – be sure that the chemistry is immediate and powerful. If you don’t want to jump his bones instantly, ditch him fast because your va-jay-jay will never forgive you if you don’t. There’s a strong, good-looking, successful guy just for you and never, ever settle for anything else. Your soulmate is out there looking for you. You don’t have to change yourself in any way. He should adore you for all of you, even if your curves are especially curvy. There’s simply more of you to love. Embrace your personality quirks. If you cry or get angry easily and for no real reason, that’s who you are and it’s simply fabulous.
The easiest way for a strong and independent woman to find a man is to use online dating. It’s easy and can be free. Find your best photos. It really doesn’t matter if they are bit older, your more youthful body is a better reflection of your wonderful inner beauty. Write a really good profile. The best ones list out in detail what you deserve in a man. Be extremely specific. The great thing about online dating is that your in-box will be constantly filled with guys telling you how beautiful you are. This might take some time but a whole bunch of tasty snacks to feed your body will make you feel better while you read your many messages. The bad part about online dating is that many unsuitable men will be contacting you. They will be too short, too old, too ugly, too poor, too desperate. You might find an incredible guy online and so you should send him a message. Tell him what you deserve in a man and make him prove that he’s up to the task of making you 100% happy.
If any incredibly lucky guy scores a date with you, take the opportunity to assess him carefully. You must be on the lookout for reasons to dump him and quickly. There is no frivolous reason to ditch a man. It’s all about you, remember? You are the lead actress, director, and producer in the movie that is your life. You’re looking for the best supporting actor you can find to join you in your Oscar-winning movie. Don’t be afraid to walk out on a date. You might run into Mr. Perfect on the sidewalk. Just so you know, your date pays for everything and should have brought a nice gift for you. If he didn’t do those things, you have to cut and run. Right after dinner, of course. A smart woman never turns down a free meal. Surf and turf tastes so much better when it doesn’t dent your shoe budget.
If you find that magical, instant chemistry with a guy, test him a little. He has to constantly prove himself as a quality suitor. Also, keep him on his toes by breaking dates at the last minute and generally being a little evasive. Princesses and goddesses are in short supply. If he tires of the testing, just go back online and find a new potential paramour. They’re waiting for you. As for sex? If you want to have some nookie time, even on a first date, go for it! We live in the age where it simply doesn’t matter how much or how often a woman expresses her sexuality. You go, you sexy grrl!
For you attached ladies, you really need to evaluate the current state of your relationship. As a princess and goddess, you deserve complete happiness. Oh, and being only somewhat happy doesn’t count. If that man in your life isn’t making you 100% happy, seriously consider trading him in for a better model. He’s probably already thinking about doing the same thing, typical in men who can’t handle a goddess like you. A break up or divorce is short-term pain in exchange for long-term gain. Imagine yourself as the free woman, untied from a man who is likely holding you back. You are free to pursue your passions, to travel the world, to lead a fulfilling life. You’ll also be free to find a man who adores you, even if you’re a single mom and no longer quite the 20-something girl from a few, ahem, years ago.
So, are all you incredible girls ready to take on the world and find your happiness? Ready… Set… GO!
[This post was inspired by Roosh's Compliment and Cuddle and is a repeat post of mine. It should serve as a reminder of all the miserably bad dating and relationship advice given to women.]
A reader made a comment and it contains a request for advice and information on a topic that I can’t really address. This is due to simple ignorance on my part. I have done no research nor do I have any experience in this area.
So, read the comment to see what the issue is and perhaps one of my outstandingly brilliant readers can address it with a comment. And it gets complicated… she’s 35. Thanks in advance.
I only recently found your website and I must say, it is really refreshing to read guys opinions on dating/understanding women etc – world only knows how many similar articles there are by women on how to understand men.
Let me just mention to you that I, for one, am the person who doesn’t believe in dating rules. I believe in being yourself and natural. I am not here for looking for the dating advice, as I’m not ready for this kind of thing – not yet anyway.
But what I would like to ask you is to point me out to an article that would talk about, widows – meaning, what do you think one should talk about to another when there’s been 2 years of an awful black hole of recovery and when you have spent lovely and respectful years with your partner.
I know that at this stage, having the near perfect relationship (yes near to perfect and yes, there have been disagreement as anyone would in a normal relationship), the requirements get higher.
Partly because now I know what makes me happy and know what made/ did not make him happy. If you have something you wrote down before or would be interested in investigating it, it would be great. It would be nice to see what guys/men think of that or how have you/they come out it.
I think one of my Manosphere buddies sent the following comment. It was in response to A Social Exercise For Men (link below).
What do ANY of you “guys” know about dating and “picking up” women?! You are all very bitter, hateful, chauvinistic, misogynistic, and more. Us women can smell that from a mile away. Why don’t you be brave and post your “gorgeous” photos here? I’m sure you are all built like Adonis, have extremely high i.q.’s, dress well, smell great, are successful, well groomed and fabulous. Right? It’s easy to write an anonymous blog bitching about women. You are not ph.D’s, psychologists, therapists, or social workers, OR have you been successful wooing the ladies. You are like little babies-you cry and scream when you don”t get your own way i.e. when a woman won”t give you the time of day.
