You have six choices.
1. Lower your standards and accept that your vajajay is no longer what determines your decisions regarding men. Beta men will love you for that. By the way, this means you must keep a man happy… lulz, what about teh menz!
2. Join the harem of an alpha man. The more unattractive you are (lose weight!), the worse the harem master will be. Small secret: If you’re dating a really cool and alpha guy and you’re not an 8, 9, or 10, you’re already in that harem. Shhhh, tell no one!
3. Give up, acquire pets and/or activities and wait for death. Cats, dogs, birds, reptiles, book clubs, pilates, yoga, golf, etc. – pick your own poison. You’re still waiting for death. Oh, and you don’t need a man because you have all these cool things going on in your life.
4. Give up, become completely enveloped in the life of your kids and your grand kids while you wait for death. Bonus, they will hate you for it as you wait for death.
5. No man, no kids, and no money? Welcome to the wonderful world of the bag lady! Be sure to clip those coupons from the local paper and stuff them in your pockets.
6. Become involved with women. Lesbianism is cool! Google the term “lesbian bed death” for fun and joy.
UPDATE: For some amazing statistics and fine commentary on post marital spinsterhood, go here.
Here’s a quote from the study (AARP) referenced in that link:
Many women, especially those who have not remarried (69%), do not touch or hug at all sexually. An even larger majority of women who have not remarried do not engage in sexual intercourse (77% saying not at all), in comparison with about half of men (49%) who have not remarried.
Chilling stuff…
I like blogging.
Simon Rierdon
/ February 20, 2011Man, I thought I was a misogynist…
Between you and Chuck, if I get arrested in JFK for laughing like a madman, you guys are going to have to bail me out..
Yeah, still waiting on my flight to take me back to tropical climes…
theprivateman
/ February 20, 2011The word misogynist is used so often and so inappropriately that it’s losing all it’s meaning. I can only laugh when it’s applied to me.
Workshy Joe
/ February 20, 2011I’d say the vast majority of single straight women over 45 will go for options three and four. Empirically, that’s what they seem to be doing here in the UK.
A few of them are going for yet another option: toyboys!
yvettefrancino
/ February 20, 2011Private Man, I can see it’s going to be fun to spar with you. I hope you don’t take my comments the wrong way, but… you really are full of shit!
I’m 5 years older than your post recommendation and feel quite certain that I will not need to resort to any of your so-called “choices.”
But your blog is supposed to be geared toward men, right? What are you trying to tell men? It seems like you are just a bitter guy who’s been rejected a few too many times. Get over it! Drop that chip off your shoulder and realize there are beautiful women over 45 out there who are not going to settle for someone they don’t love or are destined to a life of loneliness. Maybe they’re not going out with you because of your attitude! Or maybe because you’ve blocked them so even if they were interested in you, you wouldn’t know it!
I’m sorry to be harsh here, because I do think it’s a tough world out there. As a fellow older-dater, it is harder for us. I have been through my share of rejection, too. But I refuse to condemn all those who have rejected me and categorize them as sleazeballs, dirty old men or some other negative stereotype. They just weren’t interested. No big deal! We weren’t a match. Better for me to have more time to find someone who is a match.
There are some absolutely gorgeous people out there in the over-45 set, both men and women, who are single, great-looking, intelligent, funny and looking for long-term-relationships. I will wait until I find one (of the male variety) who is just as enamored with me before settling for some lesser alternative. Does that make me an “entitlement pricess” doomed to life of loneliness waiting for death? You think the only thing that makes a life full and worth living is having a husband? That is so sad and misinformed!
Private Man, I really don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I so disagree with this attitude! (Besides, a good controversy makes for more blog readers, right?) Feel free to come over to my blog and let me have it in return if you want. But for your own good, drop the negative attitude about women!
theprivateman
/ February 20, 2011Oh, can I play, too!?
Let’s see, I get the “bitter” accusation. That’s an ad hominem logical fallacy. Google the term, please. Any kind of shaming language in the mansophere is met with laughter, cold beer, and high-fives amongst the guys. We know that resorting to shaming language is a conscience admittance that the original point was spot on. If you’re over the target you start getting flak.
There’s also the “never settle” meme mentioned. Wow, that’s a tough one to kill. Look at it this way, women are expected to “never settle” but men are expected to “settle down”. That’s not only settling, it’s settling in a downward direction. Yikes!
For a bonus we also have the “being single can be a good thing” trope. That’s the “never settle” corollary.
There is also some more shaming language sprinkled in for added spice. Time for a beer run.
The rationalization hamster is strong in this one.
Yvette, welcome to the manosphere. Many women have tried to swim in these waters, few have lasted.
My advice to men over 45 doing the online dating thing stands: BLOCK AND MOVE ON!
Kisses!
yvettefrancino
/ February 20, 2011Hello Private Man,
Yes, I’m glad you are playing and hoping, in the same spirit as I am .. as a debate between the sexes. My motto is not to take disagreements personally, and I love a good debate, so feel free to hit me with your best shots. I’ll be doing the same and fully expecting you to be going on your beer runs.
I will have to check out the Dalrock’s “post-marital-spinsterhood” post that you sent to me via your other comment. I can tell by the very term “spinsterhood” that I’m going to think it’s crap, but maybe that’s the explanation for your misinformed ideas of those of us who are over 45 and think the notion that without a man at your side you are nothing but some old lady waiting to die.
As for expecting men to settle down… who’s expecting that? Not me. If a guy doesn’t want to settle down, he shouldn’t! If a woman wants to find a guy who will settle down with her, then that’s who she should look for. How old-fashioned (and sexist) are you to think that every woman needs a man to have a full and complete life? I think any of us with a brain and an ounce of self-esteem would much rather be single than stuck with someone we didn’t love or with someone who didn’t love us.
Your post (though possibly based on what you’ve read rather than your own experience) sounds as though you disrespect women. What woman in her right mind would want to be with a man who didn’t respect her? Only a woman with low self-esteem who will be with anyone just to be with a guy.
You guys who believe in this crap can go out and buy your beer and high-five one another all you want, but the women you’re going to attract (if any) are going to be exactly those you describe… women with self-esteem so low that they are desperate enough to go out with anyone who will give them attention.
And all those men who are blocking the women who are not desperate — the ones who don’t jump the moment you send them an email and send an adoring, “When can we go out?” — they’re missing out on the good ones. The only reason a “block” would be meaningful is if a woman tried to send you an email, so here you’ve shown interest in a woman and she tries to email you back, but she can’t because you’ve blocked her. That’s very bizarre online dating advice. You are keeping the very person you thought was a match from even being able to communicate with you, just because she didn’t respond immediately.
I’m enjoying this debate, Private Man, but I think you should stick to controversial blogging and not to advising men about online dating!
Kisses back!
theprivateman
/ February 20, 2011Yvette, your response is textbook.
You’re good in shame but not good in debate. Each time you shame there are a few hundred guys (soon to be a few thousand) drinking beer and laughing. They know that each time you shame, you lose. It’s just that simple. Shame is the logical equivalent to when a child gets frustrated and says “you’re a doo-doo head!” You’re in the manosphere now. It’s where logic and reason come first, emotional responses get little or no respect.
