A Red Pill Dating Coach?

Last week I posted on a couple of dating coaches. One of them, Evan Marc Katz , has really piqued my interest. I signed up for his free newsletter under a female name and I have been receiving lots of emails from him. Email marketing is all the rage and Evan is certainly using it. Based on the information on his website, Katz’s primary client base is professional women over 35. He caters to the “smart, strong, successful women”. Those are his words in quotes, not mine.

As I have been plowing through his website, his blog, and his videos available on Youtube. For the most part, he’s telling the ladies to be more respectful and considerate to men and not be so blindingly picky. He’s certainly aware of Game and he flirts with the concept of hypergamy while not actually using the word.

Here are some lines from his latest email:

Any man who has made your knees weak throughout your entire life is NOT your future husband and is NOT going to be with you ‘til the day you’re gone.

Which is why I can say, with great confidence, that having that “feeling” on the first date is not a very good predictor of your future.

That feeling is just a feeling – and it’s quite a misleading one, don’t you think?

Your excitement in his presence masked a whole ton of flaws and incompatibilities that you were willing to tolerate – all in the name of chemistry.

That’s some serious red pill stuff, right there. Denizens of the Manosphere will immediately recognize what he describes as the “‘gina tingle”. Katz is just using different and more commonly accepted term outside the Manosphere: “chemistry”

Another email from Katz is almost revolutionary in regards to advice to his clients and potential clients:

So what does it take to have a partner treat you like royalty?

Simple.

Treat your partner like royalty every single day. [Aunt Haley, please take note]

Impossible, you say. You can’t make a partner be as thoughtful and generous as you.

Ah, but you can.

Treat a guy well and he’s not going to go anywhere. [Misandrists, please take note]

While he is pushing his book sales, he’s definitely in red pill territory. He continues in that email:

By being a more supportive and accepting girlfriend, you actually bring a better side out in your man. That’s right.

Most men are used to women telling us what’s wrong with us. When we find someone who accentuates the positive and ignores the negative, we feel like a million bucks.

Women pay this guy big bucks for stuff that is simple common sense in the Manosphere. On his book page I found this startling bit of marketing copy about the mistakes women make that make men disappear:

Mistake #1: Believing That What Attracts Him to You is the Same Thing You Find Attractive in Him

What you’re looking for in a man is NOT what he’s looking for in a woman.

* He doesn’t care if you’re smarter than he is.
* He doesn’t care what you do for a living or if you have a healthy bank account.
* He doesn’t care if you’re cultured and well-traveled and sophisticated about the finer things.

Thus, your strongest traits – your intelligence, your success, your independence, your drive – don’t matter as much to him. He wants what he can’t get from his male friends.

I want to re-iterate this point: women pay him for this advice. Katz is using basic Manosphere dating and relationship wisdom to make money from women. Here is an important point: It doesn’t matter if he learned his wisdom on his own or spent countless hours in the Manosphere, Evan Mark Katz is doing more to advance Manosphere concepts of dating and relationships than any blog (including mine) or PUA bootcamp. He’s bringing those concepts directly to women (and they pay him for that, holy crap!).

But wait, there’s more from Katz on the same book page:

Men win you over by giving to you. We ask you out. We call you. We pay for dates. We initiate sex. We ask for commitment. We propose marriage. We give. You receive. Reverse this order by asking him out, initiating sex, asking for commitment, or proposing marriage, and a masculine guy will feel, well, emasculated. Thus, if you want a masculine guy, your greatest move is to embrace your passive feminine side.

The masculine attracts the feminine and the feminine attracts the masculine. How basic is that? Too much so for two generations of women who have voluntarily transformed themselves with masculine behaviors and attitudes.

As an aside, he’s got some videos to watch and those are quite good. His video messages are much the same as he presents on his website.

I’m not going to put this guy on a pedestal because I do take serious umbrage of his description of men who use Game. In his Writing page, he comments on the Neil Strauss book, The Game:

Distasteful though it might be, this bestseller is an amazingly well-told story about a society of pick-up artists and how they manage to manipulate and seduce women. If you want a good read – closer to a novel than a self-help book – you’ll marvel at how shy, nerdy guys, armed with information, quickly turn into toxic players. A great look inside the insecure male mind.

I don’t doubt the shy, nerdy guys part. But the insecure part is simple shaming language that is the standard refrain for those who lack an understanding of Game and its practitioners. Hopefully, Katz will read Athol Kay’s book to gain a whole new appreciation for Game in the context of a committed relationship.

