Be A Unicorn

I read way too many dating and relationship blogs. The mainstream, blue pill dating and relationship advice – usually dispensed by women – is actually destructive to dating and relationships. The realistic, Red Pill dating advice is quite good. My two go-to sources are Evan Marc Katz and Moxie (links below). Those two I consider to be giving some of the best advice around for the over 35 crowd.

A common source of frustration for women over 35 is the lack of “suitable” single men. Both Evan and Moxie have a standard response and it goes something like this, in essance:

You’re looking for a unicorn. Lose the long list of requirements and be open to meeting and dating different types of men.

It’s sound advice for frustrated women looking for their next relationship. Moxie tends to be blunter and less diplomatic. Evan uses more measured language. To that sage advice I would add the dating exercise for women (link below) to get women to notice the good in men and men in general.

The necessity of Evan’ and Moxie’s advice is a call for men to be that unicorn so many women seek. DNA might not be good to some men (short or physically unattractive) but most guys can work on the skills and appearance necessary to increase their attractiveness and be unicorn-like.

The Dating 2.0 landscape is very different that the one men over 40 dealt with in their youth. First of all, women have financial independence. This is both a blessing and a curse for them. It’s a blessing because they don’t need a man strictly for finances. This gives them dating options they usually don’t exercise because of the curse of financial independence – hypergamy. with far more women graduating college, this curse will only get worse (link below).

Just earning a good salary is no longer enough for a man to generate hypergamy-based attraction. He has to be show that he is “higher” through a list of alternatives (links provided, as necessary):

1. Confidence - Taking the lead in dating shows this and sets a man “higher” than his peers.

2. Risk Taking – It doesn’t have to be bungy jumping.

3. Style  – You can’t dress better than her, but you can dress better than all the other guys.

4. Intelligence – Women too often conflate education with intelligence. Women also conflate communications skills with intelligence. Regardless, knowing how to communicate effectively is a perceived intelligence raiser.

5. Social Influence – Having influence within a community (real life, not online!) does much to raise a man’s overall status. It’s big boost to one’s confidence, too.

6. Charismatic Interactions – This leads to being a positive center of attention and is a big status raiser. Watch out for the dancing monkey problem.

I’m sure there are others and my commenters will no doubt jump in. Frankly, I’m usually in awe of my readers and the comments they leave.

The second important element in Dating 2.0 is technology. With social networking and online dating comes the ability for a woman to connect virtually and in real life to lots of men. This is also a very mixed blessing. It’s great both men and women can find each other online. But this leads to a woman’s surplus mentality where it’s very easy to find a reason to reject a guy because there’s yet another man’s online dating profile to read.

I do recommend online dating for men but it’s extremely difficult to be an online dating unicorn unless blessed with exceptionally good looks. This is why meeting women while out and about (link below) is vital to having an active dating life. Women are looking for exceptional men. Being that exceptional men can be accomplished. Now, time for the Jedi mind trick: If you seek to be exceptional, do it for you, no one else, especially women.

Evan Marc Katz Blog

And That’s Why You’re Single (Moxie)

How Will They Find Husbands?

Succeed Socially

  1. #1 by 3rd Millenium Men on November 13, 2012 - 12:25 AM

    Interesting take as always on the older crowd, PM. Tomorrow I’m launching my top 10 posts for females… I think the responses will be interesting!!

    • #2 by Stingray on November 13, 2012 - 7:52 AM

      Ha! This is funny. How many 3rd Millenium men are there? Ever consider differentiating yourselves somehow (while maintaining your moniker) so we can have a better sense of who is who?

  2. #3 by 3rd Millenium Men on November 13, 2012 - 12:26 AM

    Stop letting people with bad energy for you fill and flood your mind and heart. Easier said than done, I know.

  3. #4 by 3rd Millenium Men on November 13, 2012 - 12:27 AM

    I often make similar life plans. Interesting to see how quickly priorities can change, but they’re good things to do and I highly recommend them.

  4. #5 by 3rd Millenium Men on November 13, 2012 - 12:29 AM

    Awesome stuff, great to see you on the up and up. And yes it’s an awesome feeling saving money, whacking it away and watching the bank balance rise.

  5. #6 by someguy302004 on November 13, 2012 - 12:30 AM

    PM,

    All good advice.

    I’ve recently found the value of issuing a a challenge in online dating profile. I didn’t think it was too bold, but just mentioning that I value feminity and asking “would I hit on you if I saw you in real life?” prompted two attractive 30 year olds to question this gauntlet that I apparently threw down. I’ve turned both into ones that I’ll meet in person.