In general, men and woman want to be in relationships, preferably in a committed and fulfilling relationship. Have you noted the irony (no, savage hypocrisy) that you, yourself, are dispensing online dating advice in your blog? So while the words in your comment may claim that it’s sexist – shaming language again – to assume a woman can only be fulfilled in the context of a relationship, the actions in your blog simply back me up. Thanks! You’re a peach!
[Guys, here's her blog http://singleagainonlinediary.blogspot.com/. It's outside the manosphere, just keep that in mind.]
As for the respect issue, I have tremendous respect for women who are thoughtful, reasonable, intelligent, pleasant, feminine and who, in general, respect men. Note the title of the original post, for Entitlement Princesses. Not all women. Geez, keep up, will ya?
Wait a minute, do you think all women are entitlement princesses? Do you perceive yourself as an entitlement princess? Hmmmmm… interesting, very interesting.
And the more you insist that the block and move on tactic is wrong, the more I’m thinking it’s right. As a point of information, I am suggesting that a man wait a week before the block, not immediately. A week is a reasonable amount of time. An organized man with a plan and goal, an alpha man, needs to avoid women who are too busy to date, not serious about online dating, too flaky, or who just aren’t that into him.
I am the one dating women so therefore in a much better position to be advising men, thankyouverymuch.
sonu
/ May 16, 2011ok meet me
Dalrock
/ February 20, 2011Thanks for the linkage!
Funny, your bullet point 2 is very similar to what I wrote in a post So you Want Alpha a few months back:
You will know you are part of a harem when you feel like you are in a long term relationship with the man of your dreams. Don’t worry about the lack of signs of other women. Remember, he’s an alpha so it is guaranteed that he will be getting some on the side. The more alpha he is, the better the chance is that you are part of a full fledged harem (which for strategic reasons you can’t see).
Also, to throw some more gasoline on the fire, Augustine DeCarthage shared this link to an article on OKCupid where they are begging men to date older women.
theprivateman
/ February 20, 2011I’m trying to distill the collective wisdom of men into a place where the single guys over 45 who are looking for a relationship can find that wisdom, especially in regards to online dating.
That OKCupid article is quite elucidating and I think I need to post a link to it prominently somewhere in my blog.
Ulysses
/ February 20, 2011It’s interesting like all of their articles, but this one needs to be taken with a very large spoonful of salt. It’s based on the responses of its user base, and we know how well women understand and articulate that which they desire.
theprivateman
/ February 20, 2011But consider that this article covers not only words, but the specific actions. Sending a message is an action. Those actions are truth, the responses in words are usually aspirational lying.
Studying those types of actions is statistical gold vis a vis online dating.
yvettefrancino
/ February 20, 2011Hi Private Man,
It looks like I can’t continue to reply off of our original thread, so I will start a new comment to reply to your last one to me.
First, let me clarify, that yes, I absolutely give dating advice! Thank you for sending people to the link. Not sure why you thought I was being hypocritical. I agree that many of us would like to be in a relationship (including me!) I just want to be in the “right” relationship. Granted, I’m not clear on how you are using the term “entitlement princess.” It sounds as though you are using it to mean a woman who has high standards in the person she dates. If that is the case, then, yes, I am proudly an “entitlement princess.”
But whatever “entitlement princess” is supposed to mean, your “choices” for their future are obviously sexist and degrading, implying that life without a man is meaningless. Items 3-6 were about “waiting for death.” Curious as we’re talking about women who are over 45 and supposedly many years from death. (Not meaning to “shame” here… just stating the obvious.)
I, too, am very logical and analytical. I was an electrical engineering major. Not all women are “emotional.” My responses are not at all emotional… So… let’s take the whole blocking issue. Here is my advice to men regarding trying to go out with someone.
1) Find someone who you are attracted to both with picture and with compatibility by reading the profile.
2) First email should be short and sweet. Make it unique and note something in her profile that stood out. Be creative and funny. Don’t be suggestive (unless you are only looking for sex). End with a question or a suggestion that she check your profile and get back to you if she’s interested.
3) Do this with enough people that you don’t even remember or care who responds. For any that respond positively, follow up and if there’s a good rapport, suggest a phone call or meeting.
4) If you really, really think someone seems perfect and you meet her criteria, follow up in a week with a second email. Without sounding at all needy or upset that she didn’t answer the first time, tell her why you think you’d be a great fit. Flirt (innocently), maybe suggest coffee, but don’t pressure her. You could even end it by saying something to the affect that you’d love to hear from her, but if it’s not to be, you wish her every happiness… point being, you want to make sure you are not “guilting” her into responding. (I hate it when some guy says something like, “Give me the courtesy of a response.” I will respond, but I will think to myself that I would never go out with the guy because he has a stick up his butt.)
Now let’s compare that to your advice.
Based on what I read in an earlier post of yours, we probably agree on steps 1 & 2 and maybe even 3. It’s step 4 where we drastically disagree. You say that if she doesn’t respond in a week, block her. I say that makes absolutely no sense.
If you are trying to block her because she is one of: “too busy to date, not serious about online dating, too flaky, or just aren’t that into him.” Actually, if any of these is true then it is very unlikely that she will send him an email, so there is no need to block her.
However, let’s consider some other reasons she may not reply in the week… Perhaps she has a date with someone else and doesn’t feel comfortable with flirting with multiple people. She wants to see how that date works out before she responds. She goes out with the guy and it’s not a good match. She goes back to review who has emailed her and reads your profile and email and thinks… Wow! She composes a great reply, even apologizing for not replying sooner, and then … oh… she’s blocked!
Or how about this? Yes… she’s having a very busy week. Maybe even out of town. Maybe she had a crisis in the family. She waits until she has a chance to go through her emails and sees that you are a really good match! But when she tried to email… oh dear… blocked.
There are a lot of other scenarios for why she might email you later… possibly even to explain that she’s flattered by your email, even if she’s not interested in dating. Though this may not be the email you were hoping for, I know that when I’ve sent this kind of email to a guy, he often writes back and tells me he appreciates it.
In any of these cases, it is the woman who writes… the one who is either interested or courteous who will get the benefit of your “”block.” The ones who are really rude will never even know you blocked them.
Blocking should be used for people who are insulting or truly disrespectful… not for people who are merely slow at responding. Blocking an unresponsive person does nothing but lower your chances of going out with someone who you think is a good match.. If she does eventually contact you and you aren’t interested any more then feel free to ignore her or to let her know you don’t think you’re a great match after all. Though I think the cool thing to do (if you like her) is to not worry about how long it took her to respond, and get to know her better so you can truly decide if you are a good match on something more than her response time.
To your point about your a guy who’s dating so are in a better position to advise… I’m a woman who is responding to men, so I also can advise men on what works well with women… (Though I advise women, too.)
Bottom line… Don’t take things personally! The only people who need to be blocked are the disrespectful pests.
theprivateman
/ February 20, 2011In the manosphere, an “entitlement princess” is a woman who feels she deserves certain things simply because she possesses girly parts. It’s the “because I’m a woman you should give me things” attitude. That is often manifested in the “never settle” point of view. “I’m a woman therefore I deserve a gorgeous, successful, and confident man no matter what I have to offer in return.”