The only flaw in his approach is to encourage the woman to think of herself as the prize and that men are lucky to have her. I understand this approach (saw it on one of his videos) because that’s what women want to hear and he’s a businessman who understands his market. Yet it still reinforces the entitlement attitude in women and outside of a business like Katz’s, should never be done.

It’s worth checking out his blog  where quite a few women commenters resort to misandry and feminist ideology to rationalize away the real need for honest introspection and self-improvement. Note: Let’s not get all Manosphere aggressive on his blog. Dating coaches like this are on the vanguard of attitude change and he needs to be considered a friend of the Manosphere.

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  1. #1 by Bohemian Rockstar on June 9, 2011 - 4:40 PM

    Great post…..

  2. #2 by The Quest For 50 on June 9, 2011 - 4:51 PM

    Dude everything you just said about this guy doesn’t make him impressive at all. He sounds like a hack who doesn’t really know what he’s doing.

    I personally would be thrilled if a hot girl was pursuing me. Why would a man be turned off by a desirable woman chasing him?

    • #3 by theprivateman on June 9, 2011 - 5:09 PM

      I hear you about the girls chasing bit. But how often does that really happen with the over 40 crowd?

      I see lots of Manosphere dating and relationship philosophy in his content. I’ll stick by my support for him.

  3. #4 by detinennui32 on June 9, 2011 - 5:11 PM

    hand it to EMK. It’s economics. There’s a market and a need, and he’s filling it. In part because what women have been trying Istrong, independent, career girl, “I-am-woman-hear-me-roar”) obviously isn’t working. This is being marketed to career women over 35. They want LTRs and husbands, and are willing to pay through the nose to get what they could get for free by clicking on the links to the right of where I’m typing this comment.

    By the same token, guys like me came to the Manosphere because what we had been doing (be nice, be yourself, give her what she wants all the time) obvioiusly isn’t working.

    I have absolutely no doubt that women lurk here.

    This point has to be hammered home. All this goes to show you the feminist culture is lying to everyone about everything. They’ve lied to the men and helped raise two generations of hapless betas who believed the tripe that “be nice, be yourself” gets the girl. It doesn’t. It gets you orbiter status. It gets you LJBF’d all over the place.

    They’ve lied to women. They tell women that they need two degrees, followed by careers in law, business, banking, finance, education and government. They lie that strong, independent, smart, high income, well heeled, well traveled, accomplished women are what men want. No, we don’t. Women like that, by and large, are uncaring, unkind, demanding, pessimistic, vulgar, and unattractive.

    In case you’re still not getting it, feminists, here’s what we want. We want women who are supportive, encouraging, demure, cheerful, optimistic, and look like women.

    Dammit, grow your hair out. Wear a little makeup, and some clothes that flatter your figure. Stop swearing in public. Stop getting wasted in public. Start treating people around you with kindness and humility.

    I can hear it now: Sexist! Chained to kitchens! Barefoot and pregnant! Back alley abortions! Disempowering women! Male chauvinist pigs! Body issues! You just want us for sex! Stepford wives! Doormats! Domestic abuse! Wife beaters!

    Calm down.

    First of all, this is how it works. If you want to attract men, listen to someone who knows about it. If you knew about it, you wouldn’t be here. Nor would you be paying EMK to tell you how to do it. So you can either take good advice. Or, you can keep doing it your way, and cotninue wondering why your most succesfful sexual relationship is with a device that comes in a package stating “Batteries not included”.

    You’re in a hole. STOP DIGGING. All we’re saying is what you have been doing ISN’T WORKING. Maybe you should TRY SOMETHING ELSE.

    And no one said anything about being a doormat. You are still the sexual gatekeepers. You still decide when to surrender the booty, to whom, and under what circumstances. All we’re saying is show a LITTLE deference to your man. You want him to lead. So let him, and don’t complain about it when he does.

    No one said anything about you quitting your jobs and pumping out rugrats. All we’re saying is don’t bring home the work attitude and think it will be just as effective at home with us. It won’t, and it isn’t. We just get up and leave.

    Give it a try, OK?

    • #5 by Anna on May 30, 2013 - 8:16 PM

      Good grief….

      I am one of the highly accomplished, well educated and well traveled babes out there—and the men I have known have always found my brains and cultivated spirit among the most attractive features about me. I do not swear, my hair is long, I am beautifully dressed and perfumed, I do not have a pessimistic attitude and I am not vulgar. Of course I support the man in my life. I love men.

