This comment was recently made on one of my older posts. It’s kind of long so I have redacted some of it to get the juicy bits. The phrase in bold stands out as the money shot.
I agree with almost every thing in this blog post, especially with regard to masculine & feminine.
HOWEVER, with regard to the idea of “women should give and their men will give back to them” …that has always backfired on me. I am a woman and tremendous giver. It is my natural state to give. I am this way with all my friends, my sister, even strangers. I am a nurturer. However, in all of my relationships, I wind up being a life coach, secretary, housekeeper, social events coordinator, loan officer, mother and resume editor and a whole long list of other “jobs”…while the guys give almost nothing back and to top it off are barely ever “in the mood”. I get sick of begging for “it.” I can’t understand how anyone only wants to be physical once a week or less often. Then I get fed up, depleted, exhausted and end the relationships. And they are always like “what?!?! You’re unhappy?!?! Why didnt you tell me?” But the thing is I did tell them, explicitly (as in: I need this, please do it…usually relating to screw me more often or at least let’s go out sometimes or get your life together, I cant keep being responsible for all our decisions and financing them)….but apparently, my being unhappy and telling them how to fix it, didnt bother them. But when I dump them….then it’s you’re the most amazing woman. Please come back. I am so sorry. I should have treated you better….blah, blah, blah. But by that point I cannot imagine being with them as I am so thoroughly done.
The other one (5 yrs older than me) was never in the mood…I think he just had low libido from what he told me about his past relationships.
I am very often the essence of “too nice” and all I get for it is taken advantage of (financially, emotionally), neglected or taken for granted. Now, none of these guys ever yelled at me or hit me or cheated on me…but I still wasn’t treated “well”…I was always giving, desperate for their attention (physical or verbal).
So I am honestly asking PM and the men of this board….please decode this for me…I have a long history of I give, they take…how is the “be giving and he will give back” idea going to work for me?
This one is actually pretty easy. She was being giving and supportive in order to receive attention. A good man would recognize that and would not exploit her desperate need for attention. But she’s picking the wrong guys. She finds guys who do exploit her need for attention. Hell, she’s in New York City, an exploitative place.
This is one where she needs to be more open to different types of men. Actually, she needs to be less giving. Oh, the irony!