Seriously? Bill? Mentu?
This blog is approaching a million page views. It’s also approaching its two-year anniversary. There will be a big change here soon and I need help from my readers to assist in that change. No, no more asking for money but I will leave up the donate button.
Here is what I request – a testimonial regarding the advice and information I have provided via my posts. Just stick it in the comments or shoot me an email (emailtheprivateman at gmail). Sign your testimonial with your first name, gender, and age. The age and gender are very important. Please don’t mention the word “Manosphere”. I hate to say that but I have my reasons.
And many thanks. My readers and commenters have made this blog the success that it is and I am supremely grateful for you all.
Here’s a hint regarding the big change: If all goes according to plan, get ready for “Red Pill Dating: Men, Women, Dating, Truth” (or something like that.)
[I wrote this post back in August of this year. It's still valid]
An interesting blog post over at Hooking Up Smart (link and note below) gives 25 Politically Incorrect But Effective Ways to Make Him Your Boyfriend. In the comments, I chimed in with:
The first item on the list should be “Know that he is the gatekeeper to commitment and that he can rescind that commitment at any time and for any reason. It is your supremely rewarding pleasure to maintain his desire and motivation to keep that commitment.”
Susan Walsh, the blog-mistress there, agreed.
A follow-up comment from HanSolo asked for some clarification on the concept that men are the gatekeepers to commitment. This commenter also made some excellent points (in boldface):
How true is it that men really are the gatekeepers to commitment?
The general principle to be a gatekeeper seems to be that he or she who decides last (or less often or less readily) is the gatekeeper since the other has already decided she or he wants it.
With sex, especially casual sex, women are seen as the gatekeepers since on average men want it significantly more and with less discrimination regarding whom.
In light of this post (aka, that many young women need this advice) and that many women in there 20′s don’t want a relationship but would rather study, work or party. Plus, with the many young women who will excessively blow out a guy for seeming too needy and clingy if he expresses that he’s looking for a relationship and not just casual (I’m not talking about the legitimacy of a guy waiting long enough to know her to like her beyond her looks). I would say these types are a minority but still a significant percentage that definitely affects the market. The other factor is hypergamy. If the 6 girl won’t even go out or hang out or whatever with the 6 guy who wants a relationship then effectively she is the gatekeeper and is preemptively keeping her relationship gate shut to him.
Now with the players and cads who are getting lots of attention then they are certainly gatekeepers for commitment because they either don’t want it at all or can be very selective in whom they commit to. In generically assigning men as the gatekeepers of commitment I wonder if there is not a bit of the apex-player-cad fallacy going on to some extent because we do hear about a lot of guys who do want a gf of their own MMV (especially the 6′s, maybe even 7′s, and below) but are having some difficulty in finding one. I won’t opine on how many such guys there are except that they probably are not a majority but are also not insignificant.
Even from evo-psych women are going to be careful and hence gatekeepers about whom they commit to.
So, what is meant by saying that men are the gatekeepers to commitment? Is it really the men that women want to commit to them and are thus of equal or higher MMV than her and would thus have other equal or better options than her? I can believe this but then really it is women who are the initial gatekeepers by filtering out most men and then it could be the remaining men that she is interested in are the later-stage gatekeepers.
Any thoughts on this to clarify it would be appreciated.
Here are my thoughts:
When assigning men to the gatekeeper role regarding commitment, several assumptions are involved:
1. He has found a woman who wants a committed relationship with him.
2. He is selective and careful about to whom he becomes committed.
3. He understands Charisma and is fully prepared to use those skills within the committed relationship.
As the commenter correctly pointed out, there is some apex fallacy (link below) going on within this model and within Dating 2.0 (link below). Yet the fundamental truth does remain in that a man has the opportunity to refuse commitment just as the woman has the opportunity to refuse sex. There are certain men who will seek commitment prior to a woman’s emotional investment. These men are not commitment worthy because they lack a fundamental understanding of Dating 2.0 and how it works in the context with Charisma.
As more and more men learn the realities of Dating 2.0 and the power that has been given them, the apex fallacy becomes less of an issue. But as things stand now, the commenter is basically correct when he states that “…then really it is women who are the initial gatekeepers by filtering out most men and then it could be the remaining men that she is interested in are the later-stage gatekeepers.” In other words, women lament that “no guy I’m interested in is willing to commit.” this is because, like most other women, she’s only interested in the top 20% of men.
In the Red Pill world that is the Manosphere, it is assumed that men are the prize, always in the top 20% and therefore the immediate (not late-stage) gatekeepers to commitment.
Note: Susan Walsh and her blog, Hooking Up Smart, have caused no small amount of controversy amongst several Manosphere bloggers. I bow out of this controversy but still respect the reasons that some Manosphere bloggers have cut ties with Susan.