I created a dating exercise for women to help them find the good in men. During a recent foray into the village with my ugly dog (but with my spiffy new hat) I sat myself on a bench in front of a popular indoor/outdoor eatery. Soon, a late 50s single woman sat next to me. We got to talking. I’m a friendly guy and the village is a safe place to strike up a conversation with a stranger. This encounter gave me the chance to try out that exercise.
Cindy indicated that she was single and we got to talking about men, relationships, and dating. Given her age, I didn’t put out any kind of attraction vibe towards her. She was rather dismissal of men in general and was not pleased that the men who were attracted to her were much too old while the men she was attracted to were too busy pursuing a younger female demographic.
I told Cindy, “if you want to find more good men, you have to find more good in men”. She sort of laughed at that. I pressed the issue. “Seriously, there are all sorts of good men around you just have to find those qualities.” She seemed dubious. At this point, I brought up the dating exercise.
“Just find one good quality in any man you see.”
As there were dozens upon dozens of people visible, finding a free-range guy was simple. I pointed one out, an older but well-dressed fellow perambulating by about 15 feet away.
Cindy was instantly dismissive. “I don’t see anything attractive about him.”
My retort was just as quick. “You’re not looking to date the guy, just find one thing good about him.”
She looked and just shook her head. “Nope, nothing.”
“You didn’t notice that he’s well-dressed?”
Cindy looked a bit surprised. “Well, he is that.”
“See, you found something good! Let’s find another guy.”
Another guy walked past. This one was middle-aged and perfectly ordinary.
“What about him?”
Cindy regarded the man. “He has nice hair.”
The dating exercise was proving only a bit fruitful. I pointed out two more guys but Cindy was getting frustrated. It was clear that she was in the habit of looking for reasons to reject a man. In a classic bit of deflection, she asked that I do the same thing about women. “Oh, that’s easy.”
She pointed out a middle-aged woman. I responded almost instantly. “She has nice hair.”
Cindy then pointed out a plain-looking women or indeterminate age. I had to look carefully. “She has good style, check out her shoes.”
Again, Cindy pointed out a woman and again I found something positive to say. This was not going well for her and she was making my point all too clear. Thankfully, for her, Lucy distracted us both by barking a dog passing by.
I let this matter drop but it showed me that my dating exercise, while valid, would take some serious internalizing in order for it to work effectively. Granted, I was attempting use the exercise with a complete stranger. Women more willing to look at men in a better light would be more accepting of the exercise.