    In real life, I’m slowly establishing myself as a sociable regular at my local coffee shop. It’s yielding benefits already, young women noticing that the staff and other regulars chat with me on my way in and out.

    • #7 by tj on November 14, 2012 - 2:42 PM

      Like that idea and will steal

  6. #8 by 3rd Millenium Men on November 13, 2012 - 12:32 AM

    Read this post hours ago and have been mulling over it. You’re spot on, Rollo. It doesn’t make logical sense that he’s a beta, but everything he’s done, the way he acts, poses etc makes it clear he is. Bet his army son wants to wring his neck for cheating on his mother!

  7. #9 by Vicomte on November 13, 2012 - 1:06 AM

    #5

    You mean the panties don’t hit the floor when you tell them you’re THE Private Man!?

    Crazy.

    3MM has apparently gotten in touch with his inner spambot.

  8. #10 by Tom White on November 13, 2012 - 1:17 AM

    With regard to 3 its obviously you’re an older man. Young women’s fashion is getting steadily worse; uggs, clown pants, tit drapes, the jersey shore look…

    • #11 by theprivateman on November 13, 2012 - 7:37 AM

      I am indeed. But having more miles on the odometer means I’ve seen more landscape.

  9. #12 by Bowingout on November 13, 2012 - 2:11 AM

    Don’t get me started on blue pillers. Checkout #todaysmanlesson. All it is is shitting on men, supplicating and reinforced by women. Written by another male no less.

    • #13 by theprivateman on November 13, 2012 - 9:22 AM

      Just like with women, men can be their own worst enemies. I have a special loathing for white knights and manginas.

  10. #14 by Stingray on November 13, 2012 - 7:58 AM

    If you seek to be exceptional, do it for you, no one else, especially women.

    This is the most important line in your whole piece.

    You and I seem to be on the same page. Someone recently asked me how one become a good husband. While I realize your not talking marriage here, I think this is still relevant.

  11. #15 by PhatGuy on November 13, 2012 - 5:50 PM

    A friend is hooking me up with some professional looking head shots for my online profile use. I’m hoping this helps me poke my horn out a bit more.

    Go ahead and read as many layers into that statement as you’re comfortable with.

  12. #16 by In The Frigid North on November 13, 2012 - 6:22 PM

    Re: that last line – there’s no Jedi mind trick needed, it’s just the truth. While there’s an initial barrier that is almost always tough to cross, success becomes its own reward and should be pursued as such. Justified pride is a powerful drug – there are few things like looking in the mirror and seeing someone who just pushed through a tough workout, or played a good game of soccer, or made smart decisions throughout a poker session, or skillfully cooked a beautiful meal. While this sounds like douchey self-help advice, try to structure your schedule so that you have a chance to end the day with such an accomplishment under your belt, and adjust your view of accomplishments to facilitate the process by choosing attainable short-term goals that build towards long-term value.

    Re: online, I think it’s not just the appearance of surplus, but also that the pool of online daters self-selects for the ones who are most plugged-in to our electronic distractions generally and thus go into it with the shortest attention spans or highest requirements.

    One minor theme of your greater list that maybe deserves a spot of its own or more explicit mention is playfulness. Wit is great at demonstrating your intelligence, silliness is a social risk (see comments re: danny in that link), and humor can be a big part of charismatic interaction. Whatever your means of expressing it is, playfulness is a key to tingles and connection. As a guy blessed with the structural factors, the one all-important question that lets me know whether a date will lead anywhere further is asking myself “did we have fun?” and making sure we didn’t bog down in the serious, even if things were generally pleasant, and no matter how many of the basic check-boxes we hit for each other.

    When you mention the “dancing monkey problem” in #6, I think that the problem comes down to two failure on two factors: leadership and congruence. To avoid it, do and say things because YOU think they are amusing, with the expectation that others follow along (do this when you’re funny enough and socially aware enough that you can reasonably expect the others to follow you). Enjoy yourself, while letting others join in that – don’t think of charisma as an act or behavior, think of it as a state of being.

  13. #17 by Man on November 14, 2012 - 7:21 PM

    Evan Marc is for beta boys, white knights and women who seem his main customers.

    • #18 by theprivateman on November 14, 2012 - 7:27 PM

      His business is mostly women. That’s where the money is. His message is solid Red Pill, his diplomacy is necessary given his market. He’s a smart fucking guy and I respect him. Read his blog and his responses to comments. Then get back to me.

  1. Be A Unicorn « PUA Central
  2. Be A Unicorn « PUA Central

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