      By contrast, many of the “stay at home” women, who do not work, who have no intellectual ambitions, who offer no challenge, are downright boring to men.

  4. #6 by workshyjoe on June 9, 2011 - 6:05 PM

    He’s giving women just enough of the Red Pill to give them a fighting chance.

    He still fudges and panders a little to his target audience, but he has made a giant leap away from the “conventional wisdom” and that has to be a good thing.

    Btw privateman, although my blog doesn’t have any female readers, how do I get into the affiliate thing? Did you approach Katz directly? You have an ad related to stock trading as well?

    • #7 by theprivateman on June 9, 2011 - 7:58 PM

      I have been corresponding with Katz directly and he suggested the affiliate thing he has available.

      The stock trading ad is for a friend as kind of experiment.

  5. #8 by anonymous on June 9, 2011 - 10:42 PM

    Who do they hope to end up with? Men my age are too set in their ways nor are they going to give up their freedom for just any woman. What do these women offer that will make us change our minds?

    Here’s another thing to ponder guys and gals. One woman I’m talking to is the complete opposite of me yet accepts me. I eat meat, I drink beer, I smoke (plus run 3 miles a day go figure), and I am very masculine. She’s about 5 years younger in her mid 30’s and doesn’t do any of that, is a complete vegetarian. The fact that my own shit tests of her not only tells me of her desperation and that she’s willing to settle for any man that comes along, but it also tells me that she’s is going to be the most clingy woman in the future and probably do a complete 180 when she feels secure enough to do so. Been there and done that so no thanks. It’s like nice guy in reverse here and once you go through it, a man (or woman) is justified in not going any further. Maybe they should read the rants of nice guys just to figure out where they stand.

    • #9 by Tim on June 10, 2011 - 9:03 PM

      haha. that’s awesome. you flipped the script. good man!

  6. #10 by NMH on June 10, 2011 - 6:37 AM

    Good writing again, PM. Katz at least is make some honest suggestions to women about what men want. We are still light years from him saying “lose all of your excess weight and be sweet and you’ll get a better man”, and there appears to be no concrete description of SMV by him, but its a start.

  7. #11 by betasattva on June 10, 2011 - 2:10 PM

    Honestly this is stuff women ought to have learned all along from their mothers and grandmothers. There are a lot of confused, frustrated women and beta males out there…

  8. #12 by Slyvin on June 14, 2011 - 2:44 AM

    Here’s a link to online preview of a workbook for women to help them address the “emotional needs of men”. If they want commitment from a high-value alpha with options, this is how they shall reciprocate on a continuous, never-ending basis. Just read pages 20-40 for the meat of the matter..

    http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-eye-of-the-seductress-vol-1-a-workbook-for-women-to-learn-about-the-emotional-needs-of-men/4053897

  9. #13 by Jennifer on August 22, 2011 - 3:23 PM

    This guy sounds awesome, and correct about Strauss’s book.

    “The only flaw in his approach is to encourage the woman to think of herself as the prize and that men are lucky to have her”

    Then perhaps guys shouldn’t act that way either. Confidance and arrogance are different things.

    • #14 by theprivateman on September 6, 2011 - 3:43 PM

      No, the guys must act like they are the prize. It doesn’t need to be overbearing, but it’s important that guys reframe themselves. Men and women are different. In the context of dating and relationships, men must take the lead.

  10. #15 by SimoneSez on February 3, 2012 - 1:47 PM

    I doubt that Katz is doing very well. His site/services only attract desparate women who want to get married. And since marriage is going down the tubes I suspect that the future for his site isn’t promising unless he changes his message.

    Also, women are onto the red pill/PUA stuff, so it doesn’t work anymore. Sorry!

    • #16 by theprivateman on February 3, 2012 - 6:31 PM

      Evan is doing quite well, thankyouverymuch. Marriage is going down the tubes only for men because they know a bad legal contract when they see it. This will simply drive more women to use dating coaches like Evan.

      PUA/Red Pill stuff is only going to get more popular and will likely be the primary reason why marriage is saved.

      Here’s my standard advice for strong, sassy, and independent women: You go grrl! Never settle! Prince Charming is just another online dating profile away! Your fertility will last forever! You don’t need a man!

  11. #17 by JS on February 23, 2012 - 2:51 PM

    I agree with almost every thing in this blog post, especially with regard to masculine & feminine.

