My Dog Is Ugly

By popular demand (well, a couple of guys in the Manosphere forcefully requested), I present my ugly dog:

This Dog Is Ugly!

My ugly dog.

I acquired Lucy from an ex-girlfriend. Lucy is about three years old and my ex got her as a puppy from an animal rescue society. The coloration is referred to as “brindle”. She’s a small to medium size dog weighing in at 38 pounds or so.

When asked about her breed, I can go one of two ways:

1. A long-winded explanation that Lucy is a very rare Mendozan Terrier from the Mendoza region of Argentina. This breed was developed to hunt and kill the long-haired Mendozan rat, the scourge of any local vintner in that part of Argentina. This story, by the way, is complete and utter bullshit that I dreamed up after being asked one too times about Lucy’s breed and being forced to give the less exotic answer, number 2.

2. She’s a mutt I got from an ex-girlfriend.

Ask you gaze upon my dog’s utter lack of pulchritude, I ask that you take pity on me and then introduce to me to any attractive, slender and single women over 37 who happen to live in South Florida. Thanks.

Lucy is quite well-behaved and always a hit with the folks in the village.

Ah wait, there’s more!

This photo is a bit better, no?

Well, not THAT ugly.

Well, not THAT ugly.

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  1. #1 by Badger on October 28, 2011 - 7:59 PM

    She’s like a camo dog!

  2. #2 by Chad Daring on October 28, 2011 - 8:13 PM

    Your dog looks like rocky road ice cream.

  3. #4 by dannyfrom504 on October 28, 2011 - 8:51 PM

    Dude that explanation is tits. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. It’s so much better than “she’s a mutt.” *yawn* lol. I gots a decent field report (which you more or less know about) but I’ll be going into more detail on the blog.

    And yet dog isn’t ugly, my damn dog is a Brindle as well. I don’t think I could imagine NOT having a dog.

  4. #5 by raliv on October 28, 2011 - 8:51 PM

    looks like a chick magnet to me.

    • #6 by L on October 31, 2011 - 11:15 PM

      This. Good looking dog to me.

  5. #7 by Bronan the Barbarian! on October 28, 2011 - 9:07 PM

    Not that ugly dude. I do like the explanation – it’s always more fun to bullshit people about stuff like that than it is to tell the truth.

  6. #8 by Jester on October 28, 2011 - 9:09 PM

    I might be wrong here, but that looks like a Coconut Retriever. They’re pretty common in the islands. (Jamaica, Bahamas, etc) Awesome dogs!

    • #9 by theprivateman on October 29, 2011 - 9:32 AM

      Oh shit! That’s a great one! However, there are way too many Jamaicans and Bahamians living ’round here and I would be called out on the lie.

  7. #10 by Aurini on October 28, 2011 - 10:12 PM

    That is one seriously foul looking dog, brother. That makes you the hot chick hanging out with the fat girl.

  8. #11 by Aurini on October 28, 2011 - 10:21 PM

    Just to clarify (worried that may have come across as insulting) I think your dog is awesome. It’s ugliness is a glory to behold. Fancy-looking dogs are for 50 year old women from New York.

    Partial to Blue Heelers, myself – they’re one of the sarcastic breeds.

  9. #12 by just visiting on October 28, 2011 - 10:30 PM

    I can relate. I have a pug who’s ,um rather interesting looking.
    The “Rat Dog” explanation is great.

  10. #13 by johnnymilfquest on October 29, 2011 - 3:41 AM

    She’s not ugly. She’s cute.

    Mind you, I find myself saying that to other men about women all the time.

  11. #14 by Bellita on October 29, 2011 - 8:40 AM

    She’s adorable! :D I love her personality in the second photo, but she’s truly beautiful to me in the first one, too. (I just love dogs. And my first two dogs were mutts, too, so I’m very partial to them.)

  12. #15 by theprivateman on October 29, 2011 - 9:39 AM

    There’s more about the Mendozan terrier and how it hunts for the long-hair mendozan rat.

    My dog loves raisins. In fact, she loves them so much, it’s embarrassing. But why raisins?

    This all goes back to the long-hair mendozan rat. The rat loves raisins, too. In fact, the rat bites off the grapes and lets them turn to raisins in the hot, Argentinian sun. So, the Mendozan terrier has been bred to smell out raisins in order to find the rats.

    So, if you should ever find another Mendozan terrier (exceedingly rare breed, dontchaknow), a gift of some raisins will render you a friend immediately.

  13. #16 by NMH on October 29, 2011 - 11:38 AM

    It has the colorings of a cat, so it looks surreal.

    I think your dog is cute, though.

  14. #17 by wingman on October 29, 2011 - 1:21 PM

    Doesn’t matter what your dog looks like – it just looks to the ladies like you can care for something.

  15. #18 by Legion on October 30, 2011 - 3:33 PM

    Really looks like it has some zebra in its heritage somewhere. It would naturally have to be bigger.

    As long as the dog is a people dog, its a good dog.

  16. #19 by 108spirits on October 30, 2011 - 7:23 PM

    Your dog is what I call theatre-ugly, as in, her ugliness has some interesting story behind it, that would look expressive on stage or camera. This is the first time I’ve used this phrase to describe a dog though, usually it’s for certain people (ugly but charismatic blokes, whom I know through my performing arts circle).

  17. #20 by Colin on May 10, 2012 - 4:32 PM

    Your dog’s a little ugly, but what comes through more is her personality. It even comes through in that picture. I’m sure women and men alike adore your ugly mutt :)

  18. #21 by collegegirl on June 26, 2012 - 7:06 AM

    I think he’s cute, that tiny little touch of uglyness plays on my sympathy gene, it adds to his appeal if anything, like awww c’mere you ugly little thing I’ll love ya!

  19. #22 by Carolina Courtland on August 3, 2012 - 2:13 PM

    I volunteer at animal shelters. I’m familiar with all kinds of pure and mixed breeds. I can’t begin to tell you what she is.

  20. #24 by Slinkyminx on August 16, 2012 - 3:06 AM

    Mendozan Terrier jokes aside, I don’t know if you were joking around about your dog liking raisins (the net makes it hard to detect tone on occasion)…but FYI raisins are highly poisonous for dogs- as are grapes. Look it up.

    • #25 by theprivateman on August 16, 2012 - 3:00 PM

      Yes, the raisin thing was a total joke! Thanks for the info on the raisin/grape thing!

  21. #26 by Goo on December 18, 2012 - 11:04 AM

    Don’t give your dog raisins! Grapes and raisins are very bad for dogs! Google it. :)

  22. #27 by Goo on December 18, 2012 - 11:05 AM

    O wait u already knew that. My bad!

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