What a woman offers is extremely germane to the issue. At a certain age something happens. I call it the “big flip”. It’s where the number of single women starts to become much larger than the number of single men. I am in the process of finding the studies and citations to back that up. Stay tuned.
After the big flip, men are in control of dating. This is especially true regarding successful, attractive confident men.
“Sexist and degrading”, good grief, the shaming never stops! I’m going to run out of beer at this rate.
Yes, you and I certainly agree on the first three steps of the online dating process and could probably collaborate on a fine book on the subject.
Yes, step 4 is where we very much disagree. A man has more choices after a certain age. He’s in his peak earning years (google the word “hypergamy”, riveting stuff) and the world is his oyster. He’s busy. He’s got work and enthusiasms which occupy a lot of his time. He can pursue women in a very broad age range. With his confidence and affluence, even 30-somethings are attracted to him. Why should he waste time on women who are slow to respond, especially with a second message?
If I were in the position to advise women over 40, I would tell them to check their messages daily. If they see a man who interests them, send a response immediately because any delay means that a smart and quite possibly younger woman has already responded.
Block and move on.
yvettefrancino
/ February 20, 2011I think all men or women deserve respect, not because of their attractiveness or because they have money or because they are in the “power position”… but because they are people.
Men or women should continue to date until they find someone who they have a connection with and who treats them with respect. If they don’t find that person (due to demographics or for whatever other reason) there is plenty of happiness and fulfillment that can be found in life without a romantic partner.
I won’t ever worry about being blocked if I don’t respond fast enough. I know that if someone blocked me for that reason, he would definitely not be the guy for me. As for a younger woman responding, I feel the same way… If the guy would prefer to go out with a younger woman, then it won’t matter whether I respond immediately or a week later. It’s not a race to see who can “catch” the best guy. It’s about finding the right guy. Those who feel they must respond immediately before the competition sound a bit needy to me, and I don’t imagine that’s very attractive.
Bottom line is, again, there is no purpose in blocking someone who is unresponsive. It will come off as rude, disrespectful and insecure. (Chug!) If you’re doing it because you have so many other babes you can get then it’s arrogant as well, but still makes no sense.
You may think older women can just be cast aside as undesirables, but if you treat women this way, no desirable woman — old or young, is going to want to be with you.
We’ve probably beat this one to death, Private Guy. Perhaps we’ll just have to agree to disagree, but I appreciate the debate. I’ll be happy to take you up on the next controversial dating topic. In the mean time, you or any of your “manosphere” friends are welcome to come on over to my blog, too!
Anonymous
/ February 21, 2011That OkCupid article is priceless. There were lots of responses but they seemed to arrive at a consensus: It’s Mens Fault! Men Must Change! How silly they are to think they can change biological programming that has evolved over millions of years by shaming men into it. lol, they never learn.
theprivateman
/ February 21, 2011At our age, it is a race. It is a terrible and desperate race. Time is not on our side. Each day is another hair lost, another wrinkle found. It’s particularly bad for women because of the biological imperative that compels men to seek fertility (youth and attractiveness) even if the man’s days of fertility are waning. A man can be fertile well into his 60s and beyond. Don’t argue that biological imperative, you will lose.
This online dating game is all about power and I want men to re-establish their power and then gain their control. I do not advise men to be rude and disrespectful. I do advise them to be in control and to be confident.
After the big flip, men can block and move on. Women can’t.
According to the biological imperative that is hypergamy, it’s all about finding the best guy. But after 40, women lack certain advantages. Youth is gone. Beauty may not be gone but it’s harder to maintain.
This all may sound grim but it’s the reality of the situation for many women. For women, I advise stay slim, stay pleasant, and stay optimistic. Men are not the enemy, men are the prize.
You’re welcome.
Plutogirl
/ November 10, 2011Neither my youth nor my beauty are gone; in fact, they’re better than they ever were, and I was born in the mid-1960s. Not a single wrinkle on my face, and the way I’m avoiding the sun, there aren’t likely to be any anytime soon.You are promoting a load of crap because you want to be the one with the power. What you don’t get is that power has nothing to do with gender. It comes from within. A powerful person is someone whose happiness and sense of meaning are not dependent on another person or being in a relationship. And not everything is about biology and fertility. As a free spirit, I don’t want kids. I love being the kids, and I have no intention of changing that.
And what’s with all this “waiting for death” nonsense? I’m working on careers in acting and writing; I’ve recently started pursuing astronomy as a serious interest, and I’ve got more exciting irons in the fire creatively than I can count. So yes, I am and am proud to be, an entitlement princess. I deserve a prince. I don’t need to settle. I can happily be single for life and never run out of joyous things to do. That means I can say no to plenty of guys who want to put me down and tell me I need to settle, that my beauty is fading, etc. The result is the “leverage” they think they have isn’t there.
Your whole “big flip” fiction is that you want women to be needy, to be so desperate for a relationship they’ll fawn all over you. What you can’t stand is that for many of us, a relationship might be cool, but our lives are no less full without one. I have every advantage in this world, and I look to my future as a six-year-old would, with every possible door and opportunity open to me. And why shouldn’t I, when lifespans on both sides of my family routinely go well into the 90s?
yvettefrancino
/ February 21, 2011Private Man, I continue to be amused at your “advice”,
First of all, many of us older women have had marriages and we have children. We no longer need men to procreate or to have a family with.
I want a partner to love — to enjoy intimacy and companionship with in my older years. If he is only looking for external beauty, then obviously I’m not going to be the right person for him. Luckily, I still attract a lot of men… even much younger ones… but let’s face it… that isn’t going to last much longer. Do I want a guy who is going to leave me for a younger woman as soon as he no longer finds me beautiful? The man who loves me will see a lot more to me than the number of wrinkles I have.
Now, I agree that attractiveness is a factor in initial attraction. I also know the older we are, the less likely we are to find that mutual attraction or romantic relationship. But if we don’t find it, life is not over. There are opportunities to love people and receive love with every person you meet. Life isn’t only about finding a romantic partner. If you think that’s all that’s needed to find love and happiness, you will be very disappointed.
I agree with advising men (or women) to be confident and optomistic. Advising men to be arrogant or to block women is bad advice. Luckily, most women won’t realize the guy blocked for unresponsiveness, because if they did, they’d see it as a sign of weakness. Blocking someone shows you aren’t man enough to handle an email.
I know (or hope) you don’t really believe the options you listed in your initial post, but it is this kind of attitude that is so extremely sad… to think we are nothing without a romantic partner and our lives are reduced to waiting for death (and hated for it.) There are so many ways to give and receive love in the world and we can do that until the day we die. Hope you stop racing to find a wife, Private Man, and stop long enough to enjoy all the people in your life.
theprivateman
/ February 21, 2011Ah, but you still want a partner. I would venture that most people do. Pets and hobbies can only do so much, no? As for the point of not needing a man, it’s been my experience that the women who say that are the ones who really need a man. Tell me, are you strong and independent? [Gentlemen, this is a set up question, enjoy the response.]
