1. Don’t Let Her Be Too Helpful
In my ongoing dealings with Surfer Woman and so many other dames, I’ve learned quite a lot about women and relationships. For example, in my blue pills days, I would have too easily allowed the women in my life to be “helpful” with certain aspects of my living situation. I thought it was wonderful that they wanted to cook and clean for me. Certainly, their motivations might have been pure in the beginning, but it always degenerated into “but I’ve done so much for you!” and a massive guilt trip heaped upon me.
In my previous marital administration (Wife 2.0, the Latina years), I allowed the woman to completely redecorate my place, cook, clean, and generally be a proto-wife until the hooks were in deep. After getting married and the subsequent de-evolution of that marriage, the inverse ratio between my happiness and her guilt trips grew vast. Many mentions of “all that she had done for me” wafted about the poisoned atmosphere of that doomed relationship. Lesson, learned.
Consider, as well, that an independent and confident man takes care of his own business on his own terms. Basically, it comes to this: I’ll pick my own damned laundry detergent, thankyouverymuch. This also means that a man’s living space must be tended well and his personal affairs properly in order. There should be little excuse for a woman to enter the scene and “help”.
With Surfer Woman, I have a resisted letting her be helpful. For example, I pay someone to clean my place. Surfer Woman thought this was stupid as she was quite willing to clean my place. My Red Pill spidey sense told me that having her clean was a bad idea. Thankfully, she dropped the idea (but didn’t forget it).
I also resisted Surfer Woman’ offer to walk my dog during the day. She offered to drive here during lunch. That’s a 30 mile round trip and her big truck sucks down the gas. Of course I said no because I knew that I would on the hook for gas money. I have an arrangement with a neighbor for daytime dog-walking. When my neighbor is away, the person who cleans my apartment takes over and the same woman also takes care of the neighbor’s dog. It’s a good arrangement that unfortunately broke down just yesterday. This leads to my second lesson.
2. Don’t Tell Her Too Much
Via IM, I told Surfer Woman that the dog walking arrangement hit a snag and that I would end up watching the neighbor’s dog (the neighbor is gone for several days) in the evening. The cleaning woman had an addiction relapse so would not be available to walk my dog and care for the neighbor’s dog. A substitute had been arranged for daytime dog duty but I would need to deal with the neighbor’s dog in the evening. No biggie to me. Huge deal for Surfer Woman and much texting drama unfolded.
It all boiled down to the following:
- I won’t give Surfer Woman a key to my place but I did give a key to a drug addict. Actually, I never knew about the addiction problem until my neighbor told me just last night. This was no matter to Surfer Woman. As an aside, access to my apartment means Surfer Girl will snoop. I do not abide snooping.
- I won’t state that I am Surfer Woman’s “boyfriend”. I’m going to have to confront that issue much more directly with her and it could very well be goodbye Surfer Woman.
I merely wanted to inform Surfer Woman of what was going on, much like a news bulletin. She took it as an opportunity for guilt and control. Here’s the extremely important take-away lesson from this – a man can’t control how a woman responds, he can only control what information he shares. It’s simple input/output. Limit the input, limit the output. Just bear in mind that a healthy rationalization hamster can use the merest scrap of information for a nice sprint in the wheel.
The input/output analogy is also applicable to all guys learning Charisma. Limiting the input also maintains mystery and intrigue, two things that women love in men. Sparse input results in voluminous ‘gina tingle output. Again, beware the hamster.
My mistake was in forgetting that Surfer Woman had offered to clean my place on a regular basis. That I refused and opted for a solution that blew up was her opportunity for a “I told you so” but expressed in a more round-about manner. I’m not angry at the situation at all. Frankly, I am pleased I had the opportunity to apply a Red Pill analysis for a proper evaluation of the issue and share it here.
j24601
/ November 8, 2011“Just bear in mind that a healthy rationalization hamster can use the merest scrap of information for a nice sprint in the wheel.”
Priceless!
dannyfrom504
/ November 8, 2011ok, you did the right thing here. you had no idea about the drug addiction, so she was just using it to guilt trip you *MAJOR RED-FLAG!!!!! WARNING WARNING!!!!!*
if i were you, i’d get a new cleaning person (and trust me, i employ a cleaning woman), then explain to surfer girl that you’ve made a change in your “cleaning” assignments.
but i’d be honest that while being her BF, you aren’t ready to give up a key. that’s a HUGE step and shouldn’t be done taken lightly. she’s trying to frame you and posture herself to control the relationship….please done’t cave. lol.
stay up Sir.
theprivateman
/ November 8, 2011I know exactly what she is doing and she knows that I know that. Last night we were chatting a bit online and she apologized profusely. She’s trying to run some girl Game but is not very good at it. She won’t get a key to my apartment, that’s for damned sure.
