Not too long ago, this blog attracted a new reader who posts some thoroughly entertaining comments. His name is Munson and his posts are chock full of wisdom, adult language, and hilarious grammatical mistakes. Munson is neither polite nor diplomatic. He’s a man of experience (he’s in his 50s) and keen observational skills about the relationship ‘twixt men and women.
He recently posted a comment on another post. It’s so good, I’m highlighting it in this post. I haven’t even bothered to clean up his atrocious grammar.
WOMEN: I ENDORSE ALL OF THE ABOVE PLUS THESE:
1) When engaging in conversation with a man in whom you are interested (grammar?) remember he is most used to talking to men – his exchanges with women heretofore will have been strictly functional (work), awkward preliminary-style date talk, and other trivial nonsense discourse. Engage! How? No matter what he says or talks about, FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM! Other males NEVER do this; this will remind him he is SPEAKING to a woman, not merely trying to get into her pants (he is, but we want him focused emotionally as well). Men assume when they deliver the narrative the other male understands the “meaning”, hence no discourse. That’s your job.
Example: he mentions he likes baseball. Ok, when did he discover his interest? “My dad used to drink beer in those tall Pilsner glasses and watch the game”. DAD-new topic; explore. Did you and your father watch other sports? Play catch? Did he (note now we are NOT talking about your guy, but about his dad; but guess what? Men never stop talking about themselves-listen actively; you’ll here it; he describes his dad-but it’s him).Gradually you and he will explore meaning; thus begins the
“we” concept that you ladies start from and us guys take decades to develop with you.2) Never look down or away when talking to him. As I told Susan Walsh, males reserve this gesture for receiving serious bad news, like your best friend wears panties. Bend is and look up (I’m imaging a couple at a table) if outside etc. then touch him, lightly, on the arm; don’t move in. This is very empowering to a male. Looking away implies you’re thinking of a lie, or at least measuring your response-he’ll go “on guard.
3) 5 to 1; five words about him for every one about you. The more you get him talking the better conversationalist he’ll think you are. Find truth in what the witch in “The Little Mermaid” said:”It’s the girl who holds her tongue that gets her man.” I know it’s tough; for you gals, silence is aggressive. I’ve knwo plenty of women for whom other women get the ass simply because they’re too quiet, and other women assume she’s a bitch (if she’s “skinny” (gal word-means slim, attractive), wears the right accouterment etc.). Suppress this.
4) When with a man ask yourself “Who is the sexiest, most brilliant, interesting, funny, intriguing etc.man in the entire world?” ANSWER: HIM. That’s right him. Sell it girl; trust me, he’s a guy-you won’t need to be Meryl Streep. But always make sure he does some work,get at minimum some words out of him, an acknowledgment , something-or STOP! It ain’t workin’. Don’t force it; move on,. Trust me on that too.BTW George Harrison wrote probably the greatest love song ever called “Something”. George was all guy; learn from him about guys.
These are the basics. When you feel a little lost, remember: get him to talk about what it means to him. Don’t ask him what he feels ever. Save that for your girl friends.Meaning often this involves memory; men don’t reminisce nearly as much as they should, and trust me they like it once they start. However careful here; you stay focused on the present, the party you’re at, restaurant, whatever.
You,may not “get” the guy, but trust me you’ll be respected as a a great conversationalist (because you let him talk), perceptive (because you recognize how brilliant he is), compassionate (because you let him drone on and on about trivial disappointments he should have gotten over decades ago and his other adolescent obsession) and a surprisingly thoughtful, well nuanced observer of the social/political/economic scene (because you did not vomit into your soup or on the floor at his uninformed, one-dimensional, tediously obvious pronouncements on “whatever”, a mish-mash of either “right” or “left” bent half-baked derivative gobbleygook that wouldn’t do justice to an ill-informed 3rd grader in an under-performing parochial school).
It ain’t easy, but it ain’t hard. Men are not complex; I think it would be easier for you if we were. M final advice, which I will inaugurate here but will endlessly explore here and at other sites is this:
For a woman, having a relationship with a man is like dancing with a hippopotamus :
1) you’re going to get your feet and toes smashed’;
2) the hippopotamus will never learn to do it very well; and
3) at no time will the hippopotamus have the slightest idea what the fuck is going on.But if you give him his bale of hay (i e recognition as I’ve described, plus affection sex, love, food (Dr. Laura says men come down to sex and food; that’s sexiat and degrading but absolutely true goddamnit!) he’ll make a useful, and indeed, rewarding companion.