I am not surprised you still attract your share of attention from the fellas. Such attention keeps the rationalization hamster well fed and spinning quite nicely in its wheel. It’s good that you acknowledge that with age comes changes in attractiveness.
I highlighted this quote because it points to a savage dilemma that faces both women and men. You want a man who sees the beauty of your character, not just the outward appearance of attractiveness. Fair enough. A man wants to a woman to see the character of his soul and not the trappings of affluence nor his ability to provide security. I would posit that the men who might see the beauty of your character are not the guys with whom you would find “chemistry” or you would not still be single. At our age, we need to find reasons to love and accept a person, not reasons to reject them. Please read the last paragraph before you respond.
“Blocking someone shows you aren’t man enough to handle an email.” Look, the beer store called and they’re running out so can you quit with the shaming language? The guys are worried about the beer supply and our hands are calloused from all the high fives. “Not man enough”. Snort, chuckle, guffaw. Have you ever thrown water on a duck? It ain’t real effective if you want to annoy the duck.
A seriously delayed response is a very important reason to reject someone. I’m not cutting you any slack on this. None. I can copy and paste with the best of them: A week is a reasonable amount of time. An organized man with a plan and a goal, an alpha man, needs to avoid women who are too busy to date, not serious about online dating, too flaky, or who just aren’t that into him. You should be advising women to log in daily to their online dating websites.
yvettefrancino
/ February 21, 2011Oh, still playing? I thought we were done. But, hey… I’m up for it.
In fact, Private Man, you go for it. Block those bitches. That’ll show ‘em! And for those few (if any) who do send you a late response, well, you are really doing them a favor, too.
As for your other questions, probably my response can best be summed up in a post I wrote 3 years ago on my 48th birthday: http://singleagainonlinediary.blogspot.com/2008/02/finding-love-at-48.html
theprivateman
/ February 21, 2011Who said they were bitches? All I said was this this: “too busy to date, not serious about online dating, too flaky, or who just aren’t that into him.”
You’re the one calling them bitches.
And yes, blocking them is doing a favor. A favor for the guy.
Plutogirl
/ November 10, 2011“At our age???” You are obsessed with age, plain and simple.
To some of us, age literally means nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada.
I’m single because I want to be, because I love it. I don’t particularly want a partner. If a guy is going to even have a chance with me, the burden is on him to show why I need him at all. And if he plays the age card, well, that’s why God invented doors.
As an astronomer, I would rather spend my nights with a telescope seeking to discover a new planet than with some desperate guy.
All that beer is a turn off too. You should really consider going to AA.
theprivateman
/ November 10, 2011Thanks for helping me with tomorrow’s blog post!
You’re a peach!
yvettefrancino
/ February 22, 2011I really think we’re beating a dead horse, Private Man, but I’m used to my fix of arguing this point, so, though we may be annoying your readers and I know responsiveness is important to you, I’ll keep playing as long as you want.
There are two statements you made above that I think are in direct contradiction with one another:
At our age, we need to find reasons to love and accept a person, not reasons to reject them
A seriously delayed response is a very important reason to reject someone.
You are admitting that the blocking is done in order to “reject” them for their delayed response. Have you thought of the energy it takes for men to keep track of who they emailed and when the week has passed and go back and “reject” them… when, as you’ve said, in all likelihood, these women are never going to email them anyway. If your advice to men is truly to “move on” from the women, then why bother to keep track of them?
But, again, if you want to mentally have this feeling of being “in control”… of saying “You can’t reject me! I reject YOU!” well… you just have fun with that.
I don’t see any of your beer-drinking, hand-slappin’ buddies coming in to back you up on this, Private Man. Granted… they are probably getting tired of this debate, so we should probably move on to another topic. Do you want to address the one you are “setting me up” for? Am I strong and independent?
I am not a feminist, if that’s what you’re asking. I believe in marriage and I love being in a relationship where there is mutual respect and love. I am intelligent and have a good job and have been a happy single mother for the past 7 years, so, yes, I believe I’ve become strong and independent. However, I would like to find a relationship with a strong, independent man where we each bring our strengths to the table. Though I’m strong and independent, I’m feminine and enjoy the masculinity of a secure man who honors my femininity. Hope that answers your question.
George
/ February 22, 2011None of us are jumping in because there is no need. TPM is doing just fine dealing with your ‘argument’ without our help.
I must say it’s rather curious that you used the word ‘bitch’. Tell us, how do you really feel?
yvettefrancino
/ February 22, 2011Oh, good, George! Glad you jumped in! I was wondering where the crowd of hundreds were…
I was using the word “bitch” because the only people who deserve to be blocked are people who are rude and disrespectful… hence the only reason I can think any one would block is because they think they are blocking “bitches.” It’s unfortunate that the only ones who will know about your block are the women who are the ones who are classy enough to get back to you. But, again, luckily for them, they will soon recognize that communication with you is not possible.
Once again, you men that who subscribe to this convoluted practice, have fun. It just reinforces the common-place practice of not responding at all rather than with a courteous ‘no thanks.’ It’s a shame that online dating has become so callous that people can’t learn to communicate like adults, but have to resort to tactics like not responding and then blocking someone who hasn’t responded in a week.
Anyway, I won’t try to convince you manly men any more of the absurdity of this. It really is no skin off my back.
I am wondering if we can start some other debate, though, since I am amused that there are people who actually think like this…
NMH
/ March 2, 2011This is classic from Yvette:
“I want a partner to love — to enjoy intimacy and companionship with in my older years. If he is only looking for external beauty, then obviously I’m not going to be the right person for him. Luckily, I still attract a lot of men… even much younger ones… but let’s face it… that isn’t going to last much longer. Do I want a guy who is going to leave me for a younger woman as soon as he no longer finds me beautiful? The man who loves me will see a lot more to me than the number of wrinkles I have.”
But then in a hooking up smart article (http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2011/02/16/relationshipstrategies/testing-recipes-for-the-perfect-man/#comments)she says:
“I hope I’m not one of the sad “spinsters” (I’m thinking those of us who were married aren’t considered spinsters) but admittedly I’m unreasonably picky…..Unfortunately, there aren’t many guys at this age who really excite me (That is, none who want to date me.) And if they don’t excite me, I don’t see much point in dating. I’ve tried it, but when it gets to the physical intimacy, I have no desire, and that’s just awkward and embarrassing for everyone. If you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it…”
So she expects a man to accept her wrinkles and all as she ages, but still only is willing to be in a relationship with a hot man that gives her the gina tingle.
Ive accepted that this is standard faire from very attractive older women like Yvette, which I have had some experience in dealing with. They demand the gina tingle like they did in their youth–their good looks allowed them to get gina tingle worthy men–but still expect Johnny Handsome to accept her no matter how crappy her looks may get in the future.
Keep up the great work, Private Man. Ill be following you.
Yvette Francino
/ March 2, 2011NMH, you are right that I’m dealing with a dilemma that perhaps all of us older daters deal with. We want to be attracted to our mate and for them to be attracted to us, and recognize that as we get older we will lose that attraction.