Ian Ironwood
/ November 8, 2011Both outstanding lessons in Game. I practice both of them with my wife religiously.
Surfer Girl sounds a little red-flaggy to me, too. As far as the “boyfriend” issue, I would gently explain to her that you tend to reserve that level of commitment for women whom you have known and trusted longer than her. The implication, of course, is that she still doesn’t quite measure up — a hint she should be getting in spades by now. If she wants a “boyfriend”, she’s going to have to work for it — then work her like a rental car.
As far as the cleaning/dog walking, I would assure her that you are an adult man who can handle his business, and that you’ll handle this too. She shouldn’t worry her purty li’l head about it. Between the two elements of the conversation, you should be able to clearly establish that you’re Alpha and that she has yet to earn a place by your side. Either she’ll spiral out of control or she’ll shape up, regroup, and try a more insidious route.
BTW, read the $400 vasectomy story . . . that was fucking priceless!
theprivateman
/ November 8, 2011Good advice. I am so glad I have taken the Red Pill.
And that vasectomy story? I have to come clean… I made it all up. But damn, did that go viral!
NMH
/ November 8, 2011You are a fraud. But a literate one.
I remember all those years I would pretty much tell my life story to a woman after the first couple of dates, thinking this was the way to her heart.
Now I know why I never had a girlfriend.
Ian Ironwood
/ November 8, 2011I consider that “guerrilla ontology”, not a “lie” and well within The Rules Of Engagement. Enlightened fiction for instructional purpose. Parable, in other words. Well played, Sir, well played.
NMH
/ November 8, 2011Very Orwellian of you, Ian. Were you a Bush appointee?
Thomas V. Munson
/ November 8, 2011“A man can’t control how a woman responds”. Every man should have that branded onto his left arm (so he can look at it every time he writes a check). Classic line, up there with Dante’s “Abandon All Hope Ye Who enter Here” and “Work makes you Free” (above Auschwitz).
Thomas V. Munson
/ November 8, 2011Closely related concept (perhaps discussed previously, but can NEVER be stated too often). Trust a woman to remember EVERYTHING you say, every word, and usually the nuances of reflex that come with it.think o fit in military terms; the more “ground” (i e info let out) you take, the more you have to defend. She will mull over, cogitate upon, investigate, and discuss with her girfriends every word. Limiting the information allows for freedom of maneuver, ability to affect the battlefield when logistics change, and force HER to defend on all fronts rather than mass her resources at the critical front. This applies doubly when you are angry;men forget what is said in a anger, we move on; this is genetically impossible for a woman. So even if you are winning the current argument, she’ll bring up something you said 8 years ago and you’re screwed. (Corrollary: the only place you can argue your way into sex is in prison). MORAL: Limit info., retain options. In fact, PM’s raison’ d’ etre is to allow you to retain maximum options for maximum duration.
wingman
/ November 8, 2011PM is indeed a literate SOB, but he’s OUR SOB.
108spirits
/ November 8, 2011I thought every man learns that guilt trip lesson from his mother. Mine both did/does that to me while warning me not to let chicks take care of my living situation because they’d soon use it against me.
ASF
/ November 9, 2011I have a slightly different perspective on girls doing things for you. I think it can be a good thing. When she mentions that she’s done x, y, and z, my response is: “So?” Be entitled. The things she does is the least she can do.
Jack Dublin
/ November 9, 2011I’ve found that the easiest way to get a chick to lay off is raise the importance of X (thing she wants) to nigh sacrament.
They love infusing importance into the littlest thing. ‘Cleaning or moving things messes with my organization and destroys my flow while I write’. (Whether you write or not is irrelevant.)
Although, I just flat out say ‘Don’t mess with my kitchen.’
Ian Ironwood
/ November 10, 2011The kitchen is My Domain, and woe to any woman who dares mess with it. I’m dead serious too. Not even my mother. Especially not my wife. Only my daughter is allowed to work in there, and only at my direction.
I mean, she’s the only female in my life I have ever had any sort of control over. You can bet I’m gonna milk that shit as long as I can.
Random Angeleno
/ November 9, 2011Gold! Especially about not giving out too much info. They will snoop anyway. I do have one nice story about that one…
About the vasectomy story, well played, sir!
socialkenny
/ November 9, 2011This phenomenon kind of reminds me of a catch.Meaning,there’s a catch to it all(by the women).
You allow them to do your chores-they in turn flip the script somehow.