Two years after my mother died of cancer, my step-father started dating. I was in my mid-twenties then and living with my fiancée just a few miles from the big house where he lived alone with his two dogs. It was the home of my adolescence until I started college.
My step-father adored my mother. It was an interesting and sometimes dramatic relationship they had. She was an educated and feisty Southern belle. He was a short, Jewish man with a good business and an ivy league education. They met when I was about 11 years old and they married when I was 14. She died when I was 21 and in college. Her battle with cancer was long and devastatingly painful.
My step-father grieved deeply when she died. But he coped emotionally and moved on. In his late 50s with financial success and serious political influence, it was time for him to meet and date women. He was an alpha and those in the affluent community in which he lived knew that. Women flocked to him despite his short stature and hang-dog looks.
My fiancée and I would often stop by and visit him. The three of us would chat in the kitchen and talk about various things. My step-father talked politics and I would listen with rapt attention. My fiancée would drift away because she lacked the intellectual horsepower to engage in such discussions.
In my step-father’s kitchen was a wall calendar hanging prominently. One day, my fiancée and I noticed different women’s names written down on different days of the week. My step-father was certainly dating. He was dating ruthlessly because of the dozen different names on various days of the week. You go boy!
My step-father, a private man like myself, never spoke about his dating. Perhaps he was being sensitive to me and the memory of my mother. I was pleased that he was dating again. I mentally encouraged him to do so. For months, the wall calendar was a source of fascination and amusement. My fiancée and I saw some very interesting names, including the sister of a prominent politician who was a presidential primary election candidate. He had formed a harem.
Suddenly, the wall calendar changed. Even though it was in the middle of year, my step-father had purchased a new one and the names were no longer written for a particular day. Only initials writ small were on it. My fiancée and I speculated that a woman (or more than one) was at my step-father’s house and saw the calendar with all the names on it, all the different names over the course of several months. Those names were more evidence of his harem. No woman wants to be a known part of a harem.
My step-father, being a clever fellow, simply bought a new wall calendar and changed the tactics. He no longer used complete names, just the initials of the women he dated. There we a lot of initials. As the months went on, the number of initials went down. At one visit, I noticed only two initials. My step-father was reducing his harem.
Finally, he was serious about one woman. She was elegant, pleasant, and attractive. His kids and step kids along with her kids were all invited to meet at her place for a social gathering. It was my step-father’s public announcement that he was serious about finding a relationship. Very sadly it didn’t work out and everyone on his side was sorely vexed. Life happens.
With the first woman out of the way, he got serious about another. The wall calendar said as much. Her name was Celeste (name change) and she was a psychiatrist who lived around the corner. She was a stunningly attractive woman in her mid-40s. She was also demanding, rude, and unpleasant. I hope she was incredible in bed for my step-father because I loathed dealing with her. I was young and strong and she exploited that relentlessly. There was always something to do for her and invariably involved heavy lifting and power tools. I became her mule.
After a few months, Celeste was ushered away. There was much rejoicing in the land. My step-father probably realized that high maintenance was too much regardless of the erotic pleasures. Then came Jane (name change). She was quite pleasant and bore a remarkable similarity to my late mother. My step-father didn’t actually marry Jane, they had a commitment ceremony. Alimony and Medicare laws played a factor in that lack of marriage equation. For years he was happy with her.
What is the moral of the story? Don’t advertise your harem on a wall calendar.
Happy dating! 
Epilogue: My step-father and Jane are apart. He developed a destructive relationship with alcohol and that affected his physical and emotional health terribly. I miss him. My biological father and I still have a good relationship. In effect, I have two good fathers. It took two decent men to de-program the ill effects of a single mother upbringing.
NMH
/ March 15, 2011A great story well-told, PM.
I think if a man is dating a number of women but not having sex with them then I’m not sure I would call it a harem; I think of a soft harem as a group of unmarried women a man is having sex with alternatively trough time.
