Archive for April, 2012
There is some problematic advice for women on finding love. Such advice is all too easy to find as it’s delivered relentlessly and ubiquitously. One of the worst pieces of advice given to women is the “love will find you when you least expect it.” There’s a variation of that theme in the Christian community with the “God’s perfect timing” concept. Love will find the single Christian woman based on a heavenly life schematic.
What men know, and are wired to do, is to pursue affection. Men are more inclined to pursue physical affection first. It’s what we do and no amount of social shaming will change that. No matter, because a man waiting around for affection to suddenly appear is fantastically unnatural scenario. Being redundant here – men pursue and are expected to pursue. This is why women are told to be passive.
Here is a conversation that will never happen between two men:
“Dave, I haven’t gotten laid in months, what should I do?”
“Don’t worry Steve, just wait around because when you least expect it, a fresh vagina will drop out of the sky and land on your penis. By the way, you look good with that extra 30 pounds since your divorce and those t-shirt stains aren’t too bad. Want another beer?”
Yet women are frequently given the same type advice:
“Kathy, I haven’t had a date in months, what should I do?”
“Don’t worry Jill, just wait around because when you least expect it, Prince Charming will arrive to sweep you off your feet and love you just the way your are. By the way, you look good with that extra 30 pounds since your divorce and those sweatpants look comfortable. Want more ice cream?”
Here is the same advice given in a much more accurately: “If you act and look feminine, love will find you if you are receptive and you reciprocate.” This is much better advice because it reflects reality. Being feminine (looks and actions) is flypaper to men and so men will pursue. Yes, there will be inappropriate guys flying about. But the confident man will approach. He’s the pursuer, after all. The challenge is being the receptive part. This means being physically available and being in situations where single men are around. It might involve online dating, for better and worse.
Frankly, the wait for love scenario is based on emotional pornography and it’s wildly unrealistic given women’s highly elevated self-esteem and expectations based on that level of self-esteem. Being a potential partner in a committed relationship requires thought and effort. It requires understanding that the attractive and available man wants the woman to bring something to the dating and relationship table. A woman with nothing to offer is a woman who will always wait.
I’m talking to you, the person reading this blog. You’re freaking insatiable and it’s a real challenge to keep up with you. You expect a post every damned day. I’m getting rather worn out. The wellspring of ideas is getting dry. I’ve even been reduced to recycling posts. That made me feel exploited and dirty. What more do you people want?
Here’s what I suggest to you, the person reading the blog. I have over 280 posts in the archives. About 200 hundred are in the list on the right after you scroll down. The rest are located in the month to month links, also visible after scrolling down. Once you’ve done some reading there, you can hit up the links to other blogs and various websites. A few links are broken and I hope to be fixing those.
If you’re lazy and just want to read something fast, I present this print advertisement from the 1950s. Note the aloof, almost indifferent attitude of the guy and the fawning attitudes of the dames. Nice work, buddy. You’re alpha and it shows with your Van Heusen shirt.
Here are two more photos:
Big People, Not Attractive
Normal People, Quite Attractive
Punchline? Same people. Weight loss and better health, what a miracle.
Carry on with your bad selves.
I read a great deal of dating advice, most of it bad. This includes dozens of blogs, countless women’s websites, even the lady magazines like Cosmopolitan. I also talk to every woman I can about dating and relationships. Yes, I know, talk is cheap. When I discuss these issues I’m trying to read between the lines and look for descriptions of actions, not words from the rationalization hamster or aspirational lying. There is one particular and common theme from female dating advice-givers that has perplexed me:
Men want a challenge.
The usual female explanation for this theme is that “men are hunters”. That much is true. Yet when our paleo ancestors went hunting, it was for food. It was for survival. If the men didn’t bring home the animal protein, the tribe withered and died. After spending a few incredibly tough days trying to slay an uncooperative animal, why would a man return to the clan and have to hunt all over again for a compliant female willing to mate? It makes no sense. From an evolutionary psychology point of view, it’s completely counter intuitive.
It took some thought to figure this out. I’m slow, but I eventually get there. Here’s the basic set up:
Women seek the top 20% of men. The women must hunt these men because these men have options and will only select a small percentage of women to whom they will provide DNA and possibly resources. This makes perfect sense. Top paleo providers were in short supply. To hunt and land one of these men, even if for a harem arrangement, was a successful survival strategy for the woman and her offspring.
Let’s fast forward to our modern, industrial culture. Armed with the power of projection and a healthy rationalization hamster, women think because they must pursue men (the top 20%) that men must pursue them. It goes along with the modern projection that because women are attracted to masculine accomplishments, that men must also be attracted to masculine accomplishments in women.
It gets worse. The guys not in the top 20% must do the pursuing of the top 20% of women (attractive and feminine women, not the masculinized career dames). The women’s projection that men must give courtship chase is utterly reinforced by an army of guys without Charisma trying desperately to win these women’s romantic (um, sexual) favor.
Men with Charisma do not want to hunt women. They want compliant (PC word alert!), feminine women who easily recognize the man’s achievements without drama, bitchiness, and demands. Sure, Charisma is required because our recent industrial age requires women to be a bit coquettish. This is the price for not having to worry about a saber tooth tiger eating the women and children while the man is out hunting mastodons.
A woman wants a man without Charisma to hunt them because this is a validation of her desirability, nothing more. The woman doesn’t want the DNA (sex) from that man, she wants the emotional support in addition to the desirability validation. This is manifested in contemporary times as the FriendZone and weaker men being the emotional tampon.
So let’s summarize – Women want beta men to hunt them. They want to hunt Alpha men.