Uncle Tom told ya’.
Bloggin’ be good.
NMH
/ November 29, 2011This is all good advice, but very pie-in-the-sky. 90% of the women out there could not carry a conversation and show interest with a man as Munson suggests because they are 1.) too self-absorbed so they are yammering about themselves, or 2.) to introverted to lead a interesting and engaging conversation. My first serious gf belonged to the first category, my present gf belongs to the second. With the later, she is pretty much hard-wired not to say much of anything but prattle and pleasentries (if anything at all) unless I lead her on topics–then she can be interesting. One may argue this is good for it forces a man to lead but I get tired of doing it.
The few women that have the wiring and the ware-with-all (?) to do as Munson suggests will be size 14.
Its all a numbers game, and thanks to women’s self absorption and obesity the number of women who can engage a man and are sexually attractive are virtually nil. Too bad we cant send the entitled yammers to Pluto, where they belong.
I think Munson may have been associated with the wacko’s on Ruby Ridge. Just a suspicion.
DC PHil
/ January 24, 2012I have firsthand experience of both types, but the silent and introverted ones sometimes freak me out.
I had one staying with me last summer (favor to a female friend). 25, “artistic model,” and who seldom initiated the conversation. I had to lead most times, and the only time she discanted at length on a topic was the one day she happened to be higher on the energy side and she talked about how she got into her modeling gigs. The most uncomfortable times were those when she and I were out walking in DC and she said nothing for several city blocks. When I tried to engage her, I got just a couple of sentences’ response.
She was a weird one.
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011My grammar and spelling are so atrocius that I am in Urban Dictionary; look up “munson’d” (not the “Kingpin” entry) and you’ll see the reference to me over at OBNUG (One Bronco Nation Under God). Whenever anyone screws up writing over there they say they “munson’d”. I quit writing because they are the sort of guys who use 3 different kinds of toilet paper to wipe their ass and THEN use a bidet. I now write at theblueturf.com-check it out.
@NMH-Funny you should mention Ruby Ridge. I was partnered for many years with Maurie Ellsworth (we also co-hosted a radio show for 13 years) who was the Idaho U. S. Attorney when that happened. As with most cluster fucks, when the fingers started getting pointed he was in the line of fire for a minute until he established beyond cavil that he only pursued the illegal gun crime at a very low level; it was ATF’s deal from jump city to go total on it. Vicki Weaver addressed a threatening letter to him that contained the quote “every knee shall bow” (I think she meant “bend”- “munson’d”!) that became the title of a best seller about the event.
“Wacko”-me? I hope the others who read the above don’t come to the same conclusion. I have litigated against these types, not the violent ones but the “constitutionalists” who believe our Constitution gives them the right to do whatever the fuck they want as long as they can denominate it a “right”.
@TPM:THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Since I left OBNUG, I haven’t had an outlet for my writing impulses. theblueturf.com is just getting started, plus it’s limited to Boise State sports, primarily football. Thank you fro getting my stuff out; I owe you big time tpm.
And you thought all I wanted to do was write about Rose Kennedy’s pussy. BTW you do realize we are the only 2 people who have had a discussion about Rose’s pudenda in the last probably 40 years, minimum. I know as the instigator of that conversation I have more to worry about than you but that doesn’t let you totally off the hook. Jus’ sayin’.
NMH
/ November 29, 2011Damn, Munson: you are one of dem’ regulators! I’d never thought. I’d figured your write up your diatribes as you were monitoring your still and shining your gun.
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011@NMH
Things would have worked out better for Randy if he had had a still up there; I think he was a teetotaler. The north Idaho groups are flat out weird; we’re talking cold water cabins, outhouses-and they are all over the place. Mine were the urban ones; and they weren’t stupid. But for example they reject the idea that the federal gov’t can tax; Wes Snipes found out where that leads. look at these groups sort of like Karposis sarcoma; we all have it, but if our immune system is healthy it stays suppressed. Similarly, when the country is healthy, these flake groups are held in check. But if there is a general collapse, watch out. The Weimar Republic, and its successor, Nazi Germany, are a cautionary example.