My point is that attraction is not simply external (though that is part of it.) It is also found from our personalities and how we treat people. This original post was targeted for “entitlement princesses” who I assume treat men who are not attractive enough poorly. However, isn’t the recommendation to in turn undesirable women disrespectfully? It sounds like this is suggesting men become a “male version of an entitlement princess.”
Yes, I want a partner I’m attracted to… I think we all do. I want a guy who is handsome AND respectful and many other things… kind, intelligent, generous. I think often our personality or internal beauty does come out in our external appearance, so they are related. However, it is true that if someone is internally beautiful, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be attracted to him and I expect the reverse to be true as well. Many men will not be attracted to me, no matter how beautiful I am in the inside, and I don’t blame them for that. My point was that I want them to look beyond looks because looks don’t last, but I certainly understand that an attraction usually starts with how a person looks.
Being older — and still looking for that attraction — does limit our choices… no doubt about that. And it might mean I end up without a partner. But those choices listed by Private Man in this post, are not my idea of what life will be like if I don’t end up with a husband or romantic partner. We all can have plenty of love in our lives and do not have to be “waiting around to die.”
This week, I’m writing about age on my blog… I turned 51 on Saturday… and I referred to this post. I know (or hope) Private Man was only trying to be provocative, but my primary point here is that (whether you’re a man or woman) if you want a partner of any character, then you need to treat people with respect regardless of their age or attractiveness. It doesn’t mean you have to date them or fall in love with them. But treat them respectfully. And, if you do end up alone (which many of us will, even if we get married because we may outlive our spouses) know that you can have love in your life until the day you die.
http://singleagainonlinediary.blogspot.com/2011/03/51-ways-i-celebrated-turning-51.html
NMH
/ March 2, 2011Yvette: Its a hell of a lot more than a dilemma, its a full CONTRADICTION: you simply cannot have a sexual relationship with a man that has the same high standards toward women that you demand in a man. You want it all: Johnny handsome, who will remain as debonair and good looking as he was as you met him, and for him to find you appealing as you slowly and surely tank into sexual irrelevence.
You claim that attraction is not “simply external,” but this point you make is extremely misleading. For you, attraction is an an absolute requirement. This requirement is as bad as a man who demands a woman who is 10 years younger with a great body. You are at the exact same level of superficiality, and you either do not realize this or you try to cover it up with “everybody is unique and a special person” blather. You may make these PC gestures, but your mating strategies are as down right superficials as the morality of any alpha male. You are no better than them
Yvette Francino
/ March 2, 2011Ah… where you’re wrong is that I don’t expect or demand for the man to remain as physically attractive as he gets older. It’s just that I want that as an initial attraction, as I would expect he would. But as mature love would develop, we would more easily be able to accept our aging and decline along the attractiveness scale. I think many of us are attracted to people who are most like us… in terms of age, attractiveness and personality. I do not want a partner who is a whole lot younger or more attractive than I am! But I do want someone who I am attracted to.. both externally and internally! The more I get to know him he will either become more or less attractive based on his personality.
You are also wrong in that you think I assume men should love me if they are not attracted to me. If a guy is only attracted to women 10 years younger than him with good bodies, that’s who he should be dating. My point, again, is that even if you are not attracted to someone physically, they should be treated respectfully. Just because you don’t want to date them doesn’t mean they should be cast aside as though they are no longer valuable to society… that without a man they are simply “waiting to die.”
It is a sad reality that most of us want to be physically attracted to the people we have intimate relationships with. Once we have a mature relationship, most of us are no longer worried as much about the physical attraction, but when the relationship is new, that is what we want. I don’t think that’s superficial. I think it’s reality. If we don’t find that mutual attraction, we may end up without a romantic partner and that would be sad, but not tragic. I would much rather be without a romantic partner than to be with a man who treated me disrespectfully.
NMH
/ March 2, 2011Years ago I would have believed your equality blather but I have learned to read between the lines.
“where you’re wrong is that I don’t expect or demand for the man to remain as physically attractive as he gets older.” Funny at HUS you indicated that you could not have sex with a guy who you were not immediately physically attracted to, so I guess this means the sex will end when he falls out of the alpha category due to age.
“I think many of us are attracted to people who are most like us… in terms of age, attractiveness and personality.” Stop trying to fool us Yvette; men in the know that you want to date up (it’s called hypergamy)–the more that he is better than you in any way imaginable, the more your vagina tingles for him. The more attractive and educated the woman, the more hypergamous she is. This is reflected in your absolute requirements for good looking high status men.
“But I do want someone who I am attracted to.. both externally and internally!” More PC blather. You want a man that is better than you that you can submit to, its what all women want.
“But as mature love would develop, we would more easily be able to accept our aging and decline along the attractiveness scale.” Wishful thinking on your part, you are imagining your perfect man who is an alpha until he dies, rather than a real individual who grows weaker and more frail with time. Your standards are so high that as soon as he shows any weakness at all you will dump him.
And on ,and on, and on….
In the end, Yvette, you probably would rather not be with a romantic partner than to be with a man that was not better than you in every way imaginable and treats you in a respectful fashion. What this means is that you will not be in a romantic relationship with a beta man, whom I’m sure you ignore.
theprivateman
/ March 2, 2011Yvette, the truths expressed here in the manosphere are usually the very raw and rough truths regarding gender behaviors in the context of dating and relationships.
The social expectation is that we indulge in the political correctness of the conventional wisdom. That wisdom is most often wrong.
NMH has pointed out some contradictions in your previous statements.regarding your own preferences in a possible intimate partner.
Most of what he says is the truth.
Here is an exercise that I recommend for all single people, regardless of age or gender – make a list of the top 10 things that you offer in the context of dating and relationships. To make the exercise even more geared to that potential intimate partner, make each sentence start with the pronoun “you”. For example:
You will infrequently see me frown or be unhappy because I am a pleasant and positive person.
As for the type of men you are attracted to, be aware that those men are likely attractive to more than quite a few women. You must have a keen understanding of what you offer him in terms of what’s important to him. Part of it is looks, to be sure. But you must have a great deal more to offer than just being attractive if you don’t want to find yourself in a harem.
Yvette Francino
/ March 2, 2011NMH, your statements are laughable, but… I know you are trying to regurgitate some of what you’ve heard in the “manosphere” so I won’t take them personally. I am not a “typical” woman (apparently)… again, I am an engineer… and someone who has always liked confident, handsome, respectful “beta” men (do they exist in your world?) I don’t consider it “hypergamy” and I don’t think of them as “better” than me, but I do think men like this are in high demand.
One thing I simply don’t tolerate and have absolutely no interest in are disrespectful men. That would include good-looking “alpha” men who treat women poorly. It would also include “beta” men who are somehow trying to be “alpha” and putting down women. I don’t think too highly of what it looks like you all are terming “Entitlement Princesses” either. I don’t care what your sex is, what you look like or how old you are or how much money you have, if you are rude and disrespectful, I won’t like you.
What I said in both the HUS and in this post, is that I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone I wasn’t attracted to. However, I was in a 19-year marriage and my husband went bald and was not all that sexy… yet I still loved him and never wanted a divorce. I think it’s a lot more common for men to leave women because of looks than vice versa. I have no problem with guys that have a few extra pounds, yet most men I know call women “fat” who are even slightly overweight, but… I digress. As I’ve said, I don’t really think these “mandates” apply to everyone.
