This Is My Good Story. You Will Laugh. You Will Cry. (With Update!)

This past Saturday night was a good time for me. Lucy the dog helped me meet Vivian (name changed) As predicted, she did call me on Sunday after I played a little text Game.

In our somewhat brief conversations on Sunday, I learned the following about Vivian:

She doesn’t smoke
She doesn’t drink
She only eats “healthy” – no dairy, only fish, and lots of fruits and vegetables
She has a 13 year old daughter
She’s a licensed massage therapist
She attends the local mega-church (Baptist) and appreciates the charismatic pastor

She knows that I drink, smoke, eat meat and am not a church-goer. Ironically, I probably know more scripture than her but that’s only because I actually read the Bible a couple times in my life. Hey, it’s an interesting read and I urge everyone to read the New Testament, at the very least.

Vivian also paid me some very interesting compliments when we spoke on the phone. She told me that I seemed a very “together” guy and that my life was sorted out. This is where the social geography of South Florida comes into play. Single men and women who live close to the beach tend not to have  ordinary lifestyles. It’s out in the suburbs where the usual story of white collar employment and divorce play out.

After Googling her phone number, I quickly realized that I had been Gamed myself. Completely and utterly Gamed.

Those compliments and the attention I was getting? 99% likely to have been under false pretenses.

And why is this?

What did I discover when I saw the search results on Vivian’s phone number?

“Erotic Body Massage“

Vivian gives hand jobs for a living.

All my readers are now  laughing or slapping their foreheads. Shit, when I saw her website I could only laugh myself and wonder at the weirdness that is South Florida.

That is all. Nothing more to see here.

Carry on with your bad selves.

Oh, one more thing for all the guys… always Google the phone number.

You’re welcome.

UPDATE:

She called me at about 4:00PM to politely blow me off. She mentioned that she’s “sort of” dating another guy. She was also quite complimentary calling me a “cool guy” with “brains”.

Here is what I think happened: She noticed the increased traffic on her website and saw that someone in Miami was hitting her website through a Google search. She figured that it was me and that I discovered her profession.

Or, she figured that I’m not dating material for some other reason.

I am so tempted to text her “I Googled your phone number and you’ve got quite the business there.” I wonder what would happen.

Oh, and it’s not just a rub and tug happy ending massage business. It’s a rub, tug, and lick happy ending massage business.

As Bronan says, you can’t make this shit up.

Posted by theprivateman on July 11, 2011

http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/07/11/this-is-my-good-story-you-will-laugh-you-will-cry/