Advice For Princesses And Goddesses

Dating and relationships are so difficult. It’s so hard for the modern, sassy woman to find Mr. Perfect only to find herself in a relationship with Mr. Chump who is incapable of making her happy. I’ve got some solid advice here so if you’re single, find yourself a pint of your favorite ice cream, put your favorite cat on your lap and start reading. If you’re married or in a serious relationship, do the same but skip the cat. Any modern gal in a relationship should know about the dating game because being single is so fabulous! There’s no baffoonish man making your life complicated and you can shop ’til you drop without an annoying Y chromosome type looking over your credit card statement.

For any woman, whether single or not, the name of the game is you and your feminine fabulousness, no matter how you express it. Every woman is both a princess who deserves to be spoiled and a goddess who is wise, powerful, and all-knowing. Your needs, your desires, your whims deserve to be fulfilled. Your very happiness is at stake, after all. If you’re not 100%  happy, there’s something outside you causing that and as a princess and goddesses, you have to change it. For most women, that unhappiness is not having a man in her life or having the wrong man in her life.

Now I have to break it down for the single girls. Here’s my advice: Prince Charming is right around the corner so don’t accept second best. How do you know he’s second best? He doesn’t make your heart soar and your libido swoon. It’s just that simple. As you meet men – I recommend online dating – be sure that the chemistry is immediate and powerful. If you don’t want to jump his bones instantly, ditch him fast because your va-jay-jay will never forgive you if you don’t. There’s a strong, good-looking, successful guy just for you and never, ever settle for anything else. Your soulmate is out there looking for you. You don’t have to change yourself in any way. He should adore you for all of you, even if your curves are especially curvy. There’s simply more of you to love. Embrace your personality quirks. If you cry or get angry easily and for no real reason, that’s who you are and it’s simply fabulous.

The easiest way for a strong and independent woman to find a man is to use online dating. It’s easy and can be free. Find your best photos. It really doesn’t matter if they are bit older, your more youthful body is a better reflection of your wonderful inner beauty. Write a really good profile. The best ones list out in detail what you deserve in a man. Be extremely specific. The great thing about online dating is that your in-box will be constantly filled with guys telling you how beautiful you are. This might take some time but a whole bunch of tasty snacks to feed your body will make you feel better while you read your many messages. The bad part about online dating is that many unsuitable men will be contacting you. They will be too short, too old, too ugly, too poor, too desperate. You might find an incredible guy online and so you should send him a message. Tell him what you deserve in a man and make him prove that he’s up to the task of making you 100% happy.

If any incredibly lucky guy scores a date with you, take the opportunity to assess him carefully. You must be on the lookout for reasons to dump him and quickly. There is no frivolous reason to ditch a man. It’s all about you, remember? You are the lead actress, director, and producer in the movie that is your life. You’re looking for the best supporting actor you can find to join you in your Oscar-winning movie. Don’t be afraid to walk out on a date. You might run into Mr. Perfect on the sidewalk. Just so you know, your date pays for everything and should have brought a nice gift for you. If he didn’t do those things, you have to cut and run. Right after dinner, of course. A smart woman never turns down a free meal. Surf and turf tastes so much better when it doesn’t dent your shoe budget.

If you find that magical, instant chemistry with a guy, test him a little. He has to constantly prove himself as a quality suitor. Also, keep him on his toes by breaking dates at the last minute and generally being a little evasive. Princesses and goddesses are in short supply. If he tires of the testing, just go back online and find a new potential paramour. They’re waiting for you. As for sex? If you want to have some nookie time, even on a first date, go for it! We live in the age where it simply doesn’t matter how or how often a woman expresses her sexuality. You go, you sexy grrl!

For you attached ladies, you really need to evaluate the current state of your relationship. As a princess and goddess, you deserve complete happiness. Oh, and being only somewhat happy doesn’t count. If that man in your life isn’t making you 100% happy, seriously consider trading him in for a better model. He’s probably already thinking about doing the same thing, typical in men who can’t handle a goddess like you. A break up or divorce is short-term pain in exchange for long-term gain. Imagine yourself as the free woman, untied from a man who is likely holding you back. You are free to pursue your passions, to travel the world, to lead a fulfilling life. You’ll also be free to find a man who adores you, even if you’re a single mom and no longer quite the 20-something girl from a few, ahem, years ago.

So, are all you incredible girls ready to take on the world and find your happiness? Ready… Set… GO!

UPDATE: I don’t think some people understand this post is 100% pure satire. It’s meant to point out the awful dating and relationship advice usually given to women

[This post was inspired by Roosh's Compliment and Cuddle]

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  1. #1 by Hughman on August 29, 2011 - 4:23 PM

    Trololololol

  2. #2 by NMH on August 29, 2011 - 4:30 PM

    OH,YOU ARE SOOOO BITTER.