Private Man, I can see that you are trying to be logical and I appreciate the explanation. I feel quite happy about what I bring to the table, but… I am 51 and I know that’s an automatic deal-breaker for a lot of men…even those who are that age or older. As I’ve said before, if that’s a deal-breaker for a guy, then he’s not the guy for me, so I’m not too worried about it.
What I disagree with you so strongly here on is that it seems as though you are trying to teach men to be “alpha” men who will be disrespectful to women… Sure, be confident. Date attractive people. But don’t treat those who you view as unattractive so poorly. That is not cool or sexy. Do you like women who are like that? Isn’t that the very women you are calling entitlement princesses? Do not act “better” than the people you date. Women like men to be strong and confident and masculine… not “better” than them. No one likes arrogance.
theprivateman
/ March 2, 2011Being the alpha male, especially over 45, is not about being disrespectful, it’s about being confident, strong, and independent. If that means calling people out – either women or men – for poor decisions, so be it. What you call disrespectful is actually men being forthright and honest, no sugar coating, no politically correct bullshit. Confidence is often mistaken for arrogance as a social expectation. I would recommend to guys to err on the side of arrogance because that nicely ties in to the biological imperative.
For a younger crowd, “Asshole Game”, is an approach and is quite effective. But that’s not necessarily the realm of this blog.
Chris
/ March 5, 2011“I want men to re-establish their power and then gain their control”-This sounds like an entitlement prince to me. As a man happily married to a woman with high self-esteem, I don’t have to deal with the kinds of issues that seem to be highlighted by women in your experiences. Not really appreciating the misrepresentation of men here. Generalities are pointless and helpless.
theprivateman
/ March 5, 2011Ah, you’ve succumbed to the social expectation of the special snowflake way of thinking. Generalities are actually incredibly useful because human behavior is quite predictable. By willfully ignoring those generalities, too many men (and possibly including yourself) are dooming themselves to relationship failure.
Jeremiah
/ April 5, 2011Holly fluff!
But meh…
This thread is epic without a doubt.
I feel a bit like I just re-read the entire Dune series!
When I was done with that series I could nerry recall what the first book was even about.
First off, with transparency in mind, I was invited to come and comment on this thread by Yvette by way of my own blog.
Second, its generally not my way to roll headlong into deliberations that seem to be clouding more waters than they clear. However, for the sake of honoring the request, here it is:
@theprivateman
- Upon first landing on this page I tended to agree with Yvette about the seeming inherent sexism contained within the original post, but as the thread wore on, it became clear that I had suffered the same fate that I feel she had. Coming to the thread ‘out of context’.
Thanks for pointing out that the original intent of this post was targeted at the character of an ‘entitled princess’,,, who, in my life experience should indeed either take your advice, or realize her impoverished state and change it up for her own benefit.
@theprivateman
- In my estimation, we all tend to fixate on what is most poignant for us at the moment, to be sure. In this way I find that the original post is more than likely engendered by your experiences with entitled princesses,,, while Yvettes responses to said are born of her experiences with men who have attempted to trample her (successfully or not). The cavalier nature of your responses are, I feel both a good show of not being emasculated, and also host a good admixture of playful banter in the face of assault.
——-
@Yvette
- Good show for showing up here to what was obviously going to be a less than hospitable reception. I appreciate a woman with (would it be too ‘punny’ to say…) some balls
@Yvette
- I would like to address the overall timber and tone of your argumentation. While I feel that many of your points are rooted in good sense, you definitely tend to meet theprivatemans statements with derision, and call him out with emotionally charged statements that ‘require’ defense, rather than ‘requesting’ it. He rightly refers to this as ‘shaming’.
* caveat – his attitude toward the ‘shaming’ is condescending, (beers and high-five’ing) but truth to tell he reiterates the point a number of times to no resolution. My impression is that a solid nod to an adversaries points tends to go a long way with credibility. Take it or leave it. ^_^
@Yvette
- With this in mind, it is my impression that theprivateman (and his nonchalant attitude) do empirically reflect the root of many qualities of a “desirable man” in the eyes of many women.
Note 1 on this: I understand the no woman wishes to feel she is the target of diminishing statements. Playful banter is always excellent, and the envelope is certainly pushed in this thread.
Note 2 on this: I have never met a woman who is attracted to a man who cannot take on that role at need. I feel that this is due primarily to the counter stroke benefit for her,, i.e. when he agrees with her (or is brought to agree with her) she can then feel safe in both his personal strength, and in her own.
In many of your statements you make mention of your desire for strength in a man. I merely point out here that while the conversation at hand is not of a “feel good” nature,, it does strongly represent a number of necessary qualifiers for what you have stated as your aims in a partner.
(but don’t go hooking up for dinner all at once! haha)
K, so…
instead of just tossing peanuts, I think it may be about time to share some of my own impressions/advices.
- I agree strongly with a few of Yvettes points, and will take them a touch further for fun.
1.) There is no reason to ‘block’ a woman under any circumstances unless her emails are producing a directly negative outcome for the man in question. (Cluttering his inbox or making him want to tear his hair out or the like.) – Many of times throughout my sexual history I have had no interest in someone who contacts me, (E.G. Not attracted to them at present,, they seem too dramatic,, I woke up on the wrong side of my bed,, THEY woke up on the wrong side of my bed,, what have you.) only to find that months or years later that they have dropped 20 lbs, lost their flair for drama, or I simply woke up on the correct side of my mattress and reassessed the scenario to her benefit.
I feel that this point applies directly to this blog, since it is geared toward older men in the dating world.
I think that we can agree that more options trump less options?
We can then say that while quantity may not make up for quality,,, quality cannot be generated out of a void. Thus, more options are directly desirable.
So then,, speaking strategically for the guy, I raise my glass (or beer, if there is any left?) to more options, and less blocking. +_+
—
When boiled down, it occurs to me that all of the above dialog is premised with what seem to be some pretty simple value statements.
- Yvettes
core premise herein –
“If a man cannot feel/represent that a woman is valuable to her/you, then your chances of a successful courtship are dramatically reduced.
True enough. (Though I still think its more than legit to target a group of women who are inherently being lame (entitles princesses) and blog about them as such.)
This is an emotional position – widely representative of the overall stance of the fairer sex in communication.
We men tend to miss a very simple and crucial point over and over when dealing with women:
Empathize/validate her emotional concerns first, and then get as logical as makes no-never mind forthwith. She will no longer need to prove her value through a defensive position, and, having no threat withstanding, will appreciate all the ‘logic’ we can conjure.
If this had been executed by theprivateman, I doubt that much spitfire on your part would have been present thereafter.
- Theprivatemans
core premise herein –
If a woman cannot maintain/demonstrate her own value on her own steam, there is no reason for a man to facilitate/uphold the perceived illusion.
True enough.
This is a tactical position – widely representative of the practices of the (uglier?) sex ^_^ in communication.
While this may not be warm and squishy, it is not philosophically or ethically reprehensible.
Women often miss a pretty glaring fact themselves:
A man of any age tends to gain his greater and greater sense of satisfaction from his accomplishments.
