Archive for June, 2011
Remember the worst video ever?
Here comes the parody.
This one needs spreadin’ ’round the Manosphere.
Recently discovered your blog, and find it very empowering and encouraging. In several places you use words to this effect:
“If you haven’t had sex yet, a woman is looking for reasons to reject you.”
Quite a game changer for me, but something I’ve sensed intuitively for a long time. It’s happened more than I care to admit, but I never had the words to describe it. Can you elaborate some? Describe the net effect of this, and perhaps discuss how a man can counter this?
Thanks – – -
This was scottmac56 via the Contact Page at my humble blog.
scottmac56 has his own blog but it’s not so focused on dating and relationship issues as mine.
I get the sense that scottmac56 has recently discovered the Manosphere and he’s reaching out to some of the less strident voices and to someone roughly in his own generation. I’m thinking that he’s in his 50s based on a cursory look at his blog.
As for his specific question – and it’s a good one – the net effect for most men who haven’t taken the red pill is that of frustration and disappointment. Rejection by women happens all the time for men regardless of his demographic. In my online dating efforts, I get rejected over 90% of the time. Thick skin, meet the Private Man.
Women reject men all the time for reasons that seem remarkably ridiculous to us guys. But when evolutionary psychology is taken into consideration, the reasons for those rejections become much, much clearer. As well, when the social expectations are stripped away and those pesky words ignored, the actions of women reveal all. All red pill men must examine and plan/react accordingly to those actions.
scottmac56 is from a generation of men who were taught to “be in touch with their emotions” and that would make them more attractive to women. I suspect he is still laboring under this abject lie and is not quite prepared to take the red pill. Take the pill, scottmac56, take the damned pill.
It is likely that scottmac56 has had one too many cases of “oneitis” where he focused all of his romantic efforts on only one woman just to be rejected outright or stuck in the FriendZone. He pitched his woo in hopes that only one woman would catch it. This is no fault of his own, it’s what he (and me, too) was taught by social expectation with little regard to the biological imperative.
I say this to scottmac56 directly: It is man’s biological imperative to spread his seed. This is how men are programmed through evolution. Biology always trumps social expectations. Ignore the words, respect the actions. The words represent the social expectation. The actions represent the biological imperative.
Rather than trying to be perfect for one woman, A red pill man of any generation counters the rejection possibility by pitching woo to a number of women concurrently. A red pill man – through the application of Game – expands his social scene to be around more potential catchers of the woo. Of course, he must also maintain that confident demeanor and express that he’s not solely looking to pitch woo. He must express through words and actions that his life is rich and fulfilling regardless of the women around him. Too much woo is rightfully seen as desperation. It can be a fine balance, indeed.
At some point, a lucky woman will catch scottmac56′s woo and he might find himself in a healthy, long term relationship. Or perhaps he might revel in his woo-pitching abilities and form a soft harem much like my step-father did all those years ago. The choice is up to scottmac56. Hopefully, he doesn’t live in a smaller city or town. Such environs are indeed limiting to a red pill man.
Remember this post of video of the two girls commenting on the online dating profiles of men? It is disturbing and unpleasant but every red-pill man who is single needs to revisit that video on a regular basis.
A woman recently responded to a message I had sent her on plenty on PoF. Her response was quite enthusiastic. There is more here.
We had a brief chat on the phone to set up an ice cream date. In the course of the phone conversation she revealed that she and her friends often went through online dating profiles and the messages that she received from guys like me.
Suddenly, it occurred to me. Online dating for women can be a social experience. The woman with the profile invites her coterie of friends over and they all go through the incoming messages and review profiles together. It’s a gab-fest, laugh-fest, bitch-fest complete with drinks and appetizers.
Consider the feminine social dynamic of such an event – call it the “profile review session” – and the thought of a group of slightly drunk and likely bitter group of women. One woman is looking for love, sex, excitement, whatever and the Greek chorus is right there with her with this constant refrain:
“You can do better.”
Another profile pops up. Laughter ensues. By the way guys, this is your profile they are all laughing at. Again, the four words.
“You can do better.”
This happens over and over and over. It’s negative reinforcement on an 80 proof scale. With a group of women all finding reasons to reject a profile, then no profile is approved.
(Basic rule about woman and dating applies here – before she’s intimate with a man, she’s looking for reasons to reject him.)
Then the escalation occurs.
“You deserve better.”
Such a wretched, miserable word, “deserve”. It’s the word that infects dating and courtship like flesh-eating bacteria. Yet the word is tossed around more than a hacky-sack at a Phish concert (hey, I’m old, sue me).
The women continue on, the alcohol having its affect. The man-bashing commences with earnest and their attention is diverted to something more meaningful, like those awesome cupcakes in the kitchen. This is where the diet rationalization hamster gets to spinning its wheel with vigor.
What the boozy broads haven’t realized is that they’ve run out of profiles. Every man was rejected, every… single… one. As the cupcakes are consumed a general consensus is reached. Being single, fat, and unhappy is somehow empowering.
Advice for women doing the online dating thing: Don’t invite your friends over while you review messages and profiles.
Dalrock has some similar commentary on this issue, here.