Re: weird groups
During the 1991 downturn this group aroae that used phony Mexican site drafts (worthless) to pay off debts. They also filed “liens” against people’s property,including my law partners. Tehn they called them up saying if they didnt pay they’d turn the “lien” over to someone “who could make them pay” i e use violence.The crazy fucks (about 12) got charged in federal court and nearly all got double digit time; even a young mother who hadn’t been that involved got 5 years.
NMH
/ November 29, 2011“Karposis sarcoma; we all have it, but if our immune system is healthy it stays suppressed”
Wow. You know your stuff. And cute analogy to right wing groups.
The only thing I really know about Idaho politics/attitudes is after a national election they usually put out a country map of how the counties voted varying from 100% Republican (bright red) to 100% democrat (dark blue).
Idaho always has the reddest of the red.
But the nice thing is with your mineral resources you will probably never have a state debt. Maybe a good place to retire.
just visiting
/ November 29, 2011I’m just worried that if I keep asking a man what something means to him that he might think I’m trying to analyze him.
Darth Prophet
/ November 29, 2011T I hope you let all these good fellows know where to find you
..
T, is one of those special people with I just don’t care what you think mentality! and thats why we love him at theblueturf!
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011@DP-you bet!
@just visiting
I didn’t say ask him what it means I said engage him by “finding out” what it means. Yes, if you keep asking what “something” means like a psychoanalyst he’ll feel he’s being mind plucked, and resent it. Nuance girl nuance. You are analyzing him, but just as in “selling” you don’t want to get caught. Don’t ever say “what does that mean to you” unless he’s hit some dramatic note. Look, very few of us hide our thoughts and emotions; we want the world (includes you) to know us. We don’t want to be rejected, look stupid (“dance like no one is watching”) appear uninformed. Men need to feel comfortable and be drawn out but not in the obvious way women employ with each other.
So-leave out the what and why questions initally. Who, when and where are your lead ins. In my example, baseball, who was your favorite player? Who was the best one you ever actually saw play? Where did you see it? Who was with you?
You discover what a man thinks and feels by approaching him “factually”, objectively. Explore the subject like you are literally walking to it and you’ll get a sense for it. There is no way you can fail at this. Even ask him a “male” only question. “Do you think women talk too much about clothes?”‘ Now I doubt you seriously give a shit what he or any other man thinks about this, but he won’t be expecting you to ask it (you can also gauge his response when he’s not doing something precalculated, useful info) and he’ll tell you something more or less real. Again, like basic reconnaisance, all the information is good. Who does he mention-his ex, his mom, his sisters? If you can’t get a mindfield of feminine info out of that go get your estrogen level checked.
If you keep the conversation on him, it will slowly dawn on him that he hasn’t heard much about you, and after a while he’s likely to thow out some mind-blowingly original, totally universe crashing, lightning/ inducing conversation atomic bomb like “So, what about you?”
5 to 1; 5 words about him, one about you. Respond with no more information then you think will answer the question as appropriate. Now here’s the hard part ladies:COME TO THE END OF THE SENTENCE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. Read that again; no, I’ll say it again COME TO THE END OF THE SENTENCE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP. I know you’re nervous, I know you want to assuage his and your discomfort at the tense energy that permeates a male/female encounter, I know more will occur to you, and if it was your girlfriend you’d prattle, giglle maybe, and in girl talk it’s the add ons that are so enjoyable. But I’ll put this gently-SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Are you ok? Ok. Now i’ll explain. If you read carefully what I wrote above and did not overly respond to my admonition, that is, if you had a dick instead of a pussy, you’d see that the important instruction was to “(r)espond with no more information than you think will answer the question as appropriate.” Every word of that is important; I’m a careful writer. You’ve answered his question; stop. “As appropriate”; I cannot know what you’ll be talking about, or where. By stopping you’ll let the silence do the work; all actors, musicians know the importance of the silence. You’re the woman; it’s your friend. Don’t go fucking it over like you would a friend who’s your bridesmaid at your wedding, making it wear a shitty ill-fitting God-awful puke color Tijuana street hooker bridesmaid’s dress- it’s there for you,use it thoughtfully.