The demographic of “entitled princesses” end up translating into “trophy wives” later in life. Theprivateman points out that to gain admittance to / stay involved in that type of structure, the woman would need to represent the goods she purports to deliver.
Personally I hate the very idea of a “trophy wifes”.
My intuition tells me that theprivateman would never accept one either.
(Far better to have the hole nine-yards by making ourselves so epic that we attract nothing less, eh?)
Anyway, those types of creatures are time/resource sucking vampires,,, but they definitely exist. More to the point, they were the ones who were targeted with the cavalier attitude in this post. And in my estimation rightly so, for they are not adding to any males experience,, and are making women look bad the world over.
This all said,,,
I think that what has happened is that you have caught the fallout that has occurred here in this thread by stepping in to defend a demographic that does not represent you (or any woman who is worth her mettle) at all.
Did theprivateman clearly represent that he was leaving women of worth out of his ire? Meh, probably not.
But, as stated earlier, we both landed here cold, and I got the same misimpression that you did early on.
Could he easily have been less inflammatory,, for sure…
but its his environment, and in this environment there seems to be high stock in the idea of “manosphere”. While this sounds a touch like like groupthink/good-old-boy intellectualism to me,, the fact remains that it is a carefully branded idea wherein men get to talk to other men and bear their hairy chests without female estrogen’ness in the mix , etc, etc. There is a lot of value in this, and more to the core point,, it is in no way unlike the similarly exclusive (and ever elusive) “girl talk” that the fairer sex claims so enthusiastically.
Many thanks to theprivateman for hosting this blog. I actually like it quite a bit since poking around +_+
Many thanks also to Yvette for her backbone and hard won points, and for the invitation to come and blather a bit on a good topic! ^_^
Cheers,
Jeremiah
cupidsdatingtips.com
Dating advice for the good guys.
Ah..! Btw, I would love to invite either of you strong willed ‘gurus’ to join me on my iTinues podcast show. The show gets some pretty impressive downloads. (just search: “cupids dating tips” under podcasts in the iTunes store. Its free
Kick me if you have any interest!
Yvette Francino
/ April 6, 2011Jeremiah! Yay! Thanks for adding your two cents. You’re a great moderator and I think you did an excellent job of fairly assessing the situation. Well done! I don’t agree with everything you said (especially about the shaming stuff!) But, hey, perception is reality, and it’s good for me to be made aware of how you, PrivateMan or anyone else may perceive what I’m saying. In any case,you’re right that I initially took this out of context, though still disagree, but then, I’m not a guy and have never had to deal with “entitlement princesses.” PrivateMan, no “shaming” is/was intended… I just think you’d be better off wooing the women you’re interested in, rather than spending negative energy putting down “entitlement princesses.” I think men (and women) are much more attractive when they’re positive than when they’re negative.
Jeremiah, I think you are also wise in saying that perhaps this might have been avoided if we had validated the points we were trying to make. Though you suggested PrivateMan should have done this for me, I don’t think this is just a woman thing… I think we all want to be understood and if we feel we aren’t understood, we continue to argue our points, over and over again, becoming a little more “emotional” (or at least adamant) each time. Probably both PrivateMan and I are guilty of this, as we each repeated our stance,ad naseum. In that spirit, I will concede that this post was intended for a group of women that are disrespectful of men. Being disrespectful, whether it be a man or a woman, in my book is unacceptable. And if “entitlement princesses” are disrespectful, then I won’t come to their defense.
I’m ready to leave this one behind to the Manosphere. Jeremiah, again, thanks for your insights! I welcome you all on my blogs as well. They are not “girly” but deal with dating, love, and relationships and I love getting comments from men and a little debate, though I’m not nearly as controversial as you, PrivateMan.
Boulder Dating Adviser on Examiner.com: http://www.examiner.com/dating-advice-in-boulder/yvette-francino
Lessons of Love Blog: http://singleagainonlinediary.blogspot.com
Jeremiah, I’ll be visiting your blog as often as I can. PrivateMan, I’ll pop in on yours, too, unless you ban me. I give you a hard time, but as I said from the beginning, I enjoy the debate and don’t take it personally. I’m always interested in relationships and it’s good to see through different perspectives. Thanks for the debate!
theprivateman
/ April 6, 2011To both Jeremiah and Yvette…
It’s ironic that a post which required but a few minutes to write has generated over a month of comments.
There are some points which warrant addressing.
1. I hold everyone, regardless of gender, to an extremely high intellectual standard based on logic and reason. When shaming language is introduced, I know that I have bested the debate.
2. In regards to online dating, blocking the profile and then moving on is advice that I will always recommend, especially for men over 45. My point of view on this subject has been covered quite well in other posts in my blog.
3. The Manosphere is likely a huge part of the Internet but not analyzed well nor accepted by the mainstream media. Thankfully, it’s a place where men can be honest with each other and exchange essential truths gleaned from experience and rational observation.
I hope that both of you read all the posts in my blog and address (through comments) the points that I raise.
My bartending days are well over. I look at life and relationships quite differently as I approach five decades on this planet.
albertagreekgirl
/ July 26, 2011Hmm well this was an interesting debate. I’m a 45 yo female, married for the second time to an absolute gem of a man, who I thank god every day for bringing to my life.
He was a ‘nice guy’ but thru gentle coaching (glovers book) has become the perfect alpha/beta combination and we are living in relationship bliss.
I just wanted to say that I completely agree with PM’s blocking of people who don’t reply after a week. Why do you have a dating profile if you can’t be bothered to check it for over a week? Most people thru most situations have access to email and can afford to send some sort of reply. Block and move on is excellent advice!
And Yvette, for heaven’s sakes, can’t you form a casual relationship with a man you are not really attracted to on the basis of shared interests, good character etc. and see if the attraction will grow? I was not *instantly* attracted to my gem, in fact he refused to try a special dish I had brought to a party and I was turned off and insulted, but found out later that he couldn’t digest the fibre in the grapevine leaves… There were many other things he did that turned me off too, hated dancing, dressed frumpy, ate junk food all the time, etc etc, but all superficial and not indicative of character.
I wasn’t attracted to him for a few weeks, but once we had spent some time together and I saw what an amazing person he was, (yes the nice guy tendencies turned me off in some instances, but I still gave him a chance and didn’t write him off for superficial reasons) I became attracted to him. There was no sex on the first many dates…I sure as hell wasn’t going to initiate, and he was too ‘nice’… We dated off and on for 4 years, and had many challenges/break-ups etc. but after 4 years we married and have been happy for 3 years since.
Only highschool/college girls believe in that love at first sight shit, any mature woman should KNOW that attraction towards someone physically, can grow with time spent together. I really can’t believe you are dispensing relationship advice when you yourself reject men based on lack of physical attraction.
Stop ruling out frumpy men, give them a chance and you might find YOUR diamond in the rough.
(I guess because I have 5 sons perhaps I’m biased about how women treat men, lucky for me, my two oldest boys age 22 and 20 are well on their way at working on their alpha game, and are avid fans of Riossy et al.)
a girl
/ September 2, 2011PM, ladies and gentlemen, what an education this post was for me! I must congratulate Yvette for holding her own in the face of intense criticism…well done. I agree she is more logical than most women. Might I also add that I agree whoeheartedly with NMH when he describes her as ‘very attractive’ (and I am not a lesbian!!).