  3. #3 by Jennifer on August 29, 2011 - 5:30 PM

    Sounds like bad girl game.

  4. #4 by Anon on August 29, 2011 - 7:52 PM

    lol you should be ashamed of yourself. I can hear the hamsters from my mom’s basement surrounded by Cheetos while stroking my neckbeard.

  5. #5 by HR Lincoln on August 29, 2011 - 9:20 PM

    Some of your best work here, PM. Speaking as a man around your age and well experienced with the online dating mileu, you’re on the money, bro.

  6. #6 by Brian on August 29, 2011 - 10:20 PM

    Have you considered submitting this to the Match.com magazine? I bet they’d pay good money for this advice. It’s certainly consistent with their other material.

    • #7 by theprivateman on August 29, 2011 - 10:29 PM

      This kind of advice is so consistent and predictable that I could probably have a programmer write a software application to create it every two weeks. It would be named “Never Settle, Princess/Goddess” application.

      • #8 by Looking Glass on August 30, 2011 - 2:02 AM

        It’s Hilarious that it could write itself; and sooooo sad that the advice is so horrible. Doesn’t say much for society, lol.

      • #9 by Brian on August 30, 2011 - 10:37 AM

        The funniest thing is that if I show things like this to my friends’ wives, their wives shake their heads and groan. If I show it to single women, they generally respond in the “damn straight” vein.

      • #10 by Retrenched on August 30, 2011 - 5:18 PM

        Yeah, pretty much all mainstream dating and relationship advice is based on this premise — that women are the prize, and that men must work their asses off to earn their attention and affection. Women are told that they are super awesome, that they deserve the perfect man and shouldn’t settle for anything less. Men, meanwhile, are supposed to feel lucky as hell if any of these wonderful and awesome vagina-owning creatures gives them the time of day at all.

        Funny, though. It seems that every girl thinks she deserves the perfect guy, the alpha with tons of options, the Prince Charming who could have any girl he wants. Yet they rarely, if ever, stop to ask themselves what they have to offer that should make this Prince Charming want to choose them over all the other girls that he could have.

  7. #11 by Paige V. on August 30, 2011 - 2:27 AM

    omg lol

  8. #12 by NMH on August 30, 2011 - 6:07 AM

    If it wasn’t for the manosphere bloggers and commentors confirming my suspicions of the opposite sex, the MSM and female denials would drive me bat-shit insane.

  9. #13 by Dannyfrom504 on August 31, 2011 - 12:20 AM

    Retrenched. I covered this very subject (“what a woman has to offer in a relationship”) in my post “natural game” on my site. It’s one of my most read posts. Very good observation on your part.

  10. #14 by dogsquat on August 31, 2011 - 12:58 AM

    Mr. Private Man, Sir, I sent you an email.

  11. #15 by wingman on August 31, 2011 - 9:48 AM

    While I hate stereotyping PM, I think you nailed something that rings shamefully true. Just to take a stab at some cheap psychology – doesn’t this princess/goddess syndrome begin at a very young age? Like when their Daddies fawned all over them as children, constantly showering them with the unlimited? And to go one step further, don’t Daddies act that way with their daughters because they are mostly beta men who can’t get attention from females, except when it’s their own daughters they’re showering with attention?

    If you buy that, this means 3 decades of American men becoming door mats have created a generation of spoiled and entitled adult females.

    Does the princess/goddess syndrome exist in countries where men are still men? I think not.

  12. #16 by just visiting on August 31, 2011 - 5:10 PM

    Well, I was showered with a lot of attention, given a lot of presents, (much to the jealousy of his girl friends who were not, and didn’t understand the double standard.) and dad was as alpha as a man could get. It didn’t create an entitlement princess, but I am confident. I suspect that entitlement princesses and godesses are over compensating for feeling crappy about themselves and their lives. They lack self discipline whether it’s emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, or all of the above.

    They are unable to controle their own internal weather, thus they react to events in their life instead of proact. Even happieness is something that happens to them, not something that is self generated. Thus, if they are unhappy, it’s because something outside of them is MUST be doing it to them(Probably a man, or a co-worker, or a family member). Most of the time (but not always), this over inflated sense of self starts out as a defense mechanisim. Throw in a few years of victim mentality.(Because let’s face it, our society celebrates victims. Why spend years developing successes in life through hard work and discipline, when being a victim will get get you the same attention and explain away your failurers?) It’s not you. It’s all those other people holding you back from being the truly great and wonderful life you should be living.

    And thus the vicious cycle starts.

  13. #18 by just visiting on September 1, 2011 - 3:25 AM

    Badger,

    thanks for the link. I left a comment.