Why the “stop and silence”? Because it’ll give him a chance to ask and you won’t have tripped over the drama your clipped measured response created. Now he can be Perry Mason; every man thinks he’d be a good cross-examiner; I know, I happen to be a good one. Most men aren’t but let him take it the next step. He’ll feel manly.
What to many of you women do (and it comes from the way you converse) is you add these little codas, additional superfluous remarks, and when they are not innocuous and unnecessary they are often fatal. At best, the wreck the momentum of your statement. Yes, statement: you are making a statement, literally, just as your hair,clothes, accoutrement, shoes, lingerie hell for all I know your intrauterine coil are making a “staement” about you. You’re constantly putting other women down for using too much eyeliner, hairspray, showing too much cleavage, wearing too high high heels. Less is more, right? Look, you wouldn’t pee on your shoes in front of him, or pull an earring out of your ass and sitck it through your ear, so come to the end of your sentence, conclude and-please be quiet. No add ons, please .Thank you.
Here’s a pithy way to remember:ADD ONS PREVENT HARD-ONS.
Enough; there’s much for you to absorb (and no I’m not being crude). Your Uncle Tom loves you and wants you to discover good men for healthy LTRs (hey, I used an acronym) including marriage. We’ll get through all this believe me.
just visiting
/ November 29, 2011Makes sense.
ADD ONS PREVENT HARD-ONS.
Good lord, now I’m going to have THAT stuck in my head.
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011@just
Yes, that will help it stick (ugh!) in your head but remember the thrust (ugh! II) of the article. Say what you say,then stop. Let the air hang-it’s tough but it works for you as a woman-chatter does not and nervous female chatter’s the worst for a guy. This is especially true if he wants to say something “pithy”- he’ll be more frustrated than a gynecologist with a foot fetish. Another trick you can use is to say ‘I’ve never heard a man say that!” I don’t care if he just told you he flosses with tampon strings, say it brightly, enthusiastically, seem a little amazed at his perceptiveness and just almost on the cusp of excitement. It’s bullshit of course- a man has never said one goddamn original thing to a woman when he’s working into the initial stages of interest, and the only REAL thing he wants to say is on the order of “you get on top”, “bend over this”, etc. But a girl needs a little romance, huh, and this is an added trick to help you get some (ooh, sorry-that last sounded a little indelicate. And one must try to maintain one’s delicacy in this mad, mad, mad blogosphere of Romance!)
just visiting
/ November 29, 2011Can’t Stop Laughing
You and PM should do some kind of manosphere internet radio or you tube video. (though the video would have to have a picture still to keep PM an international man of mystery.)
theprivateman
/ November 30, 2011Munson needs to visit http://www.avoiceformen.com and call in to their internet radio program. Shit, if Munson spends too much time in the Manosphere he won’t have enough time to practice law!
theprivateman
/ November 29, 2011Do y’all realize that I am guilty of introducing the Manosphere to Munson?
The guy is everywhere now.
I am so so proud.
susanawalsh
/ November 29, 2011I do not know who discovered Munson first, or which one of the blogs he discovered first, but I do know he’s a treasure and a breath of fresh air into our little corner of the blogosphere.
One of my favorite bits was when he shared that his wife had scolded him for standing naked in the bedroom window, saying that he could be easily seen from below. His answer? “I don’t give a shit.”
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011No Susan let’s be clear-as a married man of 30 years, and 3 more with MY dear Susan,I did NOT answer her with “I don’t give a shit.” I ignored it and went about doing exactly what I had been doing. As a woman, had I answered thusly this could have created an opportunity for more “conversation” about this. When she told me I could be seen from the street below (at 6:00, in an upper middles class, small neighborhood in Boise), I told YOU (that is Ms. Walsh) what I thought-”I couldn’t give a shit.”The experienced married man of a certain age, moi,does not engage in gratuitous battles; he measures himself. For example, when we are about to embark on an evening out, and Susan says to me “Are you wearing that shirt?” I do NOT respond with “What the fuck does it look like I’m doing to it, fucking it?” nor do I say something snide like “No, I realized that tonight this shirt was going to hang in the closet by itself, alone, and I wanted to spend some time with it now and help it through this difficult period, the grieving process” because both replies will escalate the situation and prevent me from doing what I really want to do i e watch the game before I am dragged off to yet
(I remember what you said about paragraphs-you never responded to my “8 inch blue-veiner paragraph)
another entirely tedious social “engagement” that I want to go to about as much as I want to be re-circumcised.