Jeremiah’s insight is second to none. He makes some truly valid points.
My aim in chipping in here (I usually just read your posts, Private man, without responding, with a few exceptions) is to bring out a point which Jeremiah alluded to, which is, in a nutshell, you and Yvette are actually a perfect match. I wonder if anyone else spotted that?
@Yvette
- With this in mind, it is my impression that theprivateman (and his nonchalant attitude) do empirically reflect the root of many qualities of a “desirable man” in the eyes of many women.
Your typical ‘manly’ response to what you see as her ‘rants’ is exactly what she would respond to favourably were this not a blog, but real life. You are ‘alpha’ to her, and she is an ‘entitled princess’ as she herself put it. (I disagree, by the way that she is this by YOUR definition, PM, but that’s irrelevant here). You guys all moan about the ‘entitled princess’, but the amount of time and energy you spend on her tells me she is who you want! (Within reason, of course…if she happens to love and respect you as well as having a good dose of self-respect (hence the ‘entitlement’ label), then she is PERFECT for you. What I hadn’t realised before, is how many women seem to lack the love and respect bit…sad for you guys, I know, and I sympathise…if there is anyway I and my ‘sisters’ can redress this balance, we will…At least for me, ignorance is no longer an excuse
after going through your posts.
You won’t believe how naive I was before, though!
So, be patient with the ladies..some of us have some catching up to do!
Anyhow, thanks for the lesson in male-female dynamics.I now ‘get’ how my own relationship broke down, and which I am working on repairing…Your posts should be a compulsory part of any university course! Thank you.
And…take Yvette out on a date!
*smile*
P Ray
/ November 12, 2011If it takes a ride on the carousel (until you lose your youth, fertility and health, and possibly give birth)for you to appreciate a good man
you’re probably not a good woman.
When the ride stops for a woman who had no trouble getting on it …
they then moan about there being no good men,
despite the fact that they chose to get on that ride, and ignored the good men (or convinced themselves they were in a relationship with a guy who was “confident” enough not to care about them).
Tiger Woods kept 13 willing women out of relationships. Whoever is next for them is going to pay “compensation” in one way or another for them.
theprivateman
/ September 2, 2011Wow, a post over six months old is still generating comments. I’m quite pleased and certainly appreciative of your remarks.
As for Yvette, she hasn’t showed up here in months and I have been remiss in checking out her blog and online dating advice.
I will admit, she is certainly attractive and should I find myself in her neck of the woods, I’d pitch a little woo in her direction. Unfortunately, she is geographically undesirable.
Do keep reading my posts and you can follow me on twitter, as well: @man_private
Yvette Francino
/ September 2, 2011Actually, I’m subscribed to this post, and I just haven’t commented any more because I’d already said everything I had to say (multiple times!) so repeating it any more would have just seemed argumentative.
I’ve quieted on my own blog as well, not because I’m not still very interested in relationships, but just busy with life, and wanting to spend less time on the computer.
However, I did want to thank you, “a girl,” for your generous response. I had to smile at your suggestion that Private Man and I are a perfect match. Indeed, if this were a movie, there’s no doubt we would fall in love. (In fact, I think that plot has been done a couple of times… “He says” “She says” talk show… They totally disagree, argue, and bicker, and, of course, fall in love in the end.)
PM, I thank you, too, for your compliment and suggestion of “pitching a little woo” should you find yourself in Colorado. I have no idea where you live (though I assume it’s in the US) or even what you look like, but, as must be obvious, I am always up for a good debate, not to mention “woo.”
In the mean time, I trust you will be leading your pack of followers, hopefully to a place where everyone can find love and acceptance.
theprivateman
/ September 2, 2011Yvette?!
This is quite the surprise. I was just scanning through your recent blog posts but haven’t had time to read them all.
For the record, I’m in southeast Florida, exactly where I won’t specify. I have to maintain my mysterious reputation. Come winter, I suspect that you’ll be thinking of warmer climes. I’ll the hoist a martini on the beach in your honor.
As for what I look like? Let’s just say I have the face for a career in radio.
My pack of Manosphere readers is up to no good and teaching more and more men about the wiles of you dames.
A lot of blog posts have passed under the bridge since February so you’ll have to catch up.
NMH
/ September 2, 2011Yvevtte has made it clear you have to make her vag hum like a tuning fork to impress her. If there is a man to do it, it would be you.
P Ray
/ November 12, 2011@theprivateman
Step 6 is actually being put forth in Australia as a strong recommendation:
Sunday Herald Sun
10 August 2003
Older women urged to become lesbians
[The article was originally accessible at http://www.news.com.au/common/printpage/0,6093,6908932,00.html but appears to have been removed.]
By Nikki Voss and Nicole Cox
Australia’s leading relationship counselling body is urging lonely older single women to become lesbians.
Relationships Australia spokesman Jack Carney said men’s shorter life spans, and their pursuit of much younger women, meant women in their twilight years were often forced to turn to other women for love and companionship.
Mr Carney said the government-funded support group encouraged older women to explore lesbian relationships, which were seen as more nurturing and emotionally supportive.
Older women were even pooling their resources to buy property and making pacts to form couples if they did not find a male partner by a certain age, he said.
“As they get over 60, opportunities to get a man diminish substantially. Men marry younger women and they die about eight years younger, so there is a real male shortage,” Mr Carney said.
“And as women get even older it gets much worse, so we ask them to entertain the idea of lesbian relationships.”
Australian Pensioner and Superannuants League secretary Yvonne Zardini said she was aware of more women moving in together in old age.
“You notice it more where women are sharing houses, but I never ask exactly what the nature of their arrangements are, but it wouldn’t surprise me (if they were in same-sex relationships). Loneliness can be a terrible thing when you are older,” she said.
Myra Flynn, from support group Older Dykes, said some older women “defaulted” to lesbian relationships because of a lack of men.
Others had struck up relationships with men in the 1950s and 60s only because they could not be open about their sexuality, or they wanted a child.
“It’s becoming more common and I’ve noticed a growing trend in bisexuality,” she said.
The Matrix Guild, a Victorian support group for lesbian women aged over 40, refused to comment on the Relationships Australia advice.
Census 2001 statistics show older members of society are adopting the divorce trend and are leaving life-long partners, some even in their 80s.
Mr Carney said that despite the encouragement for women to “explore other options”, married and miserable was still better than alone and free, unless there was abuse.
“The best thing you can do is stay married if you want to live longer,” Mr Carney said.
“When I talk to other counsellors, they are seeing many more older people coming in, but we try to tell them to stick with it. Divorce is like amputation.”
Founded in 1948 as the Marriage Guidance Council, Relationships Australia is a non-profit counselling organisation funded by both the Federal and State Governments.
In response to the pensioner stampede to the divorce courts, Relationships Australia has launched two courses on how to start again in relationships in old age.
Link to original story
© Herald Sun
Phoenix
/ November 15, 2011I think some older gals here need a slice of dick inside them.