Some great generalities about sexual strategies and female realities are described in the story:
1.) If the women knew about each other, he was getting a DHV through pre-selection.
2.) Yup. Bank and status (his great house in a nice neighborhood, political connections) can make up for looks, as long as he is not an asshole. Women just dream being beside her husband, the winning political candidate, clapping her hands with a smile on her face on nation-wide TV. ( I knew of another short, fat, but smart and rich jewish guy banging a dumb but hot blonde with fantastic boobs not so long ago.)
3.) Points out the positive correlation between education and intelligence in a woman and her bitchery, a relation that I really resent. The correlation steepens greatly the more attractive she is. My sister in law is an age adjusted high 8 low 9 in her mid-40′s but is a successful lawyer and therefore a total bitch.
4.) Your step-father got women for his age that most men would only dream of. I suspect that most women become more hypergamous as they age, particularly if they keep their looks, and your step-father had brains and clout in spades. Very few men of his age can get a “harem” like that.
theprivateman
/ March 15, 2011Thanks for the compliment on the story. My step-father, now in his late 80s, was quite a lothario in his 50s. Hell, he even put the moves on my fiancee!
DM
/ March 16, 2011Great read and very well said.
What caught me at the end was something that I’ve been dealing with for awhile myself – dealing with being an only son raised by a single mother. I’ve only in the past few years realized the damage done by this situation. Thankfully, it’s a winnable battle, but more strong masculine voices are needed.
Hope
/ March 16, 2011My husband also has two fathers. His step-father is a Vietnam vet, responsible, hard-working and masculine (short, stocky and Jewish as you describe your step-father), and I think he has had a positive effect on my husband.
His mother was definitely a feminist, but he didn’t drink all the feminist kool-aid. She also gave him a hell of a backbone. She told him when he was in HS that the girl he loved had used him and wasn’t good enough for him.
collegeslacker
/ March 17, 2011Damn, nice story. What a boss.
Before I wizened up, I always assumed older men didn’t play. Silly me. My friends dad is similar to your step dad- except he’s ex-Army. His gruff attitude and suburban notoriety has allowed him to bang every cougar out in the market in our part of the city.
Men like this just have a certain charisma about them, don’t they? You always feel the need to qualify yourself in their presence.
theprivateman
/ March 17, 2011“Men like this just have a certain charisma about them, don’t they? You always feel the need to qualify yourself in their presence.”
Ain’t that the truth!
I have tremendous respect for both my father and my step father.
fornormalstepfathers
/ March 20, 2011My husband is a step father and he is doing a great job! I started a blog hoping to change the way people see step fathers. Sorry, but generally speaking, stepfathers have an awful reputation. Just search “step father” in wordpress.com.
(this is how I found your blog) If you have anything good to say about your step father or would like to comment on any of the posts, I would greatly appreciate that! I just want to get the information about good, normal stepfathers out there! They deserve to be heard about!
Tinderbox
/ March 24, 2011I enjoy your longer stories like this and the one about your date with the rich woman. They’re interesting character studies.
theprivateman
/ March 24, 2011I appreciate the compliment.
Today’s post, Charmed By An Older, Southern Woman, is another post you might find interesting.
1ncubus
/ April 19, 2012Interesting character study; I’ve been analyzing my father’s behavior and how it has echoed into my behavior. It’s often very unpleasant to know that blue pill status was more or less a continuation.
Since being on the red pill, I’ve observed myself becoming more like the prophet in a quote from ‘The Song Of The Bird’ by Anthony De Mello:
Shout to Keep Safe – and Certain:
A prophet came to convert the inhabitants of the city. At first people listened to his sermons, but soon they drifted away till there was not a single soul to hear the prophet when he spoke.
One day a traveler asked him, “Why do you go on preaching?”
Said the prophet, “In the beginning I hoped to change these people. If I still go on shouting it is to keep them from changing me.”