The setup:
- Surfer Woman and I are chatting online.
- She has a Saturday event which precludes her from surfing.
- She’s about to have her period and that means PMS.
- I’ve broken up the IM exchange based on shifts in her frame.
- My comments are in bold.
- This is 95% verbatim. Some of the extraneous crap I had to cut out for the sake of brevity.
Surfer Woman: no surfing for me
Private Man: Oh well.
Surfer Woman: now watch…there will be epic surf then
Private Man: Oh, that’s a given, sorry to say.
Surfer Woman: heyyy, lil support here
Private Man: I know I should… but you know the realities… no point sugar coating it… and I’m a guy!
Surfer Woman: still heyyyy, you could say realistically….there will be Sunday!
Private Man: Yup.
Surfer Woman: so?
She’s looking for some form of emotional validation or agreement with the rationalization hamster. To give it is to be Beta.
Surfer Woman: I may try leaving out some of that support I dish out too
Private Man: lol… But I don’t surf!
Surfer Woman: fine
Private Man: So I assume that the start of a new school year is a big deal.
Surfer Woman: dude, don’t ask me questions….you don’t do school either! Huh!
Private Man: Huh?
Surfer Woman: Hm!
Private Man: Exactly.
Keep ‘em a bit off balance in the IM exchange.
Private Man: OK, that last exchange has me completely flummoxed.
Surfer Woman: well, if you are a guy and you don’t have interest in my whining about surfing then why would you ask about my school
Surfer Woman: does it really matter
Private Man: Yup.
Surfer Woman: oh really?
Private Man: Yup
Brevity is the soul of wit as you can see from my responses at the end of that particular exchange. She’s trying to be careful about her frame with the following responses. She’s shifting the center of conversation to my dog.
Surfer Woman: any way how is the pooch?
Surfer Woman: is she sleeping next to ya
Private Man: Of course… but I went into town without her and I was walking away from her, I could hear her whining loudly… and the radio was on.
Private Man: Walking away from the apartment with her in the cage, that is.
Her initial irritation is fading… sort of…
Surfer Woman: ok, so did you dry off too?
Private Man: Had too.
Private Man: And hang out my rain gear after the commute home.
Surfer Woman: u poor thing
Private Man: Yeah, after I got gas I had to pull into a vacant office building entryway to find cover from a downpour and put on the raingear. I need new rain pants.
Surfer Woman: oh baby, no you need a car
Surfer Woman: enough of that 2- wheeling
Private Man: Find me a car that gets 60 mpg. lol.
Private Man: And accelerates faster than a Porsche
Surfer Woman: now so far you have me….or at least trying to have me believe you are a not-so-nice guy…why the hell would you give up your car
Private Man: It was a POS.
Surfer Woman: yeah well you would have been dry, and safer
Surfer Woman: I do worry about the slippery road you drive upon, and oh yeah you too
Private Man: I’ll survive. It builds character.
Surfer Woman: yeah well it is tearing mine apart
Private Man: What, because I have to wear rain gear?
Surfer Woman: no because it makes me worry about you silly
Surfer Woman: rain gear is good
Surfer Woman: thankful it exists
Private Man: I have ridden that motorcycle for over 100,000 miles. I’m getting pretty good at it.
Surfer Woman: ok ok ok
Surfer Woman: not worth all of this energy
Private Man: I will be fine.
Surfer Woman: convince some other chick that does not care….ok
Ah, the crux of the matter. She’s worried about me. While flattering, women usually transform “concern” into controlling behaviors. Gotta nip that in the bud:
Private Man: I’m not easily domesticated.
Surfer Woman: oh god here we go!
Private Man: lol… I’ll stop.
Surfer Woman: well neither am I
Surfer Woman: Hm!
Private Man: I know! I like that.
Surfer Woman: cant a woman tell a man how she feels without it being judged, misread, or even pushed away
Surfer Woman: I think I am going to try to SHUT MY MOUTH!
Private Man: lol… hey, you can say anything you want… but I’m not the kind of guy to just roll over and play nice…
Surfer Woman: here goes…..FU, I only want to drink and hang out with you for sexual purposes
Surfer Woman: oh, and to visit my new 4-legged friend Lucy
Surfer Woman: Lucy will roll over and play nice
Surfer Woman: and you should stop trying to push me away
Oh lordy, shit tests, hormones, sundry drama. Time to be diplomatic and show some backbone:
Private Man: Actually, I’m not.
