I hope this message finds you well.
Thanks for reaching out and sending me a message. Women typically don’t do that and I appreciate the courage it took.
While your profile only has one photo and a fairly brief text portion, the photo shows a generally attractive face shot and some well-written words. You described your figure as “athletic” and I’m giving you the benefit of a doubt in hopes that your figure is indeed athletic.
It’s good that you live in the same area as me and while you indicated that you have kids, I initially assumed that at age 46 (yes, you claimed 43 on your profile), your kids would likely be teenagers and would be relatively independent.
Our correspondence via Plenty of Fish was textbook escalation to a phone call. You were very polite to text me the following morning after I had to leave a message in your voice mail the previous evening. It was also very nice that you actually called back when you stated you would. That’s rare.
I do remember our phone conversation as you were driving your daughter to a birthday party. When you mentioned that she was asleep in the back seat, that didn’t make much sense until later in the conversation.
You are indeed well spoken and certainly educated. It’s good that you described your post-undergraduate “spiritual quest” and your subsequent name change to a new first name that trendily resembles something from a somewhat oriental religion. I’m sorry that you didn’t succeed in forming that commune in Boulder, Colorado. But at least you successfully pursued a graduate degree in a STEM subject so that you could pursue a solid career.
I must say I am rather confused about why you reached out to me, a childfree guy, as a potential man to date. You did mention on your online dating profile that you just wanted to date and was not actively seeking a long term relationship. I am assuming that you saw in my profile that I am seeking a long term relationship. This is part of my confusion.
The rest of my confusion came up when you mentioned the ages of your two children and your visitation schedule with their father. Your son is eight and your daughter is 4 and the father gets them every other weekend. You also mentioned that you get a baby sitter every Wednesday but that you are currently taking a class those evenings.
You do realize that should we hit it off on our upcoming date this weekend, we could only see each other on alternating weekends? We might sneak some time on Wednesday nights but with baby sitters being expensive, our time would be quite limited.
So on the weekends we don’t see each other, I hope you understand that I will be dating other women. I’m a man who appreciates the intimate company of women and it’s my intent to fill a free weekend with one date or more. Frankly, your parenting schedule will put you in either my soft harem (I’m still working on that) or the soft harem of any guy to whom you are attracted.
If we do find a nice connection and you’re a tiger in the sack, I will be happy to “date” you based on your schedule. I won’t bring up the other women I may or may not be dating concurrently. Just know that when I do find something more serious, I’ll likely break up with you or just “date” you on the odd weekend when you are available and my current woman is unavailable.
If you cannot accept being in a soft harem, then maybe you should seek a man with kids and an alternating weekend visitation schedule so you can get things properly synchronized.
I actually do look forward to meeting you in person and it would be good if we had some honest chemistry between us. Just know that if I am attracted to you physically, I will certainly push for sex on our first date. I’ll be running some serious Game.
Honestly, I have nothing to lose.
Regards,
Private Man
NMH
/ May 16, 2011If only you could be so blase. If there was a “great flip”, you could get away with this. But in light of the fact that any sexually attractive women over 40 even with kids, STD’s, and no money saved for retirement will have 10 suitors (because of the rarity of sexually attractive women at this age), this just ain’t gonna work.
You will ALWAYS have to compete for sexually attractive women, whether they are 16 or 66. Always. So you just cant be this blase in real life.
Gmac
/ May 25, 2011My sentiments exactly. I go through the same thought process with single moms, but the ones who usually hit me up are between 25-35.
Marvelous White Male
/ June 1, 2011Dude, there was no reason to pontificate about a possible-in-the-future “soft harem” to a woman who made it clear to you she was only interested in casual dating and not a relationship.
Sheesh!
If anyone will have a “soft harem” – it will be her!