Women snoop. Given a chance they will look through your cell phone calls and texts, go through your wallet, dig through your Facebook account, try to get to your emails, eavesdrop on phone calls, etc. When you start dating someone and they are at your place, it’s very important to keep the snoop factor low. Here are some basic guidelines to follow:
1. Code lock your cell phone and keep it in your pocket or out of plain site.
2. Keep your wallet in your pocket
3. Text in private
4. Hide your relationship status in Facebook
5. Destroy your paper receipts
6. Password lock your computer (ctrl-alt-del)
7. Put away personal papers so they are out of view, preferably locked up.
8. Set your phone to silent.
9. Bathrooms are a rich source for women to snoop. Hide anything vaguely incriminating.
For each guideline I have a personal story. I will not be telling those personal stories.
The reason for keeping your wallet and your cellphone in your pockets is for when you might step away for a bathroom break or to tend to something that takes you out of her site when you’re on a date or she’s visiting your place. Young women are far more likely to snoop. A woman with wisdom and experience likely has as much reason to be discreet as a man of wisdom and experience and hopefully she won’t snoop so much.
Fishing is another type of snooping but it’s based on somewhat clever questioning from her. Fishing also involves a fair degree of shit testing, too. Here’s a typical fishing question:
“You didn’t call me last night, did you have a good time?”
There is so much going on with this one question that an ordinary man would reel back, staggering defensively. She’s fishing for information and delivering a shit test all in one.
A younger red pill man would be wise to agree and amplify.
“Damn right I had a good time, those two girls were insatiable.”
An older and wiser red pill man would simply foist off the evening onto a sockpuppet.
“I was talking to my brother, he’s got a minor crisis with his youngster daughter”.
This is a deflection onto another subject and bringing in kids will usually seize the woman’s attention.
“Is everything alright?”
Instead of constructing some stupid story (yeah, it’s a lie, sue me), simply deflect again.
“It’s been resolved, he knows what he has to do.”
Then change the subject back to her. Women love talking about themselves and their feelings.
Fishing for information through conversation is something a man must be on guard for. What might seem a casual and innocuous response could be, unknowingly, too revealing. This especially true in the early dating (pre-nookie) phase. Remember that she is likely looking for reasons to reject you and so fishing is extremely important to her.
A good red pill man maintains some mystery by protecting against snooping and being on guard for fishing.
I stole this from a comment over at Sofiastry. I am originally from Boston and so I got all giddy from the Bruin’s very recent Stanley Cup victory. Happily, I’m old enough to remember the last time the Bruin’s took the cup (Bobby Orr, anyone?)
The riots in Vancouver took me by surprise. Canadian riot? That’s an oxymoron.
I found this photo to be oddly comical. A Canadian. An Asian. A hipster. A nerd. He’s in full on rage mode over a hockey game. Is this a sign of the apocalypse?
By way of an introduction to this post, I once again salute the Manosphere and its many and varied bloggers, commenters, and readers. The collective wisdom of men is vast and with the ‘Net, information is shared quickly.
While reading the Badger’s blog, I found a cross post from a blog by a fellow named VK. VK is obviously a younger guy but his first date question suggestion is so perfectly, fantastically brilliant that it shows the wisdom of a man much older.
This first date question – and the rationale behind it – should be spread around the Manosphere widely and quickly.
“So what do you think about the other guys you’ve dated in [your town] so far?”
The question seems relatively innocuous until you read the follow up behind it. I’m quoting VK mostly but with a few edits to make it more readable:
If you listen closely enough to her answer, she’ll basically tell you a list of traits of the guys that have dicked her over have. If she say’s something like, “most of the guys I’ve dated are needy and insecure or too clingy” this lets you know to be the opposite and be a detached alpha. If she says that most of the guys she’s dated are “too macho, arrogant, and full of themselves”, this allows you to fall back and try not to brag too much about your accomplishments and even show a more feminine side.
The point is to use this information to appear “different” from all the other guys she’s dated. Nothing turns a girl on more than dating a type of guy thats new or she thinks she’s never dated before. Even if you are like all the other guys she’s dated, you can put on something of a front.”
(By the way, it’s your own business if you want to put up a front just to pitch some successful woo.)
There is also another benefit to this question. I won’t give that away. Consider it an intellectual exercise for the savvy man to work through.
VK’s wisdom gets better with some further analysis. Naturally, the woman will ask you the same question. Your response must be something like this:
“I’ve been really lucky, I’ve met a lot of cool, interesting and smart women. I’m even friends with some of them still. But I’ve heard some horror stories from my friends, it seems that a lot of girls out there like to play games or are just crazy”
As VK says quite accurately – “It’s not your turn to list the traits of all the stuck up girls that have screwed you over. Guys complaining about other women on dates give off the possible serial killer, probable date rape vibe.” This is key. NEVER complain about the women you have dated. Never, ever, ever. Use the mythical “friends” as a sockpuppet.
Why such a question? Read the reason and let the epiphany wash over you:
This answer again does two things. It makes you appear to date a lot of hot, cool chicks while giving off the impression that some of them were good enough to keep around and still are. This will bring up the competition juice in your date to check herself and see if she measures up to the women of your pass. You bring in the comment about your friend though as a way of letting her know all the undesirable traits you don’t expect her to have. Flaking on dates, returning texts in an unreasonable amount of time, playing games… whatever you can think of.
VK gets serious credit for his logic and reason regarding this.