    HOWEVER, with regard to the idea of “women should give and their men will give back to them” …that has always backfired on me. I am a woman and tremendous giver. It is my natural state to give. I am this way with all my friends, my sister, even strangers. I am a nurturer. However, in all of my relationships, I wind up being a life coach, secretary, housekeeper, social events coordinator, loan officer, mother and resume editor and a whole long list of other “jobs”…while the guys give almost nothing back and to top it off are barely ever “in the mood”. I get sick of begging for “it.” I can’t understand how anyone only wants to be physical once a week or less often. Then I get fed up, depleted, exhausted and end the relationships. And they are always like “what?!?! You’re unhappy?!?! Why didnt you tell me?” But the thing is I did tell them, explicitly (as in: I need this, please do it…usually relating to screw me more often or at least let’s go out sometimes or get your life together, I cant keep being responsible for all our decisions and financing them)….but apparently, my being unhappy and telling them how to fix it, didnt bother them. But when I dump them….then it’s you’re the most amazing woman. Please come back. I am so sorry. I should have treated you better….blah, blah, blah. But by that point I cannot imagine being with them as I am so thoroughly done.

    My most recent ex was always broke and worried about money and said that he was too stressed to be physical (I was always have to loan him money despite the fact that I was 14 years younger than him and I was working as a “temp” making approx $20 / hr and he had Master’s Degree and was teaching at a college and was a massage therapist/acupuncturist…he had recently relocated to NYC…not for me….he was in the process of moving here when we met, but being here so recently he was having trouble getting his private practice up and running). And apparently this affected his desire to “make it happen” in the bedroom.

    The other one (5 yrs older than me) was never in the mood…I think he just had low libido from what he told me about his past relationships.

    I am very often the essense of “too nice” and all I get for it is taken advantage of (financially, emotionally), neglected or taken for granted. Now, none of these guys ever yelled at me or hit me or cheated on me…but I still wasn’t treated “well”…I was always giving, desparate for their attention (physical or verbal).

    The one who was 15 yrs older would tell me to “take it down a notch” when i was happily talking about my acting class and trying to share with him my passion for my artistic pursuits, regardless of how many of his rants about money, life and the world I listened to patiently and provided understanding and feedback for.

    So I am honestly asking PM and the men of this board….please decode this for me…I have a long history of I give, they take…how is the “be giving and he will give back” idea going to work for me?

  12. #18 by JS on February 23, 2012 - 3:16 PM

    PS…after the first 2-3 times that he basically told me I was being too cheery and upbeat talking about the class I am taking, I stopped talking about it with him. But what is more sad than that is that I stopped talking about it with my friends. And one day, a friend said to me “hey I havent heard about your class in awhile, how come? How is it going?” And I realized that I had taken the criticism so seriously that I actually no longer wanted to talk about it for fear of overwhelming others with my excitement and being criticized for it. It’s been almost a year and I still rarely discuss my class, it’s not something I consciously avoid, I just realized it now, writing this comment.

  13. #19 by CrazyGal on January 18, 2013 - 2:54 PM

    JS: One thing is to be giving the other is to be a doormat. You give love and affection while the man behaves. Once he starts acting like a douche, you dump him cause your time is precious and you don’t want to be wasting it on someone who doesn’t respect you. Also any guy who asks you for money is a looser and giving him money makes you an even bigger looser than him because you are begging him to stay with you. What does begging imply? Begging implies that you don’t genuine love and appreciate him for him and that you are completely selfobsessed in your own insecurities and giving so as to prove to yourself that you are a worthy human being. Men run away from that like the plague. However, you have to be careful and not turn into nagging, controling, gameplaying, manipulative girlfriend tyrant which in the long run makes all these men scared out of their wits to allow women to have any self respect.

    The thing is there are few men with genuine confidence and self respect and even fewer women with confidence and self-respect. Which makes dating a living hell-hole for the most of us unless we are honest with ourselves and develop socially as well as internally. So ofcourse you should act the prize but only if you trully feel like a prize, otherwise you’d simply be conning the guy into marrying you and then you’d never have respect for him for respecting you because the relationship would be based on a lie.

    So that’s it! Strong men are dominant but strong women appreciate it when a strong dominant man respects them

    As for all PUA’s. I’ve been seduced by a PUA. It was a fun and interesting experience… but would I really want to build a relationship with that guy? Not really. Most PUA’s are kind of like +10 models you want to fuck but the majority of them, you’d rather donate your kidney than live with their lack of genuine, love, respect and affection.

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