Surfer Woman: Unless of course you are intentionally doing that
Private Man: I am simply standing up for myself, nothing more.
Surfer Woman: against what? Me?
Private Man: The last thing I want to do is push you away.’
Surfer Woman: That is silly
Surfer Woman: as i said I will do my best to Shut it!
Surfer Woman: You make me feel bad, I do not like that
Private Man: You are showing concern and I really do appreciate that.
Surfer Woman: I never make you feel bad….EVER!
Private Man: I know.
Private Man: I like that.
Surfer Woman: stop being so hard on me, take it in roll with it…or me…or whatever the saying is
Private Man: And I actually am taking it and rolling with it.
Surfer Woman: I hate these trick conversations
Surfer Woman: I do not know what has happened to you in past relationships, but this is not right Private Man
Surfer Woman: stop blocking me, or throwing me curves
Note the flurry of words to rationalize her own PMS-driven, neurotic behavior. But what’s this, a change of heart?:
Surfer Woman: Ehhhh, nevermind
Surfer Woman: it’s all good I know actions over words that’s right I remember now
Surfer Woman: no worries
Surfer Woman: it’s all good
Surfer Woman: I do not want a door mat
Private Man: And I don’t want to be one.
Surfer Woman: nor do I
Private Man: I won’t do that to you.
Surfer Woman: as I will not to you
Private Man: Cool.
Surfer Woman: yeah cool
A couple of weeks ago, I gave her a long talk about actions and words. Maybe she got it, maybe she didn’t. OK, time to settle her hormonal spirit:
Private Man: I really liked having you there with me as I worked on my motorcycle.
Private Man: It was comfortable.
Surfer Woman: we are friends, we hang out it was fun for me too
Surfer Woman: I was very impressed by your knowledge and manliness
Surfer Woman: now see those were the nicest words you have spoken (Well typed)
Private Man: It’s the truth.
Surfer Woman: I know, and you actually did it….kind words for a woman you just may be a lil fond of….Hmmmmm??
Private Man: lol… you know I am.
Surfer Woman: now I am a little flummoxed
Surfer Woman: damn man type faster I am falling asleep
Private Man: lol…
Private Man: Sorry…
Private Man: Go to sleep… we can catch up tomorrow.
She acknowledges the reluctance of my two apologies.
Surfer Woman: damn brother you are slipping that makes 2…TWO apologies in one night……..slippin? [first apology about getting greasy fingerprints on her surfboard]
Private Man: Shit… gotta watch that..
She logs off.
Epilogue:
She’s coming over tomorrow night.
Elias Cresh
/ August 10, 2011Dude, abandon ship. You’ve got a high maintenance whiner on your hands. All hands, abandon ship!
theprivateman
/ August 10, 2011Um, what woman doesn’t whine, especially when in the middle of hormone flux?
Looking Glass
/ August 10, 2011That’s not terribly high maintenance. And, Privateman wins again.
NMH
/ August 10, 2011All that work for a source of BJ’s, which you are too embarrassed to have on your arm.
theprivateman
/ August 10, 2011For me, it’s no longer work. At the risk of bias confirmation (hat tip to AlekNovy), these kinds of instant message exchanges allow me to practice successful Game, the online version.
johnnymilfquest
/ August 10, 2011See, this is what I’m talking about. Women are hard work, however you slice it.
All the best with this one privateman. Keep us posted.
PUA Vault
/ August 10, 2011It is a bit high maintenance, but maybe theprivateman likes them more brainy.
dannyfrom504
/ August 10, 2011very nice exchange. well played.
how old is she?
theprivateman
/ August 12, 2011She’s in her mid-40s. She’s also become rather smitten with me. As I am not as equally smitten, I throttle back to beta occasionally to avoid a seriously mismatched arrangement.
dannyfrom504
/ August 13, 2011nothing wrong with beta to alpha shifts.
mid-forty???!!! damn, based on the exchanges she sounds like a 20 something year old. WOW. *sigh* i guess they really never change.