As for my nakedness, if any of the women in our suburb or the others who take runs/walks at the hour (and insist on talking at the top of their lungs) wish to avail themselves of a view of my 59 (yeah tpm-I’m BARELY in my 50s) year old behind or any other part of my anatomy there is no need for them to surreptitiously view me from the street. I have yet to meet an adult woman who finds any prurient thrill in observing male nakedness, but I would make myself readily available no mistake.
BTW it’s sort of a tie as between you 2; I learned about you, Susan, reading the article in Atlantic Monthly. The counter woman in Seattle somehow mentioned you, and when I googled the article I somehow got on your site which despite you name being on I didn’t recognize. I posted over there, but got on tpm before we corresponded. But my first real “colorful” post was at tpm, and I have to talk to him about that.Please, Susan, don’t read what i have to say to tpm. I want you to retain that image of me, “a treasure and I breath of fresh air”, and all of that will be forever destroyed if you read what my honor forces me to reveal to tpm.
susanawalsh
/ November 29, 2011@PM
Oh PM, I see you get all the credit! Well done!
theprivateman
/ November 29, 2011I hope I don’t regret this!
Yo Munson, be cool.
Ah scratch that… be yourself and tear up the Internet with your bad self.
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011@PM
Your admonition to “be cool” gives me pause, because I was going to say that upon reflection what I said about Rose Kennedy (Susan stop reading now!) was not true. I have blasphemed; I have sullied the Manosphere. In order to expiate the guilt from my unforgivable defalcation, I proposed for my mea culpa that I write a comment (or column-I’m computer illiterate) detailing what would have happened if the encounter between myself and Rose Kennedy had occurred. I will have to wait for Susan to log off before i reveal the title. WARNING:IT WILL NOT BE PRETTY. But then again neither was Rose’s pussy.
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011@you both
Not entirely. I wrote a comment, but your site and interaction led me to suspect that the prolix things I post could be viable. I guess I should call him PM, my son’s initials.
theprivateman
/ November 29, 2011The Rose Kennedy comment from Munson was shockingly funny. Emphasis on the word “shocking”.
It was legendary and now I can’t find it! Oh, the huge manatee!
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011@PM
Like I said I want to make it up to you. My working title is:
I EAT ROSE KENNEDY’S PUSSY (a fantasy)
Waddya’ think? Think we can run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes?
theprivateman
/ November 29, 2011Jesus Christ, holy shit Munson!
Bear in mind the the Manosphere generally consists of a young bunch of guys and any reference to Rose Kennedy could be lost.
I’m going to give you one word that I might really, really regret giving you but I think I need to do this:
Twitter.
Dear God, what have I done??!?
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011PM don’t know how.
theprivateman
/ November 29, 2011Learn.
Seriously, twitter can be your ticket to stardom and fame. I’ve already started when I just tweeted “He’ll be more frustrated than a gynecologist with a foot fetish.” to my followers.
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011I suppose we could use any old rich hag to make my point, but damn I was really into Rose’s bush (get it!-the thing writes itself!)
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011PM yeah that Rose thing with you and me kinda’ launched this.
Your line was classic too-”You kiss your mom with that mouth?”
tvmunson
/ November 29, 2011PM how do I get from here to Twitter?
theprivateman
/ November 29, 2011Consider this your homework assignment.
tvmunson
/ November 30, 2011@tpm (do you realize MY initials are tvm; there’s a reason we met)
Susan just told me I’m the new darling of the sex and relationship blogs. Not sure what she means, but I say let’s move on to the destruction of Western Civilization as we discussed.
BTW I think she’s a darling too!
scottmac56
/ November 30, 2011I can relate. A friend once told me, “Your grammar is atrocious.”
I replied, “Leave my family out of this!”
Thank you! Tip your waiter! Enjoy Mr. Anka!