  14. #19 by Bobby on September 1, 2011 - 11:11 AM

    Modern women´s happiness is such a concern,

    It makes me remember a few years ago about some survey that came out about how muslim women are the happiest women in the world.

    Too many words are wrote about women´s happiness

    As a fortysomething white male:

    I´M DONE

    DONT CARE

    MY YOUTHFUL WEALTH OF SYMPATHY HAS BEEN SPENT

    AND ANOTHER THING,

    DON´T CARE ANYMORE ABOUT THE MIDDLE EAST; JUST NUK´EM IF THEY CAUSE TOO MUCH PROBLEMS

    DON´T CARE ABOUT SOMALIA, IT CAN NEVER GET IT´S SHIT TOGETHER ANYWAY

    SAME GOES FOR ALL OF AFRICA, ALL MY LIFE IT HAS BEEN F***ED, AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE

    DON´T CARE ABOUT ALOT OF THINGS INCREASINGLY,

    MY WELL OF SYMPATHY FOR WOMEN, PARTICULARLY WHITE WESTERN WOMEN IS DRY

    SO YEA,

    GO FIND YOUR HAPPINESS

  15. #20 by Bobby on September 1, 2011 - 11:15 AM

    ALOT OF WHAT IS WRONG IN THE WORLD WOULD IMPROVE IF MORE MEN LIKE ME DECIDED,

    BECAME HOSTILE TOWARDS ALL THIS SYMPATHY MONGERING

    • #21 by Bobby on September 1, 2011 - 11:52 AM

      after a few moments of thought it occurs to me,

      all this concern by men about women´s happiness, only leads to happiness inflation by women

      muslim men who don´t have much concern about women´s happy, happy, happiness, have made for very happy women; and more importantly, women that make those same men more happy? And isn´t that the most important thing;

      Your HAPPINESS as a man???( that has soo been lost)

      p.s. I think all this talk of happiness is making me ¨happy¨

      happy, happy, happy

  16. #22 by just visiting on September 1, 2011 - 1:27 PM

    Bobby

    if it’s any consolation, the pendulum is swinging at the grass roots level. For the first time in my memory, women are giving their friends shit for this kind of behaviour. In the past, this was the kind of thing whispered about, but rarely confronted to an actual friend in blunt terms. This may seem like a small thing, but believe me, it isn’t. Female relationships have a strange power structure and unwritten rules of conduct. Social aggression towards a perceived code of conduct requires group power. Lest you get “mean girled” by the queens and their court. (Yes, even as adults, it just gets sublter.) That we are seeing women speak up and stick their necks out within their social circles means something.

    As for muslim women being happier, I call bullshit.

  17. #23 by Helfyre on September 1, 2011 - 3:37 PM

    I loved, loved, loved this entry. It’s true that a lot of today’s females act like this. However, the same can be said for American males, they think they are entitled to size zero supermodels who wait on them while they plop down in front of the TV and videos games. But, since this is about princesses/goddesses, I’ll stay on subject and save my complaints from another time.

    The problem is with our culture. This and the last two generation of kids are being spoiled and brought up with entitlement complexes. Girls, especially. The truth is, girls are generally not taught to be responsible for themselves, or to work hard. People are ingrained with this idea that you’re supposed to treat girls/women like we are made of glass. The system is slanted against BOTH men and women, people. Against women because it only enables their behavior instead of encouraging them to actually stand up and think straight, and against men because, well, you all see it for yourselves, I don’t have to explain.

    The dating culture in America is a bit too weird, uptight, and rigid for me. Too many hangups and expectations. It’s not this way with my non-American boyfriend. Where he’s from (Central Europe), dating is more relaxed. I’ve travelled a lot and noticed it there and in the North. They don’t care if the woman approaches first, initiates anything, or wants to pay for herself, a woman doesn’t have to curb herself and pretend to be something else or else get looked down on. And oh my! Women with a sex drive who inititate sex are not frowned down upon. All in all, it’s just more relaxing and fun to to be with him than I ever have with an American guy (again, this is not individual guys’ faults, it has to do with our culture). We are lovers, friends, peers, equals. I wish people today would lose the entitlement complex and know how to be true equals in their relationships, they’d be a lot happier in life in general..

  18. #24 by Blissex on September 2, 2011 - 6:58 PM

    PrivateMan you forgot another two common bits of advice:

    * That men respect and admire liberated girls with lots of sexual experience and many previous partners, and only commit to girls with those characteristics.

    * That men are really turned on by girls their own age or older than themselves, and in particular men in their 30s and 40s are willing to marry only girls their own age, as they find girls in their 20s or anyhow younger than they are too inexpert and unseasoned, so it is best to delay looking for a husband until a girl is in her late